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Working Moms
Drea926
member
How to respond to "old-fashioned" remarks (somewhat long)
Drea926
member
in Working Moms
Hi Ladies,
This is my first post here. I'm about to have my first LO in February. I'm a middle school English teacher and am planning on taking the rest of the school year off, but will be returning September 2013. I had an interesting conversation a week or so ago and have been wondering how to respond if a similar situation occurs.
I had to go to the dermatologist to get a mole removed. The doc is very nice and means well. He asked me if I was quitting teaching all together. I said, "Oh no, I'll be going back the following September." He then asked me why I was doing that. I said, well as much as it's a lovely thought to stay home, financially we need the money. (We're not all doctors!). And then he went on to say well you should look at your budget, blah blah blah, many people think they can't afford it but really they can. I was just like, oh we've done that, and trust me I need to go back to work. Then he kept pressing the issue and suggested I quit full time and substitute just like his mother. AHHH!
I smiled and was very polite the whole time and was like "Oh something to think about I guess" but really I felt horrible that I had to keep justifying my decision. I understand he wasn't trying to make me feel bad, he was just trying to be helpful, but it was frustrating and was wondering if any of you ladies have dealt with similar comments, and how you went about dealing with them.
Thanks so much!
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Re: How to respond to "old-fashioned" remarks (somewhat long)
I love that response. Thank you very much for sharing it!
yeah, what a judgmental jerk
I agree -time to find a new doctor. What a jerk. I think if I was pushed like that, I would have to come up with just as jerky a response.
Seriously. I would tell him (and anyone who made such an asinine comment to me) to STFU. I love my (teaching) job and I would never give it up.
I would also find a new doctor.
I am an attorney, and not long ago one of my clients (who I had not spoken to prior to going on maternity leave) wrote to me, and in his email congratulated me on the baby, and then said he was sorry I was back to work, because he believed very strongly that every mother should stay home for the first five years of her child's life, but he understood that isn't always financially feasible. Holy assumptions Batman! I wrote back and thanked him but said I loved my job and was very happy to be back at work.
The decision to stay home or work is really personal, and if you're happy with your career and going back to work, then don't be afraid to say it. So often people seem to assume that all working mothers would rather be SAHM, and that's just not true.
Married Bio * BFP Charts
Wow! That's really crappy. I hate when people make assumptions like that on both ends. I would rather stay home (I do like my job but I would rather stay home) but we just can't financially and I hate when people assume otherwise. People are real assholes.
Why do those comments always come from 50+ men. Like, "My wife got to stay home with our kids." I always want to say, "yea, why didn't you stay home?" I hate the assumption how if a parent should stay at home with the kids it should be the mom. So annoying.
Get a new dr for sure/ You'll learn quickly to ditch people around you who try repeatedly to make you feel bad about your situation. And I'm sorry, but times aren't the same as they were 15 years ago. We just went through a recession and a housing burst. Times are touch for families.
OP, I am so sorry you got that kind of lecture from your dermatologist. If you think you're going to be needing to see him for a while, I would seriously consider finding a new one.
As for what to say, I like the idea of saying "That's what we decided for our family" and leave it at that. Truth is, some people will press the issue and will try to make you see their way no matter what (and not just on working vs staying home, but on every aspect of your parenting style). They suck, and there's not much you can do except what you did: smile and nod and then move on. As long as you know you are doing what's best for your family, that's all that really matters. Good luck!
I get it at work more than any other place.
My old work (mainly older men) 'Man, paying for someone to watch your kids and clean your house, why work?' I would just smile and say because I enjoy my job and like to have my childen insured.
My current work (mainly older women). 'I was lucky, I didn't HAVE to work when my kids were little', 'Oh, that must be tough leaving them at daycare'.
My common responses: 'I enjoy my work and having my children insured'.
'Oh, my husband drops them off, I pick up'.
It's hard being a working mom. Along with the mom guilt we have anyway and other pressures someone always has to make a smart comment to make you think you're not doing what you should be doing. Own your decision and make sure they know you are doing what's best for your family. They can stuff it!
I work in healthcare with lots of professional working moms who do it because they love their careers. Not everyone works because they have to. Lots of us love it!
If I ever get a comment like this I say, "I love my career. Glad that is what worked for your family, but this is what is best for our family and makes us happy."
Omg, this! I get so tired of people expecting me to justify working. I worked full-time while putting myself through graduate school for this career. Of course I'm not going to quit because I have children!
I love this.