Should I throw my own shower?

buttaflly227 · August 2012

I know that most people have a shower for their first baby (and this is my first) but that someone will usually throw it FOR you. HOWEVER, I live in North Carolina and don't have anyone down here who would throw it because I'm new down here.

My mom says she would throw it up in MA but I really don't want to go back up to MA (I've been up there 3 times in the past 6months) and there's no way for me to bring all the stuff back on the plane (because I am NOT doing another 15hr road trip there). PLUS I kind of don't want to listen to her complaining about it all while she plans it, ya know?

So, I'd REALLY like to just have it down here and do it myself if I have to but I don't know who would come and everyone is like "YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO DO IT YOURSELF!" . So IDK ! What do you ladies think?

MelissaRae1525 · August 2012

The short answer is no. It's usually considered rude to host your own gift-giving event (which is what a shower is). If you want to have a get together you have a sip and see after the baby arrives but calling it a shower, registering, etc, makes it look like you're soliciting people for gifts.

+SleepyJean+ · August 2012

buttaflly227:

I know that most people have a shower for their first baby (and this is my first) but that someone will usually throw it FOR you. HOWEVER, I live in North Carolina and don't have anyone down here who would throw it because I'm new down here.

My mom says she would throw it up in MA but I really don't want to go back up to MA (I've been up there 3 times in the past 6months) and there's no way for me to bring all the stuff back on the plane (because I am NOT doing another 15hr road trip there). PLUS I kind of don't want to listen to her complaining about it all while she plans it, ya know?

So, I'd REALLY like to just have it down here and do it myself if I have to but I don't know who would come and everyone is like "YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO DO IT YOURSELF!" . So IDK ! What do you ladies think?

There's your answer.

Bridal and baby showers are gift-giving events. It's in poor taste to throw a gift-giving event for yourself. If no one offers to throw you a baby shower, then you just don't have one.

lyndsihutson · August 2012

I have to wonder who would come? Not saying that to be rude, but if you are new there and no one there knows your to throw you one, who would you be inviting? I'd assume most of you family from MA won't because it would be easier for you to go up there than all of them come to you.. And it is pretty frowned upon to throw your own, and im sure you will figure that out on here. It's very gift grabby... Saying "im throwing this party so you can shower me in gifts".. Not a good look.

Tennis Chick · August 2012

lyndsihutson:
I have to wonder who would come? Not saying that to be rude, but if you are new there and no one there knows your to throw you one, who would you be inviting? I'd assume most of you family from MA won't because it would be easier for you to go up there than all of them come to you.. And it is pretty frowned upon to throw your own, and im sure you will figure that out on here. It's very gift grabby... Saying "im throwing this party so you can shower me in gifts".. Not a good look.

This...plus I think it's really rude that you would then invite friends/family from back home expecting them to either buy a plane ticket or drive and possibly taking off work instead of you just going back. Either suck it up and let your mom throw you one back home or don't have one period.

MelissaRae1525 · August 2012

lyndsihutson:
I have to wonder who would come? Not saying that to be rude, but if you are new there and no one there knows your to throw you one, who would you be inviting? I'd assume most of you family from MA won't because it would be easier for you to go up there than all of them come to you.. And it is pretty frowned upon to throw your own, and im sure you will figure that out on here. It's very gift grabby... Saying "im throwing this party so you can shower me in gifts".. Not a good look.

I wondered this too.

akaoct2005 · August 2012

Could you rather host a "meet the baby" once the baby is born and celebrate him/her that way? I'm sure anyone that comes will bring a gift, but I don't think that you should register for something like that.

Sorry that you don't have anyone to throw you a shower:( But you still get your baby!

AimeeL85 · August 2012

I think the answer is no either way, but if you don't know anyone who would throw it for you and you don't know who would come....well, who would come?

morethancottoncandy · August 2012

No. A shower is a gift, not an entitlement, and if no one offers to throw it then you just don't get one. I'm not sure why you would even bother, since you don't know anyone to invite. Use the money you would spend on a shower and buy the things you need for baby.

candreco · August 2012

Like pp's have all said, no, do not throw your own shower. Act like an adult and let your mom (who has offered) throw it, tell her you want the details to be a surprise, and have gifts shipped directly to you in NC, or ship them after you open them. Above all, do not act like your out-of-state family throwing a shower for you is an inconvenience.

ambermccormick · August 2012

i have heard of ladies throwing a meet the baby party or a "guess what it is party" where people came with a gift for either or and find out what your having. another thing i heard was having kind of like an open house party where you show off the baby's room and people would bring like diapers and stuff to that. you can always ask a friend to host it at your house but you make all the plans and no one is the wiser.

this decaf life · August 2012

No. You can ask your mom to host it in NC but if she refuses it's really not right to throw it yourself.

morethancottoncandy · August 2012

ambermccormick:
i have heard of ladies throwing a meet the baby party or a "guess what it is party" where people came with a gift for either or and find out what your having. another thing i heard was having kind of like an open house party where you show off the baby's room and people would bring like diapers and stuff to that. you can always ask a friend to host it at your house but you make all the plans and no one is the wiser.

:::::headdesk::::::

1. It's a gender (actually sex) reveal party. While AWish and silly, it is not a gift giving event. They are typically informal events and really only immediate family and BFFs should be invited. Other than those few people, most won't really get that excited about what genitalia your baby has.

2. It's as rude to ask someone to host such a party for you as it is to host it yourself.

MonicaClaire13 · August 2012

ambermccormick:
i have heard of ladies throwing a meet the baby party or a "guess what it is party" where people came with a gift for either or and find out what your having. another thing i heard was having kind of like an open house party where you show off the baby's room and people would bring like diapers and stuff to that. you can always ask a friend to host it at your house but you make all the plans and no one is the wiser.

This. I don't agree with any of the previous posts. If you're in a situation where you can't easily have a shower thrown for you, then throw your own party. It's for the BABY not YOU. No one's bringing gifts for you. How is it ever in bad taste to throw a celebration for your child?? It's something to celebrate!
Just do a loose family and friends party and send out invites saying "Come help me(us) celebrate my(our) little bundle of joy!"
People will decide whether or not to bring gifts on their own. If they ASK if you're registered somewhere, tell them. If not I wouldn't bring it up

But you can also have a cover person, have your sister or someone host it and do it at a community center or something but do the planning yourself. I have my mom and her best friend throwing one for me. It's at her best friend's house, my mom is footing the bill, but I get help with the planning and I came up with the party favors all on my own and did them. I enjoy planning/throwing parties more than attending them

I say do it, you can always figure out a way to do it in a classy manner

dande2129 · August 2012

I'm still waiting for your answer on who would come since you "don't really know anyone" but still bratty enough to not go back home to where people actually would want to (though I'm really not sure why) buy you presents.

Your mom could tell the guests that you can only take a select few gifts back on the plane. Guests can then draw their own conclusions about what to buy you, whether that be shipping things to your new address (many stores have free shipping coupons, or free shipping after $50 or even low shipping costs in general) or giving you gift cards to use.

I love that you think that everyone would automatically buy you the big ticket items. Pack a suitcase for just two days ish worth of clothes, and the rest can be filled with baby shower stuff. Have your mom ship the rest. Or do something else.

Tennis Chick · August 2012

MonicaClaire13:
ambermccormick:
i have heard of ladies throwing a meet the baby party or a "guess what it is party" where people came with a gift for either or and find out what your having. another thing i heard was having kind of like an open house party where you show off the baby's room and people would bring like diapers and stuff to that. you can always ask a friend to host it at your house but you make all the plans and no one is the wiser.

This. I don't agree with any of the previous posts. If you're in a situation where you can't easily have a shower thrown for you, then throw your own party. It's for the BABY not YOU. No one's bringing gifts for you. How is it ever in bad taste to throw a celebration for your child?? It's something to celebrate!
Just do a loose family and friends party and send out invites saying "Come help me(us) celebrate my(our) little bundle of joy!"
People will decide whether or not to bring gifts on their own. If they ASK if you're registered somewhere, tell them. If not I wouldn't bring it up
But you can also have a cover person, have your sister or someone host it and do it at a community center or something but do the planning yourself. I have my mom and her best friend throwing one for me. It's at her best friend's house, my mom is footing the bill, but I get help with the planning and I came up with the party favors all on my own and did them. I enjoy planning/throwing parties more than attending them
I say do it, you can always figure out a way to do it in a classy manner

Did you read the OP? She does not have any friends/family where she currently lives....so 'throwing her own party' is really out. One can not expect people to drive 15hrs or jump on a plane for a baby shower - some people can, but realistically most can't.

Helping your host plan the shower is completely separate from planning it yourself.

morethancottoncandy · August 2012

MonicaClaire13:
ambermccormick:
i have heard of ladies throwing a meet the baby party or a "guess what it is party" where people came with a gift for either or and find out what your having. another thing i heard was having kind of like an open house party where you show off the baby's room and people would bring like diapers and stuff to that. you can always ask a friend to host it at your house but you make all the plans and no one is the wiser.

This. I don't agree with any of the previous posts. If you're in a situation where you can't easily have a shower thrown for you, then throw your own party. It's for the BABY not YOU. No one's bringing gifts for you. How is it ever in bad taste to throw a celebration for your child?? It's something to celebrate!
Just do a loose family and friends party and send out invites saying "Come help me(us) celebrate my(our) little bundle of joy!"
People will decide whether or not to bring gifts on their own. If they ASK if you're registered somewhere, tell them. If not I wouldn't bring it up
But you can also have a cover person, have your sister or someone host it and do it at a community center or something but do the planning yourself. I have my mom and her best friend throwing one for me. It's at her best friend's house, my mom is footing the bill, but I get help with the planning and I came up with the party favors all on my own and did them. I enjoy planning/throwing parties more than attending them
I say do it, you can always figure out a way to do it in a klassy manner

FTFY.

dande2129 · August 2012

jessuhmarie:
MonicaClaire13:
ambermccormick:
i have heard of ladies throwing a meet the baby party or a "guess what it is party" where people came with a gift for either or and find out what your having. another thing i heard was having kind of like an open house party where you show off the baby's room and people would bring like diapers and stuff to that. you can always ask a friend to host it at your house but you make all the plans and no one is the wiser.

This. I don't agree with any of the previous posts. If you're in a situation where you can't easily have a shower thrown for you, then throw your own party. It's for the BABY not YOU. No one's bringing gifts for you. How is it ever in bad taste to throw a celebration for your child?? It's something to celebrate!
Just do a loose family and friends party and send out invites saying "Come help me(us) celebrate my(our) little bundle of joy!"
People will decide whether or not to bring gifts on their own. If they ASK if you're registered somewhere, tell them. If not I wouldn't bring it up
But you can also have a cover person, have your sister or someone host it and do it at a community center or something but do the planning yourself. I have my mom and her best friend throwing one for me. It's at her best friend's house, my mom is footing the bill, but I get help with the planning and I came up with the party favors all on my own and did them. I enjoy planning/throwing parties more than attending them
I say do it, you can always figure out a way to do it in a classy manner
Say whaaaaaat? This party is ALL for the expectant mom... Yes, the baby benefits from the gifts, but the baby won't know whether you purchased the items or a friend did, nor will he/she enjoy the party. The is absolutely NO WAY to ask people to come to your house and give you presents in a "classy manner."

THIS x2342342968456

sschwege · August 2012

MonicaClaire13:
ambermccormick:
i have heard of ladies throwing a meet the baby party or a "guess what it is party" where people came with a gift for either or and find out what your having. another thing i heard was having kind of like an open house party where you show off the baby's room and people would bring like diapers and stuff to that. you can always ask a friend to host it at your house but you make all the plans and no one is the wiser.

This. I don't agree with any of the previous posts. If you're in a situation where you can't easily have a shower thrown for you, then throw your own party. It's for the BABY not YOU. No one's bringing gifts for you. How is it ever in bad taste to throw a celebration for your child?? It's something to celebrate!
Just do a loose family and friends party and send out invites saying "Come help me(us) celebrate my(our) little bundle of joy!"
People will decide whether or not to bring gifts on their own. If they ASK if you're registered somewhere, tell them. If not I wouldn't bring it up
But you can also have a cover person, have your sister or someone host it and do it at a community center or something but do the planning yourself. I have my mom and her best friend throwing one for me. It's at her best friend's house, my mom is footing the bill, but I get help with the planning and I came up with the party favors all on my own and did them. I enjoy planning/throwing parties more than attending them
I say do it, you can always figure out a way to do it in a classy manner

You know I had a friend whom I'm not very close with do just this. Called it a baby celebration and threw the party herself before her second child was born. She didn't make mention of gifts or registry on her email invitation, but I'm guessing that's what she was after. I didn't go because honestly it just seemed plan rude. I went to the shower for her first baby and brought a gift, I felt no need to 'shower' her for her second child particularly since she was throwing the party herself and asking people to bring drinks! I brought a gift when I went to meet the baby, but I always do that.

OP: Either make the trip out there or accept that you will not be having a shower.

SunshineMuffin · August 2012

MonicaClaire13:
ambermccormick:
i have heard of ladies throwing a meet the baby party or a "guess what it is party" where people came with a gift for either or and find out what your having. another thing i heard was having kind of like an open house party where you show off the baby's room and people would bring like diapers and stuff to that. you can always ask a friend to host it at your house but you make all the plans and no one is the wiser.

This. I don't agree with any of the previous posts. If you're in a situation where you can't easily have a shower thrown for you, then throw your own party. It's for the BABY not YOU. No one's bringing gifts for you. How is it ever in bad taste to throw a celebration for your child?? It's something to celebrate!
Just do a loose family and friends party and send out invites saying "Come help me(us) celebrate my(our) little bundle of joy!"
People will decide whether or not to bring gifts on their own. If they ASK if you're registered somewhere, tell them. If not I wouldn't bring it up
But you can also have a cover person, have your sister or someone host it and do it at a community center or something but do the planning yourself. I have my mom and her best friend throwing one for me. It's at her best friend's house, my mom is footing the bill, but I get help with the planning and I came up with the party favors all on my own and did them. I enjoy planning/throwing parties more than attending them
I say do it, you can always figure out a way to do it in a classy manner

The moment anyone uses the word, "classy," I always know something inappropriate/tactless is coming.

Kingston54 · August 2012

Agreed that the short answer is no. Why can't your mom come down there?

PandasMama0626 · August 2012

Just a quick thought, but lets say you took your mom up on the offer and flew back. Its actually not that expensive to have all your gifts shipped home. When I lived out of state, I didn't have a whole lot of stuff (no furniture or anything, just a car load of stuff, mostly clothes) and I shipped all my clothes home a couple days before I left. By the time I got home, they were there waiting for me At it really didn't cost all that much (considering the alternative of driving it myself of course). If you have heavy or big stuff, maybe you could get your folks to drive it out to you when they next visit? Or specify in your invites that if anyone wants to give a big gift, it needs to be shipped to you or something.

As for what everyone says about it being rude to throw the party yourself, there are those that *do* through the shower for themselves. I co-hosted my own baby shower for my first because I'm the only one out of my friends and family that had the money to put one on at the time. My friends and family understood the situation and no one thought it was rude. I paid for games, decorations, and food so everyone had a great time and a good meal on me. No big deal. It all depends on the crowed you are in if they will consider it rude or not care at all.

MelissaRae1525 · August 2012

RWMomma:
jessuhmarie:
No. It is extremely tacky. Don't get pregnant if you can't buy your own baby gear.
I do not agree with this! Babies are a blessing no matter how they get here! Plus, people love to buy baby stuff for expecting parents. I have my own kids to buy for and I still love to give other people baby gifts! A baby shower does not have to be a big "give me gifts" kind of event. It can be more like the bachelorette party style where you just get together with people you love one last time before a life-changing event but without the booze! If you want an actual baby shower though, have someone else throw it and do it back home where people you know live.

...Then it's not a baby shower.

MonicaClaire13 · August 2012

Tennis Chick:
MonicaClaire13:
ambermccormick:
i have heard of ladies throwing a meet the baby party or a "guess what it is party" where people came with a gift for either or and find out what your having. another thing i heard was having kind of like an open house party where you show off the baby's room and people would bring like diapers and stuff to that. you can always ask a friend to host it at your house but you make all the plans and no one is the wiser.

This. I don't agree with any of the previous posts. If you're in a situation where you can't easily have a shower thrown for you, then throw your own party. It's for the BABY not YOU. No one's bringing gifts for you. How is it ever in bad taste to throw a celebration for your child?? It's something to celebrate!
Just do a loose family and friends party and send out invites saying "Come help me(us) celebrate my(our) little bundle of joy!"
People will decide whether or not to bring gifts on their own. If they ASK if you're registered somewhere, tell them. If not I wouldn't bring it up
But you can also have a cover person, have your sister or someone host it and do it at a community center or something but do the planning yourself. I have my mom and her best friend throwing one for me. It's at her best friend's house, my mom is footing the bill, but I get help with the planning and I came up with the party favors all on my own and did them. I enjoy planning/throwing parties more than attending them
I say do it, you can always figure out a way to do it in a classy manner
Did you read the OP? She does not have any friends/family where she currently lives....so 'throwing her own party' is really out. One can not expect people to drive 15hrs or jump on a plane for a baby shower - some people can, but realistically most can't.

Helping your host plan the shower is completely separate from planning it yourself.

1: I never said it was the same. And honestly, if you knew how much my mom works, you'd know I'm pretty much doing it on my own without paying for it. She's more of a front-man than anything else. Which is fine by me.

2: I don't know her! Maybe she has people who just aren't as close or maybe her SO has people they could invite. It's just a suggestion based of a board posting.. I don't know everything.

3: If she's considering throwing her own, she must know at least SOME people.

You could also always just go down there and have a party or go out to a restaurant and do presents and instead of your mom paying for the party she could pay to help ship the gifts back. There are always options

And people throw their own birthday parties/ birthday dinners all the time. How is it okay to throw a birthday party for yourself (where people are obviously expected to bring gifts) but not a baby shower in honor of your child?? I don't understand. And frankly, I honestly don't think MY friends would care if I threw my own. They wouldn't think about it, they'd just come to have a good time and celebrate with me. If you all have friends who are so stuck up that they would judge you for wanting to have this special moment with them, I feel sorry for you.

MonicaClaire13 · August 2012

jessuhmarie:
MonicaClaire13:
ambermccormick:
i have heard of ladies throwing a meet the baby party or a "guess what it is party" where people came with a gift for either or and find out what your having. another thing i heard was having kind of like an open house party where you show off the baby's room and people would bring like diapers and stuff to that. you can always ask a friend to host it at your house but you make all the plans and no one is the wiser.

This. I don't agree with any of the previous posts. If you're in a situation where you can't easily have a shower thrown for you, then throw your own party. It's for the BABY not YOU. No one's bringing gifts for you. How is it ever in bad taste to throw a celebration for your child?? It's something to celebrate!
Just do a loose family and friends party and send out invites saying "Come help me(us) celebrate my(our) little bundle of joy!"
People will decide whether or not to bring gifts on their own. If they ASK if you're registered somewhere, tell them. If not I wouldn't bring it up
But you can also have a cover person, have your sister or someone host it and do it at a community center or something but do the planning yourself. I have my mom and her best friend throwing one for me. It's at her best friend's house, my mom is footing the bill, but I get help with the planning and I came up with the party favors all on my own and did them. I enjoy planning/throwing parties more than attending them
I say do it, you can always figure out a way to do it in a classy manner
Say whaaaaaat? This party is ALL for the expectant mom... Yes, the baby benefits from the gifts, but the baby won't know whether you purchased the items or a friend did, nor will he/she enjoy the party. The is absolutely NO WAY to ask people to come to your house and give you presents in a "classy manner."

I never said you had to ask for presents. I've been to MANY baby showers. MANY DIFFERENT KINDS. Not all involve presents or asking for them. And sometimes people give you presents just because they know you're having a baby. And they don't even get the party in return.

MonicaClaire13 · August 2012

RWMomma:
jessuhmarie:
No. It is extremely tacky. Don't get pregnant if you can't buy your own baby gear.
I do not agree with this! Babies are a blessing no matter how they get here! Plus, people love to buy baby stuff for expecting parents. I have my own kids to buy for and I still love to give other people baby gifts! A baby shower does not have to be a big "give me gifts" kind of event. It can be more like the bachelorette party style where you just get together with people you love one last time before a life-changing event but without the booze! If you want an actual baby shower though, have someone else throw it and do it back home where people you know live.

THANK YOU!
I've known several people who have done this and it was really fun and everyone enjoyed it!

MonicaClaire13 · August 2012

PandasMama0626:
Just a quick thought, but lets say you took your mom up on the offer and flew back. Its actually not that expensive to have all your gifts shipped home. When I lived out of state, I didn't have a whole lot of stuff (no furniture or anything, just a car load of stuff, mostly clothes) and I shipped all my clothes home a couple days before I left. By the time I got home, they were there waiting for me At it really didn't cost all that much (considering the alternative of driving it myself of course). If you have heavy or big stuff, maybe you could get your folks to drive it out to you when they next visit? Or specify in your invites that if anyone wants to give a big gift, it needs to be shipped to you or something.
As for what everyone says about it being rude to throw the party yourself, there are those that *do* through the shower for themselves. I co-hosted my own baby shower for my first because I'm the only one out of my friends and family that had the money to put one on at the time. My friends and family understood the situation and no one thought it was rude. I paid for games, decorations, and food so everyone had a great time and a good meal on me. No big deal. It all depends on the crowed you are in if they will consider it rude or not care at all.

ThisX10,000,000

If people care that much, why would you want to have them at a shower anyway?

MelissaRae1525 · August 2012

MonicaClaire13:
Tennis Chick:
MonicaClaire13:
ambermccormick:
i have heard of ladies throwing a meet the baby party or a "guess what it is party" where people came with a gift for either or and find out what your having. another thing i heard was having kind of like an open house party where you show off the baby's room and people would bring like diapers and stuff to that. you can always ask a friend to host it at your house but you make all the plans and no one is the wiser.

This. I don't agree with any of the previous posts. If you're in a situation where you can't easily have a shower thrown for you, then throw your own party. It's for the BABY not YOU. No one's bringing gifts for you. How is it ever in bad taste to throw a celebration for your child?? It's something to celebrate!
Just do a loose family and friends party and send out invites saying "Come help me(us) celebrate my(our) little bundle of joy!"
People will decide whether or not to bring gifts on their own. If they ASK if you're registered somewhere, tell them. If not I wouldn't bring it up
But you can also have a cover person, have your sister or someone host it and do it at a community center or something but do the planning yourself. I have my mom and her best friend throwing one for me. It's at her best friend's house, my mom is footing the bill, but I get help with the planning and I came up with the party favors all on my own and did them. I enjoy planning/throwing parties more than attending them
I say do it, you can always figure out a way to do it in a classy manner
Did you read the OP? She does not have any friends/family where she currently lives....so 'throwing her own party' is really out. One can not expect people to drive 15hrs or jump on a plane for a baby shower - some people can, but realistically most can't.

Helping your host plan the shower is completely separate from planning it yourself.
1: I never said it was the same. And honestly, if you knew how much my mom works, you'd know I'm pretty much doing it on my own without paying for it. She's more of a front-man than anything else. Which is fine by me.
2: I don't know her! Maybe she has people who just aren't as close or maybe her SO has people they could invite. It's just a suggestion based of a board posting.. I don't know everything.
3: If she's considering throwing her own, she must know at least SOME people.
You could also always just go down there and have a party or go out to a restaurant and do presents and instead of your mom paying for the party she could pay to help ship the gifts back. There are always options

And people throw their own birthday parties/ birthday dinners all the time. How is it okay to throw a birthday party for yourself (where people are obviously expected to bring gifts) but not a baby shower in honor of your child?? I don't understand. And frankly, I honestly don't think MY friends would care if I threw my own. They wouldn't think about it, they'd just come to have a good time and celebrate with me. If you all have friends who are so stuck up that they would judge you for wanting to have this special moment with them, I feel sorry for you.

Would you have the guests pay for their own food too?

MelleTX · August 2012

You do understand that a baby shower is a celebration thrown to "shower" the mother with gifts and welcome her to motherhood, right? It is not a party for the baby. The baby won't even be there.

If you want to have a party for the baby, have a "Meet the Baby" party after he is born.

If you just want a party with close friends, then have a party or a BBQ, but don't call it a shower and don't give out registry info.

Remember, a shower is a gift giving event in which you invite close friends and family, not everyone you ever met. This is not equivalent to a wedding. If the OP does not have close friends in the state where she lives who would she invite to this party?

SabreenaEastman · August 2012

If your family willing to travel and you've got enough people that you know would like to come to one in the town youre in, do it. Otherwise if it really isn't that big of a deal, definitely take your mom up on it and go upstate and see how much it would be to just ship things back and/or have them shipped to your house in the first place. Personally, I'm pretty much co-hosting my own shower with my mom that started out as me hosting my own because I had multiple people ask me when the shower was, where I was registered, and a few people to "help with the shower" but no one to take on the full role of planning/buying/etc until I started to plan it and my Mom thankfully stepped in and is helping me for the majority of it. No biggy either way. Do what is best for you, but try and see if there is a way to take your mom up on the offer, too. Luckily I know for me it isnt a big deal who hosts what because anytime in my family that we have a "baby shower" its never expected or required about the gifts, and its all about celebrating with the mom; we use them as an excuse to have family get togethers since we don't see the eachother often and its a big change that we all want to be able to celebrate.

MonicaClaire13 · August 2012

MelissaRae1525:
MonicaClaire13:
Tennis Chick:
MonicaClaire13:
ambermccormick:
i have heard of ladies throwing a meet the baby party or a "guess what it is party" where people came with a gift for either or and find out what your having. another thing i heard was having kind of like an open house party where you show off the baby's room and people would bring like diapers and stuff to that. you can always ask a friend to host it at your house but you make all the plans and no one is the wiser.

This. I don't agree with any of the previous posts. If you're in a situation where you can't easily have a shower thrown for you, then throw your own party. It's for the BABY not YOU. No one's bringing gifts for you. How is it ever in bad taste to throw a celebration for your child?? It's something to celebrate!
Just do a loose family and friends party and send out invites saying "Come help me(us) celebrate my(our) little bundle of joy!"
People will decide whether or not to bring gifts on their own. If they ASK if you're registered somewhere, tell them. If not I wouldn't bring it up
But you can also have a cover person, have your sister or someone host it and do it at a community center or something but do the planning yourself. I have my mom and her best friend throwing one for me. It's at her best friend's house, my mom is footing the bill, but I get help with the planning and I came up with the party favors all on my own and did them. I enjoy planning/throwing parties more than attending them
I say do it, you can always figure out a way to do it in a classy manner
Did you read the OP? She does not have any friends/family where she currently lives....so 'throwing her own party' is really out. One can not expect people to drive 15hrs or jump on a plane for a baby shower - some people can, but realistically most can't.

Helping your host plan the shower is completely separate from planning it yourself.
1: I never said it was the same. And honestly, if you knew how much my mom works, you'd know I'm pretty much doing it on my own without paying for it. She's more of a front-man than anything else. Which is fine by me.
2: I don't know her! Maybe she has people who just aren't as close or maybe her SO has people they could invite. It's just a suggestion based of a board posting.. I don't know everything.
3: If she's considering throwing her own, she must know at least SOME people.
You could also always just go down there and have a party or go out to a restaurant and do presents and instead of your mom paying for the party she could pay to help ship the gifts back. There are always options

And people throw their own birthday parties/ birthday dinners all the time. How is it okay to throw a birthday party for yourself (where people are obviously expected to bring gifts) but not a baby shower in honor of your child?? I don't understand. And frankly, I honestly don't think MY friends would care if I threw my own. They wouldn't think about it, they'd just come to have a good time and celebrate with me. If you all have friends who are so stuck up that they would judge you for wanting to have this special moment with them, I feel sorry for you.
Would you have the guests pay for their own food too?

No, which is exactly what I said in another post. There's nothing wrong with throwing a party if you're paying and not asking for anything but other's company to celebrate a special time

MonicaClaire13 · August 2012

SabreenaEastman:
If your family willing to travel and you've got enough people that you know would like to come to one in the town youre in, do it. Otherwise if it really isn't that big of a deal, definitely take your mom up on it and go upstate and see how much it would be to just ship things back and/or have them shipped to your house in the first place. Personally, I'm pretty much co-hosting my own shower with my mom that started out as me hosting my own because I had multiple people ask me when the shower was, where I was registered, and a few people to "help with the shower" but no one to take on the full role of planning/buying/etc until I started to plan it and my Mom thankfully stepped in and is helping me for the majority of it. No biggy either way. Do what is best for you, but try and see if there is a way to take your mom up on the offer, too. Luckily I know for me it isnt a big deal who hosts what because anytime in my family that we have a "baby shower" its never expected or required about the gifts, and its all about celebrating with the mom; we use them as an excuse to have family get togethers since we don't see the eachother often and its a big change that we all want to be able to celebrate.

thisssss!

It's never been about the gifts with my family or friends, it's all about the celebration!

MonicaClaire13 · August 2012

MelissaRae1525:
MonicaClaire13:
Tennis Chick:
MonicaClaire13:
ambermccormick:
i have heard of ladies throwing a meet the baby party or a "guess what it is party" where people came with a gift for either or and find out what your having. another thing i heard was having kind of like an open house party where you show off the baby's room and people would bring like diapers and stuff to that. you can always ask a friend to host it at your house but you make all the plans and no one is the wiser.

This. I don't agree with any of the previous posts. If you're in a situation where you can't easily have a shower thrown for you, then throw your own party. It's for the BABY not YOU. No one's bringing gifts for you. How is it ever in bad taste to throw a celebration for your child?? It's something to celebrate!
Just do a loose family and friends party and send out invites saying "Come help me(us) celebrate my(our) little bundle of joy!"
People will decide whether or not to bring gifts on their own. If they ASK if you're registered somewhere, tell them. If not I wouldn't bring it up
But you can also have a cover person, have your sister or someone host it and do it at a community center or something but do the planning yourself. I have my mom and her best friend throwing one for me. It's at her best friend's house, my mom is footing the bill, but I get help with the planning and I came up with the party favors all on my own and did them. I enjoy planning/throwing parties more than attending them
I say do it, you can always figure out a way to do it in a classy manner
Did you read the OP? She does not have any friends/family where she currently lives....so 'throwing her own party' is really out. One can not expect people to drive 15hrs or jump on a plane for a baby shower - some people can, but realistically most can't.

Helping your host plan the shower is completely separate from planning it yourself.
1: I never said it was the same. And honestly, if you knew how much my mom works, you'd know I'm pretty much doing it on my own without paying for it. She's more of a front-man than anything else. Which is fine by me.
2: I don't know her! Maybe she has people who just aren't as close or maybe her SO has people they could invite. It's just a suggestion based of a board posting.. I don't know everything.
3: If she's considering throwing her own, she must know at least SOME people.
You could also always just go down there and have a party or go out to a restaurant and do presents and instead of your mom paying for the party she could pay to help ship the gifts back. There are always options

And people throw their own birthday parties/ birthday dinners all the time. How is it okay to throw a birthday party for yourself (where people are obviously expected to bring gifts) but not a baby shower in honor of your child?? I don't understand. And frankly, I honestly don't think MY friends would care if I threw my own. They wouldn't think about it, they'd just come to have a good time and celebrate with me. If you all have friends who are so stuck up that they would judge you for wanting to have this special moment with them, I feel sorry for you.
Would you have the guests pay for their own food too?

btw if you did the restaurant thing, you'd do it in a place like a pizza parlor where you order and everyone shares. And if you're just doing close friends, it's not that hard or expensive to do, especially if you do pitchers of soda or something.

LadyMadrid08 · August 2012

Totes fo sho you should! Don't listen to the haters!

Yeah, no. Hell to the no you shouldn't. I'm sorry and it does suck to be far from family, but you have someone willing to throw you a shower just a few hours away! I didn't have that luxury with my DD because I was living 10 hours away by airplane from most of my family. I did end up with a small shower thrown by a close friend I had in Spain, but I never would've thrown one for myself.

I would take them up on the offer even if it would be a PITA to get the gifts back with you...and people can send gifts to your house and give smaller gifts at the actual shower.

LadyMadrid08 · August 2012

And for everyone saying it's not about the gifts, I kind of get what you're saying, but it's a baby shower--they were created to shower the mother was gifts! That's the whole point of them, so it is pretty much impossible that it is not about giving things to help the new mother. I think you can also have a great time and fun and games and whatnot, but you cannot say a baby shower isn't about gifts. If that were true it would be a welcome baby party and gifts would be optional...

morethancottoncandy · August 2012

SabreenaEastman:
Personally, I'm pretty much co-hosting my own shower with my mom that started out as me hosting my own because I had multiple people ask me when the shower was where I was registered, and a few people to "help with the shower" Here you is where you say, I haven't heard anything about a shower. If someone offers to host one, I'll them know you would like to help, etc. It's not a reason to start planning it your self. ... my Mom thankfully stepped in and is helping me for the majority of it. That's probably because your mother is aware of how rude it is to throw your own shower and she doesn't want you to look like an entitled twit. No biggy either way. Do what is best for you, but try and see if there is a way to take your mom up on the offer, too. Luckily I know for me it isnt a big deal who hosts what because anytime in my family that we have a "baby shower" its never expected or required about the gifts, A baby shower is a gift giving event. It's basically the sole purpose, to shower the MTB with gifts. If it's not about gifts then it's not a shower and there should be no mention of a registry. and its all about celebrating with the mom; we use them as an excuse to have family get togethers since we don't see the eachother often and its a big change that we all want to be able to celebrate. If all you want is a family get together, why not do a meet the baby party when the baby is actually here to be celebrated?

mystrana · August 2012

jessuhmarie:
LadyMadrid08:
And for everyone saying it's not about the gifts, I kind of get what you're saying, but it's a baby shower--they were created to shower the mother was gifts!
THIS! It is NOT a party for the baby. The baby is still inside of your body and will not enjoy one second of this party.

I dunno, my baby seems to do a happy dance whenever I eat tacos, so I assume he's enjoying it! ;p

But seriously, OP - don't throw your own shower.

mchupie · August 2012

There is no classy way to throw your own shower, sorry. If you are new to the area I would worry that those people you invite (who I'm assuming are new friends) might really be turned off. I would be, personally. I probably wouldn't go.

sekura · August 2012

RWMomma:
jessuhmarie:
No. It is extremely tacky. Don't get pregnant if you can't buy your own baby gear.
I do not agree with this! Babies are a blessing no matter how they get here! Plus, people love to buy baby stuff for expecting parents. I have my own kids to buy for and I still love to give other people baby gifts! A baby shower does not have to be a big "give me gifts" kind of event. It can be more like the bachelorette party style where you just get together with people you love one last time before a life-changing event but without the booze! If you want an actual baby shower though, have someone else throw it and do it back home where people you know live.

Yes, babies are a blessing no matter how they arrive, but that doesn't mean you should have children if you cannot afford to care for them. Doing so is like planning to go on welfare. If you can't afford to have a family, you should not do so. (That said, children don't have to be as expensive as most make them; they can be cared for with far less stuff than most think.)

DublinMama · August 2012

Just a thought, if you're willing to put out your own money to throw yourself a shower, why not go to the one your mother is happy to plan for you and use your money to get the gifts back to your house?

As far as showers NOT being gift giving events, I have never been to one where everyone did not bring a gift of some kind. I can call someone on the phone to say "Congratulations on your impending motherhood!" And if it were just me and my girlfriends going out to lunch or dinner I wouldn't call it a shower I'd call it "hanging out my close friends."

But on the flip side of the coin, none of us will be at any shower you have, so what does it matter what we think, anyway?