So I know we still have some months to go before January ...but time seems to be flying these days so DS birthday is on my mind.
Im torn between having a low key, just a few family members from both sides to celebrate or if we should extend it out a bit more to additional relatives and close friends.
If we do a small gathering we will host the party here. Our house layout is very closed off and horrible for entertaining groups larger than 6-8 people. We tend to have summer parties to make use of our backyard, but that does no good during a snowy winter.
Heres my issue with a larger party. My DH suggests we host at his parents house. We would pay for all food, drink, decor and of course set it all up. Also, most of the guests would be his family (my family is so tiny- my parents and a few friends) so guests would, for the most part, be comfortable at this venue.
Here is my concern. MIL is a control freak. And obsessed with my DS. I can see it now. She will be the one helping him open gifts. Blowing out candles, etc. She will hog him up and won't let others hold him - including me. When we've been in similar situations at family parties and I ask to take DS from her for a minute- for whatever reason she makes a scene. I tend to just let her have her way to avoid drama, but all it gets me is walked all over.
I feel like she would be less overbearing if it was held somewhere neutral, so I was thinking of renting out space in a restaurant. DH doesn't want to spend a lot of money so he's not crazy about this idea.
So...what would you do?? Small party at my house? Party there with me fighting for control? Rent space? Something different?
Thanks for reading this novel! And thanks for your feedback, too
Re: WWYD: 1st Bday Party
I think your husband needs to talk to his mother about her behavior. My husband talked to his mother BEFORE I had our DS because we knew she would be just like your MIL. So she never just grabs our DS without asking one of us first. She is still pretty overbearing in general, but she knows not to overstep with DS or my husband will tell her to back off.
If your husband talks to your MIL then I say your issues with her should get better. And I would just have the party at your house or a friend's house, not your ILs.
My DH is great about pretty much everything, except this. He's stood up to her once or twice...but usually backs down. He then always asks me if I could "be the bigger person" since his Mom will never change
Thanks. I think it won't hurt to start looking into this option. I really think it might end up this way. We found a great deal but it's 40 minutes away and with potential winter weather we need to find something closer. Off to call more locations...
I might have to try that!
I feel your pain regarding MIL. My DH also has a problem with telling them how it is. But this really needs to be addressed. I like LibraryChicka's suggestion!
So given all the circumstances I think the rented place would be a good idea.
Also I wanted to add that I noticed at my nephe's b-day party last year how DHs cousin's kids were "helping" opening presents. Mind you they are 10 and 7 and nephew was turning 2 so. In any case the parents just didn't tell the boys to back off and basically poor nephew didn't get to really open his presents or get the feel of it's HIS bday. I got sooo pi$sed off but it wasn't my place to say anything.
We are very close to DHs cousin and his wife so they will be there for DDs birthday but since I don't agree with them allowing the boys to do this (and they did notice that my SIL nor anybody else was ok with this) I plan to say this when it's time to open presents:
"Thanks everyone for coming out! It's time for Z to open her presents so I'd like to ask everyone to take their seats so we can watch her open her gifts. (then, more as a joke but to bring my point out I'll say) And I know it's very tempting to want to help her out open her gifts, but she's a big girl and can do it herself and mommy and daddy will be there to help out if need be." OR SOMETHING LIKE THIS.
but you know what I mean. This way, it's not directed at anybody specificaly but everybody knows to back the F off...
Maybe something like that would work???
Daughter #1 - February 12, 2010
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Daughter #2 - January 11, 2012
Ectopic pregnancy discovered November 6, 2012 at 6 weeks
Daughter #3 - January 19, 2014
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My DS is the only kiddo or else a Chuck E Cheese venue would make sense and be perfect. You are totally right about the party being for the parents at this age. That's why I think I am over thinking and starting to freak out, I really want to enjoy the day
Lh, what are you doing for LOs birthday?
Then I vote your place.
Only reason I like having events at MIL's house is the ability to leave when I want.
As for where to have it, maybe a community center if you have one? Or a friends house? We go to a church and there is a large house that is available for anyone to use for hosting parties get togethers showers whatever, not sure if you have anything like that
Baby 2 EDD 7-18-14
Avoiding the topic like the plague
I don't know.. It stresses me to think about it.
I also could have written the entire first part of your post word.for.word. We did a bigger first birthday for DS with extended family - aunts, uncles, etc. in our yard with tents and prayed for warm weather (November). It was a freakish warm day. We totally lucked out. Since then we've done smaller immediate family birthdays until he's old enough for friends' parties. No chance of that in January, however.
We're looking into renting a space. Nothing fancy or over the top, just honesty an empty space to accommodate our families. I justified it to myself because we had her Baptism in June outside in our yard instead of at a restaurant. So I'm really just exchanging one party for the other. Next year we'll go back so a more modest, immediate family party.
I say smaller is better. Then you can stay at your own home. I'm not sure we are doing a separate party from Christmas. DS was born jan 4 so we may just sing on Christmas. Everyone is already together and the weather is so unpredictable. Keep it simple. Less crowd less clean up less trouble......now your MIL is another issue. Sorry cant help there!
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