Well it's
finally gonna happen. DH is going to do his SA on tomorrow.
It's taken an act of congress, but DH is taking off work on Friday to get it done. (Why he thinks he need to take off the whole day is beyond me. Men can make such mountains out of mole-hills. But it's happening so I'm not going to complain.)
Last night when he tells me all this and his plans for Friday, he says I'm going to have to give him a BJ in the parking lot. I asked, 'why can't you go into the bathroom & just look at porn on your phone?' He argued he won't be able to do it in the hospital.
So question. Did you help YH supply the sample? We live 35-40 from the hospital so due to time sensitivity we can't collect it at home. I kinda think he's being a wuss about the whole thing.
Re: SA question
TTC since March 2012
BFP #1 1/29/13, EDD 10/9/13
BFP #3 8/11/14 EDD 4/22/14
OK I have no experience, but I have never heard of such. If my husband requested this, he had better be joking or he would get some definite side-eye action. He should totally be able to pull it off like a champ... Back in their olden days, in HS and college, nobody was there providing live inspiration. I think you should tell him to:
ETA: if he honestly doesn't think he can do it in the hospital...then I would suggest he find a way to entertain himself in the car...
ETA: there are some very valid viewpoints expressed in later posts. My initial reaction was not sympathetic to all situations and a bit harsh... DHs, by no means, have it easy. There is a lot of pressure on them to perform.
married my best friend 10/04/08, TTC since July 2012
BFP#1 Thanksgiving 11/22/12, mo-mo twins(one sac), traditional EDD 7/27/13, EDD due to risk 6/15/13
mmc Angel 2/7/13 @ 15w3d, mmc Aubrey 2/13/13 @ 16w2d, D&E 2/16/13
BFP#2 9/21/13, EDD 6/2/14, DD born 5/17/14
All AL always welcome in my threads!
TTC since March 2012
BFP #1 1/29/13, EDD 10/9/13
BFP #3 8/11/14 EDD 4/22/14
TTC since April 2012
BFP #1, 10/03/2012 - EDD 6/15/2013 - MMC 11/15/2012 - D&C 01/04/2013
BFP #2, 04/06/2013 - EDD 12/17/2013 - MC 04/19/2013
6/12/2013 Diagnosed with Balanced Translocation (12 & 16)
IVF #1 with PGS: 10/2013: Canceled 9/27/2013 for issues with genetic lab
IVF #1.5 with PGS: 11/16/2013: Canceled. 11 eggs retrieved, 9 mature & 9 fertilized, all unhealthy embryos
IVF #2: 1/22/14: Canceled. 16 eggs retrieved, 14 mature, 7 fertilized, all unhealthy embryos
IVF #3 with PGS: 5/10/2014: Switched to FET in July. 10 eggs retrieved, 9 mature, 8 fertilized, 2 healthy embryos!
FET #1: 7/31/2014: Transferred 2 nearly perfect (6AA, 6BA) healthy embryos- BFFN
Laproscopy: 10/2014: Healthy uterus
IVF #4: 12/8/2014: Canceled. 17 eggs retrieved, 15 mature, 10 fertilized, all unhealthy embryos
Everyone welcome on my posts
TTC since March 2012
DX: MFI (4% motility)
Cycle 13: Natural cycle w/ HSG test = BFP
Identical twins!
Lost my angel boys at 10.5 weeks
Cycle 14-16: Natural Cycles = BFN
Cycle 17: Follistim + Trigger + IUI = BFN
Cycle 18: Natural Cycle = BFN
Cycle 19: Follistim + Trigger +IUI#2
Polyp found: SIS 11/11 - hysteroscopy 11/14
Cycle 20: Follistim + IUI#2 = BFFN
Cycle 21: Follistim (adj. dosage) + IUI#3 TI = BFN
IUI cancelled due to weather
Cycle 22: Follistim + IUI#3.1 = BFN
Cycle 23: treatment break, IVF consult
Cycle 24 - 26: natural cycle w/ acupuncture + Chinese herbs = BFN
Cycle 27: Follistim + IUI#4 = BFFN
Natural Cycles until IVF
Cycle 30: IVF#1 - Starting with Menopur + Follistim + Ganirelix
17 retrieved, 12 fertilized, 5dt w/ 2 blasts, 5 frosties
Betas: #1-156(9dp5dt), #2-1200(13dp5) #3-6112(17dp5)
Ultrasound #1 10/6: 1 bean!
TEAM BLUE!
My Chart
~~ALL WELCOME~~
I have no idea about SA's , but I would look into it. Would saliva or vag fluid harm it? I guess I'm questioning if a pre bj would have any effects on the SA?
My other thought, is there a hotel close by?
BFP#4 3/17/14 - rainbow Baby BOY arrived 11/10/14 !!
DX: Uterine Septum - Resection 9/5/13 || MTHFR Hetero A1298C || My Chart
BFP #1, 3/12, EDD 11/9/12, MMC 3/27/12, D&C 4/10/12
BFP #2: 11/16/12, EDD 7/25/13, MMC 12/5/12, D&C 12/6/12, Complete molar pregnancy confirmed 2/9/13, benched for 6 months until August 2013
IUI #1, 8/16/13 Femara + Menopur, 3 mature follicles, BFN
IUI #3, 10/8/13 Femara + Menopur, six mature follicles, BFN
BFP #3, 12/9/2013, while on treatment break, EDD: 8/22/2014 Please stick and grow, LO!
Additional Dx: hypothyroidism, TgAb positive & anti-TPO positive, POR/DOR (2/2013), and suspected endometriosis
******All AL always welcome******
My Ovulation Chart Fruit
As much as we laugh here at how they've always been able to do it on they're own before, I believe if mine has to have SA done, he will have some issues because of the pressure. Even if we've been through worse tests and procedures, try not to go too hard on YH. (Not that a parking lot bj is necessarily a solution! haha)
Regarding your question... you must be a saint because if my H asked me for a BJ I would no joke TP him... seriously, I would. I've been poked and prodded through this whole process, the very least he can do is take care of an SA himself.
I hope you and YH find a way to get the SA done successfully. I wish you luck!
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TTC #1 since June 2012
Current Status: IVF with ICSI and PGS
Genetic, RPL, SA and Fertility testing = Normal/Good HSG = All Clear
BFP #1 12.30.2012 || Blighted Ovum 02.05.2013 || D&C 02.11.2013
BFP #2 09.10.2013 || c/p 09.12.2013
BFP #3 12.1.2013 || mm/c 01.15.14 || D&C 01.21.14 chromosome abnormality
May 2014: Residual HCG and retained tissue found
05.13.2014: Hysteroscopy D&C to find and remove retained tissue
June 2014: Tissue sample results indicate a partial molar pregnancy
May - Aug 2014: TTA for monitoring and testing
08.21.2014: Hysteroscopy to remove minor scar tissue - the result of 3 D&Cs
Sept/Oct: IUI #1 Femara + Bravelle + Ovidrel = BFN
Oct/Nov: IUI #2 Femara + Ovidrel = BFN
Nov/Dec: IUI #3 Femara + Bravelle + Ovidrel = BFN
My Ovulation Chart || *~*~All AL Welcome~*~* || DIY Blog
This. I'm sorry but it sounds like your DH is just acting like a dick. I'm not calling him a dick of course bc I don't know him. But. .. seriously? I do think KMs advice was right on though. Being angry or shaming definitely won't help the matter.
Oh, and pun actually not intended hahaha
4 Losses (2003, 2008, Apr 2012, & Oct 2012)
All RPL and IF testing with multiple REs = normal
5 IUIs = BFN
All AL are welcome
BFP #1, 3/12, EDD 11/9/12, MMC 3/27/12, D&C 4/10/12
BFP #2: 11/16/12, EDD 7/25/13, MMC 12/5/12, D&C 12/6/12, Complete molar pregnancy confirmed 2/9/13, benched for 6 months until August 2013
IUI #1, 8/16/13 Femara + Menopur, 3 mature follicles, BFN
IUI #3, 10/8/13 Femara + Menopur, six mature follicles, BFN
BFP #3, 12/9/2013, while on treatment break, EDD: 8/22/2014 Please stick and grow, LO!
Additional Dx: hypothyroidism, TgAb positive & anti-TPO positive, POR/DOR (2/2013), and suspected endometriosis
******All AL always welcome******
My Ovulation Chart Fruit
@anymax, your perspective is very important here. I know that many men do feel pressure to perform - I have even seen it in my own DH...
married my best friend 10/04/08, TTC since July 2012
BFP#1 Thanksgiving 11/22/12, mo-mo twins(one sac), traditional EDD 7/27/13, EDD due to risk 6/15/13
mmc Angel 2/7/13 @ 15w3d, mmc Aubrey 2/13/13 @ 16w2d, D&E 2/16/13
BFP#2 9/21/13, EDD 6/2/14, DD born 5/17/14
All AL always welcome in my threads!
TTC since March 2012
BFP #1 1/29/13, EDD 10/9/13
BFP #3 8/11/14 EDD 4/22/14
fairly unrelated funny cartoon for you ladies...
andplusalso
married my best friend 10/04/08, TTC since July 2012
BFP#1 Thanksgiving 11/22/12, mo-mo twins(one sac), traditional EDD 7/27/13, EDD due to risk 6/15/13
mmc Angel 2/7/13 @ 15w3d, mmc Aubrey 2/13/13 @ 16w2d, D&E 2/16/13
BFP#2 9/21/13, EDD 6/2/14, DD born 5/17/14
All AL always welcome in my threads!
Now that some other ladies have brought it up I do remember the Dr telling me no bodily fluids so I can use that to tell DH he's on his own. And I'll offer a BJ afterwards as a bribe.
@anymax, your perspective is very important here. I know that many men do feel pressure to perform - I have even seen it in my own DH...
It has fucked with my mind so bad, I cannot begin to imagine how it has affected DH, especially because it has gotten worse with each loss.
He has been given Cialis but our RE would prefer assisting us over DH taking it. Which would put him in a similar position.
Side eye them all you want, ladies, but this is an emotional time for them also. I know DH has been affected too by watching me go through all the tests.
He had a hard time going for the kareotyping blood work because he was afraid of the reality that he could find out something he has no control over could be wrong and the cause of our problems. I would think SA could cause the same thoughts.
TTC since March 2012
BFP #1 1/29/13, EDD 10/9/13
BFP #3 8/11/14 EDD 4/22/14
BFP #1, 3/12, EDD 11/9/12, MMC 3/27/12, D&C 4/10/12
BFP #2: 11/16/12, EDD 7/25/13, MMC 12/5/12, D&C 12/6/12, Complete molar pregnancy confirmed 2/9/13, benched for 6 months until August 2013
IUI #1, 8/16/13 Femara + Menopur, 3 mature follicles, BFN
IUI #3, 10/8/13 Femara + Menopur, six mature follicles, BFN
BFP #3, 12/9/2013, while on treatment break, EDD: 8/22/2014 Please stick and grow, LO!
Additional Dx: hypothyroidism, TgAb positive & anti-TPO positive, POR/DOR (2/2013), and suspected endometriosis
******All AL always welcome******
My Ovulation Chart Fruit
married my best friend 10/04/08, TTC since July 2012
BFP#1 Thanksgiving 11/22/12, mo-mo twins(one sac), traditional EDD 7/27/13, EDD due to risk 6/15/13
mmc Angel 2/7/13 @ 15w3d, mmc Aubrey 2/13/13 @ 16w2d, D&E 2/16/13
BFP#2 9/21/13, EDD 6/2/14, DD born 5/17/14
All AL always welcome in my threads!
I'm speaking from personal experience here. My first husband and I went through four years of TTC, clomid and TI, multiple IUIs and finally, a failed IVF cycle. He had to give multiple SAs. In the end, he hated me. He knew it was wrong but it did not change the fact - and, the guy that would never have an affair, began talking to a co-worker about the stress of what TTC was doing and man, she so understood him, and did not demand that he do anything. The stress of TTC definitely played a factor in that and led to the end of that marriage.
Since my time on the bump, I have seen a few different members of our board leave because of marriage problems. Who knows how much loss played a part in those relationships falling apart but I am willing to bet that the stress of TTC was the bigger factor. I'm not saying giving an SA is the downfall of a marriage but not listening, not being supportive, and pretty much making you guy feel like his a tool is not going to help it.
We are taking the most intimate part of our relationship and putting it on display. We are already telling our men to have sex with us on a timetable (though some of us do a good job of keeping it "spontaneous") but once you make the act of sex clinical, you need to really listen to what your DH is saying and be supportive.
Okay - gentle went out the window. Remember, it is about what BOTH of you want and what BOTH of you are willing to do to get that end result. Just because I'm willing to be poked with a million needles and have a weekly appointment with a dildo cam does not mean my DH is.
The day the Bump died - Jasper is wise
4 Losses (2003, 2008, Apr 2012, & Oct 2012)
All RPL and IF testing with multiple REs = normal
5 IUIs = BFN
All AL are welcome
I agree that both partners need to support each other. For me, asking for a BJ in a parking lot is not acceptable, but asking me to come and guard the collection room or provide him with visual images he can take with him... yes, I can do that.
This process is hard on both partners and I think it is important for them to be on the same page. It may be time for a heart to heart discussion if you and your partner have different expectations about TTC.
Edited to add: @ahenson818 this is a general comment not direct to you personally. Sorry if my comment came across that way.
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TTC #1 since June 2012
Current Status: IVF with ICSI and PGS
Genetic, RPL, SA and Fertility testing = Normal/Good HSG = All Clear
BFP #1 12.30.2012 || Blighted Ovum 02.05.2013 || D&C 02.11.2013
BFP #2 09.10.2013 || c/p 09.12.2013
BFP #3 12.1.2013 || mm/c 01.15.14 || D&C 01.21.14 chromosome abnormality
May 2014: Residual HCG and retained tissue found
05.13.2014: Hysteroscopy D&C to find and remove retained tissue
June 2014: Tissue sample results indicate a partial molar pregnancy
May - Aug 2014: TTA for monitoring and testing
08.21.2014: Hysteroscopy to remove minor scar tissue - the result of 3 D&Cs
Sept/Oct: IUI #1 Femara + Bravelle + Ovidrel = BFN
Oct/Nov: IUI #2 Femara + Ovidrel = BFN
Nov/Dec: IUI #3 Femara + Bravelle + Ovidrel = BFN
My Ovulation Chart || *~*~All AL Welcome~*~* || DIY Blog
BFP #1 ended in MMC. Discovered Oct 2005 @10w5d, baby stopped growing around 6w. D&C.
BFP#2 Nov 2005. Baby's heart stopped @ 8w3d. D&C Jan 2006. Trisomy 18
BFP#3 Nov 2006. My "miracle baby" DD born 7/25/07
BFP #4 11/6/12. EDD 7/16/13~my birthday! No sac found @ 5w1d, betas not increasing. Natural m/c started 11/20/12.
BFP#5 11/9/13. EDD 7/21/14 Our beautiful rainbow born on his due date!!
BFP #2 5/7/13 EDD 1/14/2014 Ectopic discovered 5/21/13, lost left tube
Referred to RE, blood work done August 2013, AMH 0.27, all else normal, HSG clear
I think some of us were just letting off a little steam. I know all too well the pressure that our men are under and the impact that it has on them. I seriously doubt anyone would argue that point. It fucking sucks for me, for him, and for us as a couple. Again, apologies for being too cavalier about a real issue and if I offended anyone.
BFP #1, 3/12, EDD 11/9/12, MMC 3/27/12, D&C 4/10/12
BFP #2: 11/16/12, EDD 7/25/13, MMC 12/5/12, D&C 12/6/12, Complete molar pregnancy confirmed 2/9/13, benched for 6 months until August 2013
IUI #1, 8/16/13 Femara + Menopur, 3 mature follicles, BFN
IUI #3, 10/8/13 Femara + Menopur, six mature follicles, BFN
BFP #3, 12/9/2013, while on treatment break, EDD: 8/22/2014 Please stick and grow, LO!
Additional Dx: hypothyroidism, TgAb positive & anti-TPO positive, POR/DOR (2/2013), and suspected endometriosis
******All AL always welcome******
My Ovulation Chart Fruit
BFP #1, 3/12, EDD 11/9/12, MMC 3/27/12, D&C 4/10/12
BFP #2: 11/16/12, EDD 7/25/13, MMC 12/5/12, D&C 12/6/12, Complete molar pregnancy confirmed 2/9/13, benched for 6 months until August 2013
IUI #1, 8/16/13 Femara + Menopur, 3 mature follicles, BFN
IUI #3, 10/8/13 Femara + Menopur, six mature follicles, BFN
BFP #3, 12/9/2013, while on treatment break, EDD: 8/22/2014 Please stick and grow, LO!
Additional Dx: hypothyroidism, TgAb positive & anti-TPO positive, POR/DOR (2/2013), and suspected endometriosis
******All AL always welcome******
My Ovulation Chart Fruit
The day the Bump died - Jasper is wise
It's obviously not an option and will have to be a reward for afterwards. Anyway hopefully it goes well & he has superb swimmers, and that'll be the end of his 'discomfort'
My Ovulation Chart
**All AL Welcome**
TTC since July 2012 Me(42): normal HSG low progesterone 2.5 and TSH 13.9 DH(41): normal SA
I guess he's gonna just suck it up & do it alone in the bathroom. He's pissed off at me today over something unrelated so the BJ deal hasn't even come up again.