UO

botanicalbliss · February 2013

PetraStonegirl:
MotherMayEye:
MomlovesEloise:
Blueyed228:
There are just as many bullies, biters, hitters, etc that were not spanked.
Yeah. I'm in the no spanking camp, but to say that these behaviors are because parent's do/don't spank is nuts. And for the record, biting and hitting is a normal part of toddler development. Most kids go through a hitting phase. It's only a parenting issue when you don't teach them that it is wrong and the right way to deal with anger. Bullying is a whole different can of worms.
I wouldn't call my opinion "nuts." Research has always shown that children learn by imitating adults. We can argue all the variables that might lead a child to hit and bit other kids (and yes, some of it is normal), but there really is no arguing that children learn by imitating adults.

Yes, but research has not demonstrated that children only learn by imitating adults. It is only one facet of their learning experience, and I'm pretty sure that children who bite don't learn to do it from being bitten by their parents.
It is only my experience, but within that realm of experience I have observed that the correct path is very rarely on one extreme or another, but a twisted, complex, and often blind path that is unique to the individual walking it.

Petra wins TB again!

Blueyed228 · February 2013

botanicalbliss:
MrsJ723:
My UO: I think the pregnancy advice to sleep now while you can is stupid. You can't bank sleep, so while it is nice to enjoy your sleep, it isn't going to make a difference when the baby arrives.
Piggy-backing on this, I really dislike random drive-bys of already mommies giving "advice". I can see where they are coming from, but I really don't need more unsolicited advice. Also, we have lots of already mommies here who tell it like it is and are very helpful!

Lol, I was gonna save this for tomorrow!

I totally agree. Like their almost 1 whole year of being a parent has made them an expert who feels the need to bless us all with thier magical advice.

If I want to ask a mom advice about something, Ill ask the moms here. SInce, you know, I know them, they know me, etc.

botanicalbliss · February 2013

Blueyed228:
botanicalbliss:
MrsJ723:
My UO: I think the pregnancy advice to sleep now while you can is stupid. You can't bank sleep, so while it is nice to enjoy your sleep, it isn't going to make a difference when the baby arrives.
Piggy-backing on this, I really dislike random drive-bys of already mommies giving "advice". I can see where they are coming from, but I really don't need more unsolicited advice. Also, we have lots of already mommies here who tell it like it is and are very helpful!
Lol, I was gonna save this for tomorrow!
I totally agree. Like their almost 1 whole year of being a parent has made them an expert who feels the need to bless us all with thier magical advice.
If I want to ask a mom advice about something, Ill ask the moms here. SInce, you know, I know them, they know me, etc.

I was really surprised how many people reacted positively (sns I didn't recognize, of course)! I wanted to get snarky, but it was past my bedtime.

MomlovesEloise · February 2013

Blueyed228:
Im just gonna bite you all and see who spanks me first

MotherMayEye · February 2013

PetraStonegirl:
Yes, but research has not demonstrated that children only learn by imitating adults. It is only one facet of their learning experience, and I'm pretty sure that children who bite don't learn to do it from being bitten by their parents.
It is only my experience, but within that realm of experience I have observed that the correct path is very rarely on one extreme or another, but a twisted, complex, and often blind path that is unique to the individual walking it.

Correct. And that wasn't the point I was making. As I just said, my daughter went through a period of biting after another kid bit her. We had to work with her on getting past it though.

And my experience is the same. But, my experience is that nothing good ever came from hitting your child routinely out of hostility, anger, and annoyance. And it is very easy to take it too far once you start spanking your child. It's also very easy to spank and forget to actually talk to your child about how serious a decision it was to do so.

Again, my parents spanked me and my sisters, but it was always a very serious and big deal that seemed to weigh heavily on them. And I don't think any of us were worse for the wear for having been spanked.

MomlovesEloise · February 2013

senoritaemily:
MomlovesEloise:
Pumpkin_Princess:
I never have any good ones of my own, I usually just end up agreeing with everyone else.
This is what I came up with: I completely disagree with getting a baby's ears pierced. It's not the same as making decisions about your child's healthcare or education. It doesn't benefit the baby one way or the other, so I think that the child should have a say in whether or not he/she gets holes punched through his/her body. I have a friend that recently told me that she wanted to get her 1 month old daughter's ears pierced so that people wouldn't think that she's a boy. She already wears nothing but pink, so I don't know that the earrings would make a difference. I suggested that she try a headband first.
Eh, I wasn't crazy about it but it's a family tradition in H's family, so I let him pierce DD's ears at 4 months. I can see your point, but it's something that I think is dumb for me to be judged for.
Mine is pretty lame:
I think it's hilarious every time there's some media panic about horse meat in burgers, pink slime-ish goo, or someone finds something gnarly in their KFC. Americans are blissfully ignorant about the disgusting nature of their food. They jump on whatever bandwagon happens to roll by, but never realize that the majority of what they eat contains absolutely disgusting, perfectly legal filth.
Uh-oh, this is my soapbox subject On that note...
My UO is that I totally judge people who pay no attention what they eat (ie where it comes from, how it's grown or raised, how it impacts their health, etc). or eat fast food/processed food all the time. I am not saying I have a perfect diet, but I have educated myself enough to know what I should and should not put in my body, feed my kids, etc and how that choice impacts the food market and the environment.
My MIL was complaining the other day that her waiter at a restaurant asked her if she wanted her burger with grass-fed beef. She said she didn't appreciate having to think about the animal once being alive and eating its own meal. That comment annoyed me so much - that is the problem. People don't want to think about what they are consuming, they would rather be ignorant. If you can't bring yourself to picture that cow being a living, breathing future, and make peace with what you are eating, then you shouldn't eat it. If you don't want to see the process your burger or taco meat goes through before you pick it up in the drive through, because it grosses you out, then why would you eat it???
You might say it's none of my business what other people eat, which is only partially true. Other people's health = none of my business. But in many ways, it's everyone's business because supply is driven by demand. If people keep buying, for example, cheap hamburger from places like Wal-Mart, or McDonalds, then those public suppliers who serve a huge demand will continue to support a disgusting food industry that is dirty, inhumane, and pumps animals full or hormones and antibiotics. The same goes for organic vegetables; if more people demanded that their produce be raised without the use of chemicals, then it would become a standard and wouldn't cost an arm and a leg to buy this stuff.
Ok, soapbox speech over!
PS MomlovesEloise- I dig your kid's name

I 100% agree. And thanks so much!

Great minds thing alike!!

OldGlory · February 2013

Blueyed228:
Im just gonna bite you all and see who spanks me first

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pezss6Splks

And after the spankings, Oral Sex!

MotherMayEye · February 2013

Blueyed228:
Im just gonna bite you all and see who spanks me first

Cyber-biting is not a very effective form of discipline so I judge you for that, too.

Blueyed228 · February 2013

botanicalbliss:
Blueyed228:
botanicalbliss:
MrsJ723:
My UO: I think the pregnancy advice to sleep now while you can is stupid. You can't bank sleep, so while it is nice to enjoy your sleep, it isn't going to make a difference when the baby arrives.
Piggy-backing on this, I really dislike random drive-bys of already mommies giving "advice". I can see where they are coming from, but I really don't need more unsolicited advice. Also, we have lots of already mommies here who tell it like it is and are very helpful!
Lol, I was gonna save this for tomorrow!
I totally agree. Like their almost 1 whole year of being a parent has made them an expert who feels the need to bless us all with thier magical advice.
If I want to ask a mom advice about something, Ill ask the moms here. SInce, you know, I know them, they know me, etc.
I was really surprised how many people reacted positively (sns I didn't recognize, of course)! I wanted to get snarky, but it was past my bedtime.

I was hoping one of the moms who has 3 or 4 kids would come in all "Really betch? Ive got like 7 years on you when it comes to experience, so shut your pie hole."

Blueyed228 · February 2013

OldGlory:
Blueyed228:
Im just gonna bite you all and see who spanks me first
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pezss6Splks
And after the spankings, Oral Sex!

You didnt get the memo? We are buttsex only on this board. No blowies and hand whammys allowed.

botanicalbliss · February 2013

MotherMayEye:
PetraStonegirl:
Yes, but research has not demonstrated that children only learn by imitating adults. It is only one facet of their learning experience, and I'm pretty sure that children who bite don't learn to do it from being bitten by their parents.
It is only my experience, but within that realm of experience I have observed that the correct path is very rarely on one extreme or another, but a twisted, complex, and often blind path that is unique to the individual walking it.

Correct. And that wasn't the point I was making. As I just said, my daughter went through a period of biting after another kid bit her. We had to work with her on getting past it though.
And my experience is the same. But, my experience is that nothing good ever came from hitting your child routinely out of hostility, anger, and annoyance. And it is very easy to take it too far once you start spanking your child. It's also very easy to spank and forget to actually talk to your child about how serious a decision it was to do so.
Again, my parents spanked me and my sisters, but it was always a very serious and big deal that seemed to weigh heavily on them. And I don't think any of us were worse for the wear for having been spanked.

This is exactly where I was coming from, too.

MommaG123 · February 2013

MotherMayEye:
Blueyed228:
botanicalbliss:
There are too many variables involved to make a broad statement about what makes a kid a hitter/biter/bullier.
I totally agree.
And I think it's too easy to take someone's specific examples and spin them into broad generalizations because it makes it easier to trump someone.
I have certainly been forthcoming in my opinion that spanking using a certain approach does not lead to hitting/biting/bullying. I gave my own parents as an example.

MotherMayEye:

But, the toddlers I know that are spanked for acting out are the absolute worst about hitting and biting other children. Toddlers model their behavior on what they see and experience. So if they are hit, then they hit other people...including mom & dad.

Actually that is exactly what you said. The first sentence is specific but the second is a broad generalization.

And this...

MotherMayEye:
Blueyed228:
There are just as many bullies, biters, hitters, etc that were not spanked.

And still, they had to learn the behavior somewhere.

Also a generalization that all bullies, biters, hitters were hit/bit/bullied and not prescribed to your specific example.

MommaG123 · February 2013

Blueyed228:
botanicalbliss:
Blueyed228:
botanicalbliss:
MrsJ723:
My UO: I think the pregnancy advice to sleep now while you can is stupid. You can't bank sleep, so while it is nice to enjoy your sleep, it isn't going to make a difference when the baby arrives.
Piggy-backing on this, I really dislike random drive-bys of already mommies giving "advice". I can see where they are coming from, but I really don't need more unsolicited advice. Also, we have lots of already mommies here who tell it like it is and are very helpful!
Lol, I was gonna save this for tomorrow!
I totally agree. Like their almost 1 whole year of being a parent has made them an expert who feels the need to bless us all with thier magical advice.
If I want to ask a mom advice about something, Ill ask the moms here. SInce, you know, I know them, they know me, etc.
I was really surprised how many people reacted positively (sns I didn't recognize, of course)! I wanted to get snarky, but it was past my bedtime.
I was hoping one of the moms who has 3 or 4 kids would come in all "Really betch? Ive got like 7 years on you when it comes to experience, so shut your pie hole."

Yeah my last BMB did this when the next "June mamas" had newborns. They compiled a list of advice for us to post on their board. I rolled my eyes and did not participate because I thought it was dumb.

OldGlory · February 2013

Blueyed228:
OldGlory:
Blueyed228:
Im just gonna bite you all and see who spanks me first
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pezss6Splks
And after the spankings, Oral Sex!
You didnt get the memo? We are buttsex only on this board. No blowies and hand whammys allowed.

Crap! I missed that one!

*preps the glory hole for proper buttsex for the board*

MotherMayEye · February 2013

Blueyed228:
botanicalbliss:
I was really surprised how many people reacted positively (sns I didn't recognize, of course)! I wanted to get snarky, but it was past my bedtime.
I was hoping one of the moms who has 3 or 4 kids would come in all "Really betch? Ive got like 7 years on you when it comes to experience, so shut your pie hole."

Well, I would throw around my parenting prowess after raising a 21 year old, but she was a miserable teenager who had no concept of consequences for her behavior. Our system of discipline was all over the place and I don't think being a child of divorce helped that, at all. Her dad and I were seldom on the same page.

However, my six year old is pretty spectacular and having 15 years of perspective in between children made a big difference.

No one is perfect and I would like to think that none of us is claiming to be.

botanicalbliss · February 2013

MommaG123:
Blueyed228:
botanicalbliss:
Blueyed228:
botanicalbliss:
MrsJ723:
My UO: I think the pregnancy advice to sleep now while you can is stupid. You can't bank sleep, so while it is nice to enjoy your sleep, it isn't going to make a difference when the baby arrives.
Piggy-backing on this, I really dislike random drive-bys of already mommies giving "advice". I can see where they are coming from, but I really don't need more unsolicited advice. Also, we have lots of already mommies here who tell it like it is and are very helpful!
Lol, I was gonna save this for tomorrow!
I totally agree. Like their almost 1 whole year of being a parent has made them an expert who feels the need to bless us all with thier magical advice.
If I want to ask a mom advice about something, Ill ask the moms here. SInce, you know, I know them, they know me, etc.
I was really surprised how many people reacted positively (sns I didn't recognize, of course)! I wanted to get snarky, but it was past my bedtime.
I was hoping one of the moms who has 3 or 4 kids would come in all "Really betch? Ive got like 7 years on you when it comes to experience, so shut your pie hole."
Yeah my last BMB did this when the next "June mamas" had newborns. They compiled a list of advice for us to post on their board. I rolled my eyes and did not participate because I thought it was dumb.

Did they lose their brains when they had their babies or something?

burkems · February 2013

lovingmygirl:
My personal UO - My best friend who happens to also be expecting is Team Green...it drives me nuts! LOL, how can she go 9 mos w/o wanting to find out what's coming?! I've tried giving her different reasons why she should find out but I guess I haven't presented a good enough argument. I guess my OU is that to me the surprise is the same at 20wks or at birth...go ahead, flame me

Flaming you. Not for your opinion but for the fact that you won't leave your friend alone. Seriously. Quit telling her to find out. You're being rude.

botanicalbliss · February 2013

MotherMayEye:
Blueyed228:
botanicalbliss:
I was really surprised how many people reacted positively (sns I didn't recognize, of course)! I wanted to get snarky, but it was past my bedtime.
I was hoping one of the moms who has 3 or 4 kids would come in all "Really betch? Ive got like 7 years on you when it comes to experience, so shut your pie hole."
Well, I would throw around my parenting prowess after raising a 21 year old, but she was a miserable teenager who had no concept of consequences for her behavior. Our system of discipline was all over the place and I don't think being a child of divorce helped that, at all. Her dad and I were seldom on the same page.
However, my six year old is pretty spectacular and having 15 years of perspective in between children made a big difference.
No one is perfect and I would like to think that none of us is claiming to be.

I know she was trying to be helpful, but it was pretty mushy, and I'd rather get my advice from someone like you who is a reg around here!

botanicalbliss · February 2013

burkems:
lovingmygirl:
My personal UO - My best friend who happens to also be expecting is Team Green...it drives me nuts! LOL, how can she go 9 mos w/o wanting to find out what's coming?! I've tried giving her different reasons why she should find out but I guess I haven't presented a good enough argument. I guess my OU is that to me the surprise is the same at 20wks or at birth...go ahead, flame me
Flaming you. Not for your opinion but for the fact that you won't leave your friend alone. Seriously. Quit telling her to find out. You're being rude.

Word. As a team-greener it's VERY annoying when people try to convince you about finding out your baby's sex.

MommaG123 · February 2013

botanicalbliss:
MommaG123:

Yeah my last BMB did this when the next "June mamas" had newborns. They compiled a list of advice for us to post on their board. I rolled my eyes and did not participate because I thought it was dumb.
Did they lose their brains when they had their babies or something?

Well yeah, everyone lost their minds for about 3 months. Wink Seriously though I think a few of us tried to point out how obnoxious we thought it was when someone else had done it to us but they still did it. It happens on the bump all the time and I really don't get it.

MotherMayEye · February 2013

MommaG123:
MotherMayEye:
Blueyed228:
botanicalbliss:
There are too many variables involved to make a broad statement about what makes a kid a hitter/biter/bullier.
I totally agree.
And I think it's too easy to take someone's specific examples and spin them into broad generalizations because it makes it easier to trump someone.
I have certainly been forthcoming in my opinion that spanking using a certain approach does not lead to hitting/biting/bullying. I gave my own parents as an example.
MotherMayEye:

But, the toddlers I know that are spanked for acting out are the absolute worst about hitting and biting other children. Toddlers model their behavior on what they see and experience. So if they are hit, then they hit other people...including mom & dad.

Actually that is exactly what you said. The first sentence is specific but the second is a broad generalization.

And this...

MotherMayEye:
Blueyed228:
There are just as many bullies, biters, hitters, etc that were not spanked.

And still, they had to learn the behavior somewhere.

Also a generalization that all bullies, biters, hitters were hit/bit/bullied and not prescribed to your specific example.

I did not mean the behavior is always learned by example, they learn by experience, too. I thought I had cleared that up, but evidently I failed.

One example I gave was my infant daughter just happening to bite me while breastfeeding. I gasped and she thought it was funny, so she tried biting out for a while.

I am beginning to think that no matter how nuanced I make my comments, they will be selectively read.

botanicalbliss · February 2013

MotherMayEye:
MommaG123:
MotherMayEye:
Blueyed228:
botanicalbliss:
There are too many variables involved to make a broad statement about what makes a kid a hitter/biter/bullier.
I totally agree.
And I think it's too easy to take someone's specific examples and spin them into broad generalizations because it makes it easier to trump someone.
I have certainly been forthcoming in my opinion that spanking using a certain approach does not lead to hitting/biting/bullying. I gave my own parents as an example.
MotherMayEye:

But, the toddlers I know that are spanked for acting out are the absolute worst about hitting and biting other children. Toddlers model their behavior on what they see and experience. So if they are hit, then they hit other people...including mom & dad.

Actually that is exactly what you said. The first sentence is specific but the second is a broad generalization.
And this...
MotherMayEye:
Blueyed228:
There are just as many bullies, biters, hitters, etc that were not spanked.

And still, they had to learn the behavior somewhere.
Also a generalization that all bullies, biters, hitters were hit/bit/bullied and not prescribed to your specific example.

I did not mean the behavior is always learned by example, they learn by experience, too. I thought I had cleared that up, but evidently I failed.

One example I gave was my infant daughter just happening to bite me while breastfeeding. I gasped and she thought it was funny, so she tried biting out for a while.

I am beginning to think that no matter how nuanced I make my comments, they will be selectively read.

Yep. This has happened to me on other boards multiple times. Drives me BSC!

MotherMayEye · February 2013

botanicalbliss:
MotherMayEye:
Blueyed228:
botanicalbliss:
I was really surprised how many people reacted positively (sns I didn't recognize, of course)! I wanted to get snarky, but it was past my bedtime.
I was hoping one of the moms who has 3 or 4 kids would come in all "Really betch? Ive got like 7 years on you when it comes to experience, so shut your pie hole."
Well, I would throw around my parenting prowess after raising a 21 year old, but she was a miserable teenager who had no concept of consequences for her behavior. Our system of discipline was all over the place and I don't think being a child of divorce helped that, at all. Her dad and I were seldom on the same page.
However, my six year old is pretty spectacular and having 15 years of perspective in between children made a big difference.
No one is perfect and I would like to think that none of us is claiming to be.
I know she was trying to be helpful, but it was pretty mushy, and I'd rather get my advice from someone like you who is a reg around here!

Thanky. I prefer to think I am sharing my experience rather than giving advice. But, I guess I come off preachy sometimes.

The funny thing is, the best advice I get on dealing with children comes from my single guy friend who is a social worker. And all day long, he gets parents who tell him to shove it because he doesn't have kids of his own.

MommaG123 · February 2013

botanicalbliss:
burkems:
lovingmygirl:
My personal UO - My best friend who happens to also be expecting is Team Green...it drives me nuts! LOL, how can she go 9 mos w/o wanting to find out what's coming?! I've tried giving her different reasons why she should find out but I guess I haven't presented a good enough argument. I guess my OU is that to me the surprise is the same at 20wks or at birth...go ahead, flame me
Flaming you. Not for your opinion but for the fact that you won't leave your friend alone. Seriously. Quit telling her to find out. You're being rude.
Word. As a team-greener it's VERY annoying when people try to convince you about finding out your baby's sex.

Thirded. It's really no one else's d@mn business whether we find out or not. I have actually had relatives tell us that we have already found out but just aren't telling them. Umm, no.

burkems · February 2013

MommaG123:
Thirded. It's really no one else's d@mn business whether we find out or not. I have actually had relatives tell us that we have already found out but just aren't telling them. Umm, no.

You too?! I had one co-worker my first pregnancy who REGULARLY accused me of this. I don't even...

MommaG123 · February 2013

MotherMayEye:
MotherMayEye:

And I think it's too easy to take someone's specific examples and spin them into broad generalizations because it makes it easier to trump someone.
I did not mean the behavior is always learned by example, they learn by experience, too. I thought I had cleared that up, but evidently I failed.
One example I gave was my infant daughter just happening to bite me while breastfeeding. I gasped and she thought it was funny, so she tried biting out for a while.
I am beginning to think that no matter how nuanced I make my comments, they will be selectively read.

My response was to your bolded up there. People weren't taking your specifics and turning them into generalizations. You made the generalizations to begin with. Then you backtracked/qualified later.

And I'm sorry but when you've responded 20 times in a thread it's a little hard to keep up with each and every one which Petra covered above. The tone of what you were saying has changed with some of your posts.

MotherMayEye · February 2013

PetraStonegirl:
MotherMayEye:
PetraStonegirl:
Yes, but research has not demonstrated that children only learn by imitating adults. It is only one facet of their learning experience, and I'm pretty sure that children who bite don't learn to do it from being bitten by their parents.
It is only my experience, but within that realm of experience I have observed that the correct path is very rarely on one extreme or another, but a twisted, complex, and often blind path that is unique to the individual walking it.

Correct. And that wasn't the point I was making. As I just said, my daughter went through a period of biting after another kid bit her. We had to work with her on getting past it though.
And my experience is the same. But, my experience is that nothing good ever came from hitting your child routinely out of hostility, anger, and annoyance. And it is very easy to take it too far once you start spanking your child. It's also very easy to spank and forget to actually talk to your child about how serious a decision it was to do so.
Again, my parents spanked me and my sisters, but it was always a very serious and big deal that seemed to weigh heavily on them. And I don't think any of us were worse for the wear for having been spanked.

I'm not arguing with anything you've said in the quoted above. The truth is, I'm slow to respond today so the conversation is going faster than I can keep up, so by the time I reply to something that really caught my attention, you've already posted something that seemingly negates what I was responding to. Over all, to me at least, it seems like you have throttled back on your anti-spanking stance in the course of the conversation this morning. Your first posts were vehemently anti-spanking and the more people have questioned the things you've said, the more you've started bringing in variables such as being spanked by your parents and such. Maybe I'm just reading it wrong, but it felt like first you condemned all parents for spanking as being those that spank in anger, then it felt like you backed off that and implied that all parents who spank 'the right way' will eventually escalate and spank in anger, but you conclude that you and your siblings were spanked but that you don't "don't think any of us were worse for the wear for having been spanked." I'm just left confused.
It's not that I don't 'like you' and am arguing from an us vs them stance, I often find myself agreeing with you. It's just that in this case, I'm left wondering exactly how it is that someone who was spanked to no ill effect by parents that did it 'the right way' comes out of the gate so anti-spanking.

Ah. I realize I misstated my feelings in my first comment.

I wrote:

I don't have as much of a problem with spanking and swatting when a child is going for something dangerous...sometimes it's just a person's gut reaction and there's not a lot of time to stop and regroup.
But, the toddlers I know that are spanked for acting out are the absolute worst about hitting and biting other children. Toddlers model their behavior on what they see and experience. So if they are hit, then they hit other people...including mom & dad.

[EDIT: So, while I totally agree with Blueyed about not judging other parents, I draw the line when my son or daughter comes home from preschool with bite marks and bruises from kids who have been taught how to react violently from their parents.]

I should have said, "I don't have a problem with spanking and swatting when a child is going for something dangerous...sometimes it's just a person's gut reaction and there's not a lot of time to stop and regroup."

And even though my parents spanked me and I don't think any harm was done, I also don't feel I like gained anything from it. Truth be told, I wasn't afraid to get spanked and it didn't keep me from misbehaving.

[edited typos]

MotherMayEye · February 2013

MommaG123:
MotherMayEye:
MotherMayEye:

And I think it's too easy to take someone's specific examples and spin them into broad generalizations because it makes it easier to trump someone.
I did not mean the behavior is always learned by example, they learn by experience, too. I thought I had cleared that up, but evidently I failed.
One example I gave was my infant daughter just happening to bite me while breastfeeding. I gasped and she thought it was funny, so she tried biting out for a while.
I am beginning to think that no matter how nuanced I make my comments, they will be selectively read.
My response was to your bolded up there. People weren't taking your specifics and turning them into generalizations. You made the generalizations to begin with. Then you backtracked/qualified later.
And I'm sorry but when you've responded 20 times in a thread it's a little hard to keep up with each and every one which Petra covered above. The tone of what you were saying has changed with some of your posts.

I don't feel I have changed anything though. Perhaps I have had to get more specific with each post. But my views haven't changed.

I did correct my very first sentence on this thread, but that's all.

I totally get not being able to read every single comment. But, I mostly feel I have had to repeat the same thing several times now.

kmcd23 · February 2013

This isn't my opinion so much as it is a query. So here goes.
Our bodies are built to feel pain as a protective device to learn from and keep us safe, right? So if a child engages in a dangerous behavior without supervision, chances are he'll feel pain, and learn. and hopefully survive. If Parental supervision is present, the parent's responsibility is to protect that child from said danger... But couldn't spanking then be the 'safe' pain in place of the dangerous pain that teaches the child not to repeat the behavior? I'm thinking in terms of brain pathways on a biological level, and only in terms of truly dangerous behavior... Though I openly admit I don't have the education to support my query.

My opinion is that I have no idea what the hell I'll do. I was never spanked as a child. But I know that I have swatted at my dogs out of fear before, like when one got away from me and tried to run in front of a car. Smart? Nope. Did I think I would do that? Nope. But I did. And I wasn't proud of it. So while my goal is to not spank because it worked for me as a kid, I am fully aware that parenting is a learning process, and each child is different, and I can't be sure what I'll do, though I plan to prepare as much as possible to make what I believe to be the best choices.

Just like everything else in life, the more I learn, the more I realize I just don't know.

Now, my UO is that most of the ecards on Facebook are just snarky not so veiled superiority, and not funny at all.

Blueyed228 · February 2013

My very popular opinion is that I would like to throat punch that heifer who resurrected that stupid mushroom post and called us all fat lazy betches.

OldGlory · February 2013

Blueyed228:
My very popular opinion is that I would like to throat punch that heifer who resurrected that stupid mushroom post and called us all fat lazy betches.

MotherMayEye · February 2013

kmcd23:
This isn't my opinion so much as it is a query. So here goes. Our bodies are built to feel pain as a protective device to learn from and keep us safe, right? So if a child engages in a dangerous behavior without supervision, chances are he'll feel pain, and learn. and hopefully survive. If Parental supervision is present, the parent's responsibility is to protect that child from said danger... But couldn't spanking then be the 'safe' pain in place of the dangerous pain that teaches the child not to repeat the behavior? I'm thinking in terms of brain pathways on a biological level, and only in terms of truly dangerous behavior... Though I openly admit I don't have the education to support my query. My opinion is that I have no idea what the hell I'll do. I was never spanked as a child. But I know that I have swatted at my dogs out of fear before, like when one got away from me and tried to run in front of a car. Smart? Nope. Did I think I would do that? Nope. But I did. And I wasn't proud of it. So while my goal is to not spank because it worked for me as a kid, I am fully aware that parenting is a learning process, and each child is different, and I can't be sure what I'll do, though I plan to prepare as much as possible to make what I believe to be the best choices. Just like everything else in life, the more I learn, the more I realize I just don't know. Now, my UO is that most of the ecards on Facebook are just snarky not so veiled superiority, and not funny at all.

I think this is insightful and maybe that's why it's so instinctual to smack your child's hand as he/she reaches for an electrical outlet.

MotherMayEye · February 2013

PetraStonegirl:
MotherMayEye:
botanicalbliss:

I know she was trying to be helpful, but it was pretty mushy, and I'd rather get my advice from someone like you who is a reg around here!
Thanky. I prefer to think I am sharing my experience rather than giving advice. But, I guess I come off preachy sometimes.
The funny thing is, the best advice I get on dealing with children comes from my single guy friend who is a social worker. And all day long, he gets parents who tell him to shove it because he doesn't have kids of his own.
Word!
Sometimes the best advice comes from surprising sources!

As a child advocate, his perspective is unique. He is always thinking about what's best for any given child. Parents have a hard time excluding themselves from the equation sometimes.

I think what it comes down to, is that a lot of parents don't want unsolicited advice or to be told they are doing it wrong, period -- not from experienced parents, not from first-time parents, not from childless people.

slweaver0626 · February 2013

OldGlory:
Blueyed228:
My very popular opinion is that I would like to throat punch that heifer who resurrected that stupid mushroom post and called us all fat lazy betches.

'

It came back? LOL!!

katester42 · February 2013

1and1is3:
TheyCalledHerKate:
I have never encountered a parent who didn't spank out of anger and frustration and I think it's a slipperly slope between discipline and abuse (or something that can escalate to abuse if the parent doesn't have control over their actions). I think because I was hit and spanked as a child, I am totally biased and I don't think I could ever do that to my child because I know how it made me feel...but like I said, my view is skewed because I've never seen a parent who spanked "the right way."
This makes me so sad I think this is the reason that there are so many against spanking. I was spanked the right way and I am soooo thankful that I was! I would have been a very unproductive member of society if I weren't spanked. (NOT saying that everyone who isn't spanked is an unproductive member of society!!) I would have been unproductive because I never would have grasped the concept that there is a consequence for every action you take.
It really bothers me when I see parents spank in anger. As for the laziness aspect, a good parent will sit the kid down and explan why they got spanked! If they are about to touch the hot stove you will explain action vs consequences thing. I realize that some kids will just touch the hot stove and get burned and that is the only way they will learn but it just seems more humane to me to spank and explain rather than letting them learn for themselves... (shrugs)
Not trying to change anyone's mind though, I just want to point out that not all parents who spank give a skewed view.

I agree with this. Especially the explaining why they were spanked in the first place. I was a child who was spanked when it was necessary (according to my parents) and I turned out just fine. I never had trust issues or fear of my parents but I did pick up on action vs consequences very quickly.

My dad would always do the 1,2,3 count before the spank to give me notice and the chance to change my behaviour or actions and most of my spanks were taps on the diaper and I never really felt anything.

My mother told me one time my dad was doing the count down and I wasn't wearing my diaper and once he got to 2 I cheekily said "I know what comes next, three". I was right three did come next, then my dad spanked my bare ass. My mom said I wasn't too impressed and cried and she explained to me a. why the countdown was in effect and b. why I shouldn't talk back etc.

Apparently it stuck because from what I've been told (before I hit the beloved teen years) I didn't talk back, I wasn't cheeky, I did as I was told and they had little to no problems with me when it came to me acting out or needing punishment.

My parents never hit me out of anger, abused my trust or yelled at me and I can honestly say that the spanking I received on the diaperless day really did mold my behaviour and respect for consequences from that day out.

I have no issues swatting my sons hand away from a hot burner he might be reaching to and then explaining to him why I did it. I feel that by the time I get the words "don't touch that it's hot" or "be careful that's hot you'll burn yourself" I will already have a toddler with a burn. Does that make me a lazy parent? I don't think so (although I'm sure other will disagree) every one is different.

I agree that if used effectively, with explanation and not excessively just because it's easier spanking is okay in my books.

lovingmygirl · February 2013

burkems:
lovingmygirl:
My personal UO - My best friend who happens to also be expecting is Team Green...it drives me nuts! LOL, how can she go 9 mos w/o wanting to find out what's coming?! I've tried giving her different reasons why she should find out but I guess I haven't presented a good enough argument. I guess my OU is that to me the surprise is the same at 20wks or at birth...go ahead, flame me
Flaming you. Not for your opinion but for the fact that you won't leave your friend alone. Seriously. Quit telling her to find out. You're being rude.

LOL, I'm sorry if I gave the impression that I'm calling her in the middle of the night to harrass her about this...I've mentioned it maybe 3-4 times and it's always after she tells me her DH gave her a reason as to why they should find out. I do respect her opinion and give her tons of credit for not giving in. That said, it doesn't mean that my curiosity is not at its worst and I wish I knew what she was having

Skk1977 · February 2013

I love vegan turkey deli meat.

Skk1977 · February 2013

2013sarabelleATX:
1. I find LO's in utero hiccups super annoying.
2. I'm dreading going to BBB to round out my registry today. I've done a lot online, but there are some items I need to feel/see in person. I hate shopping.
3. I think it's weird when moms-to-be register for boob supplies. Yes, I will need a pump, nursing pads and other breast accessories, but I will buy them myself.
ETA #3.

HAHAHA my registry is full of boob supplies. As a thank u to them, I'm sending a pic of my boobs.

MotherMayEye · February 2013

Shantxtell:
I absolutely detest any clothing that is a combination of zebra ( or black/ white stripes) and pink. Especially children's clothing. Kids dressed in this look like baby bro hoe's.

I hate it, too. Can't stand it. But, my 21 year old daughter bought a zebra/hot pink outfit for her new sister, for Christmas, so I will dress her in it for a photo and probably when she comes to visit.

But, behind her back my husband keeps telling me it must be destroyed by fire.

imoan · February 2013

burkems:
lovingmygirl:
My personal UO - My best friend who happens to also be expecting is Team Green...it drives me nuts! LOL, how can she go 9 mos w/o wanting to find out what's coming?! I've tried giving her different reasons why she should find out but I guess I haven't presented a good enough argument. I guess my OU is that to me the surprise is the same at 20wks or at birth...go ahead, flame me
Flaming you. Not for your opinion but for the fact that you won't leave your friend alone. Seriously. Quit telling her to find out. You're being rude.

I agree with this. Particularly because I'm sure if she was like "WHY DO YOU WANT TO FIND OUT?! It's not as much of a surprise?! You'll be missing a very special moment", you'd be SUPER annoyed.

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