I couldn't wait to get home from work to read all of this. Congrats dh, a successful htt indeed!
So I'm a FTM and have no experience being the disciplinarian. However, here is my experience with a parent who "spanks", a parent who ignores all behavior, and a parent who uses reason.
I grew up in a split home and had step parents for as long as I can remember. My stepdad ended up showing his true self after the wedding. To be fair, spanking was the least of my worries, but it happened too. My mom was abused even more and didn't really play a part in the big issues that got dealt with. My dad ignored pretty much everything, honestly I don't know if it was on purpose or he was really that blind to everything, but it created the environment to release all that built up anger from living in the other home. We walked out into the desert and smoked cigarettes when I was nine for Christ's sake. Eventually I ended up in my mom's sole care when I was 16 and not a very well behaved teen. She not only gained my respect as a parent, but got me back in line and on the right path in life to make something of myself. And she did it all by setting boundaries and expectations.
To this day I only have a relationship with my mom, so that should tell you all you need to know about the power of proper parenting.
I implore those of you who don't see the harm in spanking to watch a few episodes of supernanny and see the power of boundaries and limitations.
and trying to say how spanking is somehow not the same as hitting? nuts.
Because it's not. Spanking is punishment. Hitting is either accidental or something you do out of anger. Spanking should not be done in anger and should not be accidental.
Just because you disagree with someone does not make them wrong or "a-hole parents".
I agree. Just because you disagree with someone about something does not make them an idiot. You should show some respect for others and their opinions because everyone has a different view and these situations and parenting decisions are not as black and white as you make them seem.
I vote you Most Optimistic for thinking you are gonna change CV's ways.
Okay, but really... All I'm going to say on this topic is: how you think you will discipline your child will change drastically--not just after you have met your little person, but also as they grow. How I deal with DD now is not how we discussed when I was pregnant with her, nor is it the same way I disciplined a month ago. I think you have to do what works for you--and as a parent, the only person who will be able to change your mind about how to discipline will be YOUR child. So arguing over this is like arguing over who politics and religion.
I agree with you Quarter. Parenting is a huge series of trial and error per child.
I dread the "per child" part, to be honest, haha. But I know it's true--the way my parents dealt with me was VASTLY different than they dealt with my brother.
All of this. And, I have to say, I'm a little disappointed in so many responding to CV's attempt to stir the pot.
I implore those of you who don't see the harm in spanking to watch a few episodes of supernanny and see the power of boundaries and limitations.
I haven't ever seen one person on this board say that spanking will be their go to method of discipline nor their sole method of discipline. It's simply one of the many tools in their disciplinary repertoire. In fact, the majority of spanking parents I have known only use it as a last resort.
The anti-spanking people need to realize that they can't say what is and isn't effective for other people's children. What's good for the goose isn't always good for the gander.
Okay, but really... All I'm going to say on this topic is: how you think you will discipline your child will change drastically--not just after you have met your little person, but also as they grow. How I deal with DD now is not how we discussed when I was pregnant with her, nor is it the same way I disciplined a month ago. I think you have to do what works for you--and as a parent, the only person who will be able to change your mind about how to discipline will be YOUR child. So arguing over this is like arguing over who politics and religion.
I agree with you Quarter. Parenting is a huge series of trial and error per child.
I dread the "per child" part, to be honest, haha. But I know it's true--the way my parents dealt with me was VASTLY different than they dealt with my brother.
All of this. And, I have to say, I'm a little disappointed in so many responding to CV's attempt to stir the pot.
The pot gets kinda funky and boring if you don't stir it every so often... Just sayin...
I implore those of you who don't see the harm in spanking to watch a few episodes of supernanny and see the power of boundaries and limitations.
I haven't ever seen one person on this board say that spanking will be their go to method of discipline nor their sole method of discipline. It's simply one of the many tools in their disciplinary repertoire. In fact, the majority of spanking parents I have known only use it as a last resort.
The anti-spanking people need to realize that they can't say what is and isn't effective for other people's children. What's good for the goose isn't always good for the gander.
What is not too often to one person could be a lot to another. Also, when you say it is used as a last resort, I can't help but think that you are already exasperated when you reach that point and may not be as calm as you think you are.
Honestly, I don't judge anyone for spanking, my animals get bops on the nose for bad behavior when they aren't responding to anything else, but generally making them sit and calm down snaps them out of the behavior. I should probably make it clear that I'm not comparing children with animals, but this is my only experience.
What is not too often to one person could be a lot to another. Also, when you say it is used as a last resort, I can't help but think that you are already exasperated when you reach that point and may not be as calm as you think you are.
Honestly, I don't judge anyone for spanking, my animals get bops on the nose for bad behavior when they aren't responding to anything else, but generally making them sit and calm down snaps them out of the behavior. I should probably make it clear that I'm not comparing children with animals, but this is my only experience.
When I say last resort, I mean for dangerous situations or if all other methods haven't worked. It doesn't mean that a person is going to be exasperated at that point. It just means that there is another option. And even if a parent is frustrated or upset it doesn't mean they are going to be out of control while spanking.
I've seen both sides, and that's why I am fairly adamant about not judging parents. I've seen some kids get spankings for simple things that could probably be corrected other ways, and I've seen some kids who could probably benefit from one good butt whooping.
I'm not saying you were judging or anyone else is for that matter (unless they've implicitly stated that). In fact you're one of the most logical people who posts a lot. I just don't understand how people can sit there and try to tell someone else that they aren't parenting their child right, especially when that person is most likely a complete stranger. It's completely uncalled for unless there's something serious (abuse) going on.
I normally don't post much on this board (I see a lot of problematic/offensive stuff), but this thread just didn't sit well with me even though I know CV is just trying to get a rise out of people and get the board moving.
I was spanked. I don't feel like I was abused. I had a great childhood with loving parents. I think it worked great for my parents.
But we won't spank, I think there are other methods to try. But I don't think the kinds of spankings I received as a child are bad or harmful in any way.
I agree. I was spanked a handful of times and I remember them...and I remember WHY I was spanked. I was never abused nor do I feel as though those spankings damaged me mentally, emotionally, or physically. I think it's a bit short sided and naive to jump to "abuse" when a parenting or discipline method does not align to your own beliefs or practices. While I don't plan to spank my child, I also don't plan to jump to judgement when another parent implements their own parenting methods on their children. And before anyone asks, yes, I do understand and can recognize the difference between spanking and abuse.
I just have to say that I was both spanked and beaten as a child. I personally would not consider spanking abuse, as I have experienced full blown abuse. However, I do not want to spank my kids. Spanking did not work with me. I doubt it would work for them. I don't think it is appropriate to label parents who spank as abusive. Just my 2 cents.
I was spanked. I don't feel like I was abused. I had a great childhood with loving parents. I think it worked great for my parents.
But we won't spank, I think there are other methods to try. But I don't think the kinds of spankings I received as a child are bad or harmful in any way.
I agree. I was spanked a handful of times and I remember them...and I remember WHY I was spanked. I was never abused nor do I feel as though those spankings damaged me mentally, emotionally, or physically. I think it's a bit short sided and naive to jump to "abuse" when a parenting or discipline method does not align to your own beliefs or practices. While I don't plan to spank my child, I also don't plan to jump to judgement when another parent implements their own parenting methods on their children. And before anyone asks, yes, I do understand and can recognize the difference between spanking and abuse.
the thing is, where is the line between "spanking" and abuse? parents can lose control, or hit *hard* i mean, not everyone is doing a "swat" so to speak (not that i agree with this either)
I totally agree and almost posted on that thread how surprised I was that so many people on this board were pro- spanking. Total difference from my last BMB. And LOL to the poster who actually aims for the legs, because her fluffy CD butt can't feel it. Way to plan out hurting and intimidating your child. And it sounds like she does it pretty frequently. If that's your first defense with a toddler, you are going to have a hard road ahead of you.
I'm not saying I will never spank, because I have learned never say never. I do know that I will never use it as my first method of discipline and will certainly not do it to teach any kid of mine to be "sweet"
I totally agree and almost posted on that thread how surprised I was that so many people on this board were pro- spanking. Total difference from my last BMB. And LOL to the poster who actually aims for the legs, because her fluffy CD butt can't feel it. Way to plan out hurting and intimidating your child. And it sounds like she does it pretty frequently. If that's your first defense with a toddler, you are going to have a hard road ahead of you.
I'm not saying I will never spank, because I have learned never say never. I do know that I will never use it as my first method of discipline and will certainly not do it to teach any kid of mine to be "sweet"
this is so contradictory. you seem to be ant-spanking but inthe same breath say " well i wont say i never will' what! i think there are absolutely things you can say 'never' to about raising a child!
stirring the pot or 'getting a rise out of people' would mean i do not really believe 100% in what i am saying and just starting drama to start drama.
which is NOT the case thankyouverymuch
I wasn't insinuating that you don't stand behind what you're posting. You're a very blunt, opinionated person which I can definitely respect and appreciate. However, you are known for starting fires both in regards to serious and non-serious topics. That was the point of that part of my post.
Honestly, I don't really mind (most of the time) because the board tends to be slow and boring (IMO) the majority of the time. So I apologize if that's what it seemed like I was saying.
Okay, but really... All I'm going to say on this topic is: how you think you will discipline your child will change drastically--not just after you have met your little person, but also as they grow. How I deal with DD now is not how we discussed when I was pregnant with her, nor is it the same way I disciplined a month ago. I think you have to do what works for you--and as a parent, the only person who will be able to change your mind about how to discipline will be YOUR child. So arguing over this is like arguing over who politics and religion.
I agree with you Quarter. Parenting is a huge series of trial and error per child.
I dread the "per child" part, to be honest, haha. But I know it's true--the way my parents dealt with me was VASTLY different than they dealt with my brother.
All of this. And, I have to say, I'm a little disappointed in so many responding to CV's attempt to stir the pot.
i know, right? The original HTT thread didn't even get this much attention.. WHERE WERE YOU PEOPLE EARLIER?!? Lol
Working! I am having to play serious catch up now on all these threads.
What is not too often to one person could be a lot to another. Also, when you say it is used as a last resort, I can't help but think that you are already exasperated when you reach that point and may not be as calm as you think you are.
Honestly, I don't judge anyone for spanking, my animals get bops on the nose for bad behavior when they aren't responding to anything else, but generally making them sit and calm down snaps them out of the behavior. I should probably make it clear that I'm not comparing children with animals, but this is my only experience.
When I say last resort, I mean for dangerous situations or if all other methods haven't worked. It doesn't mean that a person is going to be exasperated at that point. It just means that there is another option. And even if a parent is frustrated or upset it doesn't mean they are going to be out of control while spanking.
I've seen both sides, and that's why I am fairly adamant about not judging parents. I've seen some kids get spankings for simple things that could probably be corrected other ways, and I've seen some kids who could probably benefit from one good butt whooping.
I'm not saying you were judging or anyone else is for that matter (unless they've implicitly stated that). In fact you're one of the most logical people who posts a lot. I just don't understand how people can sit there and try to tell someone else that they aren't parenting their child right, especially when that person is most likely a complete stranger. It's completely uncalled for unless there's something serious (abuse) going on.
I normally don't post much on this board (I see a lot of problematic/offensive stuff), but this thread just didn't sit well with me even though I know CV is just trying to get a rise out of people and get the board moving.
Aw thanks, I generally agree with everything you post as well.
Honestly, I don't judge and previously don't see a big deal with swatting or spanking within reason. But then I went through a phase where I watched that show and episode after episode she would take these out of control children who's parents used spanking as their last resort because nothing had worked up to that point. The nanny completely turned the kids around while demanding that the parents quit spanking as a form of punishment.
We grew up with the said "fear" of our parents, aka my step dad. We used to use it against each other even, "I'm calling so and so if you don't stop!" And then fake dial the phone and have a fake conversation with the dial tone while the other sibling basically pees their pants. Now this is an extreme case and I'm not saying spanking leads to this amount of fear, but I want my child to respect me not fear me.
this is just it-- i don't see how spanking can be anything BUT fear based, and why on earth anyone thinks this is the best way to 'keep a child in line' is honestly beyondddd me.
I posted this on the original thread: It is difficult for young children to make the association between "Ow, my bum hurts" to "I should've done the right thing". Instead it is "I shouldn't piss off mommy or she will hurt me" Not really how I want my kids to see me or their dad.
I was probably the best behaved child when I was with my mom, but constantly defied my father. He spanked...she didn't. At my mom's house, we knew what was expected of us and what the consequences were without her having to resort to physical punishment. I never respected my father because I always saw him as weak. He had to raise a hand when my mother just had to raise her eyebrows and we would fall in line. Just my two cents.
I totally agree and almost posted on that thread how surprised I was that so many people on this board were pro- spanking. Total difference from my last BMB. And LOL to the poster who actually aims for the legs, because her fluffy CD butt can't feel it. Way to plan out hurting and intimidating your child. And it sounds like she does it pretty frequently. If that's your first defense with a toddler, you are going to have a hard road ahead of you.
I'm not saying I will never spank, because I have learned never say never. I do know that I will never use it as my first method of discipline and will certainly not do it to teach any kid of mine to be "sweet"
this is so contradictory. you seem to be ant-spanking but inthe same breath say " well i wont say i never will' what! i think there are absolutely things you can say 'never' to about raising a child!
I am anti spanking. I agree that it instills fear, not respect. However, I am also a behavioral therapist and I know that sometimes, after exhausting every other procedure out there, you have to try the one that never made sense. People are allowed to not be as black and white as you, CV, as I'm sure people have commented before.
I was spanked, DH was spanked. We both turned out pretty well. We only got spanked when we did something bad and we hated being spanked, so we never did a lot of bad stuff.
Neither of our little brothers were spanked. My one brother is a COMPLETE clusterflcuk, drugs, alcohol, violence, jail and he was never spanked, no one ever laid a hand on him. DH's little brother has no respect for others, does what he wants, goes where he wants, throws stuff around, etc. He does whatever he want and has no boundaries. I love them both, but they are faaaar from perfect.
Spanking does not mean my kid is going to be a complete a-hole, nor does it mean I am a complete a-hole. If my kid does something that deserves a spanking, he will get it and also understand WHY he is getting spanked. I hope I raise an angel who never gets spanked, but I'd much rather have a child who is behaved like DH and myself were, then have a child like my brother and get to visit him on Saturdays from 10 - 2.
Re: i can't believe what a-hole parents some of you are
So I'm a FTM and have no experience being the disciplinarian. However, here is my experience with a parent who "spanks", a parent who ignores all behavior, and a parent who uses reason.
I grew up in a split home and had step parents for as long as I can remember. My stepdad ended up showing his true self after the wedding. To be fair, spanking was the least of my worries, but it happened too. My mom was abused even more and didn't really play a part in the big issues that got dealt with. My dad ignored pretty much everything, honestly I don't know if it was on purpose or he was really that blind to everything, but it created the environment to release all that built up anger from living in the other home. We walked out into the desert and smoked cigarettes when I was nine for Christ's sake. Eventually I ended up in my mom's sole care when I was 16 and not a very well behaved teen. She not only gained my respect as a parent, but got me back in line and on the right path in life to make something of myself. And she did it all by setting boundaries and expectations.
To this day I only have a relationship with my mom, so that should tell you all you need to know about the power of proper parenting.
I implore those of you who don't see the harm in spanking to watch a few episodes of supernanny and see the power of boundaries and limitations.
I vote you Most Optimistic for thinking you are gonna change CV's ways.
All of this. And, I have to say, I'm a little disappointed in so many responding to CV's attempt to stir the pot.
I haven't ever seen one person on this board say that spanking will be their go to method of discipline nor their sole method of discipline. It's simply one of the many tools in their disciplinary repertoire. In fact, the majority of spanking parents I have known only use it as a last resort.
The anti-spanking people need to realize that they can't say what is and isn't effective for other people's children. What's good for the goose isn't always good for the gander.
The pot gets kinda funky and boring if you don't stir it every so often... Just sayin...
What is not too often to one person could be a lot to another. Also, when you say it is used as a last resort, I can't help but think that you are already exasperated when you reach that point and may not be as calm as you think you are.
Honestly, I don't judge anyone for spanking, my animals get bops on the nose for bad behavior when they aren't responding to anything else, but generally making them sit and calm down snaps them out of the behavior. I should probably make it clear that I'm not comparing children with animals, but this is my only experience.
When I say last resort, I mean for dangerous situations or if all other methods haven't worked. It doesn't mean that a person is going to be exasperated at that point. It just means that there is another option. And even if a parent is frustrated or upset it doesn't mean they are going to be out of control while spanking.
I've seen both sides, and that's why I am fairly adamant about not judging parents. I've seen some kids get spankings for simple things that could probably be corrected other ways, and I've seen some kids who could probably benefit from one good butt whooping.
I'm not saying you were judging or anyone else is for that matter (unless they've implicitly stated that). In fact you're one of the most logical people who posts a lot. I just don't understand how people can sit there and try to tell someone else that they aren't parenting their child right, especially when that person is most likely a complete stranger. It's completely uncalled for unless there's something serious (abuse) going on.
I normally don't post much on this board (I see a lot of problematic/offensive stuff), but this thread just didn't sit well with me even though I know CV is just trying to get a rise out of people and get the board moving.
stirring the pot or 'getting a rise out of people' would mean i do not really believe 100% in what i am saying and just starting drama to start drama.
which is NOT the case thankyouverymuch
I agree. I was spanked a handful of times and I remember them...and I remember WHY I was spanked. I was never abused nor do I feel as though those spankings damaged me mentally, emotionally, or physically. I think it's a bit short sided and naive to jump to "abuse" when a parenting or discipline method does not align to your own beliefs or practices. While I don't plan to spank my child, I also don't plan to jump to judgement when another parent implements their own parenting methods on their children. And before anyone asks, yes, I do understand and can recognize the difference between spanking and abuse.
the thing is, where is the line between "spanking" and abuse? parents can lose control, or hit *hard* i mean, not everyone is doing a "swat" so to speak (not that i agree with this either)
I totally agree and almost posted on that thread how surprised I was that so many people on this board were pro- spanking. Total difference from my last BMB. And LOL to the poster who actually aims for the legs, because her fluffy CD butt can't feel it. Way to plan out hurting and intimidating your child. And it sounds like she does it pretty frequently. If that's your first defense with a toddler, you are going to have a hard road ahead of you.
I'm not saying I will never spank, because I have learned never say never. I do know that I will never use it as my first method of discipline and will certainly not do it to teach any kid of mine to be "sweet"
this is so contradictory. you seem to be ant-spanking but inthe same breath say " well i wont say i never will' what! i think there are absolutely things you can say 'never' to about raising a child!
I wasn't insinuating that you don't stand behind what you're posting. You're a very blunt, opinionated person which I can definitely respect and appreciate. However, you are known for starting fires both in regards to serious and non-serious topics. That was the point of that part of my post.
Honestly, I don't really mind (most of the time) because the board tends to be slow and boring (IMO) the majority of the time. So I apologize if that's what it seemed like I was saying.
waving hand frantically! me!
Working!
I am having to play serious catch up now on all these threads.
Aw thanks, I generally agree with everything you post as well.
Honestly, I don't judge and previously don't see a big deal with swatting or spanking within reason. But then I went through a phase where I watched that show and episode after episode she would take these out of control children who's parents used spanking as their last resort because nothing had worked up to that point. The nanny completely turned the kids around while demanding that the parents quit spanking as a form of punishment.
We grew up with the said "fear" of our parents, aka my step dad. We used to use it against each other even, "I'm calling so and so if you don't stop!" And then fake dial the phone and have a fake conversation with the dial tone while the other sibling basically pees their pants. Now this is an extreme case and I'm not saying spanking leads to this amount of fear, but I want my child to respect me not fear me.
this is just it-- i don't see how spanking can be anything BUT fear based, and why on earth anyone thinks this is the best way to 'keep a child in line' is honestly beyondddd me.
I was probably the best behaved child when I was with my mom, but constantly defied my father. He spanked...she didn't. At my mom's house, we knew what was expected of us and what the consequences were without her having to resort to physical punishment. I never respected my father because I always saw him as weak. He had to raise a hand when my mother just had to raise her eyebrows and we would fall in line. Just my two cents.
I am anti spanking. I agree that it instills fear, not respect. However, I am also a behavioral therapist and I know that sometimes, after exhausting every other procedure out there, you have to try the one that never made sense. People are allowed to not be as black and white as you, CV, as I'm sure people have commented before.
Thanks to T3hKay all I have running through my head now is "A-S-S-H-O-L-E...EVERYBODY!"
lol
Olivia and Matilda, 09/10/201 - Graham, 10/01/2013
I was spanked, DH was spanked. We both turned out pretty well. We only got spanked when we did something bad and we hated being spanked, so we never did a lot of bad stuff.
Neither of our little brothers were spanked. My one brother is a COMPLETE clusterflcuk, drugs, alcohol, violence, jail and he was never spanked, no one ever laid a hand on him. DH's little brother has no respect for others, does what he wants, goes where he wants, throws stuff around, etc. He does whatever he want and has no boundaries. I love them both, but they are faaaar from perfect.
Spanking does not mean my kid is going to be a complete a-hole, nor does it mean I am a complete a-hole. If my kid does something that deserves a spanking, he will get it and also understand WHY he is getting spanked. I hope I raise an angel who never gets spanked, but I'd much rather have a child who is behaved like DH and myself were, then have a child like my brother and get to visit him on Saturdays from 10 - 2.
Outback Bowl, 2013