Family Vent

Malvagia

DH and I have been experiencing IF for 5 years now.

Recently my sister-in-law gave birth to her second child and my brother-in-law called DH to ask when we were going to visit them.  They live five hours away and I?ve been dreading this trip.  My brother-in-law is insensitive to our troubles with infertility.  When he announced on Christmas morning that they were pregnant with their second child he made sure DH and I were present.  I ran out of the room crying the first time my brother-in-law and his wife announced that they were expecting.

When my brother-in-law?s wife said that he should be careful about how he announced the second pregnancy he brushed off DH?s feelings has ?foolish pride?.  Weeks after the second announcement my brother-in-law called me personally to let me know that they were having a daughter.  Other than family gatherings we never talk so this was painful news to hear.  Even though he didn?t mean it this way it reminded me that I may never know the joy of expecting a child.

DH wanted to visit his brother when the second baby was born.  I felt obligated to go but after what happened earlier I wanted this trip to be as short as possible.  When his brother called, DH explained that we couldn?t stay for too long since we work full time and are part time students (As I said before, it?s a five hour drive one way).  Before DH could mention the difficulties of suffering from IF and visiting someone else?s newborn, his brother became enraged that we would only have a short trip.  He said that DH doesn?t know what busy is.  He said that as a full time employee and father of two children he was a lot busier than DH.

With that they stopped talked to each other.  I?m relieved that now I don?t have to worry about fighting back tears for hours on end.  This event just solidifies the reason why it?s not a good idea to visit my brother-in-law during this stressful time in my life.

Thank you for hearing me out.

Km672

They suck.... Seriously, I know they are your H's family, but I would seriously consider seeing them as little as possible. Life is too short to waste your time with assholes.

I really would explain how you feel with DH and completely limit my visits to major family events only.

Malvagia

Thanks for your response. 

DH doesn't like to visit his brother anyway.  His brother is having Thanksgiving at his house this year which we will not be attending since it's around the same time as our first IVF cycle.  I wouldn't be surprised if his brother called us selfish for planning IVF during the Thanksgiving break.

Twinkie0612

Wow. It amazes me how little compassion some people have. I would definitely limit your time with him, he sounds like a selfish inconsiderate jerk. You (and your DH) do what is right for your family.

anations

I'm sorry!  I understand the part about things being hard to hear and being around people that have so much success while we are suffering.  It is so hard!!  Showers are the worst for me.  I hope you don't give up and that you have a child one day!!!

NBA0703

I am soo very sorry you have to deal with this!  IF is extremely hard as it is but to have someone not even act like they care would make it 10x worse even when they are family.  People don't understand that you go your whole life thinking it will be easy and you have this plan of having soo many kids.  Well when you have been trying for years on end you fear it may never happen and to see people go on to have 1,2,3 kids while your still trying is really really hard.  I just wish people could understand the heartache it brings : (.  Again, I am soo sorry!

APRILMW

Wow! RUDE of them!!! I'd distance myself from them as much as possible, you don't need that extra drama on top if everything else!

Sorry.

Km672

Malvagia:

Thanks for your response.nbsp;DH doesn't like to visit his brother anyway.nbsp; His brother is having Thanksgiving at his house this year which we will not be attending since it's aroundnbsp;the same time as our first IVF cycle.nbsp; I wouldn't be surprised if his brother called us selfish for planning IVF during the Thanksgiving break.

Seriously, screw them. You don't need to be around that negative energy, especially during an IVF cycle. I would hang up on him if he called me selfish.

MJ14323

I'm so sorry you are having to deal with this with your family.  I just wish that people would truly "get it" and know how to react.  Some people are just so self-centered.  {{HUGS}} to you!

amcastord

So insensitive! I think IF anyone goes at all, it should be your husband.This reaction has earned you a pass! People can be such jackholes!