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Infertility
Manada
member
WWYD: How would you handle the "I don't want to talk about your pregnancy" conversation?
Manada
member
in Infertility
Hi Everyone -
(small update: we are very much in a holding pattern for the summer while I work my face off and we save money - IVF is the next step for us).
So in a small-world, complicated twist of fate - one of our best friends (We'll call her "D") who I met when I moved to the City, has a friendship from college with someone I knew ("K") growing up in my small-town roots. This weekend is "D"'s birthday and "K" will be there I know.
K is newly pregnant and has been trying for awhile. I knew that. She is also very good friends with an ex-good-friend of mine (small town drama), who just had a baby. I am dreading the birthday-brunch this weekend because I KNOW K is going to want to talk about her pregnancy and my (former) friend's new baby -- the topic of conversation always swings that way as that friend was the link to us knowing each other when we were younger.
I am currently overworked and generally low on emotional, social and physical energy. I know going into this that I don't have the energy to pull up my socks and gush over pregnancies and babies of acquaintances and ex-friends. BUT I also don't want to talk about our IF struggles with K because I really, really feel uncomfortable with that information making its way up to the gossip chains of the small town.
So what's my out? I have msg'd D to ask if we can try to steer the conversation away from the topic, and please to not mention our IF situation to K -- but it's going to come up, because K's excited and wanting to talk about it. How would you handle this?
(Note: it's going to be a small group for brunch - really only 5 or 6 of us I think, D, my partner, K, myself, and a cousin of D's)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
queer couple - 32 (me) & 33 (my love) years old - donor sperm,
Our IF/TTC journey since Nov 2012.
Me: dx of DOR in Nov. 2012. Low AMH, AFC - 6, Normal FSH, SS-A (RO) Antibodies (Autoimmune issues), tubes clear, Sono (November 2013) NORMAL! <p>
7 IUI's - December 2012-September 2013. Medicated, Injected, Triggered.... all BFN.
My Love: (the amazing @Healz413)
Normal AMH & FSH, AFC ~27, blocked tube dx'd via HSG in 2012. Hydrosalpinx & ovarian cyst dx'd in May 2013.
dx of Stage IV Endo & bilateral salpinectomy in June 2013.
Partner IVF#1a- December 2013 - H's eggs, my Ute - CANCELLED due to low response
Partner IVF #1b - February 2014 - H's eggs, my Ute - ER February 4 (10 retrieved, 3 fertilized), Transfer Feb 7 of one Grade 1 and one Grade 2 day 3 embryos. 1 - Day 3, Grade 1 frosty saved. BFP - 6dp3dt via FRER, Beta #1 - 110, Beta #2 175, Beta #3 - 348, Beta #4 - 2222!, Beta #5 - 4255. Ultrasound (6w1d) - 2 heartbearts!
We lost our beautiful Twin baby girls on June 18, 2014. Tavin Sara and Casey Elizabeth were born at 21 weeks gestation and were absolutely beautiful, precious, amazing babies. We miss our daughters every day and love them with all our hearts.
queer couple - 32 (me) & 33 (my love) years old - donor sperm,
Our IF/TTC journey since Nov 2012.
Me: dx of DOR in Nov. 2012. Low AMH, AFC - 6, Normal FSH, SS-A (RO) Antibodies (Autoimmune issues), tubes clear, Sono (November 2013) NORMAL! <p>
7 IUI's - December 2012-September 2013. Medicated, Injected, Triggered.... all BFN.
My Love: (the amazing @Healz413)
Normal AMH & FSH, AFC ~27, blocked tube dx'd via HSG in 2012. Hydrosalpinx & ovarian cyst dx'd in May 2013.
dx of Stage IV Endo & bilateral salpinectomy in June 2013.
Partner IVF#1a- December 2013 - H's eggs, my Ute - CANCELLED due to low response
Partner IVF #1b - February 2014 - H's eggs, my Ute - ER February 4 (10 retrieved, 3 fertilized), Transfer Feb 7 of one Grade 1 and one Grade 2 day 3 embryos. 1 - Day 3, Grade 1 frosty saved. BFP - 6dp3dt via FRER, Beta #1 - 110, Beta #2 175, Beta #3 - 348, Beta #4 - 2222!, Beta #5 - 4255. Ultrasound (6w1d) - 2 heartbearts!
We lost our beautiful Twin baby girls on June 18, 2014. Tavin Sara and Casey Elizabeth were born at 21 weeks gestation and were absolutely beautiful, precious, amazing babies. We miss our daughters every day and love them with all our hearts.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: WWYD: How would you handle the &quot;I don't want to talk about your pregnancy&quot; conversation?
Thanks to you both.
Unfortunately I don't think I can gracefully bow out of this one without making my friend upset. I'm not sure what I'll do - or if I'll just try to suck it up and suffer the consequences. Boo that.
Thank you for the reminder to be kind to myself though. I really will try.
queer couple - 32 (me) & 33 (my love) years old - donor sperm,
Our IF/TTC journey since Nov 2012.
Me: dx of DOR in Nov. 2012. Low AMH, AFC - 6, Normal FSH, SS-A (RO) Antibodies (Autoimmune issues), tubes clear, Sono (November 2013) NORMAL! <p>
7 IUI's - December 2012-September 2013. Medicated, Injected, Triggered.... all BFN.
My Love: (the amazing @Healz413)
Normal AMH & FSH, AFC ~27, blocked tube dx'd via HSG in 2012. Hydrosalpinx & ovarian cyst dx'd in May 2013.
dx of Stage IV Endo & bilateral salpinectomy in June 2013.
Partner IVF#1a- December 2013 - H's eggs, my Ute - CANCELLED due to low response
Partner IVF #1b - February 2014 - H's eggs, my Ute - ER February 4 (10 retrieved, 3 fertilized), Transfer Feb 7 of one Grade 1 and one Grade 2 day 3 embryos. 1 - Day 3, Grade 1 frosty saved. BFP - 6dp3dt via FRER, Beta #1 - 110, Beta #2 175, Beta #3 - 348, Beta #4 - 2222!, Beta #5 - 4255. Ultrasound (6w1d) - 2 heartbearts!
We lost our beautiful Twin baby girls on June 18, 2014. Tavin Sara and Casey Elizabeth were born at 21 weeks gestation and were absolutely beautiful, precious, amazing babies. We miss our daughters every day and love them with all our hearts.
I wish I had a suggestion - I am in a similar boat. I have a very close friend's baby shower this weekend, and I just POAS & found out my FET didn't work. I honestly have to go (she told me she was PG the day after I found out an FET didn't work this winter, and my reaction was...terrible. I had such a difficult time putting on a happy face).
If you figure it out, let me know...
My TTC Journey:
Dx: Hypothalamic amenorrhea / mild PCOS (Pretty much a hormone/ovulatory disorder)
Progesterone to induce period w/ the goal of Clomid - never got period (September 2011). Referred to RE.
Femera - never responded to the meds (December 2011)
Clomid with TI - BFN (February 2012)
Injectables (Menopur) - hyperstimulated/canceled (March 2012)
Injectables #2 (Menopur) with TI- BFN (May 2012)
IVF - OHSS (transfer canceled), but 11 frozen! (June 1012)
FET - 1 transferred on 8/09/12. Beta#1 (11dp5dt): 350.3; Beta#2: 365; Beta#3: 157. Biochemical pregnancy.
FET # 2 - 1 transferred on 11/01/12. Beta#1 (11dp5dt): 337; Beta#2: 769. BFP!!! 1st ultrasound 11/28/12 showed heartbeat, but measuring 5 days behind. 2nd ultrasound 12/05/12 - miscarriage.
FET # 3 - 1 transferred on 1/24/13. Beta#1 (11dp5dt): BFN.
FET # 4 - 2 transferred on 3/21/13. Bet #1 (11dp5dt): 660; Beta#2: 1,300. Miscarried at home @ 6 weeks.
FET # 5 - 2 transferred on 7/12/13. Beta #1 (10dp6dt): BFN.
Attempted an IUI in late August 2013, but didn't respond well.
IVF #2 with PGS - Stims started 10/28 with retrieval on 11/11. Of 14 mature eggs, 10 fertilized, 4 made it to Day 5 & 1 made it to Day 6. We did PGS on the Day 5 embryos, and 3 of 4 were normal. Had ET on 11/17. Beta #1 (8dp6dt): 203. Beta #2 (10dp6dt): 618. We since had two ultrasounds & on 12/19, our RE released us to the OB. On 1/02/14, we had our first ultrasound with the OB where we heard the heartbeat. We are so thankful for the blessing & crossing every finger & toe for a healthy & successful pregnancy.