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Baby Showers
Nascarmom48
member
2nd Shower, 10yrs since 1st
Nascarmom48
member
in Baby Showers
So I have been reading how tacky it is to have a 2nd shower. Here is my problem. My 1st shower was 10yrs ago! Yes, 10yrs! My DD will be 10yrs and 5months when this new one arrives. So needless to say we have NOTHING! I have had 2 friends offer to give me shower. Just don't know how to go about it since it will really be my 2nd.
So what should I do?
This discussion has been closed.
Re: 2nd Shower, 10yrs since 1st
If someone offers an dyou want to accept, you can. I personally wouldn't have an issue w/ attending a shower in this situation.
But two "but's".
1- I'd keep it on the smaller side. Truly your nearest and dearest. Not "everyone you know".
2- I really HATE the "excuse" of "we have nothing!". Um... your choice to have a kid, your responsibility to provide for your child. Yes, this even is true for first babies - but people like to throw showers to welcome moms to motherhood.
The fact that you have 10 years between kids doesn't make it anyone elses responsbility to stock you up on kid stuff.
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
All of this, but especially the bolded.
If someone offers I say yes accept.
This will also be my second, my first will be 16. This will be DH's first and my mother, MIL and BF are hosting ours. We have already purchased all the things that we need but they want to do it. As far as keeping it small, I think that depends on the size of the family. My DH has 40 immediate family members!! Our guest list is about 60 people. It seems like a lot but if any of these people weren't invited we'd be talked about when not around because someone would be offended. So I'm just going with the flow!
I would not attend a second shower. Doesn't matter if it is different sex, alot of years in between, or you have different baby daddies.
I think it is gift grabby/tacky/trashy.
I have never understood second showers.
When you've been married this long, you need a ticker to remind you.
Baby Boy M - 08/01/2013
Expecting Baby Bean February 2017
I agree with this. Also, a good indicator is if it is common in your family to have 2nd showers. BTW..."immediate family" means your parents, grandparents and brothers and sisters. I can't imagine having 40 "immediate" family members on just one side like one pp mentioned. You'd have to have like 30 brothers and sisters! Aunts and uncles are not immediate and neither are cousins.
I'm inclined to agree.
It was sweet of your friends to offer, but it's just not appropriate. Thank them and ask if they'd be willing to host a meet-the-baby party instead.
Of course, if you just want some girl-time, perhaps they could host a no-gifts event like a coffee/dessert or brunch.
In my family circle we only do showers for the 1st baby as a shower is really meant to welcome the mother into motherhood, not to provide stuff for the baby. Even though this LO is our first we still purchased almost everything ourselves and just got small stuff, clothing, personalized gifts at our shower. After all, we decided to have the baby, it's our responsibility to provide for it.
To each their own...
Henry Cavill...You're welcome!
BFP #3: EDD 1/10/13 **DS born 12/30/12!!!**
BFP #2: MC 7/2/11 @ 12 weeks
**Missing our February '12 LoveBug**
BFP #1: MMC discovered on 12/6/10
I am in the same boat. My ex-husband and I had two kids, and now I am happily married with a new baby on the way. My kids are 10 and 8, and my shower was ten years ago.
So much has changed since then...technology has changed...safety requirements have changed. My husband and I aren't living without and are fully able to purchase things on our own. But there are genuinely people out there who DO want to celebrate a new baby by hosting a shower. There is nothing wrong with people hosting a shower, or you even hosting one for yourself.
To the subsequent posters, the purpose of a shower is to celebrate the impending birth of a new baby by showering the mother with gifts...if you don't want to attend a 2nd shower, you don't have to, but if you were really a friend...wouldn't you pick a little something out for your friend anyhow? I don't care what number kid my friends or family members are on, I am still going to get them something for the wonderful event.
To the OP, people are offering - go for it! And don't listen to all the other crazy posters on here!
BFP#1 11/12/11 ~ No heartbeat 12/12/11 ~ D&C 12/19/11
BFP#2 3/25/12 ~ Heartbeat 141 4/16/12 ~ No heartbeat 4/25/12 ~ D&C 04/30/12
BFP#3 7/16/12 ~ EDD 3/26/13 ~ It's a BOY ~ DOB 2/26/13
No, no no. So much wrong in one post. Yes, there is something wrong with hosting your own shower. You are essentially inviting people to bring you gifts. And, the purpose of a shower is to shower the NEW mother to be with gifts. Not the baby.
I don't understand the idea that a baby shower is to welcome a mother into motherhood. It's not some thuper thecret rite of passage.
It's a party to shower a baby with gifts. OP, go ahead and have a shower. The people who want to come will come.
We are having a shower because this is OUR first baby together and for my husband - it's his first kid and very first grandchild on his side. There are a ton of people on his side of the family who are very excited to welcome me "into motherhood" (whatever that means) - with a shower, regardless that I have been a mom for a decade. And my side is equally excited to have a new baby girl to shower with gifts!
And the gifts that are given are used by the baby...clothes, diapers, toys, bottles...people don't bring gifts "for the mom." If a shower was a welcoming into motherhood, wouldn't we all agree a bottle of wine and a foot massager would be best??
My point is this - each situation is different - and gift-giving is personal...there isn't a unilateral answer that is best here. She can do whatever SHE wants to do...and the rest of you on here who disagree would probably not attend if she had a shower....which is fine.
You're missing the point.
So, this is everyone elses problem how?
mel8255,
the point is that it is gift grabby/tacky/trashy.
just because you have different baby daddies does not entitle you to additional showers. when you get knocked up by the next guy, are you going to have third shower?
how may gifts do your family and friends owe you?
When you've been married this long, you need a ticker to remind you.
Baby Boy M - 08/01/2013
Expecting Baby Bean February 2017
Second shower posts really bring out the biitch in people on this board. Don't feel badly, in my circle of friends and family second showers are not unusual or viewed as tacky. If someone has offered to throw it for you, and this mystical, enigmatic place is the first time you've heard scorn of second showers, then I'd say you're in the clear. Enjoy it!
This is exactly the kind of comment I'm talking about. I just can't imagine saying something like this to a person just because I disagree with her opinions on baby showers. It's just so shockingly uncouth, and it's coming from someone who's preaching about good manners! Unbelievable.
That is how you disagree with someone tactfully. I do disagree with your basic notions of etiquette, its subjectivity, and its general relevance; but thank you for not being a jerk!
Clearly, you are new. Most of our answers start out like this, however, people that want to hear that they are an exception to etiquette come in and start telling us how mean we are for not saying they can be rude to their friends and family... that's when people start getting snarky.
Wow, alot of information to absorb. Thank you everyone who has given me your input. I didn't mean that I wanted everyone to get me gifts. I know its our responsibility to get the things we need for our new little one. We plan on it.
We really didn't mean for there to be 10yrs apart but I have had 5 M/C and 2 tubes since having our first DD. So this is not 2nd marriage or anything like that My husband and I have very happily married for 10yrs.
Thank you again for all the information and I plan on talking with my 2 friends on what the best thing to do.I'm familiar enough to have seen a whole lot of comments that are surprisingly nasty and pretty uncalled for. Defending the choice of a second shower or even the dreaded "throwing your own shower" on its own doesn't garner personal insults or insinuations that one is "insane." It simply means that they disagree. And that's OKAY. Tacky? Maybe. Breaking with standard etiquette? Sure. But do we have to jump all over the person who feels this way, one at a time, over and over just to prove a point? Nope. That part - the part with the insults and mock horror: "omg is she serious??" "that's completely insane?" "I don't even have the energy to explain how wrong this is!!!" - just seems like sport. It seems like a weird, sad power trip. Also, it seems like bad etiquette.
I'll just leave this here for the OP (I'm not sure where to find the Great and Holy Book of Baby Shower Etiquette that was surely carved in stone by Moses himself, so this will have to suffice).
https://www.whattoexpect.com/pregnancy/ask-heidi/baby-shower-etiquette.aspx
Nice!
Getting knocked up by different baby daddies - awesome. First of all, I am not a teenager. I didn't get knocked up by a BD...I got PREGNANT by my HUSBAND after trying for quite some time...how very ADULT of me, I know.
I think you all missed the point - a shower is for other people to "shower" you with gifts for a new baby! Simply put.
I think you all need a little more love in your life....a little more kindness....I am surrounded by people who WANT to give me baby a shower. I would do the same for my friends who had a ten year difference between their first and last, regardless of who the child's father was...ten years is a long time...CINDERIN - you were probably in junior high then! It's not about being trashy or gift-grabby either! It's about how times have literally changed - and can you honestly say that you have and use everything you bought back in 2002?
Friends and family WANT to participate again. That was the OP's point - she wanted to know if she should let her friends host the shower AFTER THEY OFFERED...if she has people in her life who are caring enough to do that, I say "go for it."
Love this. This is all that matters.
Here is what Emily Post says on the whole subject: (BETTER ?)
Q:
Is it proper to give a baby shower for a second baby? Some say that baby showers should only be given for the first born.
A:
It's fine to have a baby shower for a second or third baby. Immediate family and very close friends are usually included, but otherwise choose guests who did not attend a shower for a previous child.
My children will be 10 years apart as well and my friends are already planning a shower because they want to do it. I have asked them not to invite family (other than my sister and mother) because they had a shower when I had my first and I would not want to impose. If people don't want to come that is always their choice, they will still be my friends. If you are anything like me I have a totally different group of friends than I did 10 years ago and my current friends want to be part of my happiness too.
Additionally, I was just recently invited to a shower for a second child, both are girls and they are only 4 years apart. I had previously given that same friend several baby items as a congrats so I did not attend the shower. The items I gave were prior to knowing about the shower. I gave them because she is my friend. It is up to your friends to make the decision.
Congrats on your long awaited blessing!
Thank you. We are truly happy and it still little unreal that we are expecting little bundle of joy. My DD is so excited that she is going to be a big sister.
WOW.....there are a lot of hateful people on here. Put the claws away it is a Pregnancy board where we are supposed to feel comfortable to ask questions.
BTW here is the exact link for the Emily Post Q/A I posted:
https://www.emilypost.com/social-life/celebrations-through-life/456-baby-shower-questions-answered
Doesn't matter what Emily Post thought anyhow in this instance. The OP had reason to believe she may not have another and rightfully got rid of her baby things. She has people in her life that want to host a shower for her, and it is perfectly acceptable to have one. The end.
Emily Post died WELL before the internet..I also hate that her views continue to be used as the ONLY acceptable form of etiquette. She died 60 years ago and wrote most of her works during a period where women rarely worked aside from at wartime, and if they did, they held jobs such as teachers, nurses and receptionists, before becoming SAHMs where then the roles would change to "tea party host." The world offers a whole host of new opportunity for etiquette these days. But the rule of thumb should always be that if your intentions are good and you treat people decently with respect and gratitude, then you can't go wrong. It's best not to ask for opinions, because you'll get them...and they can be rude and uncouth and laced with petty belligerent comments masked only by the courage a computer screen can offer. The only saving grace for the women with good intentions is that these are tthe same women we wouldn't want at our baby shower.
This is EXACTLY what I think, and I never understand why people get so up in arms about this. The origination of the term "shower" is "to shower the bride / mother with gifts." It isn't about welcoming her into motherhood, it is about helping her get ready.
If your loved ones want to throw that for you, let them.