My baby is going to have a hyphenated last name, and it will probably be a mouthful (both names are 2 syllable, and one is easy to misspell). The more I think about it, the more I want to use my last name as his/her middle name instead of hyphenating. What do you all think? And if we go with hyphenating, should I leave out the middle name altogether?
FYI, the reason I want to go with a hyphenated last name is because my partner and I are not married, and if we ever do get married, I am going to keep my last name. It doesn't seem fair to me that the baby will get either my name or his name since we both were involved in it's creation.
Anyway, let me know what you would do, and don't be afraid to be brutally honest...I'm not overly sensitive.
Re: What would you do?
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Everything you said is exactly how I feel. I also wonder if I am setting my little squirt up for the endless explanation to his/her classmates about why mommy just HAD to include her name because she a crazy feminist or why their middle name is so weird. But on the other hand, I don't want to just give squirt one last name or the other and then have to explain later that we left mommy or daddy off because it was just easier. I am so glad that I still have a while to think about it.
This is exactly what I'm questioning.. Is it fair to saddle my kid with a name that he/she will have to explain or risk ridicule for? But at the same time is it fair to leave out my name or my partner's name? I don't want my kid coming to me one day asking why I have a different last name than everyone else, or why Dad has a different last name than everyone else.
I keep thinking this would be so much easier if I was more traditional or conservative.
This doesn't always work... my last name is a very obvious female first name... I will not be giving it to my son as a middle name just to avoid hyphenating.
That being said, I'm also not planning to hyphenate out last names for our son, I will simply have a different last name than my family. Who knows maybe down the line we'll make things legit and I'll change my last name.
IMO, there is no need to exclude a middle name. how often to you get called by your entire name. I only have a first, middle and last name and its 9 sylabels, but never was a problem.
Kids having different last names from one of their parents isn't uncommon these days. I really wouldn't stress over "what if he/she comes to me one day and asks about it?". Your child will hardly be the only one in this situation.
That being said - I would make one of your last names the middle name. I don't care which one, but I would NOT hypenate. I fully understand your reasons why you want to - but really, you're saddling your kid w/ a long complicated name because of YOUR issues w/ the whole naming thing.
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
Thank you all so much for your input! You have definitely given me a lot to think about. I'll check back later to see if anyone else responds, but for now I have to go take care of some car maintenance.
Thanks again!
I would give the baby your last name as its middle name, or as PPs suggested, use your partner's last name as the middle name and give the baby your surname. I am not a big fan of hyphenation - while I understand why people do it, it is awkward, and your child can't realistically make the same decision you made when he/she has children.
FWIW my maiden name is DS's middle name - and mine as well. And DD's first name is my mom's maiden name. This has always been enough for me to feel like I've maintained my connection to my lifelong identity and our kids' names reflect both parents' families as well. But everyone has different feelings about that sort of thing.
You're not married so the baby gets your last name. I do a lot of genealogy and that is the correct etiquette/tradition. If you get married it's easy to change the last name. If he wants the baby to have his last name, he should marry you before you have the baby.
other than that, I love mother's maiden names as children's middle names.
good luck!
This, and also - so what if your child does come and ask you this? Explain it! It's not like it's a dirty secret or an embarrassing conversation, and it could be a great opportunity to talk about all the different shapes families can take.
DS born at 34 weeks with (surprise!) gastroschisis turned short bowel syndrome.
131 days in the NICU, 7 trips to the OR, G-button, daily TPN....
You know, I actually hadn't thought of it that way. I grew up a stepchild, and I have been thinking about this in relation to my own experience. Like when my friends would ask me if I'm the oldest child, and that question has a complicated answer.. yes, I'm my mother's first born, but no I'm not the oldest child in my family because my step-siblings are older than I am, and I never see my mom and half-siblings anyway. BUT, my child's experience is certainly not going to be like my own experience. Thanks for that perspective!
My mom kept her maiden name and gave it to me as my middle name. Sometimes people assume my parents are divorced, but besides that its never once been a problem, and I love my mn! I'd definitely say go that route over a hyphenated last name.
As a teacher there are a couple assumptions that I make (I apologize in advance for the honesty here... it's just from my experience) about kids that have hyphenated last names.
1) They are really rich/snotty
2) They have a rough family background
Most of the time teachers don't know whether to call them by the 1st last name, second last name or both. When the kids are indifferent or dislike their hyphen they shorten it anyway. I say, no hyphen... make it a middle name or something.