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Family Vent

MalvagiaMalvagia member
in Infertility

DH and I have been experiencing IF for 5 years now.

Recently my sister-in-law gave birth to her second child and my brother-in-law called DH to ask when we were going to visit them.  They live five hours away and I?ve been dreading this trip.  My brother-in-law is insensitive to our troubles with infertility.  When he announced on Christmas morning that they were pregnant with their second child he made sure DH and I were present.  I ran out of the room crying the first time my brother-in-law and his wife announced that they were expecting.

When my brother-in-law?s wife said that he should be careful about how he announced the second pregnancy he brushed off DH?s feelings has ?foolish pride?.  Weeks after the second announcement my brother-in-law called me personally to let me know that they were having a daughter.  Other than family gatherings we never talk so this was painful news to hear.  Even though he didn?t mean it this way it reminded me that I may never know the joy of expecting a child.

DH wanted to visit his brother when the second baby was born.  I felt obligated to go but after what happened earlier I wanted this trip to be as short as possible.  When his brother called, DH explained that we couldn?t stay for too long since we work full time and are part time students (As I said before, it?s a five hour drive one way).  Before DH could mention the difficulties of suffering from IF and visiting someone else?s newborn, his brother became enraged that we would only have a short trip.  He said that DH doesn?t know what busy is.  He said that as a full time employee and father of two children he was a lot busier than DH.

With that they stopped talked to each other.  I?m relieved that now I don?t have to worry about fighting back tears for hours on end.  This event just solidifies the reason why it?s not a good idea to visit my brother-in-law during this stressful time in my life.

Thank you for hearing me out.

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Re: Family Vent

  • Km672Km672 member
    They suck.... Seriously, I know they are your H's family, but I would seriously consider seeing them as little as possible. Life is too short to waste your time with assholes.

    I really would explain how you feel with DH and completely limit my visits to major family events only.

    Me (32) DOR, elevated NK Cells/ 2 copies of MTHFR mutation/ MH (35) azoo/high DFI   (TTC#1 since 2009)

    IVFs#1-4: (4/10-2/12) all BFN

    Surprise Bfp (9/11) - c/p

    DS IUI#1-2 (9/12, 10/12) - BFN

    DS IVF: (11/12) - BFN

    DE/DS IVF#1: (10/13) - 2 day 3 embies transferred-BFFN

    FET of 2 day 6 blasts: (12/13) - c/p

    DE/DS IVF #2: (4/14) - 1 day 5 blast transferred...BFFN...again.

    FET 5/14: 1 day 5 hatching blast transferred...another BFFN

    Repeat SHG 6/14-normal / Endometrial Receptivity Array biopsy 7/14-Receptive Uterus

    New RE, additional testing reveals elevated NK Cells

    FET of 1 day 5 blast (RE recommends transferring 1 due to elevated NK cells) with lovenox, steroids & intralipids in October

     

     

     

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  • MalvagiaMalvagia member

    Thanks for your response. 

    DH doesn't like to visit his brother anyway.  His brother is having Thanksgiving at his house this year which we will not be attending since it's around the same time as our first IVF cycle.  I wouldn't be surprised if his brother called us selfish for planning IVF during the Thanksgiving break.

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  • Twinkie0612Twinkie0612 member
    Wow. It amazes me how little compassion some people have. I would definitely limit your time with him, he sounds like a selfish inconsiderate jerk. You (and your DH) do what is right for your family.

    imageimageimageimageimage

     

    image

    TTC #1 since August 2011

    My Blog

    September 2012: Start IF testing

    DH (32): SA is ok, slightly low morph, normal SCSA  Me (32): Slightly low progesterone, hostile CM, carrier for CF, Moderately high NKC, High TNFa, heterozyogous mutated Factor XIII, and +APA

    October 2012-May 2014: 4 failed IUIs, 3 failed IVFs, and 1 failed FETw/donor embryos

    November 2014: IVF w/ICSI #4 Agonist/Antagonist with EPP and Prednisone, Baby Aspirin, Lovenox, and IVIG for immune issues.  Converted to freeze all due to lining issues.  2 blasts frozen on day 6!

    January 2015: FET #2 Cancelled due to lining issues

    April 2015: FET #2.1


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  • anationsanations member
    I'm sorry!  I understand the part about things being hard to hear and being around people that have so much success while we are suffering.  It is so hard!!  Showers are the worst for me.  I hope you don't give up and that you have a child one day!!!

     

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  • NBA0703NBA0703 member
    I am soo very sorry you have to deal with this!  IF is extremely hard as it is but to have someone not even act like they care would make it 10x worse even when they are family.  People don't understand that you go your whole life thinking it will be easy and you have this plan of having soo many kids.  Well when you have been trying for years on end you fear it may never happen and to see people go on to have 1,2,3 kids while your still trying is really really hard.  I just wish people could understand the heartache it brings : (.  Again, I am soo sorry!
    BabyFetus Ticker


    TTC SINCE 7/2010, BFP-10/2010 ended in miscarriage 11/2010 : (.....
    Progesterone level 4/2011= 11.29. SA normal. HSG normal.
    8/11 Clomid 50mg=BFN progesterone level 35,
    10/11 Clomid 50mg =BFN progesterone level 31,
    11/11 Clomid 50mg=BFN progesterone level 12,
    12/11 Clomid 50mg=Progesterone 31
    01/12-Break from meds-BFN
    Feb-cd3 blood work FSH(5), AMH(0.56) 02/12 Break....
    03/01/12-Clomid 50mg with IUI #1=BFN.
    04/01/12-Another round of clomid with IUI#2=BFN.
    5/8/12-Diagnostic Laparoscopy-found minimal endometriosis and small fibriod.
    June and July-much needed break
    August-Bravelle 75 with IUI#3- BFN
    September-Bravelle injects with IUI #4-BFP!! MC 10/7/12 : ( Sonohysterogram-Normal
    December- Bravelle(3 good follicles & E2 1252) with IUI#5 BFFN :*(
    July IVF #1- BFP! : )  Beta #1-245, #2- 703, #3- 1655, #4- 3553 YAY!  Praying and Praying this one sticks around!
                      1st U/S scheduled for Aug 23rd!  
    Twins!!
    We are having a BOY & a GIRL !!



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  • APRILMWAPRILMW member
    Wow! RUDE of them!!! I'd distance myself from them as much as possible, you don't need that extra drama on top if everything else!

    Sorry.
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  • Km672Km672 member
    imageMalvagia:
    Thanks for your response.nbsp;DH doesn't like to visit his brother anyway.nbsp; His brother is having Thanksgiving at his house this year which we will not be attending since it's aroundnbsp;the same time as our first IVF cycle.nbsp; I wouldn't be surprised if his brother called us selfish for planning IVF during the Thanksgiving break.


    Seriously, screw them. You don't need to be around that negative energy, especially during an IVF cycle. I would hang up on him if he called me selfish.

    Me (32) DOR, elevated NK Cells/ 2 copies of MTHFR mutation/ MH (35) azoo/high DFI   (TTC#1 since 2009)

    IVFs#1-4: (4/10-2/12) all BFN

    Surprise Bfp (9/11) - c/p

    DS IUI#1-2 (9/12, 10/12) - BFN

    DS IVF: (11/12) - BFN

    DE/DS IVF#1: (10/13) - 2 day 3 embies transferred-BFFN

    FET of 2 day 6 blasts: (12/13) - c/p

    DE/DS IVF #2: (4/14) - 1 day 5 blast transferred...BFFN...again.

    FET 5/14: 1 day 5 hatching blast transferred...another BFFN

    Repeat SHG 6/14-normal / Endometrial Receptivity Array biopsy 7/14-Receptive Uterus

    New RE, additional testing reveals elevated NK Cells

    FET of 1 day 5 blast (RE recommends transferring 1 due to elevated NK cells) with lovenox, steroids & intralipids in October

     

     

     

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  • MJ14323MJ14323 member
    I'm so sorry you are having to deal with this with your family.  I just wish that people would truly "get it" and know how to react.  Some people are just so self-centered.  {{HUGS}} to you!

    **SIGGY WARNING**

    TTC since Nov 2010 | Me: 29, DH: 31 
    DX - Severe DOR, Stage II Endo
    6 rounds medicated TI, 3 failed IUIs, 2 failed IVFs
    After nearly 4 years of trying, our 1st BFP on IVF #3 (5R, 3M, 3F, 3 day 5 blasts frozen) 
    FET - Beta #1 - 116, Beta #2 - 266!! 1st U/S on 10/6 - HB 121 and measuring perfectly! EDD 5/30/15

    Everyone Welcome
    Baseball, Beagles, Beer and Babies Blog

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  • amcastordamcastord member
    So insensitive! I think IF anyone goes at all, it should be your husband.This reaction has earned you a pass! People can be such jackholes!

     

     


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