Since some think I'm being a "mean girl"

Deblondie1 · August 2013

I ask again, why is it that the lurkers come out of the woodwork the moment FB is mentioned? If over half of the posters IN THIS POST don't recognize you, you are a lurker. Fix it. Let us get to know you. Let us support you and call your pregnancy related body functions gross. LET US BE YOUR FRIEND!! Then you can know our real names and whatever other info we have accessible to the public on FB.

But don't start throwing out terms like mean girl. Uncool, bro.

KimberlyTX · August 2013

LMCB12 said:

This might be a dumb question, but what all information can everyone see on my Facebook if I decide its something that I want to be involved in? Is it just like all my other friends and family or is it different? I'm just not clear on how a private group works vs. regular friends. Does that make sense?

If you aren't friends with someone in the group and they click on your profile, they will only be able to see what is public on your profile (what a total stranger could see).

sarahlisa00 · August 2013

I'm pretty sure if your Facebook is private people will not be able to see anything just as they cannot now. If you join a group it's just the group posts you will be privy to, not everyone personal Facebook page.

I don't post every Thursday asking what everyone is eating for lunch... Those posts are fine just not what I'm here for. I am a first time mom so I don't have a lot of input to share when answering questions I often hold my unknowing opinion back, I also search before posting a question to avoid being told that was already asked. So that's why I only have 50 posts I guess! Oh and I have no idea what a siggy is... From what I've gathered from my time on here it's those pictures on the bottom? It took me 2 days to get a ticker on there I was not about to worry about uploading a picture of coco and Owen (my dogs).

I think it's clear by my time on here and my conversations I wasn't some creepo or out to cause trouble. And I'm still not. I value everyone's advice on here because the times I've needed answers people were there. And what little advice I have to give I'll still give. Just saying why myself and I'm sure others are put off by the process. I get it to an extent for sure. Unavoidable when putting an invite out and denying people I guess.

My lengthiest post yet!!!! Any bonus points for # if characters?!

Deblondie1 · August 2013

@sarahlisa00 I get that. I was very inactive on DD's BMB when I was pregnant. I had no clue what was going on, felt uber-uneducated, and worked shift hours since I was active duty military. So I never persued the FB group. I felt like I wasn't active on TB why would I be active in their FB group? Honestly, the FB group will be even less pregnancy related stuff. It's just the nature of the format and the more personal level of knowing details about someone.

All of that being said to actually say post more! Tell us what you want for dinner lol If a FTM is asking for advice, support her by saying you wondered the same thing/felt the same way/ were worried too/ blah blah. Does that make sense?

nolagal79 · August 2013

I am not a frequent poster and mostly just read posts and only comment on treads if I have something useful to contribute. Therefore I really don't think I have much to contribute to the FB group - and am 100% okay with that.

I totally agree there should be guidelines to structure the members of the FB group and understand that a good way to get a "feel" for someone is by how often they post and the quality/content of the posts. I don't think anyone is out to hurt feelings or insult anyone by being selective - I think they are being smart!!

For the ones not in the FB group yet - just keep posting/reading here - no biggie (I'm not in and don't intend on asking bc I just don't contribute enough).

Everybody - just rock on!!

Lucky613 · August 2013

Deblondie1 said:
I ask again, why is it that the lurkers come out of the woodwork the moment FB is mentioned? If over half of the posters IN THIS POST don't recognize you, you are a lurker. Fix it. Let us get to know you. Let us support you and call your pregnancy related body functions gross. LET US BE YOUR FRIEND!! Then you can know our real names and whatever other info we have accessible to the public on FB.

But don't start throwing out terms like mean girl. Uncool, bro.

I posted because someone asked if the conditions seemed "fair." I wanted to say that as a "lurker" I thought the conditions were fine, and in fact, maybe too easy.

I honestly don't have time to post that often (and use my phone because my son is a tornado so I don't bring him in the office). I post when I check in, when the subject is relevant to my life, or if i can offer something.

goldenB · August 2013

@sarahlisa00 - I can also understand where you are coming from. I casually work from home, so I have a lot more time to kill and therefore find myself on TB a lot. Sometimes I post, sometimes I just read the comments, but what I would recommend (and sorry if you are already doing this) is participating in weekly HDBD pics, ticker change days and even 'loving' someone else's comment. Heck, you don't need to know a lot about pregnancy to simply post a 'congrats' when someone announces they found out their baby's sex. Contribute what you can, when you can and give it a go for the next few weeks or so. Like @Deblondie said, we want to get to know you too.

::peace offering?:::

sarahlisa00 · August 2013

Everyone really is so nice here! I totally do see the other side more and more with each post on this thread.

@deblondie1 - my husband is active duty... I hear the crazy hours and long times away from home!

Deblondie1 · August 2013

@sarahlisa00 H and I were both active duty shift workers when we got married. Our first year we literally high-fived each other as I was coming home and he was leaving for work in the mornings. I knew as soon as we found out we were pregnant with DD I would be separating. We are an Air Force family, you?

LindsB314 · August 2013

I'm the same as @sarahlisa00...I will try & post more but I work in a hotel & work with brides so we are super busy right now. When I come home, I spend time with dd & DH. What little time I have left, I check in here but most of my questions are answered. So I try to comment, love, & contribute on hdbd. I think guidelines are good to have. Just trying to get others to see a different prospective

bnik · August 2013

On Wednesdays we wear pink!

Winnieella · August 2013

I feel like everything that I want to say has been said. I agree with the PPs, you need to participate more. I work long crazy teaching hours, so I'm on mostly on the week end, but I still try to participate as much as I can. Also, some times, I just love posts, or quote them saying I feel the same way.

sarahlisa00 · August 2013

@deblondie1 - he is in the coast guard. He deploys quite a bit for 2 month trips which are the hardest part. That and the trainings that he has to leave for but those are just a few nights here and there. I'm not from a military family so it's been an adjustment. It's pretty much a guarantee that he'll be here for baby but will leave 2 months after that. I'm already worried about that! That's what I do... Plan and worry while he is the most laid back person I've ever met!

Unknown · August 2013

This content has been removed.

knottie3c0525a8a3c64eaa · August 2013

So how do we know if we are "invited" to the Facebook group or not?

ehepner · August 2013

50 posts isn't active enough?! :-O

buckeyebride22 · August 2013

icoelho said:

So how do we know if we are "invited" to the Facebook group or not?

There are no invites. If you want to join, PM an admin.

COgirl29 · August 2013

buckeyebride22 said:

icoelho said:

So how do we know if we are "invited" to the Facebook group or not?

There are no invites. If you want to join, PM an admin.

How do we know whether or not we meet the guidelines once we PM an admin?

buckeyebride22 · August 2013

COgirl29 said:

icoelho said:

So how do we know if we are "invited" to the Facebook group or not?

There are no invites. If you want to join, PM an admin.
How do we know whether or not we meet the guidelines once we PM an admin?

You will get a response either way. It may not be right away though.

COgirl29 · August 2013

buckeyebride22 said:

COgirl29 said:

buckeyebride22 said:

icoelho said:

So how do we know if we are "invited" to the Facebook group or not?

There are no invites. If you want to join, PM an admin.
How do we know whether or not we meet the guidelines once we PM an admin?

You will get a response either way. It may not be right away though.

Good to know. Thanks Buckeye!

casholmes · August 2013

Hi, I also had a question (don't worry, I know I'm nowhere near active enough to ask to join yet

). But when you say very active, you mean on the Jan 2014 board specifically right? Not all the boards in general?

buckeyebride22 · August 2013

casholmes said:

Hi, I also had a question (don't worry, I know I'm nowhere near active enough to ask to join yet ). But when you say very active, you mean on the Jan 2014 board specifically right? Not all the boards in general?

Yes this board. The whole point is so we "know" you.

ashleywiz · August 2013

I have no doubt @buckyeyebride22 and the rest of these lovely ladies are taking care with selection. If you aren't active (aka posting frequent enough to be recognized) and getting pissy with not being "picked" but refuse to participate more, then they definitely made the right call. Chill your preggy pants out. & ladies, you're def not mean girls...the whiners are. Why OH why does this have to be such an ordeal to some?

BabyWise014 · August 2013

I am not an active poster- I try and use the board to gather information and find comfort in knowing others are going through the same things as me....Im not an active poster mainly due to time. I work a two jobs, moving, and preparing for a baby.
I'm not offended by any means that I wouldn't be qualified for the FB group.....I just don't feel I have a need for it. I get the support I need from this board. Any group derived from this board should be selective but at the same time-- maybe not make it so public for people to want to join? Or make it about being offended versus the sole purpose of what it is suppose to be.

laurasue0513 · August 2013

COgirl29 said:
I don't think anyone is being a "'mean girl" - I am just confused. I've posted on here pretty regularly for the past month so I'm not sure why I didnt "make the cut".

Likewise!! Not sure why I didn't make the cute either ...

laurasue0513 · August 2013

sarahlisa00 said:
I'm pretty sure if your Facebook is private people will not be able to see anything just as they cannot now. If you join a group it's just the group posts you will be privy to, not everyone personal Facebook page.

I don't post every Thursday asking what everyone is eating for lunch... Those posts are fine just not what I'm here for. I am a first time mom so I don't have a lot of input to share when answering questions I often hold my unknowing opinion back, I also search before posting a question to avoid being told that was already asked. So that's why I only have 50 posts I guess! Oh and I have no idea what a siggy is... From what I've gathered from my time on here it's those pictures on the bottom? It took me 2 days to get a ticker on there I was not about to worry about uploading a picture of coco and Owen (my dogs).

I think it's clear by my time on here and my conversations I wasn't some creepo or out to cause trouble. And I'm still not. I value everyone's advice on here because the times I've needed answers people were there. And what little advice I have to give I'll still give. Just saying why myself and I'm sure others are put off by the process. I get it to an extent for sure. Unavoidable when putting an invite out and denying people I guess.

My lengthiest post yet!!!! Any bonus points for # if characters?!

This exactly! Oh well. If I don't start enough posts and so that's the reason I am not included so be it. I think it's very clear that I am not just a lurker, but I am also not able to devote my every breathing hour to the bump and if that is the prerequisite to get in the FB group then I'm cool not being a part of it as I could never reach those standards. I do enjoy the bump so I will sit tight for now and continue at the involvement rate that I am comfortable with.

indiana101 · August 2013

PHXmom2be said:

I admire the admins for being able to handle the drama that's already started. I certainly don't think anyone is being a mean girl. A lot of us (myself included) are incredibly uncomfortable joining a FB page where our personal information could potentially be viewed by people we don't know. I appreciate that there are rules being created to ensure we are comfortable joining, and that the members are not lurkers. I'm with Marbee, and think that stricter guidelines are a plus. A set number of posts on this board is a great idea. I'm gonna sit tight and wait on joining the FB group for a while. I sincerely hope our board doesn't lose participation now that a FB group has been started, because we have such a great group of mommies!

This is a good idea. I'm not sure if I will ever join another FB group, but if I do it will likely be at full term or after the babies are here.

indiana101 · August 2013

Also I think the guidelines are... interesting. I've been in a couple different FB groups - one with a lot of rules and one with no rules. Guess which one had the least amount of drama? The no-rules mamas could not believe the rules other groups have - they actually thought it was a joke.

I think excluding people because they don't care what you had for lunch or aren't interested in a gazillionth 'it's a...' post is a potentially bad move. Some of the best mamas I know in FB world have never participated in those kinds of threads but have plenty of other things to say.

indiana101 · August 2013

And one final thought on the matter - I do not post in FFFC or UO's anymore at all and don't read them either because I am not a fan of that much drama. I feel that is where a lot of our personalities come out though - maybe there are other people who feel similarly and are being overlooked for membership? It is so easy to become more of a wallflower with so many other dominant personalities - surely it would be a shame to exclude these ladies because their posts aren't interesting enough by the admins standards.

cpm1223 · August 2013

And one final thought on the matter - I do not post in FFFC or UO's anymore at all and don't read them either because I am not a fan of that much drama. I feel that is where a lot of our personalities come out though - maybe there are other people who feel similarly and are being overlooked for membership? It is so easy to become more of a wallflower with so many other dominant personalities - surely it would be a shame to exclude these ladies because their posts aren't interesting enough by the admins standards.

Just to address this part...our UOs and FFFC threads are not drama filled here (there hasn't been anything crazy, yet anyway.) I have seen other boards where they are crazy but for the most part, our board's ones are tame. Just thought I should comment on this because it seems like you're not reading them because of how they've been on other boards.

Mallory Monjot · August 2013

50 posts sounds like a lot to me. I check TB every day, but I think some people literally sit on the message boards allllll dayyyyy longggg.

cpm1223 · August 2013

Mallory Monjot said:

50 posts sounds like a lot to me. I check TB every day, but I think some people literally sit on the message boards allllll dayyyyy longggg.

It's really not that much, especially if you've been around since the beginning or even just a couple of months. I am not on tb all day long, I check in a lot and comment when I feel like I can give input, support, or advice.

Mallory Monjot · August 2013

cpm1223 said:

Mallory Monjot said:

50 posts sounds like a lot to me. I check TB every day, but I think some people literally sit on the message boards allllll dayyyyy longggg.

It's really not that much, especially if you've been around since the beginning or even just a couple of months. I am not on tb all day long, I check in a lot and comment when I feel like I can give input, support, or advice.

I suppose it's all relative. I really enjoy the site and I am on daily at the very least. I just think some people are readers and some people are posters. Nothing to do with FB, I haven't even tried to be part of that. Just feel bad for some people who do want to be involved and can't.

DamnPrecious · August 2013

Mallory Monjot said:

Mallory Monjot said:

50 posts sounds like a lot to me. I check TB every day, but I think some people literally sit on the message boards allllll dayyyyy longggg.

It's really not that much, especially if you've been around since the beginning or even just a couple of months. I am not on tb all day long, I check in a lot and comment when I feel like I can give input, support, or advice.
I suppose it's all relative. I really enjoy the site and I am on daily at the very least. I just think some people are readers and some people are posters. Nothing to do with FB, I haven't even tried to be part of that. Just feel bad for some people who do want to be involved and can't.

I'm a reader, so I can kinda get that. I have to think really hard to find something to say and a lot of times I end up deleting whatever I was going to say. It's also harder when you feel ignored.

But, I'm not going to blame anyone for not wanting to share a private space with someone they can't get a feel on. I don't want to share a private space with someone who gets upset with something so minor, because who know what someone that fragile might do with my information.

alinafed · August 2013

JmeMichelle said:

I honestly don't see why everyone is getting emotionally invested in a Facebook page. What's the point of it exactly? Is it going to be exactly like what this board already is, you just get to only let the people you want in? Seems like a silly thing for anyone to care about, let alone get hurt feelings over.

Some ppl don't find it easy to mobile bump and like the FB format more. It's not a huge difference but some ppl who have done both feel like it's easier to get to know ppl in the FB baby groups.

Firefly9 · August 2013

Facebook does make us less anonymous. The reason we want to know posters more before inviting us like getting to know someone you have run into in the Starbucks line a little better before inviting them over to your house.

sarahlisa00 · August 2013

ashleywiz said:

I have no doubt @buckyeyebride22 and the rest of these lovely ladies are taking care with selection. If you aren't active (aka posting frequent enough to be recognized) and getting pissy with not being "picked" but refuse to participate more, then they definitely made the right call. Chill your preggy pants out. & ladies, you're def not mean girls...the whiners are. Why OH why does this have to be such an ordeal to some?

VERY helpful advice! Thanks!

sarahlisa00 · August 2013

indiana101 said:

Also I think the guidelines are... interesting. I've been in a couple different FB groups - one with a lot of rules and one with no rules. Guess which one had the least amount of drama? The no-rules mamas could not believe the rules other groups have - they actually thought it was a joke.
I think excluding people because they don't care what you had for lunch or aren't interested in a gazillionth 'it's a...' post is a potentially bad move. Some of the best mamas I know in FB world have never participated in those kinds of threads but have plenty of other things to say.

I really don't care either way but after reading your post I wonder even more what the big deal is now with the stricter rules. My facebook is private and it will remain that way. If you don't want people seeing personal things don't post in on a group board. Unless it's all your very best friends you don't know anyone on here... even if they do have 255 posts! Just cause someone posts a lot does not mean they are trustworthy. Of course this was going to be an ordeal! A couple people get in charge and selectively choose then there's going to be discussion. I think that the end of the day no one REALLY cares... I certainly didn't lost any sleep but I do enjoy seeing the different opinions!

Now if someone could just tell me EXACTLY what baby monitor is the best that's the advice I need! Why does every baby item get made by 5 companies and each company have 10 models? And more importantly why do I have to research every single one?!

jldubb0626 · August 2013

indiana101 said:

Also I think the guidelines are... interesting. I've been in a couple different FB groups - one with a lot of rules and one with no rules. Guess which one had the least amount of drama? The no-rules mamas could not believe the rules other groups have - they actually thought it was a joke.
I think excluding people because they don't care what you had for lunch or aren't interested in a gazillionth 'it's a...' post is a potentially bad move. Some of the best mamas I know in FB world have never participated in those kinds of threads but have plenty of other things to say.

Excluding them would be telling them they can never join. Asking them to participate more so we can get to know them better before exposing them to PERSONAL information is NOT a huge request. Enough threads are started here every day that aren't the "It's a..", UO's and FFFC's that everyone should be able to be active here daily. You don't HAVE to be active all day, every day, but plenty of other topics are talked about here that if someone needs to find a way to participate more, they can and in a meaningful way. If someone isn't willing to put the time in here on TB and get to know us, why would they even care to join a FB group full of women from TB?

lolinshag · August 2013

@sarahlisa00
I LOVED my Angel care movement and sound monitor! I am debating on upgrading to the video one this time.

OP and FB admins: would it be feasible to have some formula for determining what post count is enough? Something like total number of posts divided by the years/months on TB will give you an average post rate. Since we've been talking about the 50 post count, here is an example of someone who has been here 4 years: 50 posts ÷ 48 months = 1.04 posts per month. But take someone who joined in May: 50 posts ÷ 4 months = 12.5 posts per month. See the difference? (And someone PLEASE correct my math if wrong. I hate math, haha) Would this help y'all determine which bumpies post often enough?

Nay Sayers: if you don't like their rules, why not create your own FB or just keep bumping. If i thought someone was being a meanie, i wouldnt want to be anywhere near their group. (Which i do not think the admins are mean) Personally, I don't care either way right now. I might ask to join closer to delivery or after birth, but right now I am happy to wait until the crazies are weeded out.

ETA: Think about it like frequent flyer miles. The more you fly, the more points you get until you magically get that free seat to Tahiti. The same with their FB group: the more you post, the more "miles" you earn till you can fly with them. Or like pre-reqs in college. You can't take master level classes while a freshman. Any gamers? You can't go straight to the boss fight without working through the beginning levels.

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