Multiples
Advice on visitors needed
Due to a variety of reasons, I am being induced at 8:00a on Tuesday morning. I tried to get Monday seeing as it is "Labor Day", but apparently inductions are not scheduled on holidays.
Anyway, I am very adamant about not having any visitors until I have had a few hours alone with my newly expanded family to bond, nurse, what have you. DH is on board with whatever it is I want, but says that "people are going to want to be in the waiting room." By people, he means his family. A few months back when I assumed I would be delivering incredibly early, I told everyone that I did not want visitors coming to the hospital until I was out of recovery (assuming a c-section delivery) and had met the babies. Knowing his family, I told them that it would really upset me if anyone even walked past the nursery to see the babies.
Well, now I have a rough idea of when they are coming and do not know if I should share this bit of information. I have informed my family who are very on board with whatever I want and will wait as long as I request. I have not told his family because I know that my request will not be obeyed. A few weeks ago I was in the hospital for some contractions and people showed up and were ready to spend the night until something happened. I would prefer not to even tell his family until the babies are here, but I know that sh*t will hit the fan if I do that.
These little babies will be our first (and likely last), so it is very important to me to have a few hours as a new family unit. I just don't know how to get other people to see that without sounding like a momzilla
Anyway, I am very adamant about not having any visitors until I have had a few hours alone with my newly expanded family to bond, nurse, what have you. DH is on board with whatever it is I want, but says that "people are going to want to be in the waiting room." By people, he means his family. A few months back when I assumed I would be delivering incredibly early, I told everyone that I did not want visitors coming to the hospital until I was out of recovery (assuming a c-section delivery) and had met the babies. Knowing his family, I told them that it would really upset me if anyone even walked past the nursery to see the babies.
Well, now I have a rough idea of when they are coming and do not know if I should share this bit of information. I have informed my family who are very on board with whatever I want and will wait as long as I request. I have not told his family because I know that my request will not be obeyed. A few weeks ago I was in the hospital for some contractions and people showed up and were ready to spend the night until something happened. I would prefer not to even tell his family until the babies are here, but I know that sh*t will hit the fan if I do that.
These little babies will be our first (and likely last), so it is very important to me to have a few hours as a new family unit. I just don't know how to get other people to see that without sounding like a momzilla
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Re: Advice on visitors needed
Not to add extra stress, but inductions can take a while and are often done in stages so there's no guarantee the babies will be there within x number of hours if they did show up early to wait. If my in laws had shown up when I was admitted to start the early induction process they would've spent 2.5 days in that tiny waiting room. I'm sorry your in laws are not being understanding. Maybe explain that by telling them when you're heading in you are trusting them to respect your wishes and not abuse that trust?
Depending on your experience, if you have to go the c/s route, it's still a few hours before you are allowed to "visit" your lo's. The surgery itself takes a while to complete. I was in there about an hour after the girls were delivered getting stitched back up and cleaned up. So by the time I got back to my room the girls were a few hours old and I only got a quick glimpse of B. A was rushed to NICU STAT for breathing difficulty. Even though I was far from home and no one was there other than DH, my nurse went over my wishes of "NO VISITORS" and was ready to enforce if needed.
I realize many family member are naive about this and think it's another party. Maybe too many false perceptions thanks to fake reality tv.
My Mom got her feelings hurt because we didn't call the second they were born. It took until the next day for her to finally get some understanding of what we'd been through and there's no way to call in the OR. When she came the next day with my older kids and saw how I was doing and what condition the babies were in while in the NICU she got a reality check.
I even requested NO VISITORS when we got home a week later because we needed the time to get a little settled in and it was flu season. I made some people mad, but I was protecting my family.
Best wishes on a smooth delivery for you and your babies.
I wish telling them that inductions could take hours/days would be a deterrent, but really I think it would just be a warning to them to pack for such an occasion. I feel like a brat not telling them until the babies arrive, but I think that it is going to come down to that to insure that my wishes are carried out. Now if only there were a way to guarantee the same once they are here...
Mono/Di Twins - Due March 3, 2014 (Realist EDD - Feb 5, 2014)
Mommy to Jericho - 2 Years Old.
I think it's great that your family is like that, but many, mine included, are NOT respectful of the mothers wishes and will definitely over stay the welcome. There is no way in H3ll I am going to have a bunch of people getting to know my babies before I get a chance to. My hubby and I are in agreement about that. He knows that there will be NO ONE allowed to hold my babies before me. (Doctors, nurses and daddy excluded from that) If I am incapable of holding them for whatever reason, they will not be held by anyone else. We both agree that is a fair request.
I would just not tell anyone you are in the hospital until you are ready to receive visitors, or at least until after you have had the babies. Who cares if they get offended? There isn't much they can do after the fact, and if they want to be mad, it's their problem, not yours. It doesn't affect them being able to meet the babies onthe day they are born if it's that important to them.
Not telling anyone is the only way to avoid visitors.
TTC since May 2006. After 3 failed Clomid cycles, 2 failed Injectibles/IUIs, 2 failed IVFs and 1 failed FET, we moved on to adoption!
Last ditch FET resulted in BFP, and identical twin girls!
T1 diabetes diagnosed 11/95 due to severe pancreatic injury
BFP 1 1/22/10 EDD 9/30/10 Adria b. 9/11/10 d.8/9/11, Transposition of the Great Arteries,
Pleural effusion, Kidney Failure
BFP 2 4/26/12 EDD 1/3/13 M/C 5/13/12
BFP 3 10/3/12 EDD 6/17/13 Twins! Preston and Juliet b. 5/22/13
I turned off my facebook wall so no one could post on it and turned off tagging so when we did share with immediate family, they did not share with the world (we wanted to be the ones to announce them).
People were pretty respectful.
Emerson Lily 6 lbs 13 oz & Ellis Willow 6 lbs 9 oz
At our hospital they put the baby in the mother's arms as soon as they are out pretty much. And no one is allowed in the Delivery Room except the husband.
And DW's mom came to the Recovery room (DS was unplanned C-section, after being induced) only because I escorted her back there. Everyone had to wait out in the Waiting Room until I went and told them they could come back to the normal room.
So I would check with the hospital's security procedures. At our hospital people just can't wander the halls, they need visitor badges to get back to the private rooms.
I would also ask about their procedures for when the mother gets the baby. DW got DS while she was being wheeled from the Surgery Room to the Recovery Room. That was a new change at the time. Before, the baby would go to the nursery for a few minutes.
So you should have control over the situation. If people want to wait in the Waiting Room, let them wait. They can come back when you're good and ready to let them come back.
If DH's stepmom wants the family together for the occasion maybe she can host everyone at her house to wait for the news. Unless she's pushing for everyone to be in your delivery room for the birth (in which case she's insane, IMO) there is no big difference or inconvenience for them to wait there instead of the hospital.
The next morning, a friend of DH's heard I'd delivered and showed up at my door at 8am!!! I was half naked, nursing and was livid that he just showed up. DH's sister came later that day but aside from them and my H and mom, no one else was there and I was so glad.
The PP said it perfectly - you dictate who gets to be there. If people don't like it they can FRO!
Me: 32 - Stage II Endo / DH: 36 - Low count and morphology (1%)
IUIs 1-3 BFN, lap Dec. 2010, IUIs 4-6 BFN
IVF w/ICSI #1 - ER 2/8: 24R 19M 9F ET 2/13 2-5 day blasts (no frosties) = BFP - b/g twins!
E & C Born 10/19/2012
All that to say this: this is YOUR family. YOUR babies. If you decide not to tell anyone until a month out from having them, that's your right. The time you should have alone as a family right after they are born is something priceless that you will never get back. Tell your nurses you don't want anyone back there. They're great at policing your room and making sure people respect your wishes, and they deal with the tempers and tears for you.
B/G twins born 5/12