Hi all!
I don't post much, but I have a question for you all. I am 28 weeks preg with my first baby. I want to get maternity pix, however, I am looking at our schedule for March and April..... Between the Spring Break schedule (which DH and BM are still trying to work out), DH and I being in an Easter performance, the custody schedule, DH's work schedule.... *sigh* there aren't a lot of options on when to do this. And I don't even know the photog's schedule yet.
We really try to include SS6 in as much as we can. He's part of our family (duh). At the same time there might be the possibility that he might not be a part of the pix because we might not be able to schedule it when he's with us.
There's also a part of me that would like this to be about me, DH and OUR baby - MY first baby. There are things I feel like I was robbed of with this blended life and I'm trying to keep as many things as I can.
So,
1) Would it be so bad if it was just DH and I?
2) Have any of you ever included any of your other kids in maternity pix, whether they be step or bio or "ours"?
Re: Maternity Pix and SS
I did maternity pics for DS. None of our other kids were in the pics. DH was only in like 2 poses. I do have a pic with me with all the kids when I was pregnant because we did our Christmas family pics when I was 5 months along but that was because we did a pic with me and all the kids and another shot with DH and all the kids not because I was pregnant per say...
TTC 10/11. IUI 2/12. BFP 3/8/12. 4/26/12 missed mc. RE consult 5/17/12. IVF #1 ER 7/13/12 53R, 41M ICSIed, 32F, 8 5d, 6 6d blasts - all PGD/frozen. PGD results 1 normal M and 1 normal F, 1 maybe M. FET 9/6, transferred 1 F embie. Beta 9/15 BFN. FET#2 planned for 11/2012 put off until 2013. Surprise BFP 11/21/12!! My son was born on 7/24/13!
My SS was in my maternity pics. It was a wonderful family time, and I think the pic of me and SS together is one of DH's favorites. I think it can be hard for stepchildren when a parent has a baby with a new spouse, it is easy for them to feel like they are not a part of the family. I would make an attempt to make it work.
I did maternity pics with my first. It was me, DH and SS. They were mostly just me, then some with me and DH, and a few of me and SS and a few of all 3 of us as a family. My photographer really captured everything. I'm so thankful to have all of us in them when I look at them on our walls. I don't think it's terrible you feel like you just want them you and your H, you are entitled to your feelings, but do you think if SS was your bio child you would feel the same way?
The way you said that this blended family robbed you of things, I really think you need to take a step back and realize, YOU CHOSE THIS. No one held a gun to your head and said you had to do this. Sure, you can't choose who you fall in love with, but you can choose who you walk down the aisle and pro-create with. It sounds like you already have a lot of resentment built up over your SS and this inconvenience of a blended family... and you should probably address those feelings before he notices. Hopefully he hasn't yet...
Good luck with what ever you choose.
FWIW, if I had done mat pics with my second (I didn't do them because I was incredibly self conscious about my weight the second time. I got pg again when DD was only 3 months old), I would have done them alone by myself. That was my plan in the beginning when I did DD's mat pics. I think this is one of those things you an do what you want and no one should make you feel bad about your decision kind of things.
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"Karma1969: If baking someone a birthday pie/cake is romantic, I must be a slut."
Wow. Defensive much?
I read karatechrissy's post to say she HOPES that your SS doesn't feel the resentment. I think we all hope that, including you. You insist he doesn't and that's great, so please calm down, we are all on the same side.
I can't sympathize with what you are going through, as I am 1) dating, not married to a man with a child 2) had a child of my own before entering this relationship (so I got to experience having my son in an intact family), but I do know that may parts of this 'blended family' experience have been much harder than I initially thought, and it has brought out feelings and reactions that do not come from the most mature part of me. I am sure having your 1st with a man who has already gone through this is hard (and the number of posts on this topic attest to that).
As for the simple matter of the pics - as everyone (including karatechrissy) said - do as you please. When the baby is born, I'm sure you'll include your SS in family pics, and that is what will matter the most.
Try to enjoy this time, and know this board is very honest and helpful if you can take a deep breath and read what everyone has written. Good luck!
She wasn't judging from what I read. She was taking what YOU wrote and giving you advice.
Well you came on here to get opinions from perfect strangers, so...
You'll have to toughen up if you plan to use message boards anywhere, not just this one.
OP, I really think you misinterpreted the tone here. This was meant to be helpful advice.
But I also take issue with the bolded. Because, yes we chose to marry into these families and as such went "armed into the fight". But just because you "know what you're getting into" doesn't mean you won't find yourself constantly blind-sided by issues you had never even imagined. I chose to marry into a blended family, but did I know what I was getting into exactly? No not really. Did I realize how low the general opinions of a step-parent are until I was one? Nope.
I understand your feelings, OP. But I think that some counseling or some soul searching for some perspective is definitely in order. If you allow resentment to fester it doesn't go away, it only grows.
BFP #1 11/07/2012 EDD 07/09/2013 M/C 11/22/2012
BFP #2 02/05/2013 EDD 09/19/2013 Arrived via c-section 09/27/2013
I merely pointed out that the tone and direct quote of BF life has 'robbed' you of things, showed signs of resentment already, and you are only at the tip of the iceberg here. You took a small portion of my entire response to you and COMPLETELY blew it out of proportion, and ignored where I said 'you should be allowed this decision without judgement of others'. The fact that you took my advice to you so hard, sort of confirms my suspicions in the first place. I touched a nerve. I think you really should get into some counseling to figure out your feelings.
I don't know anything of you other than what you wrote. You are totally right. But I'm an 'outside perspective'. Sometimes you need that to see the big picture. This isn't about pictures for you. This is much bigger.
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"Karma1969: If baking someone a birthday pie/cake is romantic, I must be a slut."
I think this is a great way to think about it and I agree 100%. I also agree with Krissy in regards to the way you phrased "feeling robbed" of experiences. It comes off sounding like you are very resentful of the family situation you entered into. I say take pictures with every possible family combination. Think of it from your DH's point of view, a pic of you pregnant with his child along with his DS....I bet that would mean the world to him.
Ita. Karatechrissy hit the nail on the head and your reaction only confirmed it. Op I hope you get your resentments worked out and stop playing the victim before lo gets here. Trust us its only going to get harder!
Good luck.
I guess I always thought of maternity pics as mainly focused on the pregnant mom.
I'm planning on having maternity pics done with just me & DH. The pics will focus on me & my pregnancy with DH included as well. I don't plan on having my 3 bio kids in them, or my SKs. I want the pics to focus on me & DH.
After the baby is born I'm hoping to get family pics of everyone, and of course I wouldn't dream of something like that w/out involving all kids.
There's nothing wrong with having some moments/events just for you & DH. Don't feel guilty about stuff like that. As long as you also have moments/events including the kid(s). Our kids are older (range 10-19) and we stay busy keeping up with them and all of their activities, so DH and I relish in any moments we can savor as a couple since our world revolves around kids the rest of the time.
Krissy definitely hit a nerve & she definitely didn't judge you.
When I had maternity pics while pregnant with DD, I also included DS. Of course, DS is my bio. I did some on just me, some of me & DH, and lots of the family. I want to make sure DS knows this is his family and that he fits right in. I wouldn't imagine not including him. Could you take SS for the shoot and include him in some picture and have him bring a handheld game to play on while you're taking the pics of just you & you and DH?
I love this!!! I don't know if we're going to do maternity pics or not, but SS won't be in them if we are. Just like SS won't be announcing to family and friends .. DH and I will because they will be OUR babies. SS will most definitely be in pics after birth!