sex life

brazzale · January 2013

Anyone else have no sex life? When I was pregnant, I lost all interest in sex. Thankfully, my husband was super patient & understanding (husband of the year!). I was hoping it would get better after I had DS, but it hasn't. DS is almost 11 months old, and I have really no desire. I'm taking Loryna (generic for Yaz) as birth control - I'm wondering if that isn't the culprit.

Other factors are I did suffer pretty badly from PPD, but feel like I've gotten over that hump. Also, DH travels for work a lot (gone most of the week every week). I'm working 40-50 hours/week, have a 1.5 hour commute, & am maintaining the house while taking care of DS. Frankly, I know part of it is because some days/weeks, I'm exhausted.

I've never had a super huge sex drive, but enough to satisfy my husband. When we were TTC, I had much more of a sex drive, but I'm not sure if that's because I wanted a baby or because I was finally of the pill.

DH is home all week this week & making a super effort to help so everything isn't on my shoulders. He is really into Brazilian Jiu Jitsu & MMA. When home during the week, he usually goes to the gym for classes (they are after DS goes to bed). He stayed home last night to hang out with me and we had tentively planned on having sex then - however, I fell asleep at about 8pm on the couch.

When I thought about it on my way to work this AM, I got sick to my stomach. When you figure 9 months of pregnancy w/ no sex drive and the last almost 11 months without much sex (maybe 2x/month) I felt like a total failure of a wife. DH says he's understanding, but I know it bothers him.

I have a physical w/ my general practitioner in March, so I hope to bring it up then. In the meantime, I might go off BC until I see her and see if that helps.

gui's gal · January 2013

You are certainly not alone.

My DH and I are in the same boat. For me, the drive is sorta there, sometimes, not nearly like it was pre-pregnancy, but I never follow through even when it is there. I am just so tired all the time, and am still trying to figure out how to balance working fulltime and being a new mom (also with a 1.5 hour commute) and no family nearby or cleaning service to help. My DH works long hours and travels a lot.

I was just telling DH the other day. I am starting to forget how to take care of myself and even how to enjoy time for myself. I joked that taking care of myself these days is, honestly, putting some good moisturizer on my face before I go to bed.

Everyone says things get easier as the LOs grow up. I'm hoping this is true.

Hugs!

526SadieSadie · January 2013

Same here.

I had a healthy sex drive pre-preg and it was ok while I was pregnant but now - nada. I feel awful for DH, he's being really patient but I'm so stressed out I can't even fake arousal and enthusiasm.

nunzchucks · January 2013

I think talking to your physician about it is a great idea. I always had little to no sex drive on birth control. Could you switch to a non-hormone pill?

brazzale · January 2013

gui's gal:
You are certainly not alone.
My DH and I are in the same boat. For me, the drive is sorta there, sometimes, not nearly like it was pre-pregnancy, but I never follow through even when it is there. I am just so tired all the time, and am still trying to figure out how to balance working fulltime and being a new mom (also with a 1.5 hour commute) and no family nearby or cleaning service to help. My DH works long hours and travels a lot.
I was just telling DH the other day. I am starting to forget how to take care of myself and even how to enjoy time for myself. I joked that taking care of myself these days is, honestly, putting some good moisturizer on my face before I go to bed.
Everyone says things get easier as the LOs grow up. I'm hoping this is true.
Hugs!

I totally appreciate your support & am glad to know I'm not alone. I feel like what you posted is exactly how I feel most of the time. Not to mention, like you, we have no family nearby to "give us a break". However, I finally hired a cleaning lady, she starts next week (I'm probably more excited than I should be). Although this won't alleviate all the chores for me, I won't have to deep clean the house, just vacuum a few days a week. Now, if only I could have a personal chef and dog walker...

I know it probably gets better when the kids get older, but I just feel so bad for DH. He's being so patient and amazing about it, but I feel like the least I could do is offer something up!

kalette · January 2013

I don't have any drive on a regular BCP, the progesterone only pill errin has been fabulous though! I still have drive.. it gets really strong for a few days in the middle of the month which is probably when I ovulate. I think I will stick with this pill even after I'm done BF.

silvie25mar · January 2013

I'm in the same boat with pregnancy and in the last 10 mos. sigh. I think maybe it has to do with slight Ppd of some sort. To OP, how did you cope? Mine seems to be coming on a bit late, or I'm noticing it later.

brazzale · January 2013

silvie25:
I'm in the same boat with pregnancy and in the last 10 mos. sigh. I think maybe it has to do with slight Ppd of some sort. To OP, how did you cope? Mine seems to be coming on a bit late, or I'm noticing it later.

Mine started right away, and I was given prozac. What really helped, was fresh air and naps. It's probably hard to nap if you're working & get fresh air if you live in a cold place! helpful, huh? I do find myself sometimes back at square one when i'm really sleep deprived & stressed. Just take one day & moment at a time and seek help if you need to (no shame!).

Natali25 · January 2013

You really aren't alone. I'm in the same boat. I think it's mostly from my BC and some due to my anti-depressants. I also had a super great sex drive when TTC and I think it's because I wasn't on BC. I think I need to call my doc about it. It's getting old. I want.... to want to have sex. I just never feel like it.

christinaa722 · January 2013

I could have written this post myself!!! LO is 10 months and we've probably only been intimate a handful of times since he was born. I'm on Mirena so I'm thinking that could be part of it, but I'm also super exhausted. I work crazy long days, on my feet all day, and come home to cook, clean, and care for LO. Maybe we will have time again one day, but I'm not worried about it.

picklesx · January 2013

I have never had much of a sex drive but after having a baby I have no interest. Partly because it is super uncomfortable, partly because my mind is always buzzing with other things that I need to take care of, and I am also much more tired nowadays. I also have some resentment toward my husband because I am home 5 days a week with the baby and when DH gets home from work he expects that he should be able to sit down and play video games while I continue to take care of our son yet the two days that I work during only one of which he is home with the baby when I get home he is practically throwing the baby at me so that he can do whatever he wants. I am resentful of his selfishnes
s and it really turns me off from him in general. My husband is not as understanding as yours though and thinks that he is entitled to sex whenever he wants it and when he doesnt get it he gets very mean toward me.

Anyway sorry that I just hijacked your post to vent! You are not alone though in having no interest.

TobbynS · January 2013

I'm with you ladies! I don't feel sexy at all! A few things have helped a little for us. A friend had a sex toy party, and at first I thought why would I want to go to that...gross! But I thought maybe talking about sex with some girlfriends would help, and it did! Then, DH and I had a night at a hotel just the two of us. How could a relaxing night away not be sexy? Lastly, we've made a good effort to not watch tv once DS has gone to bed. We really try to do something together even if it's cleaning the kitchen. Spending time unwinding and talking with DH about my day makes me feel closer to him and makes it a little easier when we get into bed. I know for me feeling connected to my husband outside the bedroom makes it easier in the bedroom.
I also try not to complain about my hubby to others. I find it helps our relationship if I tell my DH what's bothering me like not helping out enough before I go to my best friend.
I am still struggling with this everyday, so I know how you're feeling. I hope some of the things that have helped me will help you too. If anyone has other suggestions, I'd love to hear them.

lgirl1205 · February 2013

I am not on birth control and my drive went way down at pregnancy, like could careless about sex and still feel that way. My husband understands but it bothers him that we are barely doing anything. My son turns 1 in March. I often think, I have no sex drive now so how are we going to try for another baby...ugh I hope it gets better for you.

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