Dad's At Appointments

Turtle15SW · August 2013

My husband obviously came to our first 8 week appointment for the ultrasound and general first visit. I have my 12 week followup and I just don't see why he needs to take off work to attend. Really, aside from the 20 week appointment when we find out the sex...I really don't plan on asking him to come. Is this crazy? Other women I talk to say their husbands went to every appointment...that just doesn't seem necessary to me. Thoughts? Are there any other appointments/milestone visits I should be aware of where I may need the support?

BabiesFTW · August 2013

The only appointment I brought DH to was the 20 week with my first.
This pregnancy he came to the nt scan because got the results right away this time.

I really don't see why I'd need to drag DH to appts where all they do is take my weight, bp, and listen to the heartbeat.

Mamackf · August 2013

Mine only comes to the big one where we find out what baby is and the nt scan outside of that I see no point.

smchik · August 2013

For this pregnancy, by H will be there for the 20 week ultrasound and that is it. He didn't go with me to the dating ultrasound. Due to work issues/location/daughter going to day care, it is just not worth it. For my first, he went with me to the 2 ultrasounds and my last appointment, which was just by chance b/c we were off work and planning to go to lunch. Ended up with other plans

Anyway, the appointments are so routine, quick and not worth the time for him to be there (obviously in my opinion). However some couples are a little more dependant on one another so I think that explains it. I have friend who had her H go to every.single. appointment. That is just crazy to me, but to each their own.

ring_pop · August 2013

Mine will only be coming to ultrasounds. The other appointments are kind of boring.

amdecker1016 · August 2013

My DH is coming to all. Partly because he wants to..partly because with our hx of previous losses, i cannot handle going by myself yet. I do not force him, he offers...i've never had to ask, he just knows i need him there.

memali26 · August 2013

With DD1, DH came to every appt. He didn't need to, at all, but we were first timers and it was nice to do it together. Our OB had really flexible scheduling, so we were able to get all late afternoon/evening appts, otherwise I probably would have gone to many of them alone.

With DD2, he only made it to the anatomy scan, and I did the rest alone. It will probably be the same with this pregnancy, though if the scheduling works out I may have him come to one appt in 3rd tri with our daughters so they can hear the baby's heartbeat.

springbaby03 · August 2013

I was thinking the same thing...my husband works 13hour shifts he gets little sleep, I doubt he will go to all.

ju0725 · August 2013

My DH wants to be at all appointments. But his book advised him that all appointments may not seem like important appointments but that you never know what may happen that could make any run of the mill appointment important.

PerkyErky · August 2013

DH will be attending every appt. He was denied all of that with his son and bio mom and even excluded from his son's birth (told two days later and was taken off the visitor list while his son was in the NICU). I loathe bio mom and there is a reason her parental rights were terminated. So yes he will be attending all appts. Plus with our loss I want him there in case anything goes wrong.

Kewii · August 2013

I gave my hubby the option of not coming again until the 20 week appointment. He preferred to come. But we're also able to schedule appointments for after we're both done work, so that works.

ufsandra85 · August 2013

my husband doesnt come to any appointments. I go in weekly so it would be a pain in the butt. But it is just easier if he isnt there. He would have to leav work drive 30 mins, find parking, wait, just for a 15 min apppointment it isnt worth it in my opinion.

FLMommy22 · August 2013

DH has come to the 9 & 12 wk ultrasounds. Glad he did; they went ahead and told us the gender! Will have him come to the 20 wk for confirmation. The rest aren't necessary for him to leave work to be there.

bumpuser9058414 · August 2013

My DH comes when he can. He came to the NT scan and will be at the anatomy scan. I think I'd also like to have him come to the one where we discuss the results of the NT scan. He has Thursdays off so I'll schedule my appointments for that day and if he wants to come he can, or not. Most of them are boring.

JerseyBella · August 2013

My Dh is coming to all. I have a pretty complicated medical history and he likes to hear what the dr says and with pregnancy brain I usually forget what I was going ask. lol

kelley72 · August 2013

My first husband only came to anatomy scan, my current dh wants to come to every apt... I've told him it is unnecessary and often quick and boring but he says he plans to come to them all, so ok...

erind0213 · August 2013

I usually do the month to month then more regular ones myself. DH goes to the first one and most ultrasound appointments.

If DH can't make the ultrasound I will most likely take my mom. Just neat to have somebody else there.

kimberpoo · August 2013

I only plan on having DH at the ultrasound appts, and maybe one apt to hear the heartbeat. Had my first u/s yesterday, and I had him step out when they had to use the vaginal u/s. the tech recorded it and he came back in to see the video of baby with me. It was really cool and I know he LOVED it.

for all those little check up appointments and blood draws, I prefer to just go alone unless he already has the day off and just wants to tag along.

TradeMama · August 2013

My DH came to the important ones only. In addition to what you listed, he came to the glucose test in case I got sick and he needed to drive me home.

HappyWife01 · August 2013

Last time MH came to the first one, a dating ultrasound. I told him he didn't have to go to anymore but I'd like for him to go to my later ones- 37, 38, 39 week ones because you never know what they might do. Luckily he did because at our 38 week one the dr told us we had to go to the hospital for an emergency induction. I couldn't have processed that without him there. I was an emotional wreck.

This time he went to my first ultrasound bc I was bleeding. He probably won't go back with me until 37 weeks. We aren't finding outthe sex of this baby so he ddoesn't need to attend the anatomy scan unless he wants to.

angelsnight · August 2013

MH never went, and I don't plan on him to take off work if I have any "run of the mill" appts this time (ie checking weight, urine, using the doppler and asking questions). But he will be there for all u/s, which this time may be every appointment. If I am feeling confident I don't think he can afford to take off work twice a month, but for now he comes because if we were to get bad news, I need him there with me.

BethSt · August 2013

Mine came with me to the first, and he will come to our 18 week u/s appointment, but that will probably be it.

angelsnight · August 2013

smchik said:

For this pregnancy, by H will be there for the 20 week ultrasound and that is it. He didn't go with me to the dating ultrasound. Due to work issues/location/daughter going to day care, it is just not worth it. For my first, he went with me to the 2 ultrasounds and my last appointment, which was just by chance b/c we were off work and planning to go to lunch. Ended up with other plans

Anyway, the appointments are so routine, quick and not worth the time for him to be there (obviously in my opinion). However some couples are a little more dependant on one another so I think that explains it. I have friend who had her H go to every.single. appointment. That is just crazy to me, but to each their own.

What is wrong with a man wanting to be involved with his wife's pregnancy? And your friend may have had a previous loss she never told anyone about, or had some other reason for wanting her husband there.

bunniekrissy · August 2013

I agree with you. Last time my husband only came to a few important appointments, and it'll be the same this time. This was especially because he doesn't get any paid time off with his contractor position, but even if he did I don't think it's necessary.

PerkyErky · August 2013

smchik said:
For this pregnancy, by H will be there for the 20 week ultrasound and that is it. He didn't go with me to the dating ultrasound. Due to work issues/location/daughter going to day care, it is just not worth it. For my first, he went with me to the 2 ultrasounds and my last appointment, which was just by chance b/c we were off work and planning to go to lunch. Ended up with other plans
Anyway, the appointments are so routine, quick and not worth the time for him to be there (obviously in my opinion). However some couples are a little more dependant on one another so I think that explains it. I have friend who had her H go to every.single. appointment. That is just crazy to me, but to each their own.

There is nothing wrong or "more dependent" with a H going to every.single.appointment. If the father is able to and wants to attend very appt why not? They are just as excited and it allows them to be/feel involved. Yeah many appts are boring and routine, and sometimes a boring routine appt turns into something much more. Pregnancy is full of ups and downs and the exciting and mundane. Dads may want that experience too. Saying some couples are more dependent on one another is a gross generalization.

VineyardMel · August 2013

DH will come to all U/S appts and I'm expecting that to be 8 or 9. With DD he did the same and only missed one surprise U/S that they did because of some symptoms I was having. I actually prefer that he not be there for the "regular" appts because I like to just talk to my OB and ask all my questions without having to think about wrapping it up so he can get back to work. For the U/S, though, he likes seeing the baby as much as I do and after our MMC U/S can be really nerve wracking and we like to do it together.

legallyginger · August 2013

My husband has come to all of my appointments so far, because they've either been U/S or an important appointment. He came today (12w appt) because we thought we would hear the heartbeat for the first time. The doc couldn't get it, so he said he would come to the next one.

He has it easier than most because his days off for the week are flexible as long as he clears it with his boss the week before. He may come to all of them, who knows. Depends on what he wants.

And we're not co-dependent at all, thanks. I go to the regular doc all by myself like a big girl

TradeMama · August 2013

I will add that if DH wasn't working he'd be at every appointment... I don't "need" him but he's obviously welcome. It's not a dependency thing-- he's my husband and father of my kids and wants to be a part of things.

NoelleZako · August 2013

Mine came with me for the first us and the very first appt to hear the heartbeat/learn where to look for it at home. I really don't think he needs to be at every one. He does want to go to the nt scan and the 20wk us though.

smchik · August 2013

As I said, it was my opinion. Everyone is entitled to their own, but yes, I do find it a little odd that my H would take time out to come watch me get weighed and have my bp taken when I can easily schedule my appointment in the am for on the way to work.What is there for him to be a part of with that? I mean I don't even want to be at those appointments! And this is coming from someone who has a high risk pregnancy. If there were ever a problem, he could be there very quickly and I could manage until that time.

This is also pretty much the norm at my dr office because there are hardly ever dads there and most of friends have the same thought as we do.

And I know my friend had not had a previous loss. Trust me. It was a dependency issue in their case. Maybe that is clouding my thoughts or use on that word.

DTNZ4Ever · August 2013

DH went to most of my appointments last time except when I started going weekly. My OB had Saturday hours so that was mainly why he went. Plus he wanted to. This time he couldn't go to my first appointment due to work. He will go to my next appointment since ill have an ultrasound.

smchik · August 2013

MadApple said:

smchik said:

As I said, it was my opinion. Everyone is entitled to their own, but yes, I do find it a little odd that my H would take time out to come watch me get weighed and have my bp taken when I can easily schedule my appointment in the am for on the way to work.What is there for him to be a part of with that? I mean I don't even want to be at those appointments! And this is coming from someone who has a high risk pregnancy. If there were ever a problem, he could be there very quickly and I could manage until that time.
This is also pretty much the norm at my dr office because there are hardly ever dads there and most of friends have the same thought as we do.
And I know my friend had not had a previous loss. Trust me. It was a dependency issue in their case. Maybe that is clouding my thoughts or use on that word.

Probably. Thinking before you write things is a good idea.

Perhaps. It is just a message board. And it is my feeling. Frankly, I do think it is a bit dependent, even if it is coming from that experience. And I think it is a little funny how people are getting hung up on the word.

saisongbird · August 2013

DH wants to come to any U/S appts. Anything else I plan to go on my own.

lazyreader · August 2013

I am by no means dependent on my hubs. I don't need him to watch me get weighed or see my fabulous low blood pressure. He comes because I have his unborn Olympian inside me. He wants to be there so I say sure.
Accommodating. Much better word. Mutual excitement. Two words.

HobokensFury · August 2013

DH is coming to all of the appointments. It's our first and I can't imagine him not being there with me.

crystaljoanna · August 2013

My husband is so excited and wants to be there. It is his baby too

but who knows, maybe the appointments will become boring and he'll skip a few. With our infertility treatment, we had different options at various visits and having us both in on those decisions brought us together as a team during a time that was very difficult.

talitha712 · August 2013

DH only came to my ultrasound appointments with DD, and will do the same with this one. He also came to my 34 week check up, but we had a pre term labor scare and I was on modified bed rest. We didn't know if I would be going home from that appointment or headed across the building to labor and delivery.

kvlrn · August 2013

This is my first, and I really want my husband or mom there with me for all of my appointments. I am terrified of getting bad news while I am by myself. I might feel differently after I've had a few boring appointments though. But, this is the first for us and I don't really know what to expect

hope that helps!

MaDa8 · August 2013

After our 12 week appt this week, I scheduled by 16 week and left it up to hubby to come. He wants to. I think he wants to her baby's hb again as much as I do. Now, I'm not sure if he'll come to others after 20 week, but giving him the option. We're not dependent on each other; he just wants to participate in the ways he can.

ClaireBear90 · August 2013

I'd just ask at each appointment if there will be anything special at the next one. There's nothing wrong with you going to appointments by yourself if both of you are happy with that.

My husband went to every appointment with me last time . . . his choice, although I was thrilled to have him with me. We tried to schedule my appointments either around his lunch break or after he was done working. This time he'll probably come to as many as he can, but not every single one. It's nice to have him with me this time just so that someone can take care of DD.

ETA: I also HATE the drive to the birth center. It involves an entrance ramp that is known for accidents and it stresses me out, so I love having him drive me. Silly, but true.

erios329 · August 2013

My husband comes to all mine. I guess I am a little nervous there might be bad news and so he is there for moral support and he also likes to hear what the dr is telling me first hand in case I forget. He works from home one day a week anyways so it's really easy for him to come.

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