Likelihood of miscarriage?

boxerbabylove · August 2013

Let me start by saying this not a thread meant to push buttons. I am not in any way making fun of PgAL. I have an honest question and I hope it isn't considered out of line.

There are a whole lot of PgAL here and I'm one of them, however my circumstances were vastly different than most and I had never experienced the first trimester fear that seems to be rampant on this thread. I see women peeing on multiple PG tests, and a whole lot of posts about early term loss and past loss. Until joining this thread I was told that miscarriage isn't really all that common and that ordinarily the likelihood of miscarriage is about 3%. Are there just a whole lot of us "unlucky" ladies in here or is miscarriage a far more likely occurrence than I'd ever been told. I've only known 1 other woman personally that miscarried in RL. Working in a hospital you never see the good cases until they are delivering.

Before I came to this thread I was pretty comfortable and thought I could make it through the 1st trimester and then struggle through my second due to personal reasons. Now I check for bleeding 12 times a day and worry if I sneeze the wrong way I might lose my baby. I know that the public talk about miscarriage isn't meant to cause anyone to be sad or worry and I'm not faulting anyone for needing to talk about it, its something I need to talk about too but are we sending the wrong message to FTM on this thread? i.e. pregnancy is something that is easily lost and that our bodies cannot be trusted to do their jobs.

I have to say there hasn't been much happy talk here. There hasn't been much joy or celebration about the wonderful journey we're on or the amazing love we feel for a tiny little fetus that is barely formed.

Let me be clear I'm not saying you cannot, or should not, post about miscarriage. I'm just trying to open a discussion about how our large amount of PgALs may be terrifying the FTM without meaning to. I am in a weird middle ground and feeling really lost and confused about whether it is even safe to be happy about my pregnancy at this point.

Manda+panda · August 2013

1 in 4 pregnancy ends in a loss. It is not uncommon. And, for the most part, we keep our loss stories to the PgAL thread. We don't try to scare people, but some questions are asked that only we have answers to.

I am very happy about my pregnancy. I'm excited. I am hopeful, but I also understand reality and my risks. It's fine to celebrate your pregnancy, but it's also fine to worry.

pineconey · August 2013

You're opening up a huge can of worms and I highly doubt that a post like this is going to drum up the kind of joy and celebration you are looking for.

jgreig83 · August 2013

I agree...and just like when you were previously on TTCAL, or TTGP, unfortunately we can not tell you what is going on in your uterus. We (Pgal ladies, I am sure you agree), wish that no woman would ever go through losing a baby at any stage of pregnancy or later. We might be seen as more sensitive to these topics and our advice might seem jaded, but our views have changed and we are no longer naive to pregnancy. This is a forum with lots of different opinions, we will not always agree and I know that this board will change with time, and become more about positives and excitement.

MamaFantastic · August 2013

i would say at least a third of the women i know have had at least one miscarriage. i know of 5 right off the top of my head who had major, catastrophic losses (still born, fatal disability, induced in 2nd/3rd tri, etc) as well as dozens who have had early losses. people just don't talk about it in daily conversation. when i started losing babies last year, i was very open with the women in my church (i really needed their love and support) and i heard so many "i'm so sorry, i've had one too" stories that i had never known about. it shocked me how many miscarriage survivors were really out there.

there's an unspoken sisterhood when you lose babies or can't make babies to begin with. i think it sparks a bond, a solidarity that just tends to draw PgAL women together. we seem to have found each other here, and i'm very happy about that.

boxerbabylove · August 2013

pineconey. I don't need any more drama in my life and this forum has seen plenty. I did my very best to preface my post in order to avoid confusion, drama and and misunderstandings. Fear is a very real problem, at least for me. If my doctor tells me its uncommon and under 5% for a normal pregnancy and I hear numbers here between 15% and 25% there seems to be a disconnect. Perhaps my doctor is trying to make me feel less worried about my likelihood of miscarriage a second time around. maybe he's an idiot. I don't see my new OB for another 4 weeks and the amount of miscarriage and spotting post have been in high volume compared to other forums.

ETA: Typo

pineconey · August 2013

spasticfantastic said:
when i started losing babies ...i was very open with the women in my church (i really needed their love and support) and i heard so many "i'm so sorry, i've had one too" stories that i had never known about.

Exactly this. No one talks about it. If I would have known how "normal" it was and what to expect, I wouldn't be in the situation I am in now of having a $3000 emergency room bill that my insurance won't cover from my loss. If I had known just how many knowledgable women were in my life that had experienced it, I may have been able to wait it out and see my regular doctor rather than spending 8 hours in the ER.

pineconey · August 2013

@playingonadream
On my last BMB before my loss I remembered commenting on the seemingly high numbers of losses, and a wonderfully wise women said something to the effect of "if everyone posted 'I'm still pregnant!' every day then the numbers wouldn't seem quite so unbalanced, but that's not how it works"

Manda+panda · August 2013

Maybe your doc is saying the chances of you having 2 miscarriages? I don't know for sure. But I have always heard 20 percent of known pregnancies end in miscarriage.

boxerbabylove · August 2013

pineconey said:
@playingonadream
On my last BMB before my loss I remembered commenting on the seemingly high numbers of losses, and a wonderfully wise women said something to the effect of "if everyone posted 'I'm still pregnant!' every day then the numbers wouldn't seem quite so unbalanced, but that's not how it works"

I think this kind of put it in perspective. I appreciate it. It's hard to look past the loss if that is all you're looking for.

jlrschmidt · August 2013

This is a really good website that details risk of miscarriage at different times https://sites.google.com/site/miscarriageresearch/miscarriage-general

boxerbabylove · August 2013

And I wanted to say I appreciate the clarifications and input you've each provided. I'll try to follow the PgAL threads more, today was my first day on them. I don't really feel like I fit anywhere. The whole 15-25% makes me feel ill but I'd rather know than be surprised and ignorant.

LoveDrewb · August 2013

My RE stated miscarriage chance is 5-8% after a measurable heart beat is confirmed. Maybe that's where the 5% is coming from? Like PP said I believe the overall rate is much higher and hard to pinpoint b/c some losses are so early.

vanvoorhis-101 · August 2013

In my studies to become a RN I read that 15% of confirmed pregnancies end in miscarriage. And I have seen estimates anywhere from 25% to 40% of all pregnancies end in miscarriage. They say that so many occur before a woman even knows she is pregnant and that is why the estimate is so high. Not trying to scare anyone, just sharing what I have read in my nursing books.

MamaFantastic · August 2013

vanvoorhis-101 said:

In my studies to become a RN I read that 15% of confirmed pregnancies end in miscarriage. And I have seen estimates anywhere from 25% to 40% of all pregnancies end in miscarriage. They say that so many occur before a woman even knows she is pregnant and that is why the estimate is so high. Not trying to scare anyone, just sharing what I have read in my nursing books.

truth. ^^

my first loss went like this:

3 positive tests on 11 DPO
negative test (pee and blood) on 13 DPO
"period" started right on time on 14 DPO... would never have known it was a c/p otherwise.

millions of women are probably in this same situation every month without even knowing it.

apollonia10 · August 2013

According to my RE:

Before a heartbeat is detected, it's 30% chance of miscarriage (a lot of these are very early term, before you even know you're pregnant).

After a heartbeat is detected, chance of carrying a pregnancy to completion is 85%.

After week 12, it's around 97%.

Tlucey · August 2013

My 1st pregnancy ended in a m/c.. after my D&C I was crushed & depressed. Weeks later, I had friends left and right who went thru the same thing!! I felt somewhat relieved I wasn't alone and that it wasnt my fault for the loss. I gave myself time to heal, and got pregnant 4 mo. later.. our DD will be 3 yrs. old next mo.

Women need to talk about it more, my husband was my rock during this time. I wish my friends would have shared their experience with me during that time, it would have sped up the recovery process IMO. I wouldn't have felt alone initially.

apollonia10 · August 2013

@Tlucey - I couldn't agree with you more! The more we talk about our experiences, the less alone we feel. Many other shared about their losses after I had mine and it was gratifying to see that they'd had children afterward.

Avion22 · August 2013

@playingonadream, I think you've gotten some good answers on here. It seems like there are a lot of posts right now, because unfortunately we as a group are right in the window where the majority of miscarriages occur and missed miscarriages will be discovered. Yes, there is always a possibility of later loss, but most losses happen in the first trimester.

I think you'll find that the April group has a slightly higher-than-normal number of posters who are regulars on the PGAL board (as someone else stated, we received a lot of support, so stuck around), but statistically I think we have a normal number of women who have had previous losses, and (unfortunately) a normal number of people experiencing losses in the last few weeks.

And, it's normal to see these posts and think, "Oh no, is this going to happen to me?" (or for those of us with a previous loss, "Is this going to happen to me AGAIN?"). It's scary. Especially if your doctor told you the likelihood was 3-5%, I can see how it seems like we have a lot more than that, but really I don't think we have seen anywhere near the 15-25% number (yet, unfortunately we will continue to see losses for several more weeks).

I highly recommend you come over and visit us on the PGAL board. Despite us all being old mean hags (j/k), it's a really positive place to be, and there are a TON of healthy pregnancies going on there right now, along with women who can help us figure out how to navigate the emotional mine field :-) You'd be most welcome.

NJPita22 · August 2013

Mc rate is Around 20% but goes up to AROUND 31% including those mc too early to know you we're pregnant at all. Of course these are estimates and the longer you are pregnant the less chance you have of miscarriage. By the time you do go to the dr it may be 5%. After hearing DD heartbeat my doctor told me it was about 2% for me. It differs per person obviously. Everyone has different risk factors.

There is a reason women don't tell anyone they are pregnant before 12 weeks. Because of this risk of mc. Which is another reason why you think women don't go through it. They don't tell anyone. For me personally it helps being able to talk about my previous mc and concerns and I am trying to stay calm for this baby. I doubt anyone is trying to scare others into worrying as the tread is meant to help ease the worry and has done so for myself but I know the reality is that I shouldn't take this pregnancy for granted. We are all blessed whether we've had a mc or not to be able to experience this. But I don't know if you've ever experienced the whole 9 (10!!!!) months of pregnancy. It is most definitely not always pretty happy and fantastic and I for one needed a place to talk to about that stuff. The stuff you can't talk to anyone else about!!! Have you read Jenny mcCarthy's book "Belly Laughs" it covers the disgusting and embarrassing parts of pregnancy no one tells you about. And if we can't talk about what's REALLY going on then what's the point? I can talk about how blessed and happy and loving I am with anyone. But here with others going through the same things as me I can talk about anything and everything as it comes. It makes me feel better knowing "it's not just me" because in my family as the only one pregnant, it IS just me!!

Teresa1896 · August 2013

OP, you're right in that it's hard for those who've suffered a loss to be incredibly positive and happy so early on. For some it gets easier as our pregnancies progress and we pass our loss milestones, hear a heartbeat, feel movement, etc. But the worry never really goes away.
PGAL women often say we feel like we've been robbed of the naïveté to just relax and be happy about pregnancy. We're always worrying until the baby is in our arms (and frankly the worry doesn't end when the baby arrives! Being a mom is about always worrying and protecting your baby!

)
It sounds like your loss was very traumatic and unlikely to reoccur, and I'm very sorry you had to go through it. But the odds are for most of us, these pregnancies will result in healthy babies. I try to focus on that and not worry about the risks at every step, but hey, who am I kidding? It's impossible.

bsinno · August 2013

I think simply being on this board reflects hope and happiness. Like pp said, there Is a reason we are recommended to wait until 1st tri is over to shout it from the rooftops. So for many, this is the only outlet we really have to talk about what's on our minds 24/7 now. When people intro, they typically express how happy they are to be here. It would be strange to see people post everyday, over and over, on how excited they are. It's natural for people to express their worries in this "safe" place in hopes if being reassured. Even though I'm bursting at the seams on the inside, I'm protective of myself because of my strange past loss , and more guarded.

We're a sliver of a population, scientifically (but unfortuney) this group is bound to reflect typical mc rates. It would be a disservice for those women, and the group, to remain silent and simply disappear. Their stories, however sad, may remind me if that grim possibility, but they also remind me to be thankful that today, I am pregnant.
Xoxo

boxerbabylove · August 2013

Thank you everyone. I certainly was not looking to see people change what they post about so much as find a way to incorporate some more positive feelings into our every day as well. I truly hope no one took my comments to mean I don't want people to talk about anything and everything that they need to. I have a call into my doctor to clarify some stuff. Today may be a better day. Here's hoping its a good day for everyone. I'm sure more than just me could use one.

lmac2582 · August 2013

I am a FTM 5 weeks into my first pregnancy and I agree with what playingonadream is saying. I knew the odds of miscarriage before I became pregnant but it does seem that those who have experienced the loss are more vocal on these boards than those of us who have not and have less to talk about from being so new. Being on these boards and reading so many women responding to every question with "well with my miscarriage I felt..." does instill more fear into the new to pregnancy members. I am not saying they shouldn't share that information I am just saying I think we hear more from those who have had more pregnancies than those who haven't and that may be why the ratio seems off. I would like to join a thread that is for first time pregnancies only just to try to knock out some of the worry just as those who have experienced a loss like the be on the threads with those they can relate to.

jap618 · August 2013

eme520 said:

lmac2582 said:

I would like to join a thread that is for first time pregnancies only just to try to knock out some of the worry just as those who have experienced a loss like the be on the threads with those they can relate to.

You are welcome to start one. I'm sure there would be a lot of people out there who would like to join. Even if you don't want to start one, you can put out a post and see if there would be anyone interested in running it.

Eme you're in my brain! That's what I was thinking. @lmac2582 I think it would be a great idea for the FTM to have a weekly check-in for you guys to touch base with one another. It would create a great support system for you ladies who are experiences so many of the same emotions together! It would also help you guys create closer bonds with one another. I know it's hard because a lot of us who are PgAL have been on thebump for a while so we know one another from there so we tend to have more to say. :O)

PaddysGirl8 · August 2013

I really feel that talks about miscarriages is a "frowned upon" social topic. I didn't know many woman that had them until I joined baby boards and friends and their friends started getting pregnant. It is not something woman seem to be comfortable talking about with just anyone. As I have come to accept my previous miscarriage I started to talk more about it with friends and because I did tell one friend she felt comfortable telling me when she had hers just recently.

lmac2582 · August 2013

@jap618 @eme520 I am so new to these boards I'm not sure how to start or run something like that. Any suggestions from the pros?

MrsS81112 · August 2013

I would love a FTM group! I feel that would help us get to know one another better!

BeeBee08 · August 2013

Can I just suggest you don't call it a First-Time-Mom check-in? I have had losses, but I am not a Mom to any living children, so I am still a FTM when it comes to questions and new experiences. In two days I'll be further along than I've ever been and all my experiences will be brand new like all FTM's. I have a million FTM questions.

I don't know why I'm sensitive to this, I guess I don't want to be excluded from "FTM" title just because I've experienced some losses.

ETA: Maybe "First Pregnancy"

sugarrush · August 2013

BeeBee08 said:ETA: Maybe "First Pregnancy"

I agree. I am a FTM, and this is my first pregnancy. I think some clarification would be good for that, so maybe FTM/FTP (first time pregnancy)? Or does FTP already stand for something else? I too would love to have a weekly thread like this to have check ins! Ive really gained a lot of knowledge from the PgAL ladies and have a profound respect for them and their experiences. I am just going through a different experience and would love to connect with some other FTM/FTP's.

ekmebm · August 2013

@playingonadream Two things: I want to remind you is that just because you think you only know one other person in real life with a prior loss doesn't mean that is all you really know. You may know many more people with prior losses who just haven't disclosed that information to you. Losing a pregnancy can be a very personal, private thing and with many people not sharing their news until after 12 weeks, you've been "left out of the loop" from their first trimester completely.

The second thing I want to add is that for the PGAL people and the infertility people, many of them have been active on these bump boards for a long time before getting pregnant and joining the April 2014 boards.This means many of them "internet know" each others from their journeys to get here and it also means they are used to being regular bump posters. Many of the first time moms with no prior losses are just learning the ropes here or haven't even discovered the bump yet and so it will look more balanced in the future. We are all in the window where most losses occur and 20% of pregnancies end in miscarriage so we are in the frame when most of those occur.

This will be my second baby and I have never had a loss. In my bmb facebook group for last time we have nearly 350 people join the facebook page and only one loss (a micropreemie) in the group after first tri.

NicoleAnne416 · August 2013

I think the risk of miscarriage is about 3% or less once you see a heartbeat. But don't quote me on that. Until then, I would agree it's higher, but would have to do some research to be sure. I had an ectopic before my two kids, a few chemicals since my last child, one being in June, and here I am. I'm nervous. I feel devastated for the girls on this forum who have said goodbye, all I can say is "T&P" because each time, yes it makes me that much more worried about my own pregnancy. But there is nothing we can do about this. Some believe in God, cool. Some don't, cool. I do, so I say to myself "let go and let God." I still worry. I am excited, but yes I am reserved until I see/hear that heartbeat.

douglamj · August 2013

I honestly think that when you do see women strong enough to post about their recent m/c and then you see the support by everyone here that follows, is actually a beautiful thing. In absolutely NO WAY am I saying a m/c is beautiful, but the support that follows comforts me a little knowing that if something were to happen to me I have women here who have been there and can help and guide me through.

porterlove525 · August 2013

I have been ignoring these types of posts and comments the past couple of days because honestly they make my blood boil. I'm not an angry person, but reading ignorant and rude posts like this makes me actually wish that every woman could understand for just a second what it's like to lose a baby at any point in your pregnancy or after. Women are so harsh and critical of one another and if you could for a second put yourself in the shoes of someone like me, who has suffered multiple losses and is dealing with a host of medications, injections and suppositories, coupled with fear, then maybe you wouldn't post shit like this and be supportive of all of the women here.

I need to play devil's advocate on this one because I too, like you, was naive and believed my doctor when he said that I was healthy and my chances of mc were so slim that I didn't need to worry. I wish I had known before my first loss that mc is extremely common. 90% of women experience a loss at some point in their lives and like PP's have said the odds are 1 and 4. The more mc's you have the less chance you have statistically to carry a healthy baby. For instance my odds are now 60/40 instead of 80/20. Does that help you understand my fear? Or how about the fact that I had great hcg levels and hormone levels and heard 2 beautiful heartbeats with 2 babies, both of whom I lost for no reason other than bad chromosome division. You have a less than 5% chance of mc'ing once you hear a heartbeat and less than 1% chance of a recurrent mc after a strong heartbeat at 8w.

Guess what, many of us are 1%. Knowing that I'm not alone in these statistics and that so many women understand the pain and fear that I experience daily has helped me survive my losses and have the faith, hope and confidence to try again.

We are an honest and open bunch of women because we have decided not to ignore the giant elephant in the room like the generations before us. Just like the women who tell us to ignore all of the stupid questions and repeat threads, how about you just ignore our posts and comments and support if you have an issue with it?

bthlgh · August 2013

Wow, I feel like the OP made it prey clear she wasn't trying to offend. She actually went out of her way to state things extremely diplomatically. The last few days have been very discouraging for me reading these boards. I came here for advice and support, i always end up feeling like I'm watching someone get beaten down for very innocent comments. I just wish everyone could support each other no matter what their past experiences. We are all going through a very vunerable time.

ekmebm · August 2013

@porterlove525 You might want to read the OP again a little more objectively. I think you took this one way too personal in light of some other posts that have been on here recently. This one wasn't meant to be offensive I don't think and the OP is someone who herself has suffered a loss.

douglamj · August 2013

eme520 said:

@porterlove525 I think @ekmebm is right, the OP tried hard to word her post appropriately and then posted again within the thread that she was well-meaning. That being said, the damage that the troll did last night has caused some serious hurt in our community and I want to give you some (((hugs))). This has been a rough time for us.

ETA: The troll is by no means the OP, just to clarify for those who (thankfully) missed the drama last night

Was there a troll on the PGAL board?? Fuckin trolls....

BeeBee08 · August 2013

Edited, no need to beat a dead horse. I posted after a couple of others.

sugarrush · August 2013

douglamj said:

Was there a troll on the PGAL board?? Fuckin trolls....

I just had to look back and found an awful post here on April 2014 moms from yesterday... its called "is this site all about your cries..." what an awful post it was and even more surprising is all the "likes" under the original post. I haven't had a loss but it was an awful disgusting post to say to anyone.

cma318 · August 2013

I in 4 is very high!

. Where did you get these numbers????

ecrites · August 2013

the article jlrschmidt mentions is fantastic, scary in some ways, calming in others but excellent information all around.

Want a personalized experience?

Likelihood of miscarriage?

Re: Likelihood of miscarriage?

Choose Another Board

Search Boards