UO

Kate_C · September 2013

Anyone care to share?

I don't get the super strong opposition to juice. It isn't quite the same as giving your kid a Budweiser, although some of the reactions to it seem like that. Yes, it can represent empty calories and not an ideal way to get your fruits. We usually only give the toddler juice when constipated. But every once in a while he gets a cup of half juice, half water. What's wrong with a sweet treat every now and again?

ClandestineX · September 2013

I don't get the hate/dislike towards the moms who spend lots of money on their kid's clothes. Will they probably grow out of the item before you get your $50 worth from that one shirt? Probably, but who cares they look good in it! I spent $75 on three football shirts that he will probably grow out of in a few months, I am going to mommy hell.

tondraluv · September 2013

I don't like when other people besides DH (like my Mil) insist on soothing LO if he's fussy while I'm around. I know others would probably welcome the help but I feel that I'm his mother & know what works for him so they should hand him over to me. Often times when my MIL soothes him, shes coming from a competitive place. One time she actually even said "you don't know what your doing give him here". She's never successfully soothed him while I was around btw, in the end he wanted me

skidderdo · September 2013

If you don't get LO a flu shot this year, I'm probably going to judge you. Negatively. ::::she says, flicking the match into the canister of gasoline::::

ToAoShesha · September 2013

tondraluv said:
I don't like when other people besides DH (like my Mil) insist on soothing LO if he's fussy while I'm around. I know others would probably welcome the help but I feel that I'm his mother & know what works for him so they should hand him over to me. Often times when my MIL soothes him, shes coming from a competitive place. One time she actually even said "you don't know what your doing give him here". She's never successfully soothed him while I was around btw, in the end he wanted me

Oh that would piss me off!!! I would probably lose it.

fireflyz56 · September 2013

tondraluv said:

I don't like when other people besides DH (like my Mil) insist on soothing LO if he's fussy while I'm around. I know others would probably welcome the help but I feel that I'm his mother & know what works for him so they should hand him over to me. Often times when my MIL soothes him, shes coming from a competitive place. One time she actually even said "you don't know what your doing give him here". She's never successfully soothed him while I was around btw, in the end he wanted me

This ticks me off too. I am at the point where I don't even want certain people to hold her because as soon as she starts fussing, they don't want to give her up.

JBDamonM · September 2013

I am not sure if this is unpopular or not, but I have not opened one "parenting" book since LO was born.

The one thing I've learned is babies are unpredictable, I refuse to read something that may or may not apply to my child, only to get more frustrated when she doesnt follow the textbook!

Erin10408 · September 2013

skidderdo said:

If you don't get LO a flu shot this year, I'm probably going to judge you. Negatively. ::::she says, flicking the match into the canister of gasoline::::

Amen, and I agree.

lovelyday39 · September 2013

tondraluv said:

I don't like when other people besides DH (like my Mil) insist on soothing LO if he's fussy while I'm around. I know others would probably welcome the help but I feel that I'm his mother & know what works for him so they should hand him over to me. Often times when my MIL soothes him, shes coming from a competitive place. One time she actually even said "you don't know what your doing give him here". She's never successfully soothed him while I was around btw, in the end he wanted me

Girl- this is deeper than competitive. It's demeaning, it's meant to undermine your confidence and it is the exact opposite of supportive. I hope you don't have to deal with her often.

Erin10408 · September 2013

tondraluv said:

I don't like when other people besides DH (like my Mil) insist on soothing LO if he's fussy while I'm around. I know others would probably welcome the help but I feel that I'm his mother & know what works for him so they should hand him over to me. Often times when my MIL soothes him, shes coming from a competitive place. One time she actually even said "you don't know what your doing give him here". She's never successfully soothed him while I was around btw, in the end he wanted me

Just wanted to let you know that I feel your pain...My MIL gets into little mommy wars with me, and it's horrible.

MsAmeera25 · September 2013

I don't get why people care so much about when people feed their kids solids. I mean if they want to start giving their two month old bananas cause they think it's cute then let them. It's their kid and at the end of the day if their kid's digestive system gets messed up they are going to be the ones paying the medical bills so who cares.

CanukMam · September 2013

MsAmeera25 said:
I don't get why people care so much about when people feed their kids solids. I mean if they want to start giving their two month old bananas cause they think it's cute then let them. It's their kid and at the end of the day if their kid's digestive system gets messed up they are going to be the ones paying the medical bills so who cares.

Yes its their kid, but that kid is a person and will have to deal with it for the rest of their lives. That being said, I don't care and I'm not convinced there will be any 'digestive issues' to deal with...

CanukMam · September 2013

I think parents these days are over protective and kids are wusses. Parents worry way too much about every little thing, I plan to let my kid make his own mistakes and fight his own battles. He'll get bumps and bruises, get dirty and maybe even eat a few bugs. This whole bullying thing is blown out of proportion. If a child is suicidal, its because of psychological issues, yes exasperated by bullying but not caused by. Any normal kid should be able to cope with day to day issues.

Rather then teaching kids to tell on/punish someone when they are offended or get their feelings hurt, we should teach them that it is just a part of life and how to deal with it.

OhSewCrafty · September 2013

ClandestineX said:

I don't get the hate/dislike towards the moms who spend lots of money on their kid's clothes. Will they probably grow out of the item before you get your $50 worth from that one shirt? Probably, but who cares they look good in it! I spent $75 on three football shirts that he will probably grow out of in a few months, I am going to mommy hell.

::shrugs:: I just think its wasteful and not good financial management. Even if you are super rich, spend $15 on a shirt and put the remaining $35 in a college fund.

See, I think a $50 shirt is different than a $25 NFL licensed shirt/jersey (which will hold its value for resale) though.

OhSewCrafty · September 2013

MsAmeera25 said:

I don't get why people care so much about when people feed their kids solids. I mean if they want to start giving their two month old bananas cause they think it's cute then let them. It's their kid and at the end of the day if their kid's digestive system gets messed up they are going to be the ones paying the medical bills so who cares.

I'm sorry if this sounds pretentious, but I like sharing information and trying to be helpful. My sister gave my nephew solids super early because she hasn't asked her doctor or read up on anything. She didn't realize what the recommendations were and thanked me for helping her. Yes, some people DO know the recommendations out there and still feel confident enough in their opinion to go against it, but just because someone is sharing information doesn't mean they are judging them or being all sanctimommy about it.

And I think that last part is a little cold. So if someone, due to sheer, unintentional ignorance/inexperience, was doing something that could potentially harm their LO you wouldn't care or try to be helpful?

suedell · September 2013

MsAmeera25 said:
I don't get why people care so much about when people feed their kids solids. I mean if they want to start giving their two month old bananas cause they think it's cute then let them. It's their kid and at the end of the day if their kid's digestive system gets messed up they are going to be the ones paying the medical bills so who cares.

My husband works as a financial analyst for a huge hospital and this attitude is precisely why our hospital systems are failing and our health system is failing. An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure. If we are not healthy as a nation, we all suffer. I don't want my insurance to go through the roof because my fellow Americans decided to make unhealthy choices.

I know I probably just broke some rule by having an opinion about a uo. Sorry.

Kate_C · September 2013

suedell said:

I know I probably just broke some rule by having an opinion about a uo. Sorry.

NO! UO is supposed to spark discussion. So share opinions freely. We won't all agree, which isn't a bad thing. This board needs some spirited debate!

ClandestineX · September 2013

OhSewCrafty said:

ClandestineX said:

I don't get the hate/dislike towards the moms who spend lots of money on their kid's clothes. Will they probably grow out of the item before you get your $50 worth from that one shirt? Probably, but who cares they look good in it! I spent $75 on three football shirts that he will probably grow out of in a few months, I am going to mommy hell.

::shrugs:: I just think its wasteful and not good financial management. Even if you are super rich, spend $15 on a shirt and put the remaining $35 in a college fund.

See, I think a $50 shirt is different than a $25 NFL licensed shirt/jersey (which will hold its value for resale) though.

It isn't so wasteful if you are possibly saving it for future children, when you have a child of a different gender then perhaps send the clothes to Goodwill.

Not everyone has the same idea for college funds either. Some people want to only pay for part of it, then telling their kid when they get older to get a job to pay for the rest or to try and get a scholarship. I know some mothers who never paid for any college fund and their child graduated from a STEM degree with $0 in debt. It is possible to do, just you have to have the dedication and determination to do it.

ceamac0127 · September 2013

Going along with @canukmam:

I will not caudle my child. If she loses in a sport, I will tell her the other kids were better than her during the game and thats why they won. I will still tell her she did a great job and tried her hardest (if she did) but I won't make her think it's unfair that she lost. I cannot stand the mentality these days that everyone is a winner and deserves recognition. I grew up in a very matter of fact home where I was taught to be competitive and always strive to be the best and I think thats the reason I am in an upper level management position at the age of 26

ClandestineX · September 2013

cmcmillan0901 said:

Going along with @canukmam:

I will not caudle my child. If she loses in a sport, I will tell her the other kids were better than her during the game and thats why they won. I will still tell her she did a great job and tried her hardest (if she did) but I won't make her think it's unfair that she lost. I cannot stand the mentality these days that everyone is a winner and deserves recognition. I grew up in a very matter of fact home where I was taught to be competitive and always strive to be the best and I think thats the reason I am in an upper level management position at the age of 26

Yes! I have always said I blame the 'everyone is a winner' attitude to today's entitlement problem.

JSS1002 · September 2013

cmcmillan0901 said:

Going along with @canukmam:

I will not caudle my child. If she loses in a sport, I will tell her the other kids were better than her during the game and thats why they won. I will still tell her she did a great job and tried her hardest (if she did) but I won't make her think it's unfair that she lost. I cannot stand the mentality these days that everyone is a winner and deserves recognition. I grew up in a very matter of fact home where I was taught to be competitive and always strive to be the best and I think thats the reason I am in an upper level management position at the age of 26

Agree 100% with you and @canukmom (edited: I DON'T agree with Canuk on the bullying thing -- but I think that the reason bullying happens is because parents don't teach their kids how to not be little fuckers). DH and I talk about this all the time. Part of learning about life is learning how to lose gracefully. I did not grow up in an era where everybody got a trophy or a blue ribbon, I grew up where you still had to shake hands at the end, no matter who won and who lost. The whole generation of "helicoptor parents" who want to harp over their kids every move, blame teachers for everything, and not make their kids take accountability for anything drives me BONKERS. I think that's the reason why this upcoming generaion is so entitled and bratty.

Sol1790 · September 2013

CanukMam said:
I think parents these days are over protective and kids are wusses. Parents worry way too much about every little thing, I plan to let my kid make his own mistakes and fight his own battles. He'll get bumps and bruises, get dirty and maybe even eat a few bugs. This whole bullying thing is blown out of proportion. If a child is suicidal, its because of psychological issues, yes exasperated by bullying but not caused by. Any normal kid should be able to cope with day to day issues.

Rather then teaching kids to tell on/punish someone when they are offended or get their feelings hurt, we should teach them that it is just a part of life and how to deal with it.

I disagree. Bullying is real and kids are harsh and cruel these days. I have a 9 yr old brother who came home crying one day because I kid told him "he was going to stick a knive up his ass because he was such a picky girl".Just like that in those words. My brother has no psychological problem,he is a normal straight A student. Who has never had any problems before. So yes I was that big sister who went to school and raised hell! And I was the overprotective grown up who went up to the other parent and gave them a piece of my mind about their child. If we dont protect our kids who will?? Yes they should not be wusses but sometimes they need to feel protected they are just kids.

BellaBean76 · September 2013

Although I do think losing the baby weight super fast gets glorified by celebrities I get annoyed when people say its bc they have a trainer/chef/nanny...whatever. I didn't gain a ton of weight during my pregnancy (despite my best efforts) and it was gone within a few weeks of giving birth...I know it's not the norm but it does happen. Ive had multiple people ask me if my baby is adopted bc "you don't look like you just had a baby" and I find it offensive.

JSS1002 · September 2013

If I ever have a daughter, I will NEVER teach her that "if a boy pulls your hair / teases you / is mean, it's because he likes you."

No, it's because he's a little asshole, and you don't need to start putting up with that at age 5. I tell my neice that all the time. I absolutely hate it that people message this to girls starting at a young age. No wonder we are such a mess with men and dating in our 20s.

Debbie0580 · September 2013

cmcmillan0901 said:
Going along with @canukmam:

I will not caudle my child. If she loses in a sport, I will tell her the other kids were better than her during the game and thats why they won. I will still tell her she did a great job and tried her hardest (if she did) but I won't make her think it's unfair that she lost. I cannot stand the mentality these days that everyone is a winner and deserves recognition. I grew up in a very matter of fact home where I was taught to be competitive and always strive to be the best and I think thats the reason I am in an upper level management position at the age of 26

Since I had a bump burp I'll do my other reply here

How's this for 'every child wins.' Yes. Lets remove the ball from the game. Da fuq???
https://www.cbc.ca/thisisthat/mobile/touch/blog/2013/09/03/to-ensure-every-child-wins-ontario-athletic-association-removes-ball-from-soccer/

Debbie0580 · September 2013

I don't know about the legal system in the US but I think Canada's sucks. Especially the laws around minors. Maybe this is not really an UO. Anyway there is a recent case in my province where a child under the age of 12 murdered another child. This child was removed from his home, is under the care of social services and will receive 'treatment.' This child was already known to police as troubled and is known to have mutilated pets. I don't believe kids like this can be reformed. And I'm a Social Worker, I'm supposed to think I can fix anyone (sarcasm). I'm not sure what the other option is but I feel somehow the parents should be held responsible. I don't know. This is a huge deal to me partly because it happened in a nearby community. I'm sickened, both by the fact that it happened and by the justice system.

tondraluv · September 2013

lovelyday39 said:

tondraluv said:

I don't like when other people besides DH (like my Mil) insist on soothing LO if he's fussy while I'm around. I know others would probably welcome the help but I feel that I'm his mother & know what works for him so they should hand him over to me. Often times when my MIL soothes him, shes coming from a competitive place. One time she actually even said "you don't know what your doing give him here". She's never successfully soothed him while I was around btw, in the end he wanted me

Girl- this is deeper than competitive. It's demeaning, it's meant to undermine your confidence and it is the exact opposite of supportive. I hope you don't have to deal with her often.

It most def undermines your confidence. As a FTM, I want to learn to do things on my own. Yes she has five kids but her way of raising her children is not my way. I would ask for help/advice if and when I needed it.

Mommymorticia · September 2013

While I will absolutely get my LO a flu shot I don't remember ever having one. I also only remember having one flu, in '07. It was a new strain that everyone had. I guess this is more of a confession, not an unpopular opinion. I don't judge people either way for getting it or not getting it, I never worry/think about it.

JSS1002 · September 2013

Mommymorticia said:

While I will absolutely get my LO a flu shot I don't remember ever having one. I also only remember having one flu, in '07. It was a new strain that everyone had. I guess this is more of a confession, not an unpopular opinion. I don't judge people either way for getting it or not getting it, I never worry/think about it.

I get them as an adult, and I'll definitely get one for LO, but we never got them as children. They hadn't even invented the chicken pox vaccine when I was a kid!

Mommymorticia · September 2013

JSS1002 said:

Mommymorticia said:

While I will absolutely get my LO a flu shot I don't remember ever having one. I also only remember having one flu, in '07. It was a new strain that everyone had. I guess this is more of a confession, not an unpopular opinion. I don't judge people either way for getting it or not getting it, I never worry/think about it.
I get them as an adult, and I'll definitely get one for LO, but we never got them as children. They hadn't even invented the chicken pox vaccine when I was a kid!

I remember having chicken pox and being covered in calamine lotion! Ya, I guess it's just not a 'thing' around me. The only people I know to get the flu shot every season are grandparents.

MsAmeera25 · September 2013

MsAmeera25 said:

I don't get why people care so much about when people feed their kids solids. I mean if they want to start giving their two month old bananas cause they think it's cute then let them. It's their kid and at the end of the day if their kid's digestive system gets messed up they are going to be the ones paying the medical bills so who cares.

I'm sorry if this sounds pretentious, but I like sharing information and trying to be helpful. My sister gave my nephew solids super early because she hasn't asked her doctor or read up on anything. She didn't realize what the recommendations were and thanked me for helping her. Yes, some people DO know the recommendations out there and still feel confident enough in their opinion to go against it, but just because someone is sharing information doesn't mean they are judging them or being all sanctimommy about it.

And I think that last part is a little cold. So if someone, due to sheer, unintentional ignorance/inexperience, was doing something that could potentially harm their LO you wouldn't care or try to be helpful?

I think there is a difference between being helpful and judgemental.

ceamac0127 · September 2013

I think there is a HUGE difference between bullying and kids being kids and thats what needs to be taught. Kids not letting another kid play kickball with them is not bullying, its simply kids playing with who they want to play with. Someone attacking someone else based on race, gender, sexual orientation, etc is bullying and should not be tolerated.

CanukMam · September 2013

Sol1790 said:

CanukMam said:
I think parents these days are over protective and kids are wusses. Parents worry way too much about every little thing, I plan to let my kid make his own mistakes and fight his own battles. He'll get bumps and bruises, get dirty and maybe even eat a few bugs. This whole bullying thing is blown out of proportion. If a child is suicidal, its because of psychological issues, yes exasperated by bullying but not caused by. Any normal kid should be able to cope with day to day issues.

Rather then teaching kids to tell on/punish someone when they are offended or get their feelings hurt, we should teach them that it is just a part of life and how to deal with it.
I disagree. Bullying is real and kids are harsh and cruel these days. I have a 9 yr old brother who came home crying one day because I kid told him "he was going to stick a knive up his ass because he was such a picky girl".Just like that in those words. My brother has no psychological problem,he is a normal straight A student. Who has never had any problems before. So yes I was that big sister who went to school and raised hell! And I was the overprotective grown up who went up to the other parent and gave them a piece of my mind about their child. If we dont protect our kids who will?? Yes they should not be wusses but sometimes they need to feel protected they are just kids.

Of course there is a line where someone needs to step in. Guns/knives, that's crossing the line and adults need to be involved at that point, I'm just saying these days I find parents draw that line too close, like one kid calling another stupid....I think the kids can handle that one

ChicagoBroad26 · September 2013

Sol1790 said:
. I have a 9 yr old brother who came home crying one day because I kid told him "he was going to stick a knive up his ass because he was such a picky girl".Just like that in those words. .

Um, that's really strong, specific language. I'd bet he heard those words, or words like them, at home. That makes me really sad for him.

Kate_C · September 2013

Agree with @knitfaced. Technology has created a whole new way to be constantly abusive. Kids can get away from jerks on the playground, but what about Facebook etc.? It also goes back to the "everyone gets a ribbon" culture that to some degree fosters a self centered approach to the world. I'm sorry special snowflake, but your mother lied to you. You are NOT the best at everything ever nor are you the center of the universe. Get over yourself and respect others.

Kate_C · September 2013

Debbie0580 said:
I don't know about the legal system in the US but I think Canada's sucks. Especially the laws around minors. Maybe this is not really an UO. Anyway there is a recent case in my province where a child under the age of 12 murdered another child. This child was removed from his home, is under the care of social services and will receive 'treatment.' This child was already known to police as troubled and is known to have mutilated pets. I don't believe kids like this can be reformed. And I'm a Social Worker, I'm supposed to think I can fix anyone (sarcasm). I'm not sure what the other option is but I feel somehow the parents should be held responsible. I don't know. This is a huge deal to me partly because it happened in a nearby community. I'm sickened, both by the fact that it happened and by the justice system.

What do you mean about holding the parents responsible? Are the parents responsible for the kid being a psychopath? (I'm not asking that sarcastically-legit question.).

OhSewCrafty · September 2013

Kate_C said:

I don't know about the legal system in the US but I think Canada's sucks. Especially the laws around minors. Maybe this is not really an UO. Anyway there is a recent case in my province where a child under the age of 12 murdered another child. This child was removed from his home, is under the care of social services and will receive 'treatment.' This child was already known to police as troubled and is known to have mutilated pets. I don't believe kids like this can be reformed. And I'm a Social Worker, I'm supposed to think I can fix anyone (sarcasm). I'm not sure what the other option is but I feel somehow the parents should be held responsible. I don't know. This is a huge deal to me partly because it happened in a nearby community. I'm sickened, both by the fact that it happened and by the justice system.
What do you mean about holding the parents responsible? Are the parents responsible for the kid being a psychopath? (I'm not asking that sarcastically-legit question.).

Has anyone read the article, "I am Adam Lanza's Mother?" Interesting read about parental involvement and our assumptions when children/teens/young adults with mental health issues act out.

https://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/12/16/i-am-adam-lanzas-mother-mental-illness-conversation_n_2311009.html

ClandestineX · September 2013

I guess I forgot to push enter, but how does a parent know their child will become a killer? Lanza's mother knew her child had a personality disorder and still kept weapons in her house, as sad as it is, I do somewhat blame her.

Now a kid who just suddenly kills their sibling without any previous record of having a psychological problem? No, I would never look towards the parents and/or their parenting. Though killers tend to have a track record... an animal torture here.. an animal killed there.. and if a parent does not try and seek help for that child.. they are somewhat to blame.

Debbie0580 · September 2013

Kate_C said:

Debbie0580 said:
I don't know about the legal system in the US but I think Canada's sucks. Especially the laws around minors. Maybe this is not really an UO. Anyway there is a recent case in my province where a child under the age of 12 murdered another child. This child was removed from his home, is under the care of social services and will receive 'treatment.' This child was already known to police as troubled and is known to have mutilated pets. I don't believe kids like this can be reformed. And I'm a Social Worker, I'm supposed to think I can fix anyone (sarcasm). I'm not sure what the other option is but I feel somehow the parents should be held responsible. I don't know. This is a huge deal to me partly because it happened in a nearby community. I'm sickened, both by the fact that it happened and by the justice system.
What do you mean about holding the parents responsible? Are the parents responsible for the kid being a psychopath? (I'm not asking that sarcastically-legit question.).

No, I mean more in the sense of not addressing the warning signs, seeking out support, and perhaps providing appropriate supervision.

ETA: typo

JSS1002 · September 2013

OhSewCrafty said:

Kate_C said:

I don't know about the legal system in the US but I think Canada's sucks. Especially the laws around minors. Maybe this is not really an UO. Anyway there is a recent case in my province where a child under the age of 12 murdered another child. This child was removed from his home, is under the care of social services and will receive 'treatment.' This child was already known to police as troubled and is known to have mutilated pets. I don't believe kids like this can be reformed. And I'm a Social Worker, I'm supposed to think I can fix anyone (sarcasm). I'm not sure what the other option is but I feel somehow the parents should be held responsible. I don't know. This is a huge deal to me partly because it happened in a nearby community. I'm sickened, both by the fact that it happened and by the justice system.
What do you mean about holding the parents responsible? Are the parents responsible for the kid being a psychopath? (I'm not asking that sarcastically-legit question.).
Has anyone read the article, "I am Adam Lanza's Mother?" Interesting read about parental involvement and our assumptions when children/teens/young adults with mental health issues act out.

https://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/12/16/i-am-adam-lanzas-mother-mental-illness-conversation_n_2311009.html

Similar but fictional, has anybody read "Defending Jacob"? It attacks this entire topic, about a kid that is just "bad from birth" and is he malleable / reformable... gripping, albeit disturbing, book.

Debbie0580 · September 2013

OhSewCrafty said:

Kate_C said:

Debbie0580 said:
I don't know about the legal system in the US but I think Canada's sucks. Especially the laws around minors. Maybe this is not really an UO. Anyway there is a recent case in my province where a child under the age of 12 murdered another child. This child was removed from his home, is under the care of social services and will receive 'treatment.' This child was already known to police as troubled and is known to have mutilated pets. I don't believe kids like this can be reformed. And I'm a Social Worker, I'm supposed to think I can fix anyone (sarcasm). I'm not sure what the other option is but I feel somehow the parents should be held responsible. I don't know. This is a huge deal to me partly because it happened in a nearby community. I'm sickened, both by the fact that it happened and by the justice system.
What do you mean about holding the parents responsible? Are the parents responsible for the kid being a psychopath? (I'm not asking that sarcastically-legit question.).

Has anyone read the article, "I am Adam Lanza's Mother?" Interesting read about parental involvement and our assumptions when children/teens/young adults with mental health issues act out.

https://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/12/16/i-am-adam-lanzas-mother-mental-illness-conversation_n_2311009.html

She is an involved parent. They have safety plans. But there are many, many parents who aren't involved or are ignoring major issues. Perhaps some of that has to do with the stigma around mental health disorders. Although I'd like to think I wouldn't ignore my child mutilating animals and see that as an issue that requires some form of intervention.
ETA: why am I always a quote failure when the quoting more than one person??

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