getting pregnant "accidentally on purpose"

maplesyrup12345 · August 2013

I'm posting here because I just want to. I know what I'm about to post is going bring on the judgement and harsh remarks but I don't give a rats a$$! Yes I am planning deliberately to get pregnant without my partners agreement. I am at a point where I just really want a baby. I can financially support myself and my child without a partner. I won't be that person who pursues child support, if my boyfriend wants to be in our child's life awesome! If not I'm very much ok with being a single mother obviously. To me it's like women who go to sperm bank and raise a child solo. Let me also say that my SO was comfortable and encouraging about me removing my IUD. So it's not like I'm poking holes in a condom or flushing bc pills. I guess the best way to explain the situation is I'm off all forms of bc and he knows and is fine with that. So if he knows this does it make it deceitful? Are there any other ladies on here that have similar situations? I KNOW some married women "trick" their spouse into either a first baby or more so don't get on you high horse here with me!

ks3pink · August 2013

If he knows you aren't on bc I don't see how you are tricking him.....

But I do think its a bad idea if he doesn't for some reason realize what you're doing.

annibes · August 2013

I can't reply with the answer you're looking for until I've had my coffee. All my non-caffeinated thoughts come from atop a magnificent stallion.

BallSox · August 2013

kcisthebombdotcom · August 2013

How are you tricking your boyfriend into a baby if he encouraged you to get off birth control? I am so confused.

gogadgetgo · August 2013

%-(

gogadgetgo · August 2013

Gif fail. Stupid mobile.

LilacStar11 · August 2013

I am hoping this is Monday Morning MUD.. If not.. If he knows you went off BC, then he knows getting PG is a possibility. However, unless you tell him you are truly trying to get pregnant, I think it is deceitful. It really isn't like going to a sperm bank, as that is all anonymous and the fathers never actually know if they are fathers or not. Your partner would know and you really aren't giving him a say.

It would probably be best (and most honest) if you told him that you were actively seeking to be pregnant. But that is just my opinion.

pmarie33 · August 2013

An AE was created to post this MUD. Halfway to a BOTB Bingo!!

maplesyrup12345 · August 2013

It's not tricking him at all.... sorry for such a complicated post.....I was just trying to express that since he encouraged me to go off all bc is it wrong that I start actively trying to get pregnant..... meaning if I don't tell him I'm counting my ovulation chart.

And to other posters... it's not selfish! Sure it's ideal and "picture perfect" to raise children with a mother and father but it is 2013 not 1953! I am not promoting women everywhere to just get pregnant! It's just my personal experience! Just because a child doesn't have a mother or father full time or even part time doesn't mean they will end up "screwed up" or "unloved" Christ!!!! You women need to get out of then50's

maplesyrup12345 · August 2013

This ecard and you make no fucking sense unless your implying you'd punch me in the face and give me a black eye!

maplesyrup12345 · August 2013

Everyone can you please inform me of the abbreviations??? I know SO and that's it......

aeh72 · August 2013

So, why exactly would your SO be okay with you going off birth control but not be expecting you could get pregnant at any time? That makes zero sense to me.

And, you are right, in 2013 there are a lot more single parents than in the 1950s - that doesn't make it easier to be a single parent. I'm not a single parent and even with a husband to help share responsibilities, raising a kid a f'ing hard. It's not about whether you have the finances. It's about the physical and emotional energy it takes to raise a child. I'm exhausted all. the. time. - and I have someone helping me. I don't mean this to sound condescending, but you have no idea how hard it is. You really don't. If you did, you'd rethink your plan, especially considering, presumably (as I stated above), your SO is okay with having a child at some point. I suggest you wait until he is ready too.

maplesyrup12345 · August 2013

Off topic how do you add tickers to a profile?

maplesyrup12345 · August 2013

.I'm maybe more proactive about becoming pregnant because my family has a long line of fertility issues... I had my left ovary removed at 17 because of the cysts that developed.

maplesyrup12345 · August 2013

I hope that link works. Thank you xoxo

rayschicky · August 2013

If you have to ask "is this deceitful?" it probably is. If you SO doesn't want a baby then tell him you're going to a donor bank to get pregnant and he can stay or leave. But just for the record ultimatums are generally a bad call.

maplesyrup12345 · August 2013

A donor bank involves IFV btw......that's why I do NOT want to go that route!

Twinkie0612 · August 2013

maplesyrup12345 said:

A donor bank involves IFV btw......that's why I do NOT want to go that route!

This is probably MUD, but just in case...

You obviously haven't researched it very much, you can do IUI with donor sperm and it's IVF not IFV. Even though your SO knows you are off BC, you should still let him know you are actively TTC.

maplesyrup12345 · August 2013

Sorry for the typo..... but I will actually research this some more. Thank you all for the support and advice.... that's why I came here

walgrrl · August 2013

Just try talking to your partner about wanting a baby. If he's ok with you being off birth control, maybe he'd actually be into the idea and be supportive of you?

PunkyBooster · August 2013

Well okay then.

MrsRustyGriswold · August 2013

::walks in, feels utterly confused, backs out quietly::

BallSox · August 2013

So he wanted you to stop using BC and knows you're stopping BC methods but you're "accidentally" getting pregnant because you're not telling him when you're ovulating?

Basically you're just going the cheap route of getting a sperm donor. If he's cool with that, go for it.

If I'm misreading this post, then :shrugs:

MMason12 · August 2013

BallSox said:

So he wanted you to stop using BC and knows you're stopping BC methods but you're "accidentally" getting pregnant because you're not telling him when you're ovulating?

Basically you're just going the cheap route of getting a sperm donor. If he's cool with that, go for it.

If I'm misreading this post, then :shrugs:

That's pretty much how I read her post as well.

FemShep · August 2013

OP, have you thought about what might happen if your BF decides you're a dishonest manipulator and he wants to be a single dad? You do realize that you may have to share custody, and that you also run the risk of losing custody entirely, right?

When talking about decisions that have implications for the rest of your life, honesty is warranted. Have an honest discussion with your BF about your desire for a child. Who knows, maybe he'll consent to being your sperm-donor-with-benefits and will sign away his legal rights if you do become pregnant. But at least you'll give him the option to actively choose this pretty-big-effing-deal outcome.

And as PPs have pointed out, supporting two-parent families has nothing to do with being a fan of the 50s. You have absolutely no idea how hard parenting is, even with a supportive partner. Particularly given the way you're going about trying to conceive, you may want to talk about your decision with a counselor; you're not exactly demonstrating "mother of the year" behavior so far.

aeh72 · August 2013

FemShep said:

OP, have you thought about what might happen if your BF decides you're a dishonest manipulator and he wants to be a single dad? You do realize that you may have to share custody, and that you also run the risk of losing custody entirely, right?

This. And, the opposite of this - what if your SO would be an awesome dad and would have every desire to co-parent with you if you decided together to have a child? Tricking him risks that potential and I don't know why you would want to do that to someone you're in a relationship with. I just don't get what you are doing.

I posted a response to you earlier, but this whole post has been bugging me. I know someone who has done this and she struggles every day raising her daughter on her own. It makes me very sad for her daughter who will feel and recognize those struggles as she gets older and will eventually wonder why her father is not around. This person is one of my best friends and I've also questionned her moral compass in being so manipulative in making this kind of life altering decision that affects so many people, and it makes me wonder what morals she will teach her daughter.

maplesyrup12345 · August 2013

The title of the thread is meant to be generic... and to all you ladies saying I need therapy need to step off. I definitely do not need therapy because of this situation. I will be discussing this in more detail with my SO. Of course I love him and respect him I just feel if he's encouraged me to go off bc then we were on the same page. My desire for a child may just be greater than his right now, and I can't speak for him but he may just not think I will get pregnant quickly. Marriage has been a topic as well but we both just don't see the point in that right now. I don't think anyone on this board should jump to insults or harsh comments. No woman is the perfect mother wife or partner.

maplesyrup12345 · August 2013

I realize I wasn't as insightful with my OP. Thank you for giving me the time to explain better. I do value people's opinions on here and just came looking for support and advice.

I really need some help with figuring out my most fertile days though... I'll go scan other boards. Thanks ladies

kayoun36 · August 2013

OP, when you have a child with someone you have to deal with your partner's presence or absence for the rest of the child's life. Please think about this seriously. I know that not everyone stays married to or even marries their partner in the first place. However, I urge you to consider the implications of your decision. If you want something to take care of or to love unconditionally please go adopt a puppy (or kitty). As PP's have said, what if your partner decides he wants custody, or what if he leaves for a few years and then all of a sudden wants to be a part of your child's life again? You most likely won't be able to make a "clean cut" from him like you would in a donor situation.

rjeller32 · August 2013

Instead of guessing whether or not him wanting you to go off BC or not means you can try, and asking a bunch of strangers, have you considered asking...you know, him?

It's a really simple question, and will save you a lot of trouble.

maplesyrup12345 · August 2013

Of course I will be discussing this more with him I already stated that. I always LOL at the "adopt a dog" comment. I have two thank you. Children are not accessories, believe me I understand that. One of "lovely" sisters who has a substance abuse problem doesn't see it that way and recently had a child.... I'm not in that boat believe me... that's a whole other topic.

BallSox · August 2013

Yeah, so your OP basically tells everyone to suck it because you know they are going to be hatin' while you're procreating on 'accident' (wink), but now you've backpedaled into a "it's a consensual situation".

My head hurts.

rayschicky · August 2013

BallSox said:

Yeah, so your OP basically tells everyone to suck it because you know they are going to be hatin' while you're procreating on 'accident' (wink), but now you've backpedaled into a "it's a consensual situation".

My head hurts.

All of this. It's like the "one night stand" post all over again.

maplesyrup12345 · August 2013

What's the "one night stand" post? It doesn't sound too good

kayoun36 · August 2013

Pets are not accessories either btw. Have you ever considered why you get that "dog" comment so much?

FemShep · August 2013

I don't know what you're talking about, OP. I am absolutely the perfect mother, wife, and partner. Or at least, I am compared to someone who's constantly changing her story about whether she's tricking her SO into getting pregnant, refusing to listen to good advice, and getting defensive when internet strangers call her on her BS.

SMH

grumbledore · August 2013

maplesyrup12345 said:

I'm posting here because I just want to. I know what I'm about to post is going bring on the judgement and harsh remarks but I don't give a rats a$$! Yes I am planning deliberately to get pregnant without my partners agreement. I am at a point where I just really want a baby. I can financially support myself and my child without a partner. I won't be that person who pursues child support, if my boyfriend wants to be in our child's life awesome! If not I'm very much ok with being a single mother obviously. To me it's like women who go to sperm bank and raise a child solo. Let me also say that my SO was comfortable and encouraging about me removing my IUD. So it's not like I'm poking holes in a condom or flushing bc pills. I guess the best way to explain the situation is I'm off all forms of bc and he knows and is fine with that. So if he knows this does it make it deceitful? Are there any other ladies on here that have similar situations? I KNOW some married women "trick" their spouse into either a first baby or more so don't get on you high horse here with me!

If he knows you aren't using any bc, in all fairness, he should know that there is a chance you will get pregnant. I think you should just talk to him like an adult though. It's fine to want a baby. It's fine to be prepared to raise it on your own if need be. But if you are really trying, he has a right to know.

bugandbibs · August 2013

My head hurts.

MMason12 · August 2013

Nicb13 said:

This thread is bizarre....and kind of sad.

That's exactly how I was feeling reading through her post and the thread. Sad for the future LO mostly. But I could also see the complete disaster the whole situation could turn into for everyone involved.

maplesyrup12345 · August 2013

Yeah I'm exactly like those teenage girls. LMAO god

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