October 2013 Moms
CousinVicki
member
i can't believe what a-hole parents some of you are
CousinVicki
member
*or are going to be*.
spanking? and LOL at trying to rationalize that spanking is not abuse. treating your child with disrespect, violence and humilation is not going to win you any mother of the year awards. do you all follow James Dobson's psycho advice too? *GAG*
are you all that shortsighted that you can't try to change the parenting styles that you grew up with? arent you supposed to evolve ??? how depressing.
ETA: this is referencing this post: https://community.thebump.com/cs/ks/forums/thread/73721714.aspx
This discussion has been closed.
Re: i can't believe what a-hole parents some of you are
Were you spanked as a child?
Oh CV... *shakes head*
a handful of times, and not brutally--- and even so i still see it as a completely misguided way to make some point with a child. i use time-outs with my son, and when he is calm we discuss things. it's actually amazing he *listens* to me- and more importantly, i listen to him. we have a relationship, not a dictatorship.
I really think that is is veritably impossible to say how you're going to parent until you have a child.
I also don't think that spanking is abuse, even though we haven't spanked DD.
I can say that I have popped her little hand before, and I pretty much immediatlely regretted it. She hits me now! I no longer hit her hand, and have chalked it up to a lesson learned. Will she grow up to be the next serial killer or emotionally scarred pole dancer? Doubt it...or if so, not because of this!
I was spanked regularly growing up with belts, hands, switches (if you don't know what that is, you need to move down south), and a menagerie of assorted objects I will not name. I don't think it did anything to me emotionally, but I also don't think it did anything for helping me learn any lessons. Therefore I don't think it is for me. That does not mean I am against it, its just not my bag.
it's been quiet in here, but when people make a-hole comments i am going to call it out. and trying to say how spanking is somehow not the same as hitting? nuts.
Hahaha. Let the pot stirring!
that entire comment sounds like it came out of the mouth of a 16 year want to be hippy.
I can just hear you now:
"Sunflower, hunny, don't touch that electrical socket........... Please??"
ZAP!
so you were physically abused but still don't think this is any big deal? wowzo
But we won't spank, I think there are other methods to try. But I don't think the kinds of spankings I received as a child are bad or harmful in any way.
Bahahaha!
oh yes, because discipline is only effective when it is physical correct?
https://community.thebump.com/cs/ks/forums/thread/73721714.aspx
this is because your mom had no boundaries with you-- which are crucial to children and teenagers and need to be started from day 1. but boundaries can be instilled without hitting, and with respect (which gets you WAY further with a child) people just don't understand this.
I'll stick with making my kids believe I'm just a little bit crazy, so when they are considering sneaking out of their bedroom window they will be picturing me crouched in the bushes waiting to bust their a**.
My DH overheard my daughter telling her friend/neighbor that was over she couldn't go outside the gate that surrounds our property because her momma would "whoop her butt." Proud moment for this mom.
The only time I could ever see spanking being an option would be if the child was about to do something that put them in physical danger. Running out in the street, reaching for the hot stove burner, etc. And even then, I'd only do it if I was not able to put the fear of god in them by grabbing their hand, getting right in their face and giving them my best crazy eyes. Most kids, that's enough to scare them, but some daredevil little boys I've been around, it might take a quick swat to the bottom.
It seems to me that a lot of it has to do with picking your battles. I have a cousin where EVERY little thing turns into a crisis because she escalates it. "What do you MEAN you lost your mitten???" kind of thing. Whereas my mom always played it cool, so you knew if that if you had pushed her to the point where she was angry or upset, you were walking on thin ice. But the funny thing is, she never really had to back it up with anything. I don't remember her ever spanking me, and if she did it would have been when I was too young to remember, and probably b/c I was doing something unsafe.
I don't plan on spanking, myself. BF might spank if we decide it's an appropriate punishment for the deed, but other methods will come first. I was spanked as a child, and my parents really seemed to enjoy it. They were always getting creative with new objects to hit us with, and we never really seemed to learn anything from it, anyways. And then they got even more creative by making us take bites (chew and swallow) from a bar of soap. Drink Tabasco sauce. Stand in the corner for HOURS at a time. All sorts of things.
I don't consider it physical abuse as much as it was emotional. And I won't ever spank my child because I need to break that cycle, and I'm afraid it will be too easy for me to fall into the same patterns. I will discipline my child, I'm not the type to let my kid get away with murder just because they are "spirited". But discipline doesn't need to equal pain to be effective.
I remember getting spanked only a couple of times, both times by my mom out of pure frustration. My parents seemed to go through a phase where they spanked us kids but then it changed. They didn't spank us after and they invented "no-entertainment" which meant, no TV, no GameBoy, no phone, no running around outside. We could sit in a quiet place and be quiet. This worked wonders on us. I remember dreading the "no-entertainment".
I think I'll be going that route, take away favorite things or revoke rights.
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Because it's not. Spanking is punishment. Hitting is either accidental or something you do out of anger. Spanking should not be done in anger and should not be accidental.
Just because you disagree with someone does not make them wrong or "a-hole parents".
but i can almost (SORT OF) understand spanking out of pure frustration, but actually being calm, and PLANNING to spank? this seems almost perverse.
You call it physical abuse. I call it spanked. NO they are not the same. No one ever hit me with the intention of leaving permant damage OR with out reason. I wouldn't just be hanging around, minding my own business and get a wallup; no one was drunk, or mentally disturbed, or hit me until they were tired or less angry. I would have had to have broken the rules, and been given a consequence to my actions. That is not abuse in my opinion. I just see it as them doing the best they could with what they had.
I will do my best to parent, just as they did.
well i guess denial can make the past easier to deal with. but yes it sounds pretty f'ing scary if they are hitting you with " a menagerie of assorted objects I will not name. "
brainiac statement of the year!
Well then get over yourself.
But not understanding something does not inherently make it wrong. I'm not asking you to agree with me. I frankly don't care if you agree with me or not. But I will do my best to explain my pov. I am of the opinion that spanking, when done properly and used sparingly, can be quite effective. It does not work for every child, but no one form of discipline does.
Spanking was quite effective for me. Once I got spanked for something, you better dang well bet I wouldn't do it again. But if you just took away something or put me in time out, I only tried harder not to get caught. It does not work like this on every child, but it did for me. I had a healthy fear of my parents and I grew up to be a pretty good kid. Now they are 2 of my best friends, and we have a great relationship. I am "re-inventing the wheel" in other ways of my parenting. I don't do everything they do, but this is one area where I felt they got it right. At least for me.
I agree. Just because you disagree with someone about something does not make them an idiot. You should show some respect for others and their opinions because everyone has a different view and these situations and parenting decisions are not as black and white as you make them seem.
Maybe the latter applies to you.
What else was I supposed to think. You clearly denied the first portion, but left the last wide open. You set yourself up for the default option.
We can just agree to disagree.
If you had actually read my post on the first page you'd see we don't disagree on that point.
So you're going to teach them that you never talk things out? They will never get a chance to defend themselves? Yea. Lets not negotiate with anyone, lets just nuke the sh!t out of them.
I so agree with you CV!!!
That thread got me boiling and so does this one! Spanking is just a euphemism for HITTING. How teaching children that physical pain is the solution to fixing behavior is lost on me. Sure, maybe your kid won't do it again, but what kind of lesson did it really teach them? To fear you? That physical violence is OK when done by an adult to a child? That violence is the solution to problems?I think spanking is the lazy parents choice of discipline. It teaches them NOTHING helpful for their adult lives
It's no surprise that the American Academy of Pediatrics opposes striking children for any cause. In fact, research has shown that children that are spanked (yes, even in a 'non-abusive way') have more occurrences of depression, anxiety, and aggression. Is it really worth it???
I would love to hear a child explain to me the difference between hitting and spanking. One is on the bum and one isn't?? Do they really understand the difference between violence and spanking? Probably not, since they are essentially the same thing.
You are nuts! I don't think anyone on this board who does some sort of spanking is a dictator like you say. There are certain things are are black and white, that are dangerous for your child, that are important lessons, etc. My daughter always knows EXACTLY what she did wrong and that it is wrong when she gets spanked. Negotiating your way out of mistakes you made is not representative of real life and the real world. If your kid goes and robs a bank when they are older, there aren't any negotiations he's going to be able to make to get him out of it. If you child, as an employee, does something they know is wrong and is against the rules... guess what, they get fired, not negotiations.
So what happens when talking it out, time outs, and taking away things doesn't work anymore or at all?
I was spanked with a belt, house shoes, and switches growing up. I rarely got spankings, and they stopped after I got to a certain age. I was never abused, and I never felt as though the discipline chosen for me was wrong. I'm far from a violent person, and I don't believe that I should hurt people because they don't do what I want. There's nothing wrong with a child growing up with a healthy amount of respectful fear.
There is a difference between a quick swat on the butt or hands and an actual spanking. There's also a difference between the aforementioned and base hitting or physically beating your child. I'm aware that there are studies out there saying that spanking isn't effective, but I reserve the right to believe otherwise. It's not right for every child, but it can work as an effective method of punishment. End of story
You're more than welcome to your opinions, but get off of your high horses and go reevaluate those superiority complexes.
Could you not tell that I was referring to mmgkms' dictatorlike claim that "Ill be damned if I sit and negotiate with a child"??
There are toooo many bumpies that don't read anything. Go back, I see points to both sides of the argument. But straight up refusing to sit and talk with your child and making sure they know they don't have a voice is absolutely like a dictator. Mama Fidel.
I agree with you Quarter. Parenting is a huge series of trial and error per child.