Ok, let me run something by you guys

Vuja_de · May 2013

My SIL (36, a teacher, never married) got engaged 2 weeks ago, she lives an hour and a half away from us, she is my husband's only sibling. The rest of her family (besides her mother) live over 4 hours away. Last night she sent out an e-vite inviting us to her wedding Wednesday August 14, 2013; for a "small intimate wedding and reception".

My husband doesn't get paid time off and I have very limited vacation time due to sick kids and pre-scheduled vacation so us going to this wedding isn't looking like a possibility.

Would you be a little miffed in our situation? Or just shrug it off and respond "no, sorry can't make it".

My gut reaction was "WTF?!" But now that I think about it, maybe I shouldn't be upset. I would love to see her get married but obviously having family there isn't a priority for her so I shouldn't let it bother me?

Ms5586 · May 2013

I'd let DH approach her and say "Hey, sorry, but the middle of the week just won't work for us. We'd love to be there, but I don't have any leave and neither does Vuja". And then maybe plan for a weekend to go out and have dinner or something?

Tigger & pooh · May 2013

I don't get what your problem is? You have plenty of notice its her first wedding you should be super happy for her!

Vuja_de · May 2013

BlueDevilLady:
Evite wedding invitation aside, what is there to be upset about? Am I missing something?

That it is in the middle of the week and she knows we won't be able to attend.

missyishere · May 2013

Is there any way YH can just go? I know you state he doesn't get PTO, but I think I would be a little disappointed if my only brother wasn't able to come to my wedding. She only lives an hour and a half, so how much time would he need to take off for the event?

I don't get why you'd be miffed. Am I missing something?

Vuja_de · May 2013

CTGirl30:
Anyone know why the huge rush??? She got engaged 2 weeks ago and is getting married in 3 months?

no idea at all! I (sarcastically) told H to ask her when she was due.

ReeseFox · May 2013

I think the issue is that the wedding is on a Wednesday. A mid-week wedding could be challenging to attend even if all of the guests lived in town, but in this case the brides family is all 1.5-4 hours away.

RayRay007 · May 2013

Tigger & pooh:
I don't get what your problem is? You have plenty of notice its her first wedding you should be super happy for her!

Hmm

I don't think OP is complaining about notice or saying she isn't happy for her. She scheduled it in the middle of the week.

OP, I would have the same reaction - WTF at first and then oh well, it's obviously not a priority for her that we come. Tell her you don't have the time to take off but make arrangements to visit on a weekend.

Vuja_de · May 2013

I guess I was hoping to see her get married. I was really excited for her when she announced her engagement. My husband doesn't know if he can get the time off to go he is going to check. I was miffed because he was upset.

Vuja_de · May 2013

Tigger & pooh:
I don't get what your problem is? You have plenty of notice its her first wedding you should be super happy for her!

You are being sarcastic right?

EastCoastBride · May 2013

Vuja_de:
But now that I think about it, maybe I shouldn't be upset. I would love to see her get married but obviously having family there isn't a priority for her so I shouldn't let it bother me?

Basically this. I get why you're WTF about it, but if was a priority to her that her family be there, she wouldn't schedule her wedding on a Wednesday.

NOW- if she actually gets pissed that you aren't going to come, THEN be miffed!

Tigger & pooh · May 2013

Vuja_de:
Tigger & pooh:
I don't get what your problem is? You have plenty of notice its her first wedding you should be super happy for her!
You are being sarcastic right?

I wasn't but I also missed the Wednesday part. I would still go though.

danieliza1127 · May 2013

Maybe she doesn't realize that you guys can't get the time off to come. Having it on a week night is pretty odd but until you talk to her and let her know that you really wanted to be there but can't make a week night work, you don't really know what she's thinking. I wouldn't assume that she doesn't care if family is there. There could be some reason that it's on a weeknight that you just don't know about. Just talk to her.

hoping4sticky · May 2013

Yes a wedding on a wednesday is odd and a bit inconvenient. What time is the wedding? If it is in the evening, which I would assume, I don't really see the big deal for you. It is an hour and half, it isn't that far. Could you not plan to cut out of work at 4:00, be there at 5:30, stay for a few hours and be home at 9-10? If you couldn't find a sitter and/or didn't want to take LO then I would just have your husband go.

Like I said it is not the most ideal situation for guests, but from the 'small' part and the evite part she obviously isn't making it a huge deal. Honestly, I would find driving an hour and half on a weekday a lot easier than trying to schedule time for the bridal shower/bachelorette party/dress rehersal/buying a bridesmaids dress etc that comes with a more 'traditional' saturday wedding.

pghmortdoll · May 2013

People can choose any day/time/place that they like to get married. But they have to realize that it may not be possible for everyone to attend. This is the case with every scenario, not just the one in the OP.

If there are certain people you NEED to have at your wedding, you will take them into consideration when planning, YKWIM?

EastCoastBride · May 2013

emkatrine:
This should be a once in a lifetime chance for her to pick the date she wants to get married. Maybe the date she chose has a special meaning for the couple. I'm a little surprised that people think she should consider everyone else's schedule over the day she wants for her wedding.

I agree that she can pick whatever date she wants, but I'm wondering what her reaction is going to be when people say they cna't come.

If she's all "Oh- that's cool, I understand", then everyone is good.

But if she picks a date like this and then gets mad when everyone can't make it, that's unfair of her. She has to pick what's important - the date or the guests.

MooOink · May 2013

What time is the wedding? In the afternoon/evening? Maybe you can work half days then head to the wedding.

I find it very hard to believe that you or your H can't request a half day or even full day off for a sisters wedding. Especially with 3 months notice.

Vuja_de · May 2013

AshPal61:
Considering that your H is her only sibling, and the rest of the family most likely won't make the trip, I think it would probably mean a lot to her for you guys to be there.

She is aware of our situation, we haven't seen her since Thanksgiving (she wanted to spend Christmas alone) so I am not so sure she cares. I texted her and asked her if there was a special reason behind the day she chose, she just texted back that was when her fi's family could make it.

So, there ya go question answered.

Kitiara5512 · May 2013

Ms5586:
I'd let DH approach her and say "Hey, sorry, but the middle of the week just won't work for us. We'd love to be there, but I don't have any leave and neither does Vuja". And then maybe plan for a weekend to go out and have dinner or something?

This. Most likely they are going to the JP to get married and then doing a mini reception after. A lot of JPs don't work weekends or cost more for that time, and in our case, the JP's weekends were all booked up several months in advance so it was easier to go middle of the week and do it sooner.

littlestjerry · May 2013

Did you ever say what time it was at? I'm envisioning maybe 5 or 6? Seems like it wouldn't be that difficult for at least your husband to go, but I don't know anything about his ability to leave work early, obviously.

That being said, I should hope she won't be surprised if a lot of people can't make it.

EastCoastBride · May 2013

Vuja_de:

I texted her and asked her if there was a special reason behind the day she chose, she just texted back that was when her fi's family could make it.

Huh. that's interesting/odd. They cleared the date w/ his family but not w/ you all? They don't have to- obviously. But this puts me more in the camp that she might just not care if you all can come or not.

Vuja_de · May 2013

EastCoastBride:
Vuja_de:

I texted her and asked her if there was a special reason behind the day she chose, she just texted back that was when her fi's family could make it.
Huh. that's interesting/odd. They cleared the date w/ his family but not w/ you all? They don't have to- obviously. But this puts me more in the camp that she might just not care if you all can come or not.

yeah, kinda stings but I am going to let my husband deal with it.

Fianschneid · May 2013

It's a bummer that making it a Wednesday makes it impossible for you to attend but she gets to have the wedding she wants. She doesn't have to plan around anyone else.

Let her know ASAP and don't feel guilty.

Vuja_de · May 2013

BlueDevilLady:
Vuja_de:
AshPal61:
Considering that your H is her only sibling, and the rest of the family most likely won't make the trip, I think it would probably mean a lot to her for you guys to be there.

She is aware of our situation, we haven't seen her since Thanksgiving (she wanted to spend Christmas alone) so I am not so sure she cares. I texted her and asked her if there was a special reason behind the day she chose, she just texted back that was when her fi's family could make it.
So, there ya go question answered.
Hmph...that's too bad. Is there some strain between her and the family? Obviously I'm just being nosey now since you've already gotten your answer.

Well, she is kind of snobby, her FI & his family are also the same (at one point he told my SIL that he didn't think he could marry her because she wasn't smart enough, they then broke it off for a month or so) and her uncles/aunts are from the country and not as sophisticated so.. I don't know.. maybe she is embarassed for his family to meet hers?

Vuja_de · May 2013

fredalina:
I think you have time to plan to attend a sister's wedding an hour away. Sorry it's not what you prefer, but you have to go.

I don't have to go, I'll stay home with the kids and my husband can go if he even wants to.

cyprissa · May 2013

I agree with this. It's his only sibling so I would find a way to go. It is at most 1 day off work but most likely just a half day or a few hours. I honestly have a hard time believing that there is no way for you guys to make it.

hoping4sticky:
Yes a wedding on a wednesday is odd and a bit inconvenient. What time is the wedding? If it is in the evening, which I would assume, I don't really see the big deal for you. It is an hour and half, it isn't that far. Could you not plan to cut out of work at 4:00, be there at 5:30, stay for a few hours and be home at 9-10? If you couldn't find a sitter and/or didn't want to take LO then I would just have your husband go.

Like I said it is not the most ideal situation for guests, but from the 'small' part and the evite part she obviously isn't making it a huge deal. Honestly, I would find driving an hour and half on a weekday a lot easier than trying to schedule time for the bridal shower/bachelorette party/dress rehersal/buying a bridesmaids dress etc that comes with a more 'traditional' saturday wedding.

Unknown · May 2013

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MsLs · May 2013

Aside from the awkward day/timing of the wedding I will say this. My brother recently got married and of course DS and I got sick the week off. We left him with MIL for a couple of reasons but I didn't really want to go the wedding because I felt like ***, hadn't slept due to DS being sick and DH hates wearing a tux and was being obnoxious about it all. However, when all was said and done I'm so glad we sucked it up and went. Last weekend my brother and his wife came down to see DS and my brother took me aside and said how happy he was that we came and stayed all night and sent them off on their honeymoon.

Long story short I know it may be a pain in the to make it work but you should. Your H may regret not going down the road and I bet his sister really wants him to be there.

Vuja_de · May 2013

I Heart The 80s:
So, what is the issue? The day of the week? Her wedding, her choice.

I explained the issue within the thread, guess you will have to go back and read.

Unknown · May 2013

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Vuja_de · May 2013

mbenit4:
Vuja_de:

BlueDevilLady:
Evite wedding invitation aside, what is there to be upset about? Am I missing something?

That it is in the middle of the week and she knows we won't be able to attend.

You can attend. Seems like you just don't want to.

Not the case, but you can assume all you would like. I found out why she decided to have it when she did, I will let my husband make the call regarding our (or his) attendance. His family, his deal.

Vuja_de · May 2013

I Heart The 80s:
Jiminy Cricket:
Vuja_de:
I Heart The 80s:
So, what is the issue? The day of the week? Her wedding, her choice.

I explained the issue within the thread, guess you will have to go back and read.
LOL! Awkward...
No, not awkward. I read it.

Well, if you read it then why did you ask?

Vuja_de · May 2013

fredalina:
Vuja_de:
I Heart The 80s:
So, what is the issue? The day of the week? Her wedding, her choice.

I explained the issue within the thread, guess you will have to go back and read.
Eh, I read your explanation and I still don't really see a problem. It's one day. It's not like you're 4 hours away and would pretty much have to spend the night and take 2 days off. You can go. You would prefer not to. Fair enough, but this is a "suck it up and go" moment IMO.

Like I said above, I am leaving it up to my husband now. He is upset she is accomodating her future in-laws but not taking the time to consider her family. This isn't my battle, I posted here before I got the full story and details. Now we know and I am staying out of the family drama. Going to go with the flow on this one.

Unknown · May 2013

This content has been removed.

Vuja_de · May 2013

Jiminy Cricket:
I Heart The 80s:
Jiminy Cricket:
Vuja_de:
I Heart The 80s:
So, what is the issue? The day of the week? Her wedding, her choice.

I explained the issue within the thread, guess you will have to go back and read.
LOL! Awkward...
No, not awkward. I read it.
Her hostility was awkward... as is your defensiveness.

LOL, I am not being hostile, sorry if it was taken that way. I just didn't feel like repeating myself over and over again.

Vuja_de · May 2013

Sorry guys, I am not upset or on the defense or hostile or whatever. I am being read wrong I think. I asked for opinions, I'm not butt hurt sorry I am coming off that way.

Disneygeek77 · May 2013

Could you guys only take a half day off ? That wouldn't be too bad.

outnumbered · May 2013

Vuja_de:
fredalina:
Vuja_de:
I Heart The 80s:
So, what is the issue? The day of the week? Her wedding, her choice.

I explained the issue within the thread, guess you will have to go back and read.
Eh, I read your explanation and I still don't really see a problem. It's one day. It's not like you're 4 hours away and would pretty much have to spend the night and take 2 days off. You can go. You would prefer not to. Fair enough, but this is a "suck it up and go" moment IMO.
Like I said above, I am leaving it up to my husband now. He is upset she is accomodating her future in-laws but not taking the time to consider her family. This isn't my battle, I posted here before I got the full story and details. Now we know and I am staying out of the family drama. Going to go with the flow on this one.

It is only a family drama if you make it a drama. She might be accommodating her FILs for reasons that are private. Go to the wedding. Celebrate her marriage.

outnumbered · May 2013

Vuja_de:
BlueDevilLady:
Vuja_de:
AshPal61:
Considering that your H is her only sibling, and the rest of the family most likely won't make the trip, I think it would probably mean a lot to her for you guys to be there.

Well, she is kind of snobby, her FI & his family are also the same (at one point he told my SIL that he didn't think he could marry her because she wasn't smart enough, they then broke it off for a month or so) and her uncles/aunts are from the country and not as sophisticated so.. I don't know.. maybe she is embarassed for his family to meet hers?

Or maybe you are seeing issues that are not present. You sound like you might not want to attend her wedding even if she asked you what time and day it should be at.

MrsGoodkat · May 2013

I'm just puzzled that a Wednesday is convenient for ANYONE, except maybe for people that work weekends and have Wednesdays off.

I think your DH should go but if you and the kids can't make it, then so be it. I think it sucks that they don't seem to have tried hard to include all the close family but it is what it is, I guess.

Vuja_de · May 2013

she was in my wedding, she helped me pick my gown, she and I were close. I wanted to help her with her wedding, I am happy she is getting married, I am sad that her whole family won't be able to come because I know they would be happy to see her get married as well. I am sad to see my husband, her brother upset about all of this and her recent decisions and actions (not all pertaining to the surprise wedding). I am not a jilted self-consumed person some of you guys are making me out to be.

If he wants to go we will go, if he doesn't we wont. How many more times do I have to say that?

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