Dad's At Appointments

kaylab0908

Being dependent would be a husband who goes to your annual Pap smears. When there is a child that you BOTH created and EQUALLY care about in question, and you both want to make sure everything is going perfectly even if it is just to hear the reassurance of a heartbeat, I would call that maybe I don't know.. Love and being excited? Love for their wife and child? I feel fortunate to have a husband who wants to and is able to go to each appointment. Disclaimer: I am not in any way, shape or form saying SO's who can't make it do not love their wives or babies. Just saying, those who are able to and want to deserve to be celebrated, not cut down.

JannyLynn410

My husband has gone to every appointment and ultrasound I have ever had with my son and this one. He's as much a part of this as I am. Don't get me wrong, if he absolutely can't come to something, I'll go alone. But he has always been able to get out of work.

angelsnight

smchik said:

MadApple said:

smchik said:

As I said, it was my opinion. Everyone is entitled to their own, but yes, I do find it a little odd that my H would take time out to come watch me get weighed and have my bp taken when I can easily schedule my appointment in the am for on the way to work.What is there for him to be a part of with that? I mean I don't even want to be at those appointments! And this is coming from someone who has a high risk pregnancy. If there were ever a problem, he could be there very quickly and I could manage until that time.

This is also pretty much the norm at my dr office because there are hardly ever dads there and most of friends have the same thought as we do.

And I know my friend had not had a previous loss. Trust me. It was a dependency issue in their case. Maybe that is clouding my thoughts or use on that word.

Probably. Thinking before you write things is a good idea.

Perhaps. It is just a message board. And it is my feeling. Frankly, I do think it is a bit dependent, even if it is coming from that experience. And I think it is a little funny how people are getting hung up on the word.

Your first comment, while judgemental, was your opinion that your entitled to.  But if the bolded means what I think it means, that you still think it's co-dependent to want your husband at appointments after suffering a loss, then wow.  I hope you never have to be alone and be told that your baby died, will not survive or that something major is wrong.

BrideNamedMeg

With DD he came to every one, but he works from home and we didn't have any other kids to worry about! 

With DS, he came to the big ones (h/b at 12 weeks, a/s at 18), and when we switched to our homebirth midwife he came to the first few appointments to get to know her, but not all of them. 

This time around, I'd imagine he'll come to some but not all.  The kids would probably be bored coming along with us so unless there's something we want to discuss he'll stay home with the kids.

SomersIsles

DH plans on coming to any ultrasound appointment. If he's working from home he'll likely join for routine ones. Like someone else said, hes better at remembering details the doctor tells me as well as questions we were planning on asking. He also asks a lot of questions regarding the expectations as the pregnancy progresses since its not something he is well versed in. He would go to all of them if his job wasn't so far.

As his wife, it's very obvious that his desire to join means he cares and is interested. It's very obvious that it doesn't mean he's dependent. I would never be so conceited to assume such a thing.

ajdmama

H comes to the early appointments. But I don't really make it a priority scheduling wise for him to be there until the bi-weekly visits at the end. I feel like my doctor was telling us important info at that point, and I needed H to listen to all the stuff I miss sometimes...sometimes it's amazing what I hear versus what he hears, I was glad he was around for those appointments.

Turtle15SW

Wow, no need to be nasty everyone. She clearly made a remark that some people are sensitive to, but there was no malice behind it. This makes me think twice about posting anything if everyone is going to jump a comment they don't agree with. Regardless, thanks for the feedback in general, it was helpful.

SomersIsles

Turtle15SW said:

Wow, no need to be nasty everyone. She clearly made a remark that some people are sensitive to, but there was no malice behind it. This makes me think twice about posting anything if everyone is going to jump a comment they don't agree with. Regardless, thanks for the feedback in general, it was helpful.

Referring to a husband as dependent has negative connotations. This is undeniable. How can you not see the malice? At the very least it's snobby, so you get what you get....

crystaljoanna

MadApple said:

With my son, my husband came to every appointment, and he plans to do the same this time. He likes to go, and I think he prides himself on being able to go to them all. He is an attorney, and he feels like when you have a job like his, people assume you miss out on things like prenatal appointments, taking your kid to the first day of school, your kids plays/sports games, etc., so he tries hard to fight that becoming a reality.

It's not feasible for some fathers to be able to go to every appointment, and many of the regular appointments are boring and/or quick checks. It's totally up to you and your husband.

It's crazy how many male lawyers I have seen that almost take pride working 70 hour work weeks and miss out on their children's activities. That is wonderful your husband is trying not to do that! So off topic - Is that a Doberman? It is adorable! I have a red on too.

shannonta3

I think that it's nice to have the man in your life be able to experience seeing the baby by ultrasound. Mine couldn't make it to my first ultrasound, but we were both very happy to be at the 12 week ultrasound to see our baby moving all around and for him to see that beautiful heart beating. He'll probably only go to my anatomy scan once that comes around and we can find out if we'll be having a little boy or girl