I don't know how to write this .... I think I have so many emotions I don't know what to focus on. I have spent all day making a stuffed ham for tomorrow, which is a dish specific to the county where I live in MD. It's all very complicated and time consuming and involves a LOT of chopping and blanching of kale. Like 6 quarts of it. So that's what I've had to do all day while trying to process getting a BFP this morning.
I'm 11DPO and I tested yesterday with a Wondfo and FRER and no matter what light I looked under and how hard I squinted I didn't see anything. This morning I convinced myself I was insane for testing again so soon.... but I couldn't curb the urge. So I took out one of my last three FRERs. I thought I could make out the faintest parts of a line, so eventually I took out one of the digitals and after a really, really long wait it came up positive. Pics are below - I feel kind of silly posting them at all since the line is so faint I can't even make it out in the picture. I was pretty surprised that the digital came back positive since the line is so barely visible, but it did. I'm still kind of confused since I know the digital is a lot less sensitive.
I'm planning on driving up to my RE's office Monday morning for a blood test. It takes about forty minutes to get there and I really need to be there when they open at 7:30 so I can get to work as soon as possible. So I hope they're okay with my just showing up instead of calling in advance.
That is of course if I still have a positive Monday morning. I have one more FRER left and two more digitals. I'm sure I'll be running out to the store for more FRERs.
This is BFP number 5 since we started trying for our second a little over a year ago. While I consciously know in all likelihood I will end up with another loss, I can't seem to shake the feeling I've had with every other BFP. That I want to allow myself to celebrate and be happy because what if this one is my rainbow baby? I wouldn't want to look back and tell my future son or daughter how we weren't really that happy when we found out we were pregnant because of our previous losses. For some reason I don't feel like that would be fair to them.
But at the same time I'm not ready for congratulations. It's just way, way too early. I think if I pass my loss milestone, seeing a heartbeat...... then I would be over the moon ecstatic to accept those words. But for now I'll take as many positive thoughts, prayers, good juju, sticky glue etc. as anyone has on hand! I just don't know where this will go. I could be gone tomorrow. I could be here in 8 ? months.
To any TTCAL lurkers....
My heart is so divided today. I have grown so close to many of you. And it's not possible for me to be entirely celebratory, not only for PGAL brain reasons, but because so many of those I care for have suffered so much. And so many have suffered recent losses. I don't want to leave you for so, so many reasons. I just want you all to come here (or PAL if your path leads to adoption). Quickly. I have received so much support from so many of you. There are no words to be able to express my gratitude. Thank you, thank you, thank you. I don't know if I'll be staying put here, but I felt it was the right thing for me to post this here for now. I will be lurking over there constantly while I spend at least a short stay over here. And I will be sending you all lots and lots of love and hugs and good wishes from a far. Please always feel free to page me. The TTCAL board has meant so much to me and I love you all dearly.
dream 1 CAME TRUE 2.13.2010
<dream 2> 12.2011
2.10.12 : 4 weeks
6.17.12 : 10 weeks
10.10.12 : 4 weeks, 6 days
12.13.12 : 9 weeks, 1 day
4.6.13 : 4 weeks, 4 days
10.27.13 : 5 weeks, 6 days
4.2.14 (IVF #1) : 4 weeks, 1 day
6.19.14 : IVF #2 Negative
</dream 2>
***All always welcome!!***
Re: I hope I can stay this time... thoughts, prayers, good juju please?
::::Lurking from TTCAL:::::
Anita, I am so wishing the best for you!! Tons of ((hugs)) and sticky, sticky baby glue!!! All extremities crossed for you!!!!
BFP#1 9/9/12 -- EDD 5/14/13 -- MMC 10/10/12 Miso 10/19/12
BFP #2 9/17/13 -- EDD 5/25/14-- CP confirmed 9/21/13
BFP #3 2/1/14 -- EDD 10/5/14 -- NMC 2/10/14
Dx: low progesterone & mild hypothyroidism
My Chart
~*~All AL Welcome~*~
BFP #1 5/27/12- m/c 7/9/12 @ 10w2d (cytotec induced @11w).
Fibroids, Hashimoto's Hypothyroidism
BFP #2 11/18/12 EDD 7/27/13
***lurking***
(((HUGS))) Anita! Many T's&P's coming your way!
TTC since August 2011
BFP#1 3/16/12 EDD 11/21/12 Delivered 6/1/12 at 15 weeks 2 days
"If there ever comes a day when we can't be together... Keep me in your heart, I'll stay there forever." ~ Winnie the Pooh
BFP#2 4/14/13 EDD 12/24/13 Please be our rainbow after the storm!
Beta#1 @ 15dpo 274, P4 16.9 Beta#2 @ 18dpo 940!! Doubling time of 40 hours!! u/s @ 6w2d showed a beautiful HB of 120! u/s @ 10w1d HB 174!! Grow, LO Grow!! Found out 7/22 we are TEAM BLUE!!
Zaiden Harper was born 12/22/13 at 1:46 am. 9lbs 8oz and 22in
~*~AL Always Welcome~*~
TTC started Oct '10
Me: AMA w/RSD, atypical PCOS w/IR, LPD and High Prolactin. Controlled HP post-loss.
DH: Low-T and borderline morph
18 cycles, 3 medicated w/RE to get to a BFP!
EDD 9/7/12, Saw HB @7w3d,missed m/c 1/30 @8w3d, d&c 2/8
11 AL cycles, 9 medicated/IUI cycles. All BFFN!
Moving forward with IVF
BFP#2 our little cycle break surprise on AL cycle 12! EDD 10/27/13
Beta #1: 41 Beta #2: 398; perfect u/s 3/11 hb @133bpm
u/s 3/25 one perfect hb @183 bpm, adjusted EDD 10/23/13
MaterniT21 and carrier screens normal. It's a girl!!!
Severe Pre-E, HFpEF, PE, AMA & IF= OAD
All IF/AL Welcome!
{lurking from TTCAL}
Anita, many T&P being sent your way! I hope from the bottom of my heart that you get to spend the next 8 1/2 months here!
::lurking::
Everything crossed that this is it for you! Big (((HUGS))) and tons of good vibes coming your way!!
:::Lurking:::
Yay!! Wishing you the very best! Many prayers your way xo.
Clomid 50mg,100mg,150mg | Injectables + IUI#1 & IUI#2= BFN
IVF#1~ 8/2012~ 13 frosties~ BFP! OHSS
12/4/12 Luke & Kyle born @ 18 weeks
SHG+ Hysteroscopy+ FET= BFP | Cerclage+ Lovenox+ 5m Bed Rest
~Our wee guy is here! 11/27/13~
The day the Bump died - Jasper is wise
BFP 12/13/12 EDD 8/22/13 Lilah Ruby born 8/8/13
****lurking****
Yay! So happy for you! I wish you all the best and will keep you in my T&P for a sticky baby!
TTC #2 Since October 2011
RE testing results: DH- normal ME- DX:PCOS and One copy of MTHFR gene
IUI#1 Sept/Oct 2012-Follistim, Ovidrel, Metformin, Baby Asprin, Lovenox, Crinone, and Neevo Beta 10/24=BFN
No 2nd IUI but instead TI with Metformin, Baby Asprin, Neevo and Prometrium
BFP #4 5/4/13-EDD 1/19/14- grow little one, grow!
Beta #1@15DPO HCG-95, progesterone-25 Beta #4@24DPO HCG-2498, progesterone-30, 1st U/S 6mm,133BPM 2nd U/S 1.6cm, 167 BPM
Chart
~*~*~*~Everyone Welcome~*~*~*~
BFP on Mar. 4, 2013, DX with MMC (blighted ovum) at 8 weeks, D&C
TTC again as of May 2013
BFP on June 24, 2013, EED March 12, 2014
Diagnosed with endometriosis, PCOS, heterozygous MTHFR and positive for ANA
GROW BABY, GROW!
BFP #2: 6/29/12, EDD: 3/8/13, Natural M/C: 7/16/12 @ 6 weeks 2 days
Hashimoto's Thyroiditis, Hypothyroidism
BFP #3: Kendall Grace, born 9/30/13
BFP #4: 9/3/14, EDD: 5/16/15, Missed M/C: 10/6/14 @ 8 weeks 2 days, D&C: 10/8/14
Never in our arms, forever in our hearts
Everything crossed that this is it for you! Lots of good vibes coming your way! [HUGS]
TTC Since 8/2011
BFP #1 5/13/12 * EDD 1/24/13 * MC at 7 wks 4 days on 6/11/12
BFP #2 5/13/13 * Current EDD 1/23/14
Baby N born 2/8/14
me:40; DH:41; 4/30/12 1st visit with RE; 6/30/12 IUI #1 BFN; 7/19/12 IUI cancelled (overmedicated); 8/2/12 IUI cancelled (cyst); 9/1/12 IUI #2 BFP! EDD 5/28/13; 10/9/12 1st U/S at 7w3d--missed m/c (trisomy 16) D&C 10/19/12; karyotyping results normal!; 1/31/13 IUI #3 BFP! EDD 10/25/13
"there is no foot so small that it cannot leave an imprint on this world"
BFP #2 2.27.13 EDD 11.8.13 Grow, baby, grow!
My Ovulation Chart
~ all ALers welcome ~
TTC Since June 2012 BFP #1 08/01/12, D&C 09/07/12 9 weeks, Blighted Ovum BFP #2 01/01/13 m/c 5 weeks BFP #3 03/02/13 D&C 4/15/13 m/c 11 weeks, 07/19/13 Hysteroscopy for Scar Tissue, 9/12813 Hysteroscopy & Laparoscopy for Scar Tissue, Cleared to TTC October 2013.
BFP # 4 11/01/2013 EDD 07/12/14
Dear God, Since I couldn't hold my little one in my lap and tell him about you, could you hold him in your lap and tell him about me?
Everything crossed for you, Anita. Congrats!!!
BFP #1 5.26.08 DD born 1.4.09
BFP #2 3.11.12 m/c 3.26.12
BFP #3 10.7.12 m/c 10.27.12
BFP #4 2.24.13 ectopic MTX 3.13.13 Right tube removed 3.29.13
BFP #5 5.27.13 DS born 1.22.14
BFP #6 4.14.16
[spoiler] My Blog: Grow Baby Grow
BFP #1: 12/2009 m/c 1/2010 BFP #2: 6/2010 m/c 8/2010
BFP #3: 10/2011 ectopic 11/2011 (right tube removed, learned left tube was probably nonfunctional due to scar tissue from infection after m/c)
3 failed IUIs, IVF #1: 18R, 12M, 10F, 3 poor quality 5d embryos transferred= BFP #4!!!!!
Betas: 9dp5dt: 64 ~14dp5dt: 91 (expecting miscarriage, doubling time of 236 hours) ~16dp5dt: 200~18dp5dt: 500
First Ultrasound at 6w2d revealed two sacs, only one with a heartbeat
LK arrived after 42 weeks on August 14, 2013! Beautiful, healthy, and happy!
TTC#2: IVF booked for April 2015
Surprise BFP#5 February 19, 2015 EDD: November 2, 2015
Betas: 10dpo: 10, 14dpo: 77, 17dpo: 270
First Ultrasound at 5w1d showed a miracle UTE baby! And right ovary ovulation to left fallopian tube.
JD arrived at 38 weeks on October 20, 2015.
TTC #3: Since October 2017. BFP #6 July 2, 2018 EDD: March 16, 2019 [/spoiler]
I do see a very faint line, I am sending you all possible positive vibes and prayers. I really truly hope this is your take home rainbow, you have been through a lot and deserve all the happiness this pregnancy can bring. I will be thinking of you!
BFP: 2/4/13 EDD: 10/11/13
Patiently waiting for Buggirl to join me!!
Beta #1 11dpo:89 Progesterone:38.9 Beta #2 18dpo:1940
HB seen at 6w HB 8w 5d 176bpm! Its a BOY!
grow rainbow grow!!!!
All Always Welcome!!
BFP #2 - Sylvie V. Q. born and died on 10.28.11 at 21w.
BFP #3 - Evie V. Q. Fetal demise @ 16w. DC 7.8.12
BFP #4 - Beatrix V. Q. Born 6.2.13 at 23w6d.
My blog My chart
BFP#2 2.5.11 (EDD 10.15.11) DS born 9.28.11
BFP#4 8.27.13 (EDD 5.6.14) DD born 4.23.14
My Recipe Blog
~All AL'ers welcome~
Anita!!!!! I am so so happy for you! Sending lots of tps that this will be your rainbow!
Missing Our July Sparkler
BFP#1-11/12/12, MMC 1/16/13-baby stopped growing @ 9wks, found out at 13wks, D&E 1/25/13
BFP#2-4/23/13 EDD-01/02/14 baby BOY born 12/31/13 Michael Cameron
***BFP 1-22-13, baby boy dx with Trisomy 13 at 15 weeks.
We let him go to Heaven on 4-27-13 at 17 weeks 1 day***
BFP#1 - 11/13/11, Natural MC - 12/24/11 at 12 weeks
BFP#2 - 10/2/12, Please be our rainbow.
~~PgAL March Siggy Challenge - Pet Shaming~~
TTC #1 since Feb 2011 Dx: MTHFR C677T Homozygous, Antiphospholipid Syndrome, LPD
BFP #1: 8/4/11 c/p 4w5d
BFP #2: 9/4/11 c/p 5w0d
BFP #3: 1/16/12 c/p 4w0d
BFP #4 8/9/12 m/c 7w3d
BFP #5 11/2/12 ?EDD 7/16/13? PLEASE grow sweet baby!!
dream 1 CAME TRUE 2.13.2010
<dream 2> 12.2011
2.10.12 : 4 weeks
6.17.12 : 10 weeks
10.10.12 : 4 weeks, 6 days
12.13.12 : 9 weeks, 1 day
4.6.13 : 4 weeks, 4 days
10.27.13 : 5 weeks, 6 days
4.2.14 (IVF #1) : 4 weeks, 1 day
6.19.14 : IVF #2 Negative
</dream 2>
resolve.org
lyrics
***All always welcome!!***