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2nd Trimester
WAS IT PLANNED?!!!
Ok, let me prelude this rant with the fact that I really don't get offended easy. It doesn't bother me too bad when people just come up and start touching my tummy, I don't mind the asking when I am due and usually I am pretty happy to talk about my bump when people bring it up. BUT...
Why the frick does anyone think it's ok to ask if it was planned? I have had this question more than anything else. This girl at work really irked me when she just blurted out (really obnoxiously btw) "WAS IT PLANNED?!"
Like, why does anyone even need to know that? Or why was it even something they were curious about? I just don't get it. It may not have been so bad if I haven't already been asked that a million times. 80 percent of the time they act all serious and like I am in trouble or something when they ask...
some look around and their voice gets all low...
some have almost phrased it in a disgusted way like "eh, was it.... planned??"
I mean I am walking around all smiley and stuff it's not like I act bummed about it. lol. For the record it wasn't planned for right at this moment, but hubby and I already knew we wanted children, it just happened sooner than later!
Maybe I am just being over sensitive but I feel like that's such an awkward and personal question. :P Anyone have any good comebacks? I'm usually dumbfounded at the rudeness. lol
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Re: WAS IT PLANNED?!!!
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I answer "Yes, we used missionary and doggy style too. Do you want more details?"
They usually slink away.
LFAF Summer 2016 Awards:
B born 7/15/13, C born 3/2/15, #3 on the way May '17
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Now that I am PG, I totally agree that this is just such a weird freaking question.
But, I have to admit that I have probably asked people this myself! I guess b/c I just was wondering about the whole element of surprise kind of thing. I dunno.
But you can bet your hiney that I won't ask that question of anyone again!
BWAHAHAHAHAHHHAHAHHHAHHAHAHHAHAAA! Totally stealing this. THANKS!
Ooooh! Let's come up with possible responses:
"No, it was the weirdest thing! I literally FELL on his penis. It was crazy. There I was, dusting the ceiling fan in my French Maid costume when...."
I bet they cut you off.
I'm finding out that I really don't care if people ask me this question. Mainly because the only people who ask really mean "Is this your official next step in life? Are you wanting to start a family (not just have a kid)." So it doesn't bother me.
What I do find bothering, is when someone else is pregnant and they announce it like this: We are pregnant! It was NOT planned! -giggle giggle, half eye roll, giggle-.
It happens every time one of my buddies didn't plan for their pregnancy lol it kind of irks me.
If you really want people to stop asking, here's the perfect answer:
Person asks, "Was it planned?"
You answer, "Well that depends on what you mean by planned. If you want to know if we charted and only had sex on certain days, then no. We just had a lot of spontaneous sex whenever we wanted. I'm pretty sure this LO was conceived on the kitchen counter." (If you say it innocently enough with a straight face, most people will turn the most interesting shades of pink.)
I think people ask this question because they try to gauge how excited you are, and, in turn, can express either their own excitement or put on a more unbiased, supportive face. I really feel that people do this without thinking about it most of the time.
One of my best friends told me that not that long ago that she was pregnant, and I didn't know how to respond. I didn't ask the question, "Was it planned?" but I did say, "Oh wow! Congratulations! How do you feel?"
....She ended up having an abortion and never wanted the fetus to begin with. I'm sure if I would have asked, "Was it planned?" She would have said no, and that she wasn't going to keep the baby instead of me being how I thought I should be.
I totallllllly understand. This has been one of my biggest pet peeves during my pregnancy! The way I see it is, if you weren't close enough to me before I told you I was pregnant to already know if I was or was not trying, then you have absolutely no right to ask! I kept answering with the "well we weren't specifically trying but we weren't not-trying/preventing either..." but I was never satisfied with that.
When I mentioned it to my SIL, she came up with an awesome response that I LOVED. To say: "Well, I AM married..." and trail off. Make THEM feel awkward about the question instead! haha
If that were the case, they could ask "are you excited?" I've gotten THAT question a bunch of times. I usually respond with "I'm terrified," because even though we were trying, the thought of being responsible for the well-being of another person is still kinda scary!
But back to "was it planned?" I never got that one. I think people know better than to ask me that, since I'd b*tch slap them, and then just blame it on hormones. The closest I came to that question was when I had first found out - I was in the hospital for something completely unrelated, so it took everyone by surprise. The nurse asked me "were you trying?"
It is probably not the most appropriate question. I had a co-worker just ASSUME it wasn't planned. When I told her she was thrilled, but said "Of course it wasn't planned though, you would have told me if you were trying." ummm.....!?
No, I actually wouldn't tell you that and FYI, no it wasnt planned, but my DH and I are over the moon!
DH: 35
DD #1: 6/1/2013
EDD #2: 6/7/2017
::dead::
EDD 1/31/13, MC May 17. EDD 3/31/13, MC July 26. I miss you so much already my angel loves
OMG, I literally LOL'ed at this.
I never got the "Was it planned?" question with DS, but I have had a few random strangers at DS's playgroup ask if we were trying.
Maybe..."Yah, no offense, but I'm not comfortable answering that question. It's pretty personal".
Maybe it's not a "comeback", but it's certainly honest. I tell people stuff like that all the time. Most people just don't know that they are being rude, and they'll quickly apologize as it's the polite thing to do. I see no reason to bite someone's head off, esp. as I know I've asked my fair share of off-the-wall questions.
Doesn't make sense though
DS1-7/21/2011 @ 1:51am
DD-5/29/2013 @ 2:40pm
DS2-5/29/2013 @ 3:21pm
#4 EDD- 9/28/2016
I agree, I've been getting this a lot too because my husband and I are graduate students and currently living with his mom (don't judge, we contribute to the house just in our situation it's good to have flexibility since once he graduates then we can go wherever, we pay all the bills for the house and buy 90% of the groceries and keep it clean, we're not moochers or lazy just still working on our degrees - SEE I HAVE TO SAY THIS ALL THE TIME BECAUSE PEOPLE ARE TOO JUDGEY!).
I just roll with it. What else can you do, you can't let what other people think cripple you or get your down. Everyone is going to have an opinion on everything you do with a baby and/or a pregnancy unfortunately. It is a really rude, personal question, and just remember the next time you come across someone who is newly pregnant to give them the same respect and understanding that you wished people gave you.
full time stepmom to SS1 and SS2 since 2010
married since 2011
TTC since 7/2011 (no planned bc since 2008)
HSG 11/2011: one blocked tube
S/A 2/2012 and retest S/A 3/2012: normal
Bloodwork: normal
2nd HSG 5/2012: clear
Femara cycle 5mg #1 7/14/12 + IUI #1 7/23/12 = bfn
New RE appt 8/14/12
IVF #1 meds 8/30/12. ER 9/14/2012: 7 retrieved, 6 fertilized. ET 9/19/12: 1 perfect embryo 5dt.
Beta #1 BFP! 97
Beta #2 234
Beta #3 4937
ultrasound #1 heart beat 127
10/20/12 graduated!!!
EDD 6/7/12
Team PINK!!
I don't think I've been asked that question in so many words because everyone knows that it WASN'T planned... I moved my wedding up six months so that I would be able to fit into a wedding dress. Haha.
Some people just don't know how to respond, especially when they KNOW it wasn't planned. Actually, I went to the doctor right after peeing on the stick to verify that I was pregnant, and when they came back in they asked something along the lines of "is this good news...?" (Doesn't help that I look 16/17 without make-up. I should stop wearing my hair in braids.) Of course it was, but sometimes you want to make sure you're going to say the right thing.
On the other hand, I would never ask someone else that. It really is a weird question. What does it matter if it was planned or not-- the result is the same.
When I told my father he said, "is this a good thing?'. I said yes dad, some people try and get pregnant.
Jackass
Not that it should matter when it comes to people's behavior, but are you not married? Of course the question is rude and people shouldn't be saying it, but they're probably trying to figure out if they should be happy for you or more sympathetic? I guess?
Still rude.
Married for 6 years, second child between my husband and I.
BFP#1: 11.22.2012 EDD: 7.22.2013 DS Born 7.24.2013
BFP#2: 11.26.2014 EDD: 7.25.2015 *chemical confirmed 12.08.14*
At least your dad didn't ask you "how did this happen?" like mine did. I'm like...um...
I get asked this ALL THE TIME. I ask why they care and they always respond "well, you didn't talk about TTC at all..." So even if we weren't (which we were) what difference does that make?? Most annoying question by far!