Feeling stuck

meli1025 · October 2012

I can't get out of this sadness and I'm starting to feel stuck. It's not fair that the world is continuing to move on all around me while my life feels like it's standing still. I know everyone is different, but for how long will I continue to cry non stop? Everything sets me off into a fit of tears. I can hardly eat or sleep and feel like I'm losing my mind. I plan to go back to work on Nov. 5th and have no clue how I am going to make it through the days moving forward.

GavinRonansMom · October 2012

I am sorry I don't have any real answers for you....we lost Noah just before you.

I would say things that have helped me (although I am far from moving on..) are when my pp bleeding stopped, when my milk supply stopped, our first son and having to be strong for him, DH and his amazing support, my family allowing me to grieve, DH and I and my parents all got a memorial tattoo for Noah, being out of work until the 5th of Nov, our first appt, and getting the go ahead to try after our second cycle.

I will never forget or completely heal from the devastating loss of Noah. But I hope to one day look back on the time I got to spend with him and smile instead of cry. I am also taking it a minute sometimes at a time...

Good luck to you, and I hope that we both find peace!

starburst0928 · October 2012

I felt the same way. I'm no longer crying non stop, but the silliest things brings lots of tears at the most random times.

One thing that I LOVE to do, and I find therapeutic is talking about Bradley. Yesterday I visited work friends and talked about him for 4 hours straight to many different people. It made me feel so good to think about my baby and honor him by bragging about him instead of just crying over him. Do you think that's something you would be interested in?

I've also found loss groups to be helpful. I love surrounding myself with other loss mommies. This board has been great, but it has also helped me to more personally know loss mommies. I attend 3 groups at various hospitals. Have you looked into any?

jess123456 · October 2012

Sending you lots of hugs. It has been 2 months since my baby girl passed away and some days are better than others and I suppose it might always be that way which is the reality of making a new normal. I started to see a therapist who has been so helpful and it's nice to have an outlet where I can just let it all out and not feel guilty about it.

For the first month I cried consistently every day and now when I don't cry it doesn't mean that I don't think about my daughter. I just have learned to handle it differently I guess because not a day goes by when she isn't on my mind.

After the first month I also started to feel like I was losing my mind. I had lots of panic attacks and anxiety over seemingly silly things. That has gotten better at this point and my therapist has given me some tools to handle that better.

There are days when I will feel emotionally stable and then something will set me off (like seeing a pregnant woman rub her belly at a restaurant etc.). I am not sure if that ever goes away (perhaps I am not far enough out from my loss to know).

I can say that going back to work has helped keep me busy but I also often feel like I am stuck in quicksand and everyone else is zooming by and moving on with their lives which is difficult.

I wish I could give you a big hug in person. Be gentle with yourself. It is still so incredibly new and raw and it is good that you are able to acknowledge how you are feeling.

Bayberry12 · October 2012

I know the feelings can be overwhelming. It's so hard. I still have days where I cry while I am putting my makeup on (very counterproductive) because I don't want to face the day. Things still set me off. But after the first few weeks, especially after my body was pretty much healed, I didn't cry as much. The pain does start become less acute. But, it's always there.

I wish I could tell you when it will get easier. I don't know when, but it will.

Bayberry12 · October 2012

starburst0928:
I've also found loss groups to be helpful. I love surrounding myself with other loss mommies. This board has been great, but it has also helped me to more personally know loss mommies. I attend 3 groups at various hospitals. Have you looked into any?

I agree with this too. Going to a loss support group was so helpful. No one can really understand where you are unless they have been there as well. It helps to know you are not the only one going through something like this. I have found so much support connecting with other loss moms. No matter where they are on their journey, they will understand your pain. I reached out to my local UNITE group and the MISS FOUNDATION has mentors that may be in your area and available to talk.

lolee465 · October 2012

I'm so sorry you're feeling this way. I'm only two months out from my loss, and still cry everyday. Some days I don't cry all day though. Food has still been hard...I can't stomach any of the things that you're not supposed to eat while pregnant, those things just make me sad. Going back to work was so hard for me, and when I went back I only worked part time for the first two weeks.

Just be easy on yourself and know that it's okay to cry. I know how you feel when you say the world is continuing to move on..For me, I get that the world goes on, but I'm not in a place where I'm okay with it yet so I avoid certain people/things that will be a trigger for me. You need to take care of yourself and do whatever makes you feel okay.

I know I didn't really answer your question since I'm not there yet...just wanted you to know that you're not alone in how you're feeling.

Heatherhah · October 2012

I am so sorry that this is happening to all of you. I am now over a year out since we lost our DD at 38 wks 4 days and I tell you the constant crying is tough. I cried no stop for about 2 months. Some days not so bad but others were big ugly cries. I realized that crying helped but not as much as talking about my DD. I was in therapy 2 weeks after we lost her I could have gone every single day but I went once a week. It helped a ton. I found that I didn't cry over every single thing. Some things triggered me but not all the time. I also belong to 2 support groups and these ladies are amazing and this board as well.

It does get easier to handle or tolerate the pain the longer you go on from your loss. I found that there were days I didn't cry then I felt bad because I wasn't crying which is silly now that I look at it. But in that moment it was tough. You will breathe again you will survive this trust me I did and so have many others. If you may need me please "pm" me I am happy to help.

Thinking of all of the new loss mamas on here. This road we travel sucks but knowing that we are all here for each other does help a ton.

Huge hugs mama!!

Heather

meli1025 · October 2012

Thank you all for your responses. I think I am going to seek a therapist and also join a local loss group. Talking about Ava does help. I feel like I should be getting better since my bleeding has just stopped and physically I am feeling ok, but emotionally I'm just a complete wreck. You are all very helpful as well and I appreciate the support.

fluttergirlmoonchild79 · October 2012

I'm so sorry for the way you're feeling right now. I'm getting close to a year since Corbin left us. At first I cried all day, everyday, heck, I'd even cry in my sleep - the only way I knew was that I'd wake up with my eyes stuck together. This was pretty much the norm for about 2 months. At that point, I still had moments where I'd cry, sometimes for because of a trigger and sometimes it was out of the blue. After about 3 months, it started becoming further and farther between. I think part of what helped what that I started to recognize what my triggers are and learned the feeling I would get when I was about to cry. I learned to close my eyes and take a few deep breaths until the feeling passed. You will learn how to live the new "normal" in time. Be kind to yourself. {{HUGS}}

dandywarhol · October 2012

Sorry you're having a rough day. I found that returning to work helped me break out of the crying cycle. The first few days back in the office were rough and when I worked through the feelings of screaming, "my baby died! none of this matters!!" at every meeting it helped to have something else to focus on.

jess123456 · October 2012

meli1025:
Thank you all for your responses. I think I am going to seek a therapist and also join a local loss group. Talking about Ava does help. I feel like I should be getting better since my bleeding has just stopped and physically I am feeling ok, but emotionally I'm just a complete wreck. You are all very helpful as well and I appreciate the support.

Another thing that I would like to add is that my therapist told me to eliminate the words should and shouldn't when referring to my grief. There is no time limit on your emotions and there is no set way about how to grieve. Everyone grieves differently. I remember when I was younger I used to think first comes denial and then comes etc... but what I now realize is that I can feel all those things at once or they can come totally out of nowhere and not in a particular order. I guess what I am trying to say here is don't put a time limit on when you "should" be crying less or when you "shouldn't" be doing something. When you are ready to do that, it will happen.

Feeling stuck

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