DH and 13yo SS too Harsh punishment.. I think

Pamelacake · May 2013

This is different from what I normally post on this board. But I am having an issue with DH grounding 13yo SS for minor things. The actual grounding isn't the issue.. The amount of time he is grounded for is.

SS was already grounded for lying to me, saying dad said he could stay the night at his friend's so I let him go and he didn't call and stayed the whole weekend. He was grounded for two weeks from going to any friends' houses for two weeks.

During this grounding he forgot to do his daily chore which is feed and water the outside dog right after school, when DH came in from work he asked him about it and SS got mad at DH and got a really bad attitude out of nowhere. He is a teen and I know these outbursts will occur. Dh grounded him for another two weeks for not doing his chore, then when SS got mouthy added another two weeks.

I haven't had a chance to bring this up to DH but I do think it's a bit harsh. 13yo SS already has jelousy issues over 10yo DS. and doesn't think it's fair that he doesn't get grounded for every little thing. DH doesn't favor any over the other but SS thinks he does because 10yo DS loves to go and do things with DH. 13YO SS is always invited to go but isn't interested and never has been. 10yo DS doesn't mind getting dirty at all so he goes with to collect things to recycle.

I'm sorry I may be making this longer than it needs to be. I want to bring these things to DH''s attention but don't know exactly how. DH already knows about the jelousy issue as 13yo SS often takes it out on 10yo DS.

I was thinking SS could possible earn time off of his grounding by doing chores that he normally doesn't do like sweep the kitchen floor or take the laundry downstairs. His only chore is to feed and water the outside dog.

Any suggestions? It's a sensitive subject with DH.

ETA: 13yo SS has nothing to do with his mom.. well.. I should say it's the other way around. He had to beg to come and live with his dad a few years ago. She doesn't even call 3 oldest SK's anymore.

and I know he should be respectful and not back talk as DH puts it but I think adding two weeks to his grounding is harsh for that. I was going to suggest maybe making SS go to work with DH like 10yo DS does when he gets the chance and maybe they could all three have some bonding time together. DH said he will not force them to go if they don't want to but I think it may do them some good

Littlejen22 · May 2013

The punishment needs to fit the crime and one day of forgetting a chore does not equal two weeks of grounding. Did you know where he was during the weekend or were you guys worried about him? if you had no idea where he was then that is a huge deal and IMHO would result in no sleepovers with no exceptions for a long time because he lost your trust. He cannot be grounded forever for little things. I think one of the best parenting advice I read on here and wish I remember from whom but they said if you make a big deal out of the little things how will you know what the big things are. That does not mean no consequences for big things but a better consequence would be to have to help with another chore or a few but not grounding.

Pamelacake · May 2013

Littlejen22:
The punishment needs to fit the crime and one day of forgetting a chore does not equal two weeks of grounding. Did you know where he was during the weekend or were you guys worried about him? if you had no idea where he was then that is a huge deal and IMHO would result in no sleepovers with no exceptions for a long time because he lost your trust. He cannot be grounded forever for little things. I think one of the best parenting advice I read on here and wish I remember from whom but they said if you make a big deal out of the little things how will you know what the big things are. That does not mean no consequences for big things but a better consequence would be to have to help with another chore or a few but not grounding.

I agree.. it wasn't the first time he had forgotten to feed the dog but I usually remind him and didn't that day. Sometimes he says he already did but I can clearly see that both the dogs water and food bowls are upside down so I know he didn't do it and 17YO SD will go do it.

About the over the weekend situation.. we knew where he was supposed to be but it was never confirmed that he was there as he didn't call and they didn't answer the phone when we called. DH went to their house and talked to the little boy's younger sister and she said she didn't know anything as she wasn't there most of the time. This was only his second time staying with the boy and the boy is 15.

The first time he stayed he was supposed to call when he got there to give us their phone number as we had sent ours with them in case the parents wanted to talk to us, and before he went to bed bc it was his first sleepover with it not being a relative like a cousin or someone. He never called. DH had to go to their house Saturday morning to get their phone number and make sure he was there.

13yo SS really is a good kid but has a very sneaky side and I have noticed him getting better at being sneaky saying to me "dad said I could do this" and when I let him go and dad gets home he gets in even more trouble bc dad didn't really say it. Now SS gets mad at me when I tell him he has to wait for DH to get home because I would let SS ride his bike to the gas station to get something to drink even though he is grounded but I put a stop to that because the last time I let him do, he was gone for over an hour and I don't want him to think that he can walk on me when I give him an inch. There are a lot of things he does that I don't go out of my way to tell DH about bc I don't think he should be grounded any longer than he is. example: The last time he asked to go to the gas station I told him no and he called me a *** while he was standing right behind me.. I think he may have forgotten that I am not deaf as his last stepmom was.

I simply told him I was sorry if he thought I was being a b!tch but I hadn't said or done anything out of line. He denied it and I left it at that bc I know what I heard.

SimpleJane · May 2013

Do you mean you have a dog that lives outside?

Pamelacake · May 2013

SimpleJane:
Do you mean you have a dog that lives outside?

Yes. I'm not looking for a bashing for this, I don't agree with it either but we can't have pets in this house and they didn't want to get rid of him when they moved here. He lives in the garage in the winter time (heated) and I also snuck him in the house over the winter for a bit (= If it gets too hot for him I already have plans to put him in the garage and he will be able to go outside to potty. I also got a sprinkler just for him, and put ice in his water.

ETA: I used to have 6 dogs.. all inside but they had lots of outside playtime and Those are a few of the things I would do with them.

hindsight's_a_biotch · May 2013

I disagree. If my kid pulled that shiit at my house, he wouldn't see the light of day for aaaaaaaaaaaaaages. I mean your azz is already grass for pulling a fast and loose one, being gone all damned weekend full of lies and you have the nerve to get an attitude at me and not do your damned chores??

Uh huh. Dead as a damned doornail. Don't even look in my direction and be damned grateful I'm feeding you real food and not beans and rice.

hindsight's_a_biotch · May 2013

The dog never comes inside???

::sigh::

And really, feeding and watering the dog was his ONLY chore and he couldn't remember while already being in trouble for something major? He didn't forget. He just didn't give a fuuk and you want to give him a free pass because you think your DH is mean. The boy is in trouble because he has no respect for the rules or the two of you but you think it's a good idea to undercut that by sweet talking your H into going back on the punishment he's already given.

Good luck with that.

I think maybe for future issues, you and your husband could agree to have a discussion first before punishment is issued. But surely you see how doing anything to *this* punishment would be counter productive, yes?

Pamelacake · May 2013

hindsight's_a_biotch:
The dog never comes inside???
::sigh::
And really, feeding and watering the dog was his ONLY chore and he couldn't remember while already being in trouble for something major? He didn't forget. He just didn't give a fuuk and you want to give him a free pass because you think your DH is mean. The boy is in trouble because he has no respect for the rules or the two of you but you think it's a good idea to undercut that by sweet talking your H into going back on the punishment he's already given.
Good luck with that.
I think maybe for future issues, you and your husband could agree to have a discussion first before punishment is issued. But surely you see how doing anything to *this* punishment would be counter productive, yes?

No, I don't. I don't want him to feel like he can get away with these things now or in the future.. I just thought the extra grounding was a bit much but now that you mention it I do see it as being defiant and disrespectful. I have never been in this situation before, that's why I was asking advice.

I make sure the dog is fed even when he said he already did it but didn't and I do let DH know when he doesn't bc DH will ask SS and SS will say yes but he's not really the one who did it.. The dog is a boxer and the kids have had him since he was a baby. He came from the last litter of their older family dog. There is no way I would want to take him and abandon him at the pound. He is very well taken care of. I know it would be even better if he were in the house but there is nothing I can do about that. =( We are looking for a bigger house but can't risk losing this one as we do have, altogether 6 children to take care of.

Pamelacake · May 2013

hindsight's_a_biotch:
I disagree. If my kid pulled that shiit at my house, he wouldn't see the light of day for aaaaaaaaaaaaaages. I mean your azz is already grass for pulling a fast and loose one, being gone all damned weekend full of lies and you have the nerve to get an attitude at me and not do your damned chores??
Uh huh. Dead as a damned doornail. Don't even look in my direction and be damned grateful I'm feeding you real food and not beans and rice.

This reminds me of DH! And I usually stand behind him on any decisions he makes. I just though at first he was being mean to SS but the more I think about it and reading the responses I know see how SS tried to manipulate me. He pulled on my heartstrings this morning and I kept thinking about it, that's why I posted about it.

I guess I wasn't fully aware that he was trying to manipulate me .. I should have seen it coming. I walked into the kitchen last night and heard 17yo SD telling 13yo SS to talk to me about it bc I got her more freedom to hang out with friends by talking to DH.

Thanks for the eye opener!

Sunday924 · May 2013

Your SS is lucky. I can't believe you let him call you a b!tch and get away with it. My SS would be dead. Ok not really but he would be facing serious consequences.

hindsight's_a_biotch · May 2013

If it helps, there is always a kid or two who thinks another kid or two is better treated than they are. Always. It's kind of part and parcel with siblings.

Lavender P · May 2013

Pamelacake:
There are a lot of things he does that I don't go out of my way to tell DH about bc I don't think he should be grounded any longer than he is. example: The last time he asked to go to the gas station Inbsp; told him no and he called me a *** while he was standing right behind me.. I think he may have forgotten that I am not deaf as his last stepmom was. I simply told him I was sorry ifnbsp; he thought I was being a b!tch but I hadn't said or done anything out of line. He denied it and I left it at that bc I know what I heard.

I find this really troubling. You are completely undermining your husband by allowing SS to do things that he shouldn't be when he is grounded. If you don't agree with your DH then you need to talk about it. You can't try to be the good guy and let SS do things that he shouldn't. Instead of being seen as nice, you've shown him that his punishments are negotiable. He obviously doesn't respect you if he is calling you names and instead of addressing it you keep it from your DH. Kids will always try to divide and conquer when it comes to parents and you have made it even easier for him. Your SS has disregarded pretty much everything you and DH told him and you want to go easier on him? I firmly believe that the consequence should fit the indiscretion, but I think you are minimizing the severity of lying and being disrespectful.

hindsight's_a_biotch · May 2013

Also, I cannot believe guys just let him be gone at some strange child's house where the parents didn't answer the phone and the sister hadn't seen him and just thought, meh.

DH should have gone over there Friday night and dragged his azz home. And hell no he doesn't get to ride his bike while he is grounded. Is there some new meaning of grounded that includes doing whatever the hell I like and calling people who dare disagree a biitch?

Pamelacake · May 2013

hindsight's_a_biotch:
Also, I cannot believe guys just let him be gone at some strange child's house where the parents didn't answer the phone and the sister hadn't seen him and just thought, meh.
DH should have gone over there Friday night and dragged his azz home. And hell no he doesn't get to ride his bike while he is grounded. Is there some new meaning of grounded that includes doing whatever the hell I like and calling people who dare disagree a biitch?

DH did call and go over there multiple times that weekend. Come to find out, the 15 yo had a cell phone that we didn't have the number to as well. We were worried about him and where he was at. That's why he got actually grounded in the first place. The first time he was just grounded from going to that boy's house and from video games.

I will admit I am way more lenient with the older 3 sk's due to all they have been through in the past with their BM and how they had to act to get to live with DH. She literally dropped oldest SS off on DH's doorstep and said if you don't take him, he is going to the children's home. They were physically abused a lot and kept from DH. Regarding SS at question, I do try harder to be close with him so he doesn't feel like DH is choosing my DS over him. I know he feels this way and it's not the way it is. I will be putting my foot down. Thank you all for responding, even the harsh ones.. . I was pittying SS when I shouldn't have been. & I will have a talk with him when he gets out of school. Then he can have a reason to call me a B!tch!

Thanks again for the responses.. I wish I would have just realized this myself, you guys have been a great help.

Pamelacake · May 2013

hindsight's_a_biotch:
If it helps, there is always a kid or two who thinks another kid or two is better treated than they are. Always. It's kind of part and parcel with siblings.

yeah and he is the middle child between all of them so it makes it even worse!

Wahoo · May 2013

If I couldn't contact my child and they did not come home, I would have phoned the police! And if I was called a b*tch, you can bet that dad would hear about that one!

It may help if you and DH think of a list of common infractions, and the penalties that go along with them (such as "not feeding the dog / doing chores, no electronics for two days, mouthing off, grounded for weekend). You don't have to go over the penalties with SS (because he might think it is worth a day without xBox to call you a b*tch or whatever), but so in your mind the punishments don't seem arbitrary. Then, if it seems harsh to you, or above the guidelines, you can have a discussion ("Why did you ground SS for two weeks for not feeding the dog? It is usually 2 days?" "Because he was already grounded. He should be on his best behavior, not his usually sh*tty behavior."). It may also help you wrap your head around the idea that the punishments are a consequence for actions - - SS would not be grounded for two days if he did what he was supposed to do.

SimpleJane · May 2013

Pamelacake:
SimpleJane:
Do you mean you have a dog that lives outside?

Yes. I'm not looking for a bashing for this, I don't agree with it either but we can't have pets in this house and they didn't want to get rid of him when they moved here. He lives in the garage in the winter time (heated) and I also snuck him in the house over the winter for a bit (= If it gets too hot for him I already have plans to put him in the garage and he will be able to go outside to potty. I also got a sprinkler just for him, and put ice in his water.
 
ETA: I used to have 6 dogs.. all inside but they had lots of outside playtime and Those are a few of the things I would do with them.

I won't bash you, but I do now think you are an azzhole.

Kyah · May 2013

If the only thing your SS did was forget one chore and he got grounded for 2 weeks, I would agree yes that is excessive and the punishment doesn't fit the crime.

In the context that you have given, I don't think you guys are coming down on the kid hard enough. He stays out ALL WEEKEND without permission and he gets grounded for 2 weeks? I can't even fathom that happening with my 12 yo SS. My butt would be banging down the door if no one would answer phone calls, and I would be so sick with worry i'd be down at the police station filing a report.

If my SS ever had the stones to call me a b!tch, under his breath or not, I have never hit him but I swear I would come down on him with extreme prejudice. That is not even taking into account what DH would do when he found out.

At minimum for the infractions you've listed, we'd take everything away from him, phone, electronics, he could sit in his room and read books until he decided to have respect for you, your DH and your rules.

hopanka · May 2013

I dont see the problem with having a dog that lives in the yard, as long as he has proper shelter and food. What is wrong with people?

Pamelacake · May 2013

SimpleJane:
Pamelacake:
SimpleJane:
Do you mean you have a dog that lives outside?
Yes. I'm not looking for a bashing for this, I don't agree with it either but we can't have pets in this house and they didn't want to get rid of him when they moved here. He lives in the garage in the winter time (heated) and I also snuck him in the house over the winter for a bit (= If it gets too hot for him I already have plans to put him in the garage and he will be able to go outside to potty. I also got a sprinkler just for him, and put ice in his water.

ETA: I used to have 6 dogs.. all inside but they had lots of outside playtime and Those are a few of the things I would do with them.
I won't bash you, but I do now think you are an azzhole.

well I'm sorry you feel this way but it's not my dog and it's not my choice.

xmaryrickx · May 2013

hopanka:
I dont see the problem with having a dog that lives in the yard, as long as he has proper shelter and food. What is wrong with people?

Well let's see. Where to begin.
Dogs are pack animals and want to be with their pack. AKA their humans. It's emotionally, mentally unfulfilling for them to sit alone in an empty yard 24 7.
Dogs can get stung by bees and die from allergic reactions.
Dogs can get poisoned by crazy azzhole neighbors
They can be stolen and used for all sorts of terrible awful things
They can get attacked by wildlife and be seriously injured or die
They are more likely to contract things like heart worms or lyme, even with monthly preventatives. That stuff isn't 100 percent fool proof
They can get sunburn, or suffer heat strokeand it doesn't have to be super hot for this to happen.
Deadly spiders, snakes?
Not to mention this often leads to a dog who becomes fearful and aggressive towards humans.

Is that enough reasons hopanka, or would you like more. Because I have plenty.

chicorojo · May 2013

xmaryrickx:
hopanka:
I dont see the problem with having a dog that lives in the yard, as long as he has proper shelter and food. What is wrong with people?
Well let's see. Where to begin. Dogs are pack animals and want to be with their pack. AKA their humans. It's emotionally, mentally unfulfilling for them to sit alone in an empty yard 24 7. Dogs can get stung by bees and die from allergic reactions. Dogs can get poisoned by crazy azzhole neighbors They can be stolen and used for all sorts of terrible awful things They can get attacked by wildlife and be seriously injured or die They are more likely to contract things like heart worms or lyme, even with monthly preventatives. That stuff isn't 100 percent fool proof They can get sunburn, or suffer heat strokeand it doesn't have to be super hot for this to happen. Deadly spiders, snakes? Not to mention this often leads to a dog who becomes fearful and aggressive towards humans. Is that enough reasons hopanka, or would you like more. Because I have plenty.

Wooooooowwwwwwwwwwww!!!!! Lol

Alohalove · May 2013

I think the punishment needs to fit the crime and age of the "criminal." I got tired of keeping track of how long my step-son and step-daughter were grounded and have started implementing hard labor. I got the idea from another thread (thank you!!).

We ground them for a time and also give them chores that are above and beyond what they would normally do. It seems to be working. Our cars are so shiny! The cupboards have been emptied, cleaned, items wiped, and organized. Bookshelves have been emptied, polished, books dusted, and organized. The insides of the refrigerator and freezer are so clean!

I think, for now, this combo of grounding and hard labor seems to be working.

Lying, bad attitude, and back-talk are sooooo not tolerated in my house. I stomp down those thing and I stomp hard. I don't give a frig for the reasons they have for back-talk.

SimpleJane · May 2013

xmaryrickx:
hopanka:
I dont see the problem with having a dog that lives in the yard, as long as he has proper shelter and food. What is wrong with people?

Well let's see. Where to begin.
Dogs are pack animals and want to be with their pack. AKA their humans. It's emotionally, mentally unfulfilling for them to sit alone in an empty yard 24 7.
Dogs can get stung by bees and die from allergic reactions.
Dogs can get poisoned by crazy azzhole neighbors
They can be stolen and used for all sorts of terrible awful things
They can get attacked by wildlife and be seriously injured or die
They are more likely to contract things like heart worms or lyme, even with monthly preventatives. That stuff isn't 100 percent fool proof
They can get sunburn, or suffer heat strokeand it doesn't have to be super hot for this to happen.
Deadly spiders, snakes?
Not to mention this often leads to a dog who becomes fearful and aggressive towards humans.

Is that enough reasons hopanka, or would you like more. Because I have plenty.

Not to mention, why would you even bother having a pet if you aren't going to give it a loved, fulfilled life? It should be with someone who values it enough to spend time with it and makes it feel like part of the family. Leaving it outside, tied up and alone is cruel IMO. I feel like people who do that to an animal deserve it to be done to them.

Littlejen22 · May 2013

hindsight's_a_biotch:
Also, I cannot believe guys just let him be gone at some strange child's house where the parents didn't answer the phone and the sister hadn't seen him and just thought, meh.DH should have gone over there Friday night and dragged his azz home. And hell no he doesn't get to ride his bike while he is grounded. Is there some new meaning of grounded that includes doing whatever the hell I like and calling people who dare disagree a biitch?nbsp;

I have to say I missed this part. Why did you not drive to the friends house when he did not call and drag his a home? I can tell you where this winds up, my SD in high school would say she was sleeping at a friends house and she would be somewhere else with a boy getting high. If he is lying now it will get worse if not stopped.

xmaryrickx · May 2013

Littlejen22:
hindsight's_a_biotch:
Also, I cannot believe guys just let him be gone at some strange child's house where the parents didn't answer the phone and the sister hadn't seen him and just thought, meh.DH should have gone over there Friday night and dragged his azz home. And hell no he doesn't get to ride his bike while he is grounded. Is there some new meaning of grounded that includes doing whatever the hell I like and calling people who dare disagree a biitch?nbsp;

I have to say I missed this part. Why did you not drive to the friends house when he did not call and drag his a home? I can tell you where this winds up, my SD in high school would say she was sleeping at a friends house and she would be somewhere else with a boy getting high. If he is lying now it will get worse if not stopped.

So much this. I can't believe your H didn't just sit at this kids house and wait for his son to show up. I can promise you that is what would happen around here. If he isn't up to no good already, he is headed there. And much quicker than you would probably think.

hindsight's_a_biotch · May 2013

Right?

Because really, meh, I didn't know where he was on Friday so I let him do whatever all damned weekend is pretty fricking ridiculous.

Pamelacake · May 2013

xmaryrickx:
Littlejen22:
hindsight's_a_biotch:
Also, I cannot believe guys just let him be gone at some strange child's house where the parents didn't answer the phone and the sister hadn't seen him and just thought, meh.DH should have gone over there Friday night and dragged his azz home. And hell no he doesn't get to ride his bike while he is grounded. Is there some new meaning of grounded that includes doing whatever the hell I like and calling people who dare disagree a biitch?nbsp;
I have to say I missed this part. Why did you not drive to the friends house when he did not call and drag his a home? I can tell you where this winds up, my SD in high school would say she was sleeping at a friends house and she would be somewhere else with a boy getting high. If he is lying now it will get worse if not stopped.
So much this. I can't believe your H didn't just sit at this kids house and wait for his son to show up. I can promise you that is what would happen around here. If he isn't up to no good already, he is headed there. And much quicker than you would probably think.

I fully agree.. like I have previously stated.. He is a very caring boy/teen but he has a very sneaky side. DH went there at random times and the parents were supposed to be home. I honestly don't think he stayed with that boy, and if he did it wasn't at the boys house.

Pamelacake · May 2013

SimpleJane:
xmaryrickx:
hopanka:
I dont see the problem with having a dog that lives in the yard, as long as he has proper shelter and food. What is wrong with people?
Well let's see. Where to begin. Dogs are pack animals and want to be with their pack. AKA their humans. It's emotionally, mentally unfulfilling for them to sit alone in an empty yard 24 7. Dogs can get stung by bees and die from allergic reactions. Dogs can get poisoned by crazy azzhole neighbors They can be stolen and used for all sorts of terrible awful things They can get attacked by wildlife and be seriously injured or die They are more likely to contract things like heart worms or lyme, even with monthly preventatives. That stuff isn't 100 percent fool proof They can get sunburn, or suffer heat strokeand it doesn't have to be super hot for this to happen. Deadly spiders, snakes? Not to mention this often leads to a dog who becomes fearful and aggressive towards humans. Is that enough reasons hopanka, or would you like more. Because I have plenty.
Not to mention, why would you even bother having a pet if you aren't going to give it a loved, fulfilled life? It should be with someone who values it enough to spend time with it and makes it feel like part of the family. Leaving it outside, tied up and alone is cruel IMO. I feel like people who do that to an animal deserve it to be done to them.

The pet was here before I was. I also am totally against dogs being left outside and begged me husband for him to come inside. We are not allowed to have pets in this home. We are looking for a different house with more bedrooms and so we can have him in even though he loves it outside.. it's not like he doesn't get attention. But I wish we could bring him in, if we did have him in full time we would be risking losing our home.

ETA: when I had my dogs they slept in the bed with me and they were all huge (all adopted) except for the smallest one which was a min pin, she was abandon. I like dogs better than I like people. The dog issue is not something we can do anything about right now. We are paying an attorney to keep my SD's safe!

Pamelacake · May 2013

Thank you all for the advice. SS tried to pull a fast one again yesterday but it didn't work. He got mad at me and went outside. Then he came in and acted like it never happened and asked me if he could play a video game and it caught by DH I could just say I didn't know and he would tell him the same. I stuck to my guns and told him no again. He did it anyways! There were three other boys playing other boys playing on the game with hi mdso I couldn't very well take the whole system, so I unplugged his controller. He told me not to ever touch his stuff... I said it wasn't his at the moment because he was grounded and put it up.

I simply told him that I know I'm not his mom but he lives with his DH and we are going by DH's rules and I, from now on will be enforcing them when he isn't home to do it himself, DH works a lot. So I am the one that gets the blunt of the attitude. He would never talk to DH the way he talks to me. I feel a lot better about things right now and I hope that if I continue to show that the rules will be enforced, He will start to show more respect. I do respect his privacy and show him respect always. I know with him being the youngest from DH's first marriage SS thinks I'm going to leave just like his last stepmom did who was horrible to them.

xmaryrickx · May 2013

My dog post wasn't directed at you, just for the record. You do seem like you want to change that situation, and that you are well aware of the dangers. I hope that you really are looking for a new rental, and that you can find one that accommodates all of your family members very soon.

Has anyone contacted this kids parents since that weekend? I think that's a very important piece of this puzzle. Because really, this may be way bigger than him not calling over the weekend. If he wasn't there, that's big time trouble.

Sunday924 · May 2013

xmaryrickx:
hopanka:
I dont see the problem with having a dog that lives in the yard, as long as he has proper shelter and food. What is wrong with people?
Well let's see. Where to begin. Dogs are pack animals and want to be with their pack. AKA their humans. It's emotionally, mentally unfulfilling for them to sit alone in an empty yard 24 7. Dogs can get stung by bees and die from allergic reactions. Dogs can get poisoned by crazy azzhole neighbors They can be stolen and used for all sorts of terrible awful things They can get attacked by wildlife and be seriously injured or die They are more likely to contract things like heart worms or lyme, even with monthly preventatives. That stuff isn't 100 percent fool proof They can get sunburn, or suffer heat strokeand it doesn't have to be super hot for this to happen. Deadly spiders, snakes? Not to mention this often leads to a dog who becomes fearful and aggressive towards humans. Is that enough reasons hopanka, or would you like more. Because I have plenty.

For the record my dog lives inside and is my baby. I joke I love him more than my H.

BUT I don't think there is anything wrong with a dog living outside with shelter, food, water, and attention. So I wanted to know which you thought was better. The dog living outside in those conditions or a dog living at the shelter with no room just waiting to be euthanized?

fellesferie · May 2013

My dog lives outside during the day and sleeps in a crate (inside with us) at night. She's a relatively well-behaved dog who has been to obedience (as well as protection training) classes. But she's a 1-yo, 70-lb GSD.

If I left her in the house uncrated and gave her anything less than my undivided attention, she would eat everything, knock over the kids, and generally just be huge and powerful. With the kids running about, she cannot have my undivided attention.

So we go outside and throw balls for her, and she comes inside for short periods (+/- 1 hour) once or twice a day while DH is home. But otherwise, she is outside. With shelter, food, water, and toys.

SimpleJane · May 2013

fellesferie:
My dog lives outside during the day and sleeps in a crate inside with us at night. She's a relatively wellbehaved dog who has been to obedience as well as protection training classes. But she's a 1yo, 70lb GSD.nbsp;If I left her in the house uncrated and gave her anything less than my undivided attention, she would eat everything, knock over the kids, nbsp;and generally just be huge and powerful. With the kids running about, she cannot have my undivided attention.nbsp;So we go outside and throw balls for her, and she comes inside for short periods / 1 hour once or twice a day while DH is home. But otherwise, she is outside. With shelter, food, water, and toys.nbsp;

I feel like that is completely different than never allowing an animal you have into your home. It sleeps inside with you at night, and is inside with the family an hour or two each day. Most dogs love being outside, but being kept completely separate from the rest of the family all of the time is just mean.

Pamelacake · May 2013

xmaryrickx:
My dog post wasn't directed at you, just for the record. You do seem like you want to change that situation, and that you are well aware of the dangers. I hope that you really are looking for a new rental, and that you can find one that accommodates all of your family members very soon. Has anyone contacted this kids parents since that weekend? I think that's a very important piece of this puzzle. Because really, this may be way bigger than him not calling over the weekend. If he wasn't there, that's big time trouble.

For the first part, yes we are looking and would love to stay in the country, don't want to change schools etc but we may have to.

yes and apparently the parents were gone for the weekend. When SS asked me to go and said DH already said he could He told me " I can go over there now b/c his parents are home now" That's why he got grounded for that.. because he, being 13 was off with a 15yo and we don't know where or what they were doing. Granted we live in a small town but big things still find ways into small towns or he could have even been out of town with even older kids.. but he is sticking with his story of "that's where he was at all weekend" I don't believe him one bit.

He has even been trying to cause problems with DH and I recently.

ETA: I didn't realize DH had contacted the parents since this. I usually have to remind him of things like this. He is really stepping up too. I can learn much from him too in a situation like this!

xmaryrickx · May 2013

Has anyone called the kids parents to verify if they were there or not?

hindsight's_a_biotch · May 2013

My kid would be grounded until the rapture if he stayed over at a kid's house whose parents were gone for the weekend. I mean it's kind of unbelievable to me that this kid isn't in more trouble and that you felt bad for him. He was out doing God knows what for an entire weekend and you guys are all, well, what can you do?

This isn't normal teenage stuff. This is crazy talk. You guys have to do more. I don't mean to be a jerk about it but for real. Do you guys want to be a grandma in a couple years? Have you set aside money for rehab? Because kids who lie and disappear for a weekend aren't doing so to attend ice cream socials and church services.

xmaryrickx · May 2013

Sunday924:
xmaryrickx:
hopanka:
I dont see the problem with having a dog that lives in the yard, as long as he has proper shelter and food. What is wrong with people?

Well let's see. Where to begin.
Dogs are pack animals and want to be with their pack. AKA their humans. It's emotionally, mentally unfulfilling for them to sit alone in an empty yard 24 7.
Dogs can get stung by bees and die from allergic reactions.
Dogs can get poisoned by crazy azzhole neighbors
They can be stolen and used for all sorts of terrible awful things
They can get attacked by wildlife and be seriously injured or die
They are more likely to contract things like heart worms or lyme, even with monthly preventatives. That stuff isn't 100 percent fool proof
They can get sunburn, or suffer heat strokeand it doesn't have to be super hot for this to happen.
Deadly spiders, snakes?
Not to mention this often leads to a dog who becomes fearful and aggressive towards humans.

Is that enough reasons hopanka, or would you like more. Because I have plenty.
For the record my dog lives inside and is my baby. I joke I love him more than my H.
BUT I don't think there is anything wrong with a dog living outside with shelter, food, water, and attention. So I wanted to know which you thought was better. The dog living outside in those conditions or a dog living at the shelter with no room just waiting to be euthanized?

Oh FFS. This shouldn't be an either or situation. Either you treat your pets as they deserve, which is to be full members of your family INSIDE your home or you shouldn't have a pet. End of story. Slow painful death from a heart stick or gas chamber isn't any better than dying a slow painful death from an attack by a snake, spider or poisoning.

As for the poster who has the 1 yo Shepard. Crate the dog inside and excercise it well. Provide plenty of mental stimulation and it will be fine.

Kyah · May 2013

hindsight's_a_biotch:
My kid would be grounded until the rapture if he stayed over at a kid's house whose parents were gone for the weekend. I mean it's kind of unbelievable to me that this kid isn't in more trouble and that you felt bad for him. He was out doing God knows what for an entire weekend and you guys are all, well, what can you do?
This isn't normal teenage stuff. This is crazy talk. You guys have to do more. I don't mean to be a jerk about it but for real. Do you guys want to be a grandma in a couple years? Have you set aside money for rehab? Because kids who lie and disappear for a weekend aren't doing so to attend ice cream socials and church services.

All of this!!!

Sunday924 · May 2013

xmaryrickx:
Sunday924:
xmaryrickx:
hopanka:
I dont see the problem with having a dog that lives in the yard, as long as he has proper shelter and food. What is wrong with people?
Well let's see. Where to begin. Dogs are pack animals and want to be with their pack. AKA their humans. It's emotionally, mentally unfulfilling for them to sit alone in an empty yard 24 7. Dogs can get stung by bees and die from allergic reactions. Dogs can get poisoned by crazy azzhole neighbors They can be stolen and used for all sorts of terrible awful things They can get attacked by wildlife and be seriously injured or die They are more likely to contract things like heart worms or lyme, even with monthly preventatives. That stuff isn't 100 percent fool proof They can get sunburn, or suffer heat strokeand it doesn't have to be super hot for this to happen. Deadly spiders, snakes? Not to mention this often leads to a dog who becomes fearful and aggressive towards humans. Is that enough reasons hopanka, or would you like more. Because I have plenty.
For the record my dog lives inside and is my baby. I joke I love him more than my H.
BUT I don't think there is anything wrong with a dog living outside with shelter, food, water, and attention. So I wanted to know which you thought was better. The dog living outside in those conditions or a dog living at the shelter with no room just waiting to be euthanized?
Oh FFS. This shouldn't be an either or situation. Either you treat your pets as they deserve, which is to be full members of your family INSIDE your home or you shouldn't have a pet. End of story. Slow painful death from a heart stick or gas chamber isn't any better than dying a slow painful death from an attack by a snake, spider or poisoning. As for the poster who has the 1 yo Shepard. Crate the dog inside and excercise it well. Provide plenty of mental stimulation and it will be fine.

There are so many dogs in shelters. If someone can adopt them and give them an outside home with the conditions I listed then I think that is much better than their current life.

xmaryrickx · May 2013

Sunday924:
xmaryrickx:
Sunday924:
xmaryrickx:
hopanka:
I dont see the problem with having a dog that lives in the yard, as long as he has proper shelter and food. What is wrong with people?

Well let's see. Where to begin.
Dogs are pack animals and want to be with their pack. AKA their humans. It's emotionally, mentally unfulfilling for them to sit alone in an empty yard 24 7.
Dogs can get stung by bees and die from allergic reactions.
Dogs can get poisoned by crazy azzhole neighbors
They can be stolen and used for all sorts of terrible awful things
They can get attacked by wildlife and be seriously injured or die
They are more likely to contract things like heart worms or lyme, even with monthly preventatives. That stuff isn't 100 percent fool proof
They can get sunburn, or suffer heat strokeand it doesn't have to be super hot for this to happen.
Deadly spiders, snakes?
Not to mention this often leads to a dog who becomes fearful and aggressive towards humans.

Is that enough reasons hopanka, or would you like more. Because I have plenty.
For the record my dog lives inside and is my baby. I joke I love him more than my H.
BUT I don't think there is anything wrong with a dog living outside with shelter, food, water, and attention. So I wanted to know which you thought was better. The dog living outside in those conditions or a dog living at the shelter with no room just waiting to be euthanized?
Oh FFS. This shouldn't be an either or situation. Either you treat your pets as they deserve, which is to be full members of your family INSIDE your home or you shouldn't have a pet. End of story. Slow painful death from a heart stick or gas chamber isn't any better than dying a slow painful death from an attack by a snake, spider or poisoning.

As for the poster who has the 1 yo Shepard. Crate the dog inside and excercise it well. Provide plenty of mental stimulation and it will be fine.
There are so many dogs in shelters. If someone can adopt them and give them an outside home with the conditions I listed then I think that is much better than their current life. 

in your opinion. Mine differs greatly, and you will never convince me otherwise. I truly believe that leaving dogs outside for extended periods of time unsupervised, is equal to abuse. So, no its not better.
https://www.dogsdeservebetter.org/wordpress/

Want a personalized experience?

DH and 13yo SS too Harsh punishment.. I think

Re: DH and 13yo SS too Harsh punishment.. I think

Choose Another Board

Search Boards