I need advice from a male pov. I?m sorry this is gonna be a bit long but I want to give the back story. I met DH thru a friend in Dec 08. At the time I was trying to get out of a rough relationship and he was a very good friend even though I lived in Cali and he lived in NY. I knew pretty quickly that he and I would be married one day. It took me a few months to get my ex to leave me alone but finally in March of 09 I flew out to NY to meet him in person. I stayed for two weeks and it was great. We did the back & forth thing for another month before we decided he would just move out here and we would get married. I should also add that DH is younger than me by almost 8yrs. Idk until after id already fallen in love because he just seemed so mature. Anyway we said we would stay in Cali for 2-3yrs then move back to NY and start having babies.
We both thought (naively) that he would have no prob getting a job out here. I have never actually searched for a job so idk how it would be. He tried for the whole first year. He had many interviews. No one would hire him. He got told quite a few times that since he had no work history here in Cali that no one wanted to be the 1st to take the risk. He was always VERY outgoing and funny but as the year went on I saw him getting depressed. His savings ran out and he got more miserable. He stopped leaving the house and just gave up. Then I found out I was pregnant. One of the 1st things he said was ?now were never going back to NY?. I told him to stop looking for a job because my pregnancy was very hard and I wanted him to take care of me. He said ok but I knew he wasn?t all that happy because he felt like a burden.
Then our daughter was born. It was a hard adjustment. I was lucky to be able to stay home for almost 9mo. He looked for a job but in the end he would be working just to pay for DC so we ?agreed? he should just stay home with our DD. His depression has gotten worse. He is good with DD but when I get home from work he checks out. All he does is play video games w/his NY buddies while I go out w/DD alone. I have tried pleading with him. Begging him to do things with us. I have even told him if he wants to work then we will put her in DC. I will pretty much do anything in the hopes that he will get better. I just want him to be his old self. He says he doesn?t know who he is because he has never been depressed before but he just cant get out of the hole. He says he isn?t happy but then he rejects everything I offer and refuses to do anything to change?he doesn?t want to take meds?he doesn?t believe in counseling?he wont even get off the couch.
I am at my breaking point. Our DD is getting older and I don?t want her to know her Daddy as this person. Idk what to do anymore. Maybe im just not seeing something from a guys side of things? Id appreciate any advice?hopefully I don?t get flamed?oh and for the record I don?t think hes cheating because I would leave if that?s what I thought.
TIA. Sorry its so long!