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August 2012 Moms
UO
This discussion has been closed.
Re: UO
I guess I'm oblivious to tone on the internet. Probably a good thing!!
I miss Hooslisa too. She's the bees knees. I feel like she got backed into a corner in that thread.
Whitty-I guess I'm a cd snob. I have all kinds but now that I'm in the thick of it I only buy North American made and wahm made. Not because I don't like the quality of China diapers- I do- but because my conscience weeps for the laborers in the factorys of most foreign made goods. If I can't buy fair trade diapers, I'll stick to usa/canada/wahm.
My UO- I can't believe they can say the m effer word on cable tv. We haven't had tv in 8 years and we watched late night tv at the condo in Branson this weekend. SHOCKED at what is airing these days. I find it distasteful and gross.
Thirded
The whole thing looks to me like it unnecessarily blew up and there were things said that had nothing to do with that thread that aren't really my business. But that's just an outside pov.
Yea, that's how I feel too.
I also feel like the level of support has changed; like we've all been sitting around jumping on one another instead of, "Oh, that must suck...have you tried this?" I mean, I get being honest with one another, and I'm glad it's always been like that, but a few of the responses have been a little harsh lately. Not everyone deals with their husbands the same way, not every relationship is the same, and not every woman walks around with an steel boot up her husband's azz.
I loved seeing everyone pull together for BFortuna. That's how it used to be and that's exactly how it should be, regardless of the vent or whatever.
SCANDAL!
I think I was also oblivious to the "tone" change. I have noticed different people stepping up more - which isn't a bad thing, at all. I do miss Hooslisa, though. She is always such a positive, supportive person with a little sass!
KLilley... Where do you live? I'm not sure if there's more than 1 Branson (I'm sure there is), but I'm from that area in MO.
But we were watching regular cable! Like comedy central! I can't imagine this isn't new!
Hmm. I am here a lot and see tons of support daily, for every different situation. A part of that support, I think sometimes, is tought love and/or criticism. Maybe I'm alone here, but it's a little daunting to see many of the same posters post the same things over and over about situations with their husbands/significant others - either how they aren't stepping up, they aren't supportive, etc. - and it seems they aren't doing anything to change the behavior.
If you're going to put it out there, be prepared for any and all responses you may receive.
Some posters here act like doormats to their husbands/SOs and it really pisses me off because no one deserves to be treated that way by someone who claims to love them.
Happy birthday!!! I hope you get it how you want
Fo sho! Happy birthday!
Happy Birthday!!
Thank you!!
I went to college in Springfield and taught in a neighboring district so lived there for 10 years before moving to AZ. We are actually heading back that way at the end of the month to visit family
Branson is BEAUTIFUL. I'm bias toward the OTHER Missouri Lake, but that's because that's my home town 
That sounds so frustrating! I'm sure you know counseling is always a good idea, but if I remember correctly things are a bit tight right now? I'm sorry you're dealing with this, hugs!
I think that the women that come here to vent about their SOs do exactly that...come here to vent. Maybe, like me, they have one IRL friend because the rest of them are busy bar-hopping and "living their lives." Maybe, all of their friends have seemingly "perfect" relationships. I highly doubt that their SOs treat them like sh!t constantly...it just so happens that those are the only times we read about because those are the only times in which they need support, someone to say, "Yea, it happens to me sometimes too," or "You're justified in feeling like this." I mean, when SO does something really sweet for me, my first instinct isn't to run to the board and say, "OMGZ, look at what SO did for me! He's ahhhmazing." No. If I did that, everyone would roll their eyes and be like, "Good for you."
So, you're damned if you do and you're damned if you don't. Whenever I read something from another bumpie about their SO, I understand. I understand that we all don't have 10 IRL friends we can confide in and that sometimes, we just need another woman to side with us.
Ie. My SO does plenty of amazing things for me. He's an awesome guy, an awesome provider, and loves DS and I both. Do we have our problems? Definitely. Are there days when I call him a douche? Most definitely. But, overall, we have a healthy relationship and always have. There has been a lot going on in both of our lives, separately and together, and when I come on here for support/advice/a "hell yea!," I don't need someone telling me that I need to sit him down and tell him I'm going to leave him if he doesn't start putting away his laundry.
SCANDAL!
I don't think it's fair to say that anyone piled up on lisa or ran her off the board. We all engaged in a heated debate, that admittedly probably went too far, and she chose to leave. That was her decision. If she comes back, that will be great. If she doesn't, I respect that, too.
I agree with Kiki's last paragraph, about the reasoning for a supposed change in the board's tone. We aren't the insecure new moms we once were - I mean, we still have insecurities, but about new and different things now. IMO, anyway. And the iron boot comment makes me lol - there is no one here, that I've noticed, that treats their husbands that way. Demanding to be treated as an equal partner is hardly putting an iron boot up his azz. I respect my husband as, well, my husband and my partner in life - but rest assured, he treats me just as equally and he knows how to do chores and be a parent and be emotionally, physically, and mentally supportive of me. I hardly think that means I have an iron boot up his azz.
Just out of curiosity, BBJ, not trying to be snarky at all, but has the bolded happened to you? I realize you're exaggerating for effect, but I don't believe I've seen anything even close to that on this board.
A few months back when he wasn't helping out, I was basically told to sit him down and have a "come to Jesus" meeting with him. He wasn't helping out because he was working two full-time jobs and going to school full-time, so that I could work part-time and be at home 75% of the week.
I understand communication is definitely essential, but I've seen quite a few mamas who have been told to have a "come to Jesus" conversation with their SO/H over something miniscule that definitely/probably was just a heat of the moment complaint and a small one, like not doing the dishes, on top of that.
No snark taken.
SCANDAL!
I think you're being dramatic.
If all we did here was coddle people and give them head pats, it would be boring and useless to come here. When people post about their husbands being a-holes, usually they get a resounding "yeah, he's an a-hole!". And when they post about their husbands doing something great, they get a resounding "how nice of him!" or something similar. Example: Cheerliee's husband. He has been pretty douchetastic since her DD was born (and even before). She has let us all know that, and we have all agreed with her and given her advice. And when she finally put her foot down to him, things got better. She posted about some of the changes he is making and got really supportive comments and feedback about it.
But people also need to understand, that when all you post are negative complaints about your husbands, it tends to give everyone else a jaded view of them, so that's all we tend to see.
Ok, so if the agreement was that he would work that much and go to school, so you could work part-time and be home more, then why were you complaining to the board about it?
I'm not trying to be snarky, but you're making it seem like someone gave you unwanted advice, when you were the one venting about it in the first place.
This can also go back to your comment that every relationship and every marriage is different. In my house, my husband works 2 jobs, and I work full time as well. So, doing the dishes is a bigger deal than usual because we just don't have much down time at all during the week to not do them. KWIM?
I think you'd have to SAH to understand how frustrating it is to be the only one doing the 'chores' around the house. Sure, we agreed that he would work/go to school/whatever so that I could stay at home, but being the only one to take care of the house AND our child all week gets frustrating. It's what I signed up for, but it doesn't mean it doesn't suck sometimes. So, yea, I complained about it. It's advice that's been passed around quite frequently lately.
Anyways, I'm just saying...things aren't always what they seem and I don't think we should be so quick to label someone as a "doormat" just because they complain about their H more than others.
SCANDAL!
I truly don't believe her intentions were poor and I know where she is coming from with people who are anti bfing. I don't want anyone to hold my hand or congratulate me for bfing. I would love if my own Mother wouldn't act like such a azz about it. That's not support that can be replicated at la leche. But I also know it's hard to have had a plan that didn't work. I get the feeling there was more than just that thread. Sure, I can see how one might have been offended but it went awfully far for what it was. I'm not saying you were wrong to have gotten upset, I just wish it wouldn't have gone that far.
Complaining about your H does not mean you are a doormat. Continuously posting about your frustrations with your husband, and not doing anything to change the behavior does make you one, IMO. I stand by what I said.
I totally agree with BBJ on why some of us might vent about our SO's here.
I, for one, never tell my friends or family anything negative about DH. Why? Because I don't want those things in the back of their mind next time we're all together. Even more, I don't need them treating us or him differently because there are things that he does that makes me angry.
None of you are going to meet my DH, so it feels like a safer place to "vent" in a sense. Is my DH wonderful 99% of the time? Absolutely! But the 1% of the time that I want to throat punch him....it's helpful to vent it to someone who won't hold that grudge IRL.
Word.
Word.
Well said, Salty. As usual.
And FTR, you are not a doormat. You've realized a problem and are doing everything you can to rectify it.
natalie8784 - I would rather him say something and hurt my feelings than say nothing at all. Saying nothing and ignoring me makes it feel like he doesnt care enough to fight.
I can see how you would feel that way. That's what my husband says about me, as well. Though, if you're having trouble communicating either by having it come out sideways in a sarcastic remark or through shutting down emotionally, sometimes its good to take a different approach. JMO
Because, you know, I'm all anyone ever thinks about. Ever. Memememememe!
Everyone loves you, Aggie. Everyone. Anyone who says otherwise should have their sanity questioned.
When I started trying to pick five bumpies, you were both on my list! Then I started realizing that there was no way to pick just five, so I decided not to post.
I wouldn't throw tacos at you, salty! You can come to my party, I just suck at remembering everyone's SN!
I think that's valid but I think we all know this about her. I am not surprised by it any more than you'd be surprised if I said I spent my saturday at a farmer's market [wink wink]. I didn't say your complaints were wrong, just that it went too far
I got way too far into it with KayaXavier and she never came back. I still feel like an azz about that and many of you took my side. I can't even remember what that was about...but I know it's easy to get into it and say angry things. I just don't see the point of delving that far into these fights anymore.
We've "known" each other from OMG!! I am KTFU!!!!!11!!!1?!1 to, holy crap!! Spotting!!! Tell me it will be ok!! To, we have a heartbeat!!! To all I can eat are gummy bears!!!! And now I threw up my gummy bears and can eat nothing!! To a stranger rubbed my belly!! To, I know it's gas but do you think these are kicks?!?! TO we are team...plaid!!!! To OMFG everyone wants to ruin my baby shower! To PIP GUIZE! Look!! My MP!! To Look!!!! Look! At! My! Baby! To, Holy Shizz! I'm not qualified to care for a baby!! To ok, I've got this! To that effing four month wakeful. And on through. We almost have one year olds.
Maybe this is part of what makes me seem like a doormat to my husband [badumbump] but I take that stuff with a grain of salt because I am past getting pissy. That's part of her personality. I can't speak of ff but I did have a c section and I've never been offended by anything she has said about c sections. I was not happy about it either. I was pretty bitter about it for a time. I try to ignore the feeding conversations because I couldn't care less unless you're putting everclear in your baby's bottle so I admit I am not too aware of other such posts. She brought more to the board than I bf! And I had a NB!!!
Edited
Didn't I invite you?!?! I thought I did!