Adoption
Dr.Loretta
member
Options
FAQ re-do Q3
Dr.Loretta
member
in Adoption
3. What are your favorite books related to adoption?
This discussion has been closed.
Dr.Loretta
member
3. What are your favorite books related to adoption?
Re: FAQ re-do Q3
For giving an overview, we used Adoption for Dummies. My understanding is the international adoption piece of it is out of date.
Adopting After Infertility is VERY out of date in the back end that talks about adoption. But the upfront part that discusses the things to think through when shifting from IF to adoption is pretty much timeless IMO (and very helpful)
In On It is a good book to pass on to friends and family so they can understand the adoption process and their roles
Adoption-related reading that I found enlightening were Secret Thoughts of an Adoptive Mother, A Love Like No Other (a collection of essays written by adoptive parents), and The Open Adoption Book by Bruce Rappaport (if that is your path)
In terms of kids books, I like I Wished For You. We also put together a photobook for DD with the story of her adoption.
General Adoption
The Complete Idiot's Guide to Adoption <https://www.amazon.com/Complete-Idiots-Adoption-Second-Edition/dp/159257274X/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1355497478&sr=8-1&keywords=idiots+guide+adoption> - Great introductory guide that sets out the basics of adoption, the different types, and common issues that can arise
Twenty Things Adopted Kids Wish Their Adoptive Parents Knew <https://www.amazon.com/Twenty-Things-Adopted-Adoptive-Parents/dp/044050838X/ref=sr_1_7?ie=UTF8&qid=1355497935&sr=8-7&keywords=toddler+adoption> - My first insight into the fact that there is pain/loss involved in adoption, and it really prepared me for some of the things my children go through and what kind of things might be triggers for their pain
Secret Thoughts of an Adoptive Mother <https://www.amazon.com/Secret-Thoughts-Adoptive-Mother-Wolff/dp/0967214319/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1355498125&sr=8-1&keywords=secrets+of+an+adoptive+mother> - Geared more toward mothers who adopted after IF, but has stuff for all adoptive mothers. Let me feel normal about some of my mixed feelings about adoption even when I felt the world expected me to always be over the moon happy
International Adoption: Sensitive Advice for Prospective Parents <https://www.amazon.com/International-Adoption-Sensitive-Prospective-Parents/dp/1556522118/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1355499045&sr=8-1&keywords=international+adoption+sensitive+advice+for+prospective+parents>
Supporting an Adoption <https://www.amazon.com/Supporting-Adoption-Pat-Holmes/dp/0961187212/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1355498883&sr=8-1&keywords=supporting+an+adoption>
When Friends Ask About Adoption: Question & Answer Guide for Non-Adoptive Parents and Other Caring Adults <https://www.amazon.com/When-Friends-Ask-About-Adoption/dp/0961955902/ref=sr_1_sc_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1355498913&sr=8-1-spell&keywords=when+friends+ask+aboutadoption>
General Parenting
Parenting With Love And Logic <https://www.amazon.com/Parenting-Logic-Updated-Expanded-Edition/dp/1576839540/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1355497593&sr=8-1&keywords=parenting+with+love+and+logic> - This book's main premise forms the basis of our parenting philosophy, but as with all parenting books, there are a lot of specifics that you have to sift through and take only what you are comfortable with
1-2-3 Magic: Effective Discipline for Children 2-12 <https://www.amazon.com/1-2-3-Magic-Effective-Discipline-Children/dp/1889140430/ref=sr_1_12?ie=UTF8&qid=1355497624&sr=8-12&keywords=parenting> - This book helped us get through the worst period with M, when he threw every acting-out behavior at us he could think of. We never applied it the way the book explains, but just clung to the principle of not letting him see us affected by his behavior and always remaining calm and enforcing discipline with cool reserve. It was a life-saver!
Positive Discipline <https://www.amazon.com/Positive-Discipline-Jane-Nelsen-Ed-D/dp/0345487672/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1355497864&sr=8-1&keywords=positive+discipline>
Caring for Your Baby and Young Child, 5th Edition: Birth to Age 5 (Shelov, Caring for your Baby and Young Child, Birth to Age 5) <https://www.amazon.com/Caring-Your-Young-Child-Edition/dp/0553386301/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1355498984&sr=8-1&keywords=Caring+for+Your+Baby+and+Young+Child%2C+Revised+Edition%3A+Birth+to+Age+5+%28Shelov%2C+Caring+for+your+Baby+and+Young+Child%2C+Birth+to+Age+5%29>
Parenting Adopted Children
Parenting Your Internationally Adopted Child: From Your First Hours Together Through the Teen Years <https://www.amazon.com/Parenting-Your-Internationally-Adopted-Child/dp/1558323252/ref=sr_1_6?ie=UTF8&qid=1355497935&sr=8-6&keywords=toddler+adoption> - Great guide for what your child's adjustment will entail and points out all the issues that may present themselves with advice on how to deal with them
Attaching in Adoption: Practical Tools for Today's Parents <https://www.amazon.com/Attaching-Adoption-Practical-Todays-Parents/dp/0944934293/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1355497540&sr=8-2&keywords=attaching+in+adoption> - Great book on attachment
I Love You Rituals <https://www.amazon.com/Love-You-Rituals-Becky-Bailey/dp/0688161170/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1355498685&sr=8-1&keywords=I+Love+You+Rituals> - If things are really tough and you are looking for ways to reach out and foster attachment even when you don't think you have it in you (and believe me, I've been there), this book has great ideas for little things you can do to break through
Adopting Older Kids/Parenting Hurt Children
Toddler Adoption: The Weaver's Craft <https://www.amazon.com/Toddler-Adoption-The-Weavers-Craft/dp/1849058946/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1355497935&sr=8-1&keywords=toddler+adoption>
Parenting the Hurt Child: Helping Adoptive Families Heal and Grow <https://www.amazon.com/Parenting-Hurt-Child-Adoptive-Hollywood/dp/1600062903/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1355498193&sr=8-1&keywords=hurt+children> - This book is the one that I always recommend first to parents adopting older children. It really helped us understand what we were dealing with and how to best approach it. It can be scary, because they talk about really bad cases, but it was so relatable and helped us avoid many pitfalls--especially triangulation!
Wounded Children, Healing Homes: How Traumatized Children Impact Adoptive and Foster Families <https://www.amazon.com/Wounded-Children-Healing-Homes-Traumatized/dp/1615215689/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1355498468&sr=8-1&keywords=wounded+children> - This book was the first that really captured how I felt. It's more about the impact that raising a hurt child can have on the rest of the family, and was very honest. I couldn't believe that the emotions I felt were actually being written about so openly.
Next Steps in Parenting the Child Who Hurts <https://www.amazon.com/Next-Steps-Parenting-Child-Hurts/dp/1853028029/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1355498516&sr=8-1&keywords=Next+Steps+in+Parenting+the+Child+Who+Hurts>
When Love Is Not Enough: A Guide to Parenting Children with RAD <https://www.amazon.com/When-Love-Not-Enough-Parenting/dp/0970352549/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1355498619&sr=8-2&keywords=When+Love+Is+Not+Enough> , Healing Trust (3 CD set), and Taming the Tiger While It's Still a Kitten (lecture on CD with booklet, https://www.attachment-store.org/taming-the-tiger-while-its-still-a-kitten.html) are good resources to understand children with attachment difficulties. They really helped me get the full understanding of the child's mentality as they go through the process. I personally felt that the techniques were too heavy-handed, but that's likely because I wasn't dealing with a child who had RAD. Still, the insight into their fear and how they act and manipulate relationships because of it was invaluable in understanding my sons. These books/CDs really made me feel like I had a better understanding of what they had to go through, how they were going to do it, and why they were acting the way they were. It made me feel more in control, because I knew what we were going through was normal, I wasn't completely messing up, and that this was all just part of the process they had to go through.
Beyond Consequences, Logic, and Control: A Love-Based Approach to Helping Attachment-Challenged Children With Severe Behaviors <https://www.amazon.com/Beyond-Consequences-Logic-Control-Attachment-Challenged/dp/0977704009/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1368805596&sr=8-1&keywords=beyond+consequences> - Presents a different/new way to interpret (and therefore respond to) the behaviors of children with traumatic pasts. It was recommended to me by many parents of children with RAD and FASD, and they swear it’s the only thing that worked with their kids. Basically, it urges parents to first foster a non-punitive, non-judging, nurturing relationship with the child to quell their fears, calm them, and build a relationship of trust and respect before focusing on correcting their behaviors. This book is pretty much the exact opposite in many ways to Nancy Thomas’ approach and many of the others above, but I think they all have their place, depending on the child and situation.
In On It: What adoptive parents would like you to know about adoption
As a prospective adoptive parents, I've enjoyed reading this book and I think it will go a long way to helping our families understand our journey and will help spur questions.
Son #2 - October '11
Son #3 - Hoping to adopt from China some time in 2014!
Our adoption journey: Talkin' 'Bout the Next Generation
15 treatment cycles: four early m/c
Moving forward with domestic infant adoption!
Home study approved 5/13, now just waiting...
5 Angels
I really liked The Open Adoption Experience by Melina and Roszia. MH said he liked Inside Transracial Adoption by Steinberg and Hall.
I read A Mother for Choco by Kasza to LO a lot - he's only 4 months, but seems to like the pictures and the length/pacing of the story is good.
1/13 Decided to pursue DIA, 4/13 Home study Approved 9/13 Matched!
10/13 DS home with us! 2/14 TPR completed 5/14 ADOPTION IS FINAL!
3/14 Surprise BFP 11/14 DD is here!
https://www.amazon.com/Dear-Birthmother-Kathleen-Silber/dp/0931722209