Since some think I'm being a "mean girl"

buckeyebride22

I was planning on posting this on Monday, but just so everyone is on the same page these are the guidelines we're following for the FB group.

1. We recognize your SN or siggie
2. You've been actively posting for two months

Dishylo

Oh @buckeyebride22 - you are such a meanie!!!

cyndilouwho77

That seems totally fair!

HeartOverMind

Who's "we"?

aessary03

What is this fb group called?

buckeyebride22

HeartOverMind said:

Who's "we"?

I post the SN to the group and ask if anyone recognizes it.

buckeyebride22

aessary03 said:

What is this fb group called?

Really original.... January 2014 Moms. Its secret though so if anyone wants to be added they can PM me or Jldubb or katielynn.

sarahlisa00

I'm also confused. So if a few people don't recognize my name we aren't invited in? I find it hard not to be offended by that.

COgirl29

I don't think anyone is being a "'mean girl" - I am just confused. I've posted on here pretty regularly for the past month so I'm not sure why I didnt "make the cut".

cyndilouwho77

@COgirl29 I think that the FB starter didnt rec your name, but several have said they know you.  She prob hasnt been at her computer to change it yet. 

COgirl29

cyndilouwho77 said:

@COgirl29 I think that the FB starter didnt rec your name, but several have said they know you.  She prob hasnt been at her computer to change it yet. 

Thanks for letting me know cyndilouwho77!

Arrgcr

I'm pretty sure if I sent mine in, I'd get a few eye rolls and ya'll would be like... 'Oh gah she is annoying no!' Lol

cyndilouwho77

@Arrgcr they let "ME" in so I think your safe...lol!

buckeyebride22

sarahlisa00 said:

I'm also confused. So if a few people don't recognize my name we aren't invited in? I find it hard not to be offended by that.

All I was looking for was two people to recognize it plus the two month thing. 

Ladams30

Arrgcr said:

I'm pretty sure if I sent mine in, I'd get a few eye rolls and ya'll would be like... 'Oh gah she is annoying no!' Lol

This!

aprilbridezilla19

That's just very subjective guidelines. Active means different things to different people. And what if people outside the group recognize you but the select ones inside don't?

lmills730

@buckeyebride22 and the other admins are doing their very best to set realistic guidelines to keep the FB group as an environment that everyone is comfortable being a part of and posting in. She isn't making these decisions based on a few people recognizing someone or not. She's been very open to any feedback from the members of the group if they "know" someone. Just as many people would be upset if the guidelines were more lax. She's not trying to hurt any feelings...

sarahlm619

So -- what are YOUR suggestions for guidelines?!?!?

katie-lynn3313

There are quite a few ppl within the group already. 

Someone out of that large group should really recognize a poster if they are active. 

Active doesn't have to mean posting every hour or even every day but to not post in 2 months- that screams lurker to me, and a lot of other people. A lot of people have expressed concern of having a facebook group filled with lurkers and this is just one step to ensure that it is a group that people can feel comfortable joining when they are ready. 

jldubb0626

We are a pretty diverse group in the FB group, many of us are here very regularly. I mean, I stalk this board like it's my job. It'd be very hard for a majority of women to not recognize someone if they are active enough. And it's not your current activity level either, it's your activity level as a whole. We are asking for those who have been regularly around for atleast 2 months. 

We feel that as long as the group got a say in who joins, then it'd be 30+ women giving their opinions, not an exclusive few. I don't think it's an unreasonable request to participate here on TB for a while so we can become more familiar with you. 

Ladies who are unsure of joining or for those worried about our requirements: Are these unreasonable requests? Would there be anything you do differently? 

Piach

I agree with @lmills730. We have to start somewhere. @buckeyebride22 isn't making decisions in a vacuum.

sarahlisa00

Well I've been posting on here since I was 6 weeks pregnant. Guess I don't post enough or the right people don't recognize me. Feels a little mean girls over here.

cyndilouwho77

See I am the last person to ask about whether I know someone or not...its the siggy pics that help me out the most, but since the FB group has started I have been making more of an effort to check the names of posters that I recognize so that I can help out!

buckeyebride22

sarahlisa00 said:

Well I've been posting on here since I was 6 weeks pregnant. Guess I don't post enough or the right people don't recognize me. Feels a little mean girls over here.

You have 50 posts to your name....all I asked was that your participate more.  How is that mean girl?

CanadianGamerMom

sarahlisa00 said:

Well I've been posting on here since I was 6 weeks pregnant. Guess I don't post enough or the right people don't recognize me. Feels a little mean girls over here.

It's not like you're being told that you're never allowed to join, you just need to participate more and then you could join.

sarahlisa00

My husband just laughed at me so hard that my feelings actually got hurt by this! I'm good on the Facebook part, I'll just stick with the message board here. It's been working well enough so far for me. One less thing to look at!

wedbliss5

I don't know the whole story, but if you're raising a stink already for not being invited, the YOU are a perfect example of why the group is being selective.

cyndilouwho77

buckeyebride22 said:

sarahlisa00 said:

Well I've been posting on here since I was 6 weeks pregnant. Guess I don't post enough or the right people don't recognize me. Feels a little mean girls over here.

You have 50 posts to your name....all I asked was that your participate more.  How is that mean girl?

I think I understand @sarahlisa00 to a point....I mean she has been on TK, TN and TB for 8 years!  She just may not be a huge convo starter. 

I am not trying to start a fight with anyone just trying to shed a dif kind of light on this!

KristaBelieve

I have a question, I'm not sure I'm quite ready to join yet but once I feel ready can we ask to be added at any time in the future?  Thanks for taking this task on!

buckeyebride22

KristaBelieve said:

I have a question, I'm not sure I'm quite ready to join yet but once I feel ready can we ask to be added at any time in the future?  Thanks for taking this task on!

Yup

Amarantheansea

Well Im not one of the cool kids!
Have fun ladies.... Ill be dancing to the beat of my own drum until our paths cross again a few posts down the road!.....love to all you January fb mommas:))

sarahlm619

BKau said:

KristaBelieve said:

I have a question, I'm not sure I'm quite ready to join yet but once I feel ready can we ask to be added at any time in the future?  Thanks for taking this task on!

I'm wondering this too... I don't actually have an active Facebook account right now, but if I were to get it up and running again, I would probably be interested in joining.

No one is trying to make this a "join now or never" thing -- it's strictly "be active, let everyone get to know you, so that way we're all comfortable"

It's the drama that this thread is proving that we're all trying to avoid

leighkinpa

That seems fair. I PM'd you. Its cool if I'm not recognized though. I usually just respond to posts where I have something helpful to add and do not start my own so I'm not a super regular poster. I really enjoyed my August 2011 group, especially after our babies were here when we started our FB group. 

KristaBelieve

sarahlm619 said:

No one is trying to make this a "join now or never" thing -- it's strictly "be active, let everyone get to know you, so that way we're all comfortable" It's the drama that this thread is proving that we're all trying to avoid

I didn't take it that way at all.  I saw on one of the long FB discussions that some people had two FB groups for their month; one for those who wanted to start earlier and one for those who wanted a group later.  Since this is my first, I wasn't sure how this group would be working.  I don't consider that drama. 

ach298

Rinny85 said:

I think the guidelines so far are pretty fair. The people in the group are the most active on the bump so if someone else is active, it is pretty likely that the already active people would recognize their names. I think its fair to want to have a place where people interact and don't just lurk when real names are involved.

This.

I'm in the "not ready to join FB yet" group (and though I've been around since the board was started I haven't been very active until recently) but having been a part of other TK/TN/TB FB groups, all that sounds reasonable to me.

buckeyebride22

MarBee1214 said:

If you ask me...calling anyone on here a "mean girl" is reason enough to not include you in the fb group.  I'm seeing SN's on this post that I don't recognize at all.  Sorry but 50 comments ain't nothin around here.

I would like to see more strict guidelines before I join the group.  

Did you or anyone else have something specific in mind? We're also going to make sure people are posting and not lurking.

COgirl29

How do I check how many posts I have? I have only ever mobile bumped, so I don't have a profile pic or a siggy or anything!

I hope no one thinks I'm creating drama-I just hadn't heard whether or not I was being invited and since I didn't get an email, I have been assuming I was not.

Lucky613

I don't post actively, only a few times a week (I only work pt, not at a computer, and stay at home with my energetic (almost) two year old. Not a of opportunities to post. I have been 'here' since May though. The creep factor is one of the reasons my siggy is so old!

That being said, I am certainly not a "regular" and, yet, I understand the guidelines. I think they are pretty easy and still allow for the dramatic people to join.

Id much prefer to post on fb bc I like the format better, but haven't requested to join since I do post infrequently.

LMCB12

This might be a dumb question, but what all information can everyone see on my Facebook if I decide its something that I want to be involved in? Is it just like all my other friends and family or is it different? I'm just not clear on how a private group works vs. regular friends.

Does that make sense?

jldubb0626

MarBee1214 said:

buckeyebride22 said:

If you ask me...calling anyone on here a "mean girl" is reason enough to not include you in the fb group.  I'm seeing SN's on this post that I don't recognize at all.  Sorry but 50 comments ain't nothin around here.

I would like to see more strict guidelines before I join the group.  

Did you or anyone else have something specific in mind? We're also going to make sure people are posting and not lurking.

I mean, I just think one or two people saying they "recognize" a SN isn't enough.  The status of "active" needs to be defined.  For example at least 100 replies/posts combined on THIS board, (since there are crazies who just go on various boards until they get "discovered" and then move on to another board).  And if you haven't posted/commented on TB in 2 weeks (other than being on vaca) then I don't think you are active enough for alot of people to feel comfortable with you knowing their personal info.  I'm like others in that I often can't keep up every time FB changes privacy settings and if I'm going to take the risk of someone on TB knowing some of the stuff I share with my IRL friends, then I want to know that you aren't just a lurker waiting for an opportunity to show your crazy

I think those are completely reasonable. We were going to take the weekend to hash out specifics, but since buckeyebride started to get lash back, we announced what we have so far to attempt to ease the issues with her. I was also hoping someone would chime in as well with other guidelines they'd like to see so we could add them to what we had in place so far. 

leighkinpa

LMCB12 said:

This might be a dumb question, but what all information can everyone see on my Facebook if I decide its something that I want to be involved in? Is it just like all my other friends and family or is it different? I'm just not clear on how a private group works vs. regular friends. Does that make sense?

You can go to your profile and view as (mouse over your cover photo and click the little arrow by the wagon wheel). I think your profile shows up the same for anyone who is a non-friend even if you are participating in a group with them. If you don't like how your profile looks to non-friends, you can play with your security settings. I'm a part of my August 2011 group (both actually) and several Buy/Sell/Trade groups so I haven't felt like my information has been insecure even though people know my real name.