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Wedding invite WWYD

AimeeL85AimeeL85 member
in Stay at Home Moms
My mom's cousin, who is also my Godmother, is getting remarried.  She called my mom a couple weeks ago asking for my address to send an invitation and said how great it would be to see all of us, etc.

This week my mom and my DH and I got our invitations, but my two brothers (one married, one single) didn't get invitations. It's really odd because not only etiquette-wise would you (or at least, should you) split siblings and invite some and not others, but she's always been just as close with my brothers as with me - my younger brother was even IN her first wedding.  We just can't figure out why I would have been invited and not them, and they were looking forward to going to it (she had posted details on FB, and my mom had told my brothers about it after she called, assuming if I was invited, they were too).

My mom is trying to figure out what to say, if anything.  She doesn't want to directly ask and make it awkward, but we think it could have been an oversight. If my mom and I go, without a doubt the rest of our huge family will be asking where my brothers are, that would be a little awkward, too.

Is there a tactful way to approach this?
DS (7 years old) from FET in 2010
DD (5 years old) from IUI in 2012
TTC 3rd and final!: IUI #1 in progress!
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Re: Wedding invite WWYD

  • lightgetsinlightgetsin member
    I would wait and then say something like "It is so odd but daughter and I got our invitations but sons did not."
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  • AimeeL85AimeeL85 member
    Yeah, that's true, maybe those are behind for some reason.  She wouldn't have either of my brothers' addresses and didn't ask for them, but she may think they both still live with my mom and send them there.   We have plenty of time before the wedding so there's no rush if my mom does decide to politely ask.  She's very close with this cousin, but we're not the type of people to think of questioning someone on who they invite so it just seems awkward, but I do think it was a mistake (if they weren't).
    DS (7 years old) from FET in 2010
    DD (5 years old) from IUI in 2012
    TTC 3rd and final!: IUI #1 in progress!
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  • ordinary1ordinary1 member
    Odd. Personally I wouldn't ask because that is putting her on the spot. There might be a reason they weren't invited. If you and your mom go and someone were to ask where your brothers are all you need to say is they were unable to attend. No reason to say they didn't get an invitation because saying that would be awkward.
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  • AimeeL85AimeeL85 member
    CabbageCabbage said:
    It's odd but she's allowed to invite whomever she chooses. I hope your brothers get invitations but it's more rude to ask for them to be invited. If you honestly think it's an accident, I might mention it but is she everyone's godmother? Maybe that's why you were invited. I have 20+ cousins and only invited the 6 I am closest with to my wedding. 
    She's only my Godmother. I considered that and it's possible, just pretty odd considering all the circumstances and how our family dynamics have always been.  My mom wouldn't ask for them to be invited, she just thinks it might have been an oversight.  If she decides to say anything at all I know for sure she will be very polite about it.
    DS (7 years old) from FET in 2010
    DD (5 years old) from IUI in 2012
    TTC 3rd and final!: IUI #1 in progress!
    Report Reply
  • ordinary1ordinary1 member
    AimeeL85 said:


    CabbageCabbage said:

    It's odd but she's allowed to invite whomever she chooses. I hope your brothers get invitations but it's more rude to ask for them to be invited. If you honestly think it's an accident, I might mention it but is she everyone's godmother? Maybe that's why you were invited. I have 20+ cousins and only invited the 6 I am closest with to my wedding. 

    She's only my Godmother. I considered that and it's possible, just pretty odd considering all the circumstances and how our family dynamics have always been.  My mom wouldn't ask for them to be invited, she just thinks it might have been an oversight.  If she decides to say anything at all I know for sure she will be very polite about it.

    Isn't that an oxymoron? Being polite while doing something that isn't polite.

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  • sschwegesschwege member
    They are probably asking for people to RSVP right?  So if your brothers never RSVP and it was an oversight, wouldn't it be corrected at that time?  Wouldn't your Godmother have to chase them down and find out if they are coming or ask your mom?
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  • pitterpatter129pitterpatter129 member
    edited September 2013

    She could just say,"Oh yeah, I figured if you are updating your address book, you might want x and y's addresses too since they have both moved around.  I meant to include them the other day with my daughter's address."  And then carry on in some other conversation.  Then if they don't get one, it was intentional.

     

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  • littlemermaidlittlemermaid member
    Since this is her second marriage maybe she is trying to keep the guest list to a minimum and had no intentions of inviting you or your brother but since you are her Goddaughter you hold a special role in her life so she decided to invite you only..
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  • AimeeL85AimeeL85 member
    edited September 2013
    Good point, I didn't think of the fact that she'd notice with the RSVPs if it was an oversight.  It's a big wedding, just as big as the first from what she said.  My brother who is married did live at home with mom until a few months ago, while he was married.

    oridnary1, my mom is close with this cousin and always has been. She's not a rude person and yes, she can be polite about it if she does ask.  Inviting 1 out of 3 siblings from a family you're close with (or even one you're not close with) really isn't polite to begin with.
    DS (7 years old) from FET in 2010
    DD (5 years old) from IUI in 2012
    TTC 3rd and final!: IUI #1 in progress!
    Report Reply
  • sabriel1sabriel1 member
    AimeeL85 said:
    Good point, I didn't think of the fact that she'd notice with the RSVPs if it was an oversight.  It's a big wedding, just as big as the first from what she said.  My brother who is married did live at home with mom until a few months ago, while he was married.

    oridnary1, my mom is close with this cousin and always has been. She's not a rude person and yes, she can be polite about it if she does ask.  Inviting 1 out of 3 siblings from a family you're close with (or even one you're not close with) really isn't polite to begin with.
    I understand that your mom is not rude but she can't be polite when asking this because the act itself is rude. Inviting 1 out of 3 siblings is not rude - especially when they are adult siblings, there's no rule stating all siblings in a given family unit have to be invited. I wouldn't ask, if it was an oversight she'll figure it out herself when RSVPs start coming in as PP's have said

     DD born Oct 2011 - DS#1 born Jan 2014 - DS#2 born Apr 2015 - DS#3 born Sept 2016 - LO#5 due Feb 7, 2018

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