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February 2013 Moms
BF'ing in public story(omg)
So, I'm definitely the girl who will feed her child in public and not make the baby scream b/c I don't have a bottle or my child doesn't take bottles, but I saw a jaw dropping bf'ing moment today.
I'm checking out a thrift store while I'm killing time to go pick up my son from school. I am leisurely strolling around looking at stuff when I glance up and see this lady holding a baby in a very awkward way while standing and talking about a bassinet or something baby related to her friend/family. The baby looked to be only about 2-3 months old and the way she was holding it was so awkwark I had to look closer at her just because of curiosity. I had been looking at her for about 2-3 seconds when I realized 2/3's of her abdomen was showing because her tshirt was pulled up. to give the baby the breast. Her one hand was holding baby and her other hand was pointing at things on the item in question while she loudly talked to her friend/family. I don't think I've ever seen anything like this lady. I mean if you don't have a cover well still try to be discreet, not standing up and walking around with baby connected to boob and talking loudly.
I was so embarrassed for looking I averted my eyes almost obnoxiously, and looked around to see if anyone else was looking.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: BF'ing in public story(omg)
Neither of those things would bug me. In fact, I'm 100% decided I'm going to try to learn how to walk and feed this LO at the same time! I've even saved links on how to breastfeed in the Moby. I never used a cover with DS and I fed him in public for 19 months. I did try to keep my breasts covered, but gasp, you might have seen my stomach. If other people want to completely rip their shirt off, I'm okay with it. It's just a boob.
Freya Lillian - 11/15/15
I'm the same. I'm very modest. I find it odd and uncomfortable when women walk around naked as a jay bird in the locker room. I don't care about nakedness, I mean I'm a nurse, but I just think I shouldn't see it if I'm not needing to assess/treat it.
Funny thing is, I breast fed my ds for 22 months and in public too, but I was totally discreet...well as much as you could be when a kid was almost 2. Anyway, the funny story was when I was interviewing for a job at Starbucks and the manager knew my son already(my mom took him to his store all the time) and had no problem with him playing at our feet while he asked me questions. So ds jumps in my lap nearing the end of the interview, scooted into position and lifted my shirt before I could realize what he was doing. I was so embarrassed, as was the manager. I got the job though, lol.
This. I have a sling and a moby. I'm going to have an 18 month old when this one gets here, so I'm all about learning ways to get around not just sitting there while I'm nursing! I plan on mastering the carrier feed and utilizing it as often as needed
You put it way better than me. This is it exactly. I have NO PROBLEM with a woman sitting them feeding her child even if there is latch issues and lots of boob is showing. It was the lack of discretion that I saw today that was the jaw dropper.
Good for her!
Signed,
The woman so modest she won't leave the house without her head covered but has no problem with feeding her baby in public.
This!
DS1: Quinn - 10.22.10 and DS2: Cole - 01.18.13
I'm confused by this. Do you expect women at beaches to cover their belly's when they are walking around in a bikini? Watching the Olympics this summer I saw way more skin than I see in a nursing mother who is lifting up her shirt to feed her child.
I have BFed DD many times while walking through the park, aisles of the store, talking with family in the way you described, etc. I don't find anything odd about this story at all personally. I prefer to layer and pull the tank top down so none of my skin is showing, but if she's comfortable that way there's nothing to be embarrassed about.
I'm sorry she made you uncomfortable. Just know this story might cause a lot of different reactions from other moms.
ETA: The times I did this DD was still small (under 5 months) and she was hungry but I didn't feel like sitting down and stopping what I was doing to feed her. I mostly sat down, but there are a few times I remember well cradle holding her and nursing her while walking and continuing what I was in the middle of. No big deal.
Well said!! I totally agree!
REALLY? So do you avoid going out in public, watching tv or looking in cataloges so you never see a woman wearing a swim suit or bra? Your thinking is why so many women struggle with breast feeding. There is nothing more frustrating then trying to feed your child who is screaming with hunger and having people give you the stink eye, making comments or asking you to leave because you are trying to provide food for your child. https://blogs.trb.com/features/family/parenting/blog/horsey-cartoon.jpg
Too true. And that cartoon was perfect
sums up our society pretty well. Lets not pretend we're a modest country... if it bothers you personally to show skin, don't show skin, but don't rag on people for feeding their children!
Freya Lillian - 11/15/15
Sigh.
Maybe as mothers we would all be best served by avoiding the judgment altogether. You may think NIP is gross, but keep it to yourself. You never know the circumstances for why that woman was there and why her abdomen was exposed.
Perhaps she left the house without a cover on accident and it wasn't a time her child normally nursed. She thought she would be safe to run an errand really quickly but then the baby freaked out so she just did what she had to do.
Or maybe she normally wears a nursing tank under her shirt but she leaked milk on it prior to arriving at the store and had to change.
Or you know what? Maybe she just doesn't care what you think.
I'm just sick of the hypocrisy on this particular topic. I bet half of you saying "Ewwwwwwwie ewww" about the tummy hanging out while a woman is feeding her child wore bikinis to the beach at some point and might still even do it - perhaps even with a *gasp* pregnant belly hanging out. Someone else is probably disgusted by you having your belly hanging out even if you look like a supermodel in that bikini.
We all talk about how much we hate to be judged for our choices - whether it's formula vs. breastmilk, SAH vs. working, natural vs. medicated birth - whatever. We don't realize WE are the problem when we make the judgments that are being made in this post. If the worst offense a mother makes is baring her stomach at a store so her baby can have a full belly, well...
And like I said, I say all of this as a headcovering Christian mother who won't even wear a one-piece to go swimming. Feeding your baby is an entirely different thing.
DS1: Quinn - 10.22.10 and DS2: Cole - 01.18.13
You may all be biting your tongues if you think you won't ever NIP. My son refused to be covered while in public and ALWAYS pushed the cover up and over his head. I tried everything from a sheer like cover to a tent cover and he did not like it. I NIP quite frequently after months of feeling modest. Eventually, I just didn't care and wanted to just feed my little guy when he was screaming and hungry. Until you've had a baby, I don't think you will ever understand. And once you've had one, you will see that many things you thought you'd never do or thought were "gross" will seem silly or not even given a second guess.
Just saying...
One of the very few things that separate us from animals is our ability to reason and be polite. It makes us....civilized. I would prefer to cover up. We live in this society and WE shaped it to be this way. Kind of makes us all hypocrites of something or other. I will cover up or go to my car if I cannot be discreet. No, I will not hide but to me, I am being considerate of other people even if it seems foolish because breastfeeding is a natural thing. I do not want to impinge on the delicate nature of a child who has to turn to his mommy and ask why that lady's ta-ta's are hanging out. The appropriate response, is yes, she is feeding the baby. But mommy, he says, you said girls don't expose themselves in public, why is this different? It does happen, because kids say the darndest things. I do not want to impinge on someone's religion who might find that public display of a body part might be against their religion and will now have to go home and give himself 40 lashes. I want to avoid pervy stares from pervy men because this is a special time between me and baby despite I am a food factory. I want to avoid unnecessary questions. I am not a breastfeeding activist that I am going to jam my right to breastfeed down peoples throats because I do not know what the multitude's situation is. What if a mother who has recently miscarried, sees me happily feeding and cooing at my baby. I have broken her heart and she goes home to cry, her wound open once more. So yes, I will do it in public because I can and it is necessary but I don't want my kid to reach into my shirt and pull out my boob for a drink. So what if we wear skimpier clothes to certain places. We don't walk around topless at the grocery store. Yeah, guys do it, but I wish they would put on a shirt, hottie or not. I mean really...if we all went nudist, do you really want to go to a restaurant and sit in view of the super sweaty obese man that has more hair than a bear on his back and his not so in shape wife who might have a thing growing out the side and is the scariest looking mole ever? But then, we should not judge them for not wanting to bathe or having a possible skin disease that makes life difficult. Not everyone is blessed with the perfect body or life. We can't all have everything we want. Women should be able to breastfeed in public, it should not be hidden away. We are not from the 50's where women stayed home for every reason but where do you draw the line. To each their own, individuality or group sentimentality. We are humans with likes and dislikes, opinions and needs. We are polite....right?
It doesn't matter, one side will say if you don't like it, don't look. The other side will say, but it's gross. Who really decided all of that in the first place....uhm, society....which makes that..all of us.
I would argue we are actually shaped in our likes and dislikes by what society deems right and wrong. It's a chicken or the egg type question really.
Maybe her baby was screaming at the top of her lungs prior to being fed? Would you rather listen to that than see a little stomach of a mother looking at baby items?
I also felt less exposed with a little stomach showing than a lot of boob showing, so I usually just pulled my shirt up. I nursed in public without a cover. I never had one comment or stare. Was the woman hurting you in any way? There are 15 year olds running around with far fewer clothes on. This woman was feeding her child, there was nothing inappropriate about it. Next time, maybe you could give her a supportive smile instead.
growing a foosa
Oh my goodness. No, it is not the job of everyone to avoid doing anything that offends other people. If that were the case we could never do anything because someone is always offended. Are you worried about that man who had to lash himself 40 times because you wore a skirt that showed your knees or a shirt that showed your shoulders? Probably not. Are you worried about the delicate feelings of that mother who miscarried when you are out in public in general cooing at your baby or just when your boob is in their mouth? So let's be real. It's the boobs you have a problem with and the majority of people have a problem with. And not even the physical boobs, but just the idea of them. Because a mother could hide herself in a corner and cover herself completely, but someone is still going to be offended by the IDEA that another human being has their mouth on a breast.
And if you're raising your child to see the breast of a woman feeding her baby the same way he sees the breast of a naked porn star or something else sexual, that's your problem, not mine. My boys who are growing up in a home with very strict dress codes and rules for modesty don't even bat an eye at a nursing mother. They are being taught that breasts are for feeding children, like they should be.
You said one thing I agree with and that is that what separates us from animals in our ability to reason and be polite. To me it is unreasonable to say that it is wrong or gross for a mother to feed her baby and it would be impolite to shame her when she is doing it. I am reasonable enough to know that showing your breast or belly to feed a hungry baby is a natural and loving act and that there is nothing sexual or wrong about it. I think that only an animal would see a boob in that case and assume that something sexual or gross is happening (but I actually give most animals more credit than that). The polite and loving thing to do is let the child eat when it is hungry and not force it into a stuffy hot car or bathroom stall in order to satisfy such a basic need.
I am actually sort of taken back by the idea that a society that allows public breastfeeding in uncivilized. Did you know that even some of the most fundamentally religious societies with strict rules regarding female modesty make exceptions for nursing mothers. It's ironic to me that a country in which a woman can be stoned to death for not covering her face in public or for looking at a man has enough reason to allow a mother to nurse her baby in public without shaming her, yet a society like ours where women can walk around half-naked like it's no big deal is slut-shaming moms with newborns.
These don't look like animals to me. They look like loving mothers:
Thank you
That was beautifully put
growing a foosa
Ditto, plus you admitted to having to look "real hard" to see what was going on. Why be that interested and then offended.
Agreed! Couldn't have said any of that better myself!
::thumbsup:: ITA. Never say never, especially when it involves children.
I agree. Sounds like you couldn't even tell what this woman was doing unless you took an interest in how she was holding her baby. To me, that is being discreet (not that she should have to be, imo).
I don't object to modest and respectful breastfeeding in public, at all.
I do object to people acting like it's a free-for-all to expose your body just because they have a baby and a boob. URINATING is about the most common, necessary, healthy, and natural thing to do in the world. That does not make it OK for the man standing the department store isle to whip out his penis and pee into a bottle.
Keep it respectful and good for your child.... don't disrespect others in the process.
Right ovary removed 09.04.2012 via vertical laparotomy
Essure implant placed on remaining tube 06.13.2013; successful followup scan 09.30.2013
Urinating in public and breastfeeding in public are not comparable, not even a little bit. Check out this article https://theleakyboob.com/2012/01/exploring-the-body-fluids-debate-about-breastfeeding-in-public/ . Trying to compare the 2 is one of the most ignorant things said about breastfeeding.
Thank you for the TLB link! I was just about to do that!!!
Quite frankly, any mother or parent has a right to feed their child how they want, when, and where they want. If YOU have an issue with it, then it is YOUR ISSUE.
I breastfed my son (who would never take a bottle) uncovered, wherever he was hungry until he self-weaned at 15 months. If I was out and wanted to walk around, I did. I don't get naked to feed my baby, I would pull my shirt up or down and I never once got the side-eye or comment about it. I wouldn't have cared. Bottom line is that I'm doing what I feel is best for my baby, and you can do what you feel is best for you. If you think you are more comfortable sitting in a corner so you can feed your child, then do so.
A rather biased article, and one which does not apply to what I said.
First - no more health hazard is created by spilling urine than is created by spilling breast milk - a man urinating into a bottle has absolutely no more hazard to it than a woman expelling breast milk into a child's mouth. The risks of carrying bacterial or viral infections are just as high for both liquids. A man urinating into a bottle and taking the bottle elsewhere to dispose of later is no worse than pulling up your shirt and feeding your child. Claiming otherwise is a sign of illogical bias and bull.
Second - a person has exactly as much control over choosing where and how modestly to feed their child as any other person has over choosing where to relieve themselves. Infants WILL NOT STARVE while you cover yourself or move to a more appropriate venue.
Finally, as I stated in my post, I do not object to breast feeding a child in public - that does not mean that there is any justification for running about half nude with your child in a department store than there is for an employee of that store to pee with the bathroom door open.
Right ovary removed 09.04.2012 via vertical laparotomy
Essure implant placed on remaining tube 06.13.2013; successful followup scan 09.30.2013
But urinating in public is a crime. Breastfeeding is not. That, to me, is why it isn't an equitable comparison. It doesn't need to be "justified" because it has already been justified by our judiciary branch.
Amusing when people who disagree with another's perspective and then resort to assuming they must not have the same experience to justify their perspective simply because they do not agree. I breastfed both of my girls, I did it in public when necessary, and I was modest, decent, and respectful about it.
Unlike you, I have seen what I can only estimate to be hundreds of women run about with their shirts all but off, breastfeeding as they go about their business, because in Oregon, it is legal for women to breastfeed where ever they happen to be (assuming they aren't trespassing or otherwise breaking the law), and many of them simply do not have any concern over walking about with their shirts around their necks. They often expose their nipples, which is illegal in all other situations not involving a feeding. Something being legal vs illegal does not automatically make something logical or correct.
I don't expect everyone to agree with me, I don't have any delusions that disrespectful people are going to wake up one day and suddenly become respectful just because others complain. But I also don't look at women who are feeding in circumstances as the one in your picture where a baby is being modestly fed in an environment where the best option for everyone is for you to feed where you are, and judge them for it or look down on them for it. Were you posting pictures of yourself with your shirt pulled up over one shoulder, your child hanging at your bosom, in the frozen food section of Walmart, I'd have very little respect for your choice to do so. Nothing more, nothing less.
Right ovary removed 09.04.2012 via vertical laparotomy
Essure implant placed on remaining tube 06.13.2013; successful followup scan 09.30.2013