Ugh.....CIO

kpearse99 · May 2013

This sucks!! I feel like such a terrible mommy for trying the Ferber method, but I don't know what else to do. The doctor said his ear infection is gone, so I feel like this is what we need to do.

it is so hard not to run in there and snuggle him, but I know this will be best in the long run.

Starbear06 · May 2013

Sorry you have to go through this. It'll work out in the long run though. And just remember to be consistent in whatever method you choose for sleep training. GL!

AliciaS1411 · May 2013

no..it won't be for best. Pick up your child and love on him for God's sake.

Whempsey · May 2013

The inner turmoil you are feeling is your natural mothering instinct screaming at you that CIO is not okay. Snuggle your baby he needs you.

Socialworkgirl · May 2013

We did CIO with DD (basically Weissbluth's method). It was really hard but every day got better and DD's sleep is so much better now. Remember the reasons you decided to do it. It is really important to be consistent. If you believe this is the best thing for your LO (and it was for mine), stay consistent because it will make it easier on everyone. Hang in there! I promise it will get better!

bumpuser8448316 · May 2013

If it feels wrong, it means its not right for you and your baby.

Ninapmom · May 2013

CIO is dangerous!!! There are many many many studies that prove this to be true, from my childhood psychology classes in college I have learned through scientific research that it is damaging to a babies brain to let him/her cry it out. Crying is the universal way that babies communicate needs, babies only cry for a need, it could be hunger, soild diaper, or just the need for human interaction. when you do not respond to a babies cry quickly, you are ignoring a need and therefore neglecting your baby. The outdated belief that responding too often to babies cry will spoil them has been refuted by research in a classic study be Bell and Ainsworth. Responding quickly to the child will help them trust and therefore create an independent well rounded child... What you are doing is damaging to your child.. Please pick him/her up respond to the need even if it is just a need for cuddles, a baby should Never be denied attention!!

Ninapmom · May 2013

"The most powerful influence on an infant's brain, growth, however, is attachment, the process by which infants bond emotionally with caregivers... The resulting bond literally protects the human brain from stress... When babies experience stress, levels of hormones called cortisol are elevated in the body. Cortisol threatens brain development by reducing the number of synapses and leaving neurons vulnerable to damage... With CIO infants under great stress are more likely to suffer anxiety, impulsivity, hyperactivity, and poor control of emotions later in life after infancy." parts taken from the college psychology textbook: Early Childhood Development by Jeffery TrawickSmith

emberlee3 · May 2013

I never did CIO with DS, but I had to with DD because she just would not sleep--EVER. I did it about a month ago. It is wonderful! Not only does she put herself to sleep with little or no fuss (usually), she also sleeps more soundly. The first night was the only really awful one. Good luck!

alizabethanne · May 2013

Whempsey:
The inner turmoil you are feeling is your natural mothering instinct screaming at you that CIO is not okay. Snuggle your baby he needs you.

One post huh? Seems like somebody around here is bored and decided to troll around.

AliciaS1411 · May 2013

I don't see how new posters who are posting helpful information are trolls. Trolls are posters who stir up trouble aren't they?

Ninapmom · May 2013

I am not a troll I am giving out helpful credited information, just because I joined today does not mean I am a troll... So the first time you ever posted something you were just being a troll then? Your logic makes zero since.

Ninapmom · May 2013

CIO is dangerous, your baby wants and needs you when you ignore their cries it makes them not understand trust and emotion... Trust your motherly instincts hold your baby!

Ninapmom · May 2013

Me thinks? I created an account because I was looking up information about my own child and this site popped up. Therefore, I created my own account, while browsing through the community posts this post caught my eye since I recently learned about this in my psychology class. All I am trying to do is use my knowledge I have obtained throughout my schooling to help mothers learn information they might not otherwise known I have my degree and teaching license. I am giving information and backing up my sources, in no way does that make me a troll. If anything you are being one by stirring up a controversy. I gave information about the dangers of CIO.

alizabethanne · May 2013

AliciaS1411:
I don't see how new posters who are posting helpful information are trolls. Trolls are posters who stir up trouble aren't they?

Was it helpful to link this thread back to the SAHM board?

CIO is a choice ppl make. It may not be your choice or and its for sure not my choice but there is nothing wrong with mother's and father's making that choice for their family. We use this board to vent our feelings just as much as we do to ask for advice and opinions. New posters and linking this to other boards to say how awful this is, is lame.

unaveragejane · May 2013

klasala318:
This sucks!! I feel like such a terrible mommy for trying the Ferber method, but I don't know what else to do. The doctor said his ear infection is gone, so I feel like this is what we need to do.
it is so hard not to run in there and snuggle him, but I know this will be best in the long run.

IMO teaching my child how to fall asleep on his own was the best decision for us. You have to follow your heart and your head when it comes to this kind of thing, and they don't always agree. (It doesn't help that there is so much conflicting evidence in the research, either.) My personal theory is that you should do the best you can with what you know, and you can't beat yourself up with the unknowns. I read a lot and made my decision based on what I felt was right for us and what would be the best for our health and safety. FWIW my child still is happy to see me when he wakes up in the morning. He is much happier now that he STTN, and he is developing on track. He's only had three colds and is generally very healthy. But do what YOU feel is right for you and your baby. Either way you go, I am here for you!

Starbear06 · May 2013

speer06:
alizabethanne:
AliciaS1411:
I don't see how new posters who are posting helpful information are trolls. Trolls are posters who stir up trouble aren't they?
Was it helpful to link this thread back to the SAHM board?
CIO is a choice ppl make. It may not be your choice or and its for sure not my choice but there is nothing wrong with mother's and father's making that choice for their family. We use this board to vent our feelings just as much as we do to ask for advice and opinions. New posters and linking this to other boards to say how awful this is, is lame. 
 QFT. Not all of us can live up to your sanctimonious standards. 
ETA: I don't think her XP is having quite the 'ZOMG THIS MOM IS SO AWFUL' reaction she hoped for... 

Wow. Don't know what the purpose of linking this to another board. Everyone makes decisions for their own family and do what they feel is best. OP was not asking for advice or wondering if she should be doing sleep training. We've all known that OP has been struggling with LO's sleep for weeks/months now and they've made a decision to use this technique.

SweetHurricane · May 2013

You are not a terrible mommy.

We tried Ferber with both kids and it was a fail with both kids. We ended up doing CIO and it really changed our lives. Both of them put themselves to sleep at bed time and sooth themselves back to sleep during the night.

Do what YOU think is best for you and your family.

Gismo123 · May 2013

Don't be so hard on yourself you are NOT a bad mom. I only do the CIO method if I know DS is tired. for example when he falls asleep while nursing I will lay him down in his crib and he always wakes up and starts to cry because he wants to sleep in my arms. I leave the room and he cries for about 5 min. then falls back asleep. I won't use the CIO method if he isn't sleepy because he will just cry and cry and cry till he is picked up.

Ninapmom · May 2013

There are many research studies that proves that CIO can be damaging to a babies brain development there are zero studies that show this "training" to be beneficial, only opinions. Children can have trust issues and behavioral issues if left to CIO, babies with mothers that tend to their cries quickly are shown to be more independent, and confident. I use attachment parenting for my child and he has the trust and courage to begin walking at only 8 months old! he rarely cries, only makes a small whine because he knows I will be there, he is the most happy, energetic and advanced baby I know. But it honestly doesn't matter about my own personal experience, credited scientific research studies proves that CIO is a harmful way to raise a baby. It is not natural, mothers are born with the instinct to comfort their crying babes and when their cries are ignored the baby feels hopeless, distressed and not valued.. What a sad way for a child to being life

giggles0918 · May 2013

alizabethanne:
AliciaS1411:
I don't see how new posters who are posting helpful information are trolls. Trolls are posters who stir up trouble aren't they?
Was it helpful to link this thread back to the SAHM board?

I was going to insert the thumbs up here but it won't let me for some reason.

We did CIO and it was the best thing. She was a horrible sleeper and now she takes naps and sometimes sleep though the night. It's not for everyone and every baby but just b/c you have to do CIO does not mean you are a bad mommy. Don't let these trolls and other posters make you feel bad.

Babybear70 · May 2013

klasala318:
This sucks!! I feel like such a terrible mommy for trying the Ferber method, but I don't know what else to do. The doctor said his ear infection is gone, so I feel like this is what we need to do.
it is so hard not to run in there and snuggle him, but I know this will be best in the long run.

Thankfully I never had to do CIO with DS, and frankly it isn't for me. I couldn't take his crying because I felt like he needed me. But if you feel as strongly as it sounds like you do about letting him cry then maybe this isn't the right choice for you for sleep training. You aren't a bad mom, you are just trying to do what is best. Consistancy is the key, but you knew that already. You do what is best for you and your family, regarless of what anyone else has to say about it. If it hurts your heart that much to listen to your peanut cry, then you might want to rethink your choice, and choose a differnt sleep training method. Good luck to you hun!

unaveragejane · May 2013

Ninapmom:
There are many research studies that proves that CIO can be damaging to a babies brain development there are zero studies that show this "training" to be beneficial, only opinions. Children can have trust issues and behavioral issues if left to CIO, babies with mothers that tend to their cries quickly are shown to be more independent, and confident. I use attachment parenting for my child and he has the trust and courage to begin walking at only 8 months old! he rarely cries, only makes a small whine because he knows I will be there, he is the most happy, energetic and advanced baby I know. But it honestly doesn't matter about my own personal experience, credited scientific research studies proves that CIO is a harmful way to raise a baby. It is not natural, mothers are born with the instinct to comfort their crying babes and when their cries are ignored the baby feels hopeless, distressed and not valued.. What a sad way for a child to being life

I challenge you to cite your sources.

Because according to this study by the AAP, "Behavioral sleep techniques have no marked long-lasting effects (positive or negative). Parents and health professionals can confidently use these techniques to reduce the short- to medium-term burden of infant sleep problems and maternal depression." Link to study: https://pediatrics.aappublications.org/content/early/2012/09/04/peds.2011-3467

calibroncosfan5968 · May 2013

klasala318:
This sucks!! I feel like such a terrible mommy for trying the Ferber method, but I don't know what else to do. The doctor said his ear infection is gone, so I feel like this is what we need to do.
it is so hard not to run in there and snuggle him, but I know this will be best in the long run.

I'm sorry you're post caused such drama on the board Whether people agree with you or not, I agree with what some of the other people have said, you have to do what works for you and your child. You are not being a bad mother, you are simply doing what you think is best and how can that be a bad thing? Hang in there!

calibroncosfan5968 · May 2013

unaveragejane:
Ninapmom:
There are many research studies that proves that CIO can be damaging to a babies brain development there are zero studies that show this "training" to be beneficial, only opinions. Children can have trust issues and behavioral issues if left to CIO, babies with mothers that tend to their cries quickly are shown to be more independent, and confident. I use attachment parenting for my child and he has the trust and courage to begin walking at only 8 months old! he rarely cries, only makes a small whine because he knows I will be there, he is the most happy, energetic and advanced baby I know. But it honestly doesn't matter about my own personal experience, credited scientific research studies proves that CIO is a harmful way to raise a baby. It is not natural, mothers are born with the instinct to comfort their crying babes and when their cries are ignored the baby feels hopeless, distressed and not valued.. What a sad way for a child to being life
I challenge you to cite your sources.
Because according to this study by the AAP, "Behavioral sleep techniques have no marked long-lasting effects (positive or negative). Parents and health professionals can confidently use these techniques to reduce the short- to medium-term burden of infant sleep problems and maternal depression." Link to study: https://pediatrics.aappublications.org/content/early/2012/09/04/peds.2011-3467

I agree with you! There was also just a study that came out at the beginning of this year that said letting LO"s CIO does not leave the scars people think they do!

Meery82 · May 2013

egannon979:
klasala318:
This sucks!! I feel like such a terrible mommy for trying the Ferber method, but I don't know what else to do. The doctor said his ear infection is gone, so I feel like this is what we need to do.
it is so hard not to run in there and snuggle him, but I know this will be best in the long run.

I'm sorry you're post caused such drama on the board Whether people agree with you or not, I agree with what some of the other people have said, you have to do what works for you and your child. You are not being a bad mother, you are simply doing what you think is best and how can that be a bad thing? Hang in there!

This. Every baby and family is different. No one knows a child quite like their mother. You do what's best for you and your baby.

Meery82 · May 2013

speer06:
Ninapmom:
There are many research studies that proves that CIO can be damaging to a babies brain development there are zero studies that show this "training" to be beneficial, only opinions. Children can have trust issues and behavioral issues if left to CIO, babies with mothers that tend to their cries quickly are shown to be more independent, and confident. I use attachment parenting for my child and he has the trust and courage to begin walking at only 8 months old! he rarely cries, only makes a small whine because he knows I will be there, he is the most happy, energetic and advanced baby I know. But it honestly doesn't matter about my own personal experience, credited scientific research studies proves that CIO is a harmful way to raise a baby. It is not natural, mothers are born with the instinct to comfort their crying babes and when their cries are ignored the baby feels hopeless, distressed and not valued.. What a sad way for a child to being life
Omg?! Your child can walk at 8 months because you attachment parent?! Oh lordy, sign me up! Seriously, get over yourself. I don't give a flying eff whether you work vs. SAHM, breastfeed vs. formula feed, cloth diaper vs. disposable, BLW vs. purees, co-sleep vs. not, CIO vs. not. It doesn't make you any better than any one mother on this board, period. No one wants or needs you spewing your sanctimonious parenting opinions around here in a poor attempt to make a mother feel bad for her choices. I don't CIO, not my thing, but you will never see me posting crap trying to make someone feel bad for their choice to try CIO.

This. Shame on you for judging a mother who is doing her best. I may not know her personally, but from knowing her here, I can tell that she is a great mother and her priority is doing what's best for her child. You just happen to show up out of nowhere and spew your close-minded opinion. If that's what works for you, fabulous, keep it up. That doesn't mean it works for everyone. There are many ways to parent. Yours isn't the only acceptable choice. Keep your negative judgments to yourself.

GracieBlue · May 2013

Do whatever works best for your family. You are not a bad mom! Also generally skipping over the "sage" opinions/advice of a certain member is usually the best move.

jess9802 · May 2013

It is absolutely ridiculous to think that parents should subsume their need for sleep for months, if not years, to cater to the whims of a baby or toddler on the basis of shaky, if not shoddy, "science."

We have not really needed to CIO as a regular method of sleep training, b/c DS is basically a good sleeper. But there are absolutely times where I put him in his crib, screaming. I give him his blankie, a binkie, and pat on the tummy, say "I love you," and I walk away. Sometimes he'll cry for a few minutes and then I go back and comfort him. But more often than not...he...falls asleep.

I am sure I will come to regret this when he is in prison, but for now this selfish mommy needs her damn sleep.

Ninapmom · May 2013

I did cite my sources.. Scroll up, in my first two posts I cited my sources. Credited research studies.

Meery82 · May 2013

jess9802:
It is absolutely ridiculous to think that parents should subsume their need for sleep for months, if not years, to cater to the whims of a baby or toddler on the basis of shaky, if not shoddy, "science."
We have not really needed to CIO as a regular method of sleep training, b/c DS is basically a good sleeper. But there are absolutely times where I put him in his crib, screaming. I give him his blankie, a binkie, and pat on the tummy, say "I love you," and I walk away. Sometimes he'll cry for a few minutes and then I go back and comfort him. But more often than not...he...falls asleep.
I am sure I will come to regret this when he is in prison, but for now this selfish mommy needs her damn sleep.

LOL. Same here, mine goes to bed at night with a smile, but sometimes fights naps. He just cried for a couple minutes before falling asleep for his nap. Maybe your son and mine can be cell mates.

Ninapmom · May 2013

My son never fights naps or bed time, he has trust in me and feels safe when I put him to bed.. I sleep 8 hours, and i didn't have to sleep train my child or use the CIO

jess9802 · May 2013

Ninapmom:
My son never fights naps or bed time, he has trust in me and feels safe when I put him to bed.. I sleep 8 hours, and i didn't have to sleep train my child or use the CIO

Well congratulations! You win Mommy of the Year! Go here to collect your award.

Ninapmom · May 2013

gnore or respond to the cry signal? Once you appreciate the special signal value of your baby's cry, the important thing is what you do about it. You have two basic options, ignore or respond. Ignoring your baby's cry is usually a loselose situation. A more compliant baby gives up and stops signaling, becomes withdrawn, eventually realizes that crying is not worthwhile, and concludes that he is not worthwhile. The baby loses the motivation to communicate with his parents, and the parents miss out on opportunities to get to know their baby. Everyone loses. A baby with a more persistent personality most highneed babiesdoes not give up so easily. Instead, he cries louder and keeps escalating his signal, making it more and more disturbing. You could ignore this persistent signal in several ways. You could wait it out until he stops crying and then pick him up, so that he won't think it was his crying that got your attention. This is actually a type of power struggle; you teach the baby that you're in control, but you also teach him that he has no power to communicate. This shuts down parentchild communication, and in the long run everybody loses.

You could desensitize yourself completely so that you're not "bothered" at all by the cry; this way you can teach baby he only gets responded to when it's "time." This is another loselose situation; baby doesn't get what he needs and parents remain stuck in a mindset where they can't enjoy their baby's unique personality. Or, you could pick baby up to calm him but then put him right back down because "it's not time to feed him yet." He has to learn, after all, to be happy "on his own." Loselose again; he will start to cry again and you will feel angry. He will learn that his communication cues, though heard, are not responded to, which can lead him to distrust his own perceptions: "Maybe they're right. Maybe I'm not hungry." Dr. Sears

kpearse99 · May 2013

Well, i certainly didn't mean to post this to get a beat down or for it to be twisted on another board, thanks for that btw...pretty crappy on your part miss. "moderator".
I posted because i just wanted the support from my fellow bumpies. The same support we provide everyone else. Yes, i expected opinions from people that don't do cio, but i still expected SUPPORT, not to be bashed.
FWIW, i tried everything with my son who had been up every hour, every night for the last month! That's not normal for any ten month old....esp. One who was STTN since 11 weeks.
I cuddled and snuggled him. I rocked him, changed him, gave him water. Gave him his medicine, slept on the couch with him....i was desperate to try another method. This poor kid was waking up in the morning still tired and still yawning. That's not right....
I'm not doing this for myself, I'm doing this to help teach him healthy sleep habits again. And guess what? Got the first time in a month, he didn't wake up exhausted! He still greeted me with a smile and a happy laugh. He knows i still love him and will always be there for him, when he needs me. But he also needs to know he can soothe himself too.
Thank you to those that supported me and backed me up, and for everyone else...I'm sorry i can't be the incredible mother that you are....

jess9802 · May 2013

klasala318:
Well, i certainly didn't mean to post this to get a beat down or for it to be twisted on another board, thanks for that btw...pretty crappy on your part miss. "moderator". I posted because i just wanted the support from my fellow bumpies. The same support we provide everyone else. Yes, i expected opinions from people that don't do cio, but i still expected SUPPORT, not to be bashed. FWIW, i tried everything with my son who had been up every hour, every night for the last month! That's not normal for any ten month old....esp. One who was STTN since 11 weeks. I cuddled and snuggled him. I rocked him, changed him, gave him water. Gave him his medicine, slept on the couch with him....i was desperate to try another method. This poor kid was waking up in the morning still tired and still yawning. That's not right.... I'm not doing this for myself, I'm doing this to help teach him healthy sleep habits again. And guess what? Got the first time in a month, he didn't wake up exhausted! He still greeted me with a smile and a happy laugh. He knows i still love him and will always be there for him, when he needs me. But he also needs to know he can soothe himself too. Thank you to those that supported me and backed me up, and for everyone else...I'm sorry i can't be the incredible mother that you are....

You are doing fine. Please don't be so hard on yourself, and ignore the Sanctimommies in our midst. Sleep deprivation is a form of torture, and when your baby is up all. the. freaking. time. it makes it impossible for you to function. My son went through a growth spurt at 7 mos. and was up every 2 hours at night for 10 days. I always nurse him in the middle of the night, but I was miserable - b!tchy, grouchy, tired. My husband was frustrated with me, I couldn't fuction at work, I daydreamed of taking a day off and checking into a hotel to get some sleep. We survived and moved on, but had it gone on much longer I would have cried uncle and tried some sleep training.

kpearse99 · May 2013

OMG!! for the love of my child, i do communicate to him. He is one very loved, very safe, very independent and dependent at the same time. STOP QUESTIONING MY LOVE FOR MY SON.
He is not a neglected boy, he gets everything he needs from his family and more. You really think highly of yourself to bash down another mother.

Andrewsgal · May 2013

klasala318:
OMG!! for the love of my child, i do communicate to him. He is one very loved, very safe, very independent and dependent at the same time. STOP QUESTIONING MY LOVE FOR MY SON. He is not a neglected boy, he gets everything he needs from his family and more. You really think highly of yourself to bash down another mother.

Coming from the SAHM board. You can do this. Your baby will be fine and in the end it is so worth it. Be consistent. I let both of mine CIO and so far my 6 and 4 year old are awesome sleepers with zero attachment problems.

Andrewsgal · May 2013

Ninapmom:
My son never fights naps or bed time, he has trust in me and feels safe when I put him to bed.. I sleep 8 hours, and i didn't have to sleep train my child or use the CIO

My kids sleep 10 hours, have absolute trust in me and are a hell of a lot older than your kids and both cried it out. My antidotal evidence wins because I have more kids. Therefore you are wrong.

kpearse99 · May 2013

speer06:
klasala318:
OMG!! for the love of my child, i do communicate to him. He is one very loved, very safe, very independent and dependent at the same time. STOP QUESTIONING MY LOVE FOR MY SON.
He is not a neglected boy, he gets everything he needs from his family and more. You really think highly of yourself to bash down another mother.
Dude, you are an awesome mom and every post you make is bursting with the love you have for your son. This twattytroll literally had no posts before she came on here to harass you. I seriously doubt the validity of anything that has come out of her mouth today. 

Thanks Speer!! And i loved the Sheldon!

joleine · May 2013

You are not a terrible mommy! Sleeping, like other milestones and skills, need to be taught to our babies. Just like eating, walking, talking, drawing, going to the bathroom on a toilet etc. They can not learn it on their own. We have to teach them how. CIO sucks, hearing them cry is the worst thing ever. But when done right, sleep training shouldn't be the most difficult thing ever. Both of my girls learned to fall asleep on their own and stay asleep, for 10-12 hours a night, within a couple days of starting the process. The more anxious you are about it, the harder it will be. Hell, sometimes I still have to let my 3 year old CIO because it's the only way to get her to go to sleep.

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