SAHMs

MyAE33 · October 2012

Do you secretly look down on them in real life? Sometimes I feel this the case.

babiesrabies2 · October 2012

Only when they do the martyr thing. That goes for anyone, though. As long as you don't post a million, "MY LIFEEEE IS SO HARD!" messages, I don't care.

But acting like it's that hard? That makes me mad.

Macmacmac · October 2012

No. I wonder how they do it. Then, I do wonder if they will return to work once kids are in school.

+LEN+ · October 2012

I don't. My husband's income would allow me to stay home. I don't want to. I look down on SAHMs who think I'm a bad mother for continuing to work when I don't have to. My job is pretty easy, I love my coworkers and I have the flexibility a lot of moms with they had. Why would I leave that?

IHaveSoMuch2Say · October 2012

No. I wish more people could be SAHMs if they wanted without feeling like they were being judged or had to forfeit their careers.

AwesomeAE · October 2012

Only when they are martyrs about it. I don't judge SAH in general.

AwesomeAE · October 2012

Macmacmac:
No. I wonder how they do it. Then, I do wonder if they will return to work once kids are in school.

I wonder this too. I would have a very hard time getting back into my career if I took at least a few years off. I guess if I wanted to SAH, I would have to not be so tied to my career and be willing to work in other fields when getting back into the workforce.

littlebitta · October 2012

I think SAH is fine, and should be respected, but I don't like it when SAHMs act like it's the worst thing ever, and how nice for you, you get to talk to adults? I mean, yeah, sure, but you can also relax and chill while baby naps, or get chores done. Working moms get to do all that AND go to work.

username87 · October 2012

I don't look down on the ones who thought about it and chose it.

I look down on the ones that obviously did it because they just didn't want to work.

If you dropped out of college, barely held together a couple of admin position jobs, and then started TTC the second you got married without giving a moment's thought to working, then yeah, I judge. If you decide to have a second kid right around the time the first one turns 4 and kindergarten starts approaching, I judge even more.

But I'm not judging them because they SAH. I'm judging the complete lack of ambition. I don't think everyone has to want to climb the corporate ladder, but I feel sorry for people who have clearly just gunned the drop out track their whole life.

nitaw · October 2012

No, I want to give them an award because there is no way in hell I would be sane if I had to stay home with children all day.

So, I give all SAHMs bon-bons today. Kudos to you!

+LEN+ · October 2012

MyAE33:
Do you secretly look down on them in real life? Sometimes I feel this the case.

I keep working because I do think being a SAHM is that hard! I don't envy my friends who SAH one bit.

PlainJaneAE · October 2012

No. I'm puzzled by people wanting to stay at home. It's a completely foreign concept to me. But I have no cares about what other people do. Stay home, work, secret third option. As long as no one is being neglected, don't care.

allthegoodonesaretaken · October 2012

I have no issue with SAHMs as a whole. But I have some issues with my friends who are SAHMs who complain about never having time to themselves. My 40+ hours at work, is not having time to myself. And one of these SAHM mom friends has a nanny that comes in multiple times a week. Sometimes she uses that time to go shopping (god, how nice it must be to shop without the kids!) and other times she uses it just to do things for herself. Her complaints are starting to take a toll on our friendship.

hoforsho · October 2012

I only judge the ones that don't plan to return to work once the kids are in school, claiming they have to be home for the kids. Because I think that the 7 hours the kids are in school will be spent on FB and watching TV.

funkytown123 · October 2012

Nope, I don't judge. But I do kind of give the side-eye to SAHMs whose children are in middle/high school.

MrsAxilla · October 2012

nitaw:
No, I want to give them an award because there is no way in hell I would be sane if I had to stay home with children all day.
So, I give all SAHMs bon-bons today. Kudos to you!

THANK YOU! Because I'm seriously about to strangle this kid right now.

lyssbobiss · October 2012

I don't even need an AE for this. I don't look down on them at all - if I had to stay at home with my child all day I might kill someone. It's not a job I'm qualified for. File it away with astronaut (I don't like heights) and accountant (I suck at money).

But I will judge you if you are complaining about how you have too much to do, and yet you seem to find time to post your every boring insignificant thought on facebook.

AnnieEricson · October 2012

funkytown123:
Nope, I don't judge. But I do kind of give the side-eye to SAHMs whose children are in middle/high school.

lol I would love to keep staying home once the children are in school. Then I really could live the mythical life of watching soaps and going on lunch dates. I don't judge it, because I'm jealous of it! Shiit, I'd have been a stay at home wife with no kids given the chance!

Alas, H says I must get a job when the last little one goes to K.

hindsight's_a_biotch · October 2012

hoforsho:
I only judge the ones that don't plan to return to work once the kids are in school, claiming they have to be home for the kids. Because I think that the 7 hours the kids are in school will be spent on FB and watching TV.

Meh

I think people seriously misjudge how expensive afterschool care is, how few jobs there are from 9-5 or 9-3 if you're trying to get out of paying for afterschool care or how few day care centers are open beyond 7-5:30.

hoforsho · October 2012

hindsight's_a_biotch:
hoforsho:
I only judge the ones that don't plan to return to work once the kids are in school, claiming they have to be home for the kids. Because I think that the 7 hours the kids are in school will be spent on FB and watching TV.
Meh
I think people seriously misjudge how expensive afterschool care is, how few jobs there are from 9-5 or 9-3 if you're trying to get out of paying for afterschool care or how few day care centers are open beyond 7-5:30.

i think most shift work places would have a job for you. Grocery store, bank, tanning salon, gym, etc. You can work there and still not have to worry about childcare. But since most of those jobs aren't professional, moms might not want them. But then how professional is being a mom?

IHaveSoMuch2Say · October 2012

hoforsho:
hindsight's_a_biotch:
hoforsho:
I only judge the ones that don't plan to return to work once the kids are in school, claiming they have to be home for the kids. Because I think that the 7 hours the kids are in school will be spent on FB and watching TV.
Meh
I think people seriously misjudge how expensive afterschool care is, how few jobs there are from 9-5 or 9-3 if you're trying to get out of paying for afterschool care or how few day care centers are open beyond 7-5:30.
i think most shift work places would have a job for you. Grocery store, bank, tanning salon, gym, etc. You can work there and still not have to worry about childcare. But since most of those jobs aren't professional, moms might not want them. But then how professional is being a mom?

But does shift work jobs like those you've listed pay enough to offset child care costs? If not, why do it? Plus, I would think a mom in this position could be more active at the school as a volunteer, classroom parent, field trips etc.

MrsAxilla · October 2012

hoforsho:
I only judge the ones that don't plan to return to work once the kids are in school, claiming they have to be home for the kids. Because I think that the 7 hours the kids are in school will be spent on FB and watching TV.

Why would you care? What business is it of yours? Life isn't all about work.

flagburner · October 2012

hoforsho:
I only judge the ones that don't plan to return to work once the kids are in school, claiming they have to be home for the kids. Because I think that the 7 hours the kids are in school will be spent on FB and watching TV.

That's just stupid. SAHMs are there for their kids when they get sick or need to go to the doctor or anything else that happens during the day. Who cares?

hoforsho · October 2012

IHaveSoMuch2Say:
But does shift work jobs like those you've listed pay enough to offset child care costs? If not, why do it? Plus, I would think a mom in this position could be more active at the school as a volunteer, classroom parent, field trips etc.

I think most of those jobs have shifts you can take so you DON'T have childcare. So why not work if it won't cost you anything?

I judge being lazy.

PlainJaneAE · October 2012

hindsight's_a_biotch:
hoforsho:
I only judge the ones that don't plan to return to work once the kids are in school, claiming they have to be home for the kids. Because I think that the 7 hours the kids are in school will be spent on FB and watching TV.
Meh
I think people seriously misjudge how expensive afterschool care is, how few jobs there are from 9-5 or 9-3 if you're trying to get out of paying for afterschool care or how few day care centers are open beyond 7-5:30.

True. Afterschool care in our district is about $100/mo more than I'm paying for daycare right now.

hindsight's_a_biotch · October 2012

hoforsho:
I think most of those jobs have shifts you can take so you DON'T have childcare. So why not work if it won't cost you anything?
I judge being lazy.

But most of those will only hire you if you say you have open availability, regardless of what you end up working.

eclaires · October 2012

hoforsho:
hindsight's_a_biotch:
hoforsho:
I only judge the ones that don't plan to return to work once the kids are in school, claiming they have to be home for the kids. Because I think that the 7 hours the kids are in school will be spent on FB and watching TV.
Meh
I think people seriously misjudge how expensive afterschool care is, how few jobs there are from 9-5 or 9-3 if you're trying to get out of paying for afterschool care or how few day care centers are open beyond 7-5:30.
i think most shift work places would have a job for you. Grocery store, bank, tanning salon, gym, etc. You can work there and still not have to worry about childcare. But since most of those jobs aren't professional, moms might not want them. But then how professional is being a mom?

If I don't need a job financially, why in the world would I take a job that is going to likely give me less brain exercise than volunteering my time at the school, or elsewhere? That makes no sense. Yeah, instead of helping out at school, or wherever, I will instead sit at the tanning salon, reading a magazine and occasionally cleaning a tanning bed? Just so I won't be judged for not having a job? Okay, then.

hindsight's_a_biotch · October 2012

Tanning salons are open nights and weekends, yes? Dollars to donuts they want to hire employees who can work those shifts, not the one who only wants to work 9-3, no weekends, no holidays, and will be calling out when her kid gets sick.

hoforsho · October 2012

Meh.

How much time do you volunteer a week at school? Even if you volunteer a day at a different place, I get the feeling that a bulk of the time spent at home is doing nothing. And I said I judge being lazy. Why wouldn't I take a job and get paid to read a magazine? No one is paying a SAHM to be on the nest and FB all day.

hindsight's_a_biotch · October 2012

Wut?

hoforsho · October 2012

hindsight's_a_biotch:
Tanning salons are open nights and weekends, yes? Dollars to donuts they want to hire employees who can work those shifts, not the one who only wants to work 9-3, no weekends, no holidays, and will be calling out when her kid gets sick.

I would also wager that most employees are high school and college girls that want to work there for the discount. So they would have classes during the day. They get to work the weekend and evening shifts while the moms can work the day shift.

MrsAxilla · October 2012

hoforsho:
Meh.
How much time do you volunteer a week at school? Even if you volunteer a day at a different place, I get the feeling that a bulk of the time spent at home is doing nothing. And I said I judge being lazy. Why wouldn't I take a job and get paid to read a magazine? No one is paying a SAHM to be on the nest and FB all day.

You "get the feeling that a bulk of the time spent at home is doing nothing"? Well, you'd be wrong. And it's really none of your gd business.

I think you judge because you're jealous.

eclaires · October 2012

Well I only volunteer at school 1 day per week right now, but I have a 2YO at home and only 1 kid in school. When both of them are in school, it might be more, or I might be looking for volunteer opportunities outside of school. Really, it just depends on what the future holds.

But I see no benefit in earning minimum wage at a tanning salon just to appear like I am not lazy. I mean, I'd be sitting on my ass there, instead of sitting on my ass at home. Money makes the difference in being lazy? Good to know, I guess.

hindsight's_a_biotch · October 2012

hoforsho:
I would also wager that most employees are high school and college girls that want to work there for the discount. So they would have classes during the day. They get to work the weekend and evening shifts while the moms can work the day shift.

Tell that to the fuucker doing the hiring. That's what I'm telling you. I would love to wait tables for the day shift. My H works nights to he could keep the baby. Hell, I could pay someone pretty cheaply to keep the baby from 10:30 to 2 and still have enough take home to make it worth my while.

But the vast majority of restaurant managers want staff who can work all shifts. Some of it is because they want flexible employees but it's also because they already have people working the weekday shift. People get in those positions and keep them forever. It's the students who make up the high turnover.

hindsight's_a_biotch · October 2012

hoforsho:
I would also wager that most employees are high school and college girls that want to work there for the discount. So they would have classes during the day. They get to work the weekend and evening shifts while the moms can work the day shift.

Tell that to the fuucker doing the hiring. That's what I'm telling you. I would love to wait tables for the day shift. My H works nights to he could keep the baby. Hell, I could pay someone pretty cheaply to keep the baby from 10:30 to 2 and still have enough take home to make it worth my while.

But the vast majority of restaurant managers want staff who can work all shifts. Some of it is because they want flexible employees but it's also because they already have people working the weekday shift. People get in those positions and keep them forever. It's the students who make up the high turnover.

Lulufish · October 2012

No way. Working sucks, unless you happen to have an awesome job (which few people do). I don't look down, I envy.

hindsight's_a_biotch · October 2012

Look, I'm not going to tell you I'm busy all day. You heifers see my internet activity lol.

But there's a lot I can get done with greater ease and less annoyance as a SAHM. I can grocery shop any damned time I please and at times that are less busy. I do not have to call out to work when I get sick. I also don't have to take the day off and possibly have a smaller paycheck in the bargain every time one of my kids gets sick or has a check up.

I'm not trying to sell anyone on being a SAHM or making a judgement call on either. I'm just saying there are pros and cons to either choice. The idea that being a SAHM is inherently less or more work/lazy than being a working mom is pretty silly, at least as a generalization.

I guarantee you a construction worker spends his time doing more difficult shiit than I do. But I bet money most office workers have about as much free time as I do.

CommieBasterd · October 2012

My best friend and several of my immediate family members are/were SAHMs.

I do not look down on them. They are all well educated and could probably pick up a good career if/when it makes sense for their families.

I do worry about them from the single income aspect, and I wonder what their MM lives are like compared to mine since I've never been one. I worry about if they got a divorce. Are they funding their retirement accounts? That sort of thing.

We are now at the point where, when daycare ends, we'll have a bump-up in cash/livestyle. Even if we have to pay for after school care, we'l have extra for vacations, school activities, and then all those other things kids "need" like furniture, musical instruments, sports equipment, etc.

But the SAHM families aren't going to have that "bump" in income when their kids need more unless they stop SAH. Could they even get a good paying job again after that much time taken off?

There is a lot of built-in security I have as a mom by working at a job that has good pay and good benefits and good work/life balance. I don't think i could be talked out of being a WM unless DH made a ton and we had a lot of paperwork gone through.

hoforsho · October 2012

hindsight's_a_biotch:
I guarantee you a construction worker spends his time doing more difficult shiit than I do. But I bet money most office workers have about as much free time as I do.

Not the guy that gets to hold the STOP flag, but he is getting good union wages for that job.

hopecounts · October 2012

hoforsho:
hindsight's_a_biotch:
Tanning salons are open nights and weekends, yes? Dollars to donuts they want to hire employees who can work those shifts, not the one who only wants to work 9-3, no weekends, no holidays, and will be calling out when her kid gets sick.
I would also wager that most employees are high school and college girls that want to work there for the discount. So they would have classes during the day. They get to work the weekend and evening shifts while the moms can work the day shift.

So not true 95% of the shift jobs in my college town are taken by college students who can fix their class schedule around their work schedule, or for a 1 day emergency can easily skip a class. This is what I did in college when I worked.

Not a mom who may call in sick due to kids/not be available for an emergency shift.

hindsight's_a_biotch · October 2012

hoforsho:
hindsight's_a_biotch:
I guarantee you a construction worker spends his time doing more difficult shiit than I do. But I bet money most office workers have about as much free time as I do.
Not the guy that gets to hold the STOP flag, but he is getting good union wages for that job.

Dude, I live in GA. If your ass is willing to stand out there in our fuuking heat waving flags, you work harder than I do. lol

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