Should I throw my own shower?

Rosebean · August 2012

jessuhmarie:
No. It is extremely tacky. Don't get pregnant if you can't buy your own baby gear.

Wish someone had told my mother that when she got pregnant in the 70's as a teen mom... Because you know, all babies are planned. Everyone of them. Shame on you for this sentence. It's just as tacky as your sentiment.

hansonam446 · August 2012

Rosebean:
jessuhmarie:
No. It is extremely tacky. Don't get pregnant if you can't buy your own baby gear.
Wish someone had told my mother that when she got pregnant in the 70's as a teen mom... Because you know, all babies are planned. Everyone of them. Shame on you for this sentence. It's just as tacky as your sentiment.

She wasn't trying to insult your mom, she was simply saying that you shouldn't expect other people to pay for your child even if it was unexpected.

MonicaClaire13 · August 2012

jessuhmarie:
LadyMadrid08:
And for everyone saying it's not about the gifts, I kind of get what you're saying, but it's a baby shower--they were created to shower the mother was gifts! That's the whole point of them, so it is pretty much impossible that it is not about giving things to help the new mother. I think you can also have a great time and fun and games and whatnot, but you cannot say a baby shower isn't about gifts. If that were true it would be a welcome baby party and gifts would be optional...
THIS! It is NOT a party for the baby. The baby is still inside of your body and will not enjoy one second of this party. Showers are meant to SHOWER the MTB with gifts.. just like a bridal shower is to SHOWER the bride to be with gifts. If you want to have a party with friends, then throw a party and don't call it a shower. If no one wants to throw one for you, then too bad. It is tacky to ask people to come somewhere and give you gifts just because you got knocked up. If people love giving gifts for babies so much, then a shower isn't really necessary, Monica.
I have never and would never throw my own birthday party. Also, the parties that have been thrown for me, were more like dinner at a restaurant with close friends or family and I wasn't given any gifts. It was something either my husband or family arranged. I don't expect everyone to drop what they're doing to come celebrate the anniversary of the day I was expelled from my mother's vagina.

You have parties for one year-olds. If your excuse is that the baby won't know who what is from or remember anything about the baby shower, why wouldn't you say the same about a one year-old's party? You're still getting presents for the baby, and yeah, now the baby gets a cake. But no one remembers their first birthday. And they don't have any of their friends there, because they're one! it's the family and friends of the parents, again.

And yes, that's how showers started, about the presents and showering the mom. But everything evolves, and you it's not the same anymore. And despite any kind of party, proper etiquette requires a gift. If you go to a birthday party, you get SOME kind of gift for whoever it is having the birthday, it's just rude not to. If you go to a diner party, you bring a gift for the hostess. It's amusing how people are so up in arms about a different kind of baby shower, but they don't follow other basic social rules that are similar.

And, how many times do I have to say it? You don't have to call it a "shower", you don't have to ask for presents, it's just a celebration of a new life.

MonicaClaire13 · August 2012

Rosebean:
jessuhmarie:
No. It is extremely tacky. Don't get pregnant if you can't buy your own baby gear.
Wish someone had told my mother that when she got pregnant in the 70's as a teen mom... Because you know, all babies are planned. Everyone of them. Shame on you for this sentence. It's just as tacky as your sentiment.

agreed

MonicaClaire13 · August 2012

hansonam446:
Rosebean:
jessuhmarie:
No. It is extremely tacky. Don't get pregnant if you can't buy your own baby gear.
Wish someone had told my mother that when she got pregnant in the 70's as a teen mom... Because you know, all babies are planned. Everyone of them. Shame on you for this sentence. It's just as tacky as your sentiment.

She wasn't trying to insult your mom, she was simply saying that you shouldn't expect other people to pay for your child even if it was unexpected.

No expects that. No one who throws their own or has one thrown for them expects anyone to pay for their child. They expect those people to celebrate with them. So that statement made no sense.

MonicaClaire13 · August 2012

morethancottoncandy:
SabreenaEastman:
Personally, I'm pretty much co-hosting my own shower with my mom that started out as me hosting my own because I had multiple people ask me when the shower was where I was registered, and a few people to "help with the shower" Here you is where you say, I haven't heard anything about a shower. If someone offers to host one, I'll them know you would like to help, etc. It's not a reason to start planning it your self. ... my Mom thankfully stepped in and is helping me for the majority of it. That's probably because your mother is aware of how rude it is to throw your own shower and she doesn't want you to look like an entitled twit. No biggy either way. Do what is best for you, but try and see if there is a way to take your mom up on the offer, too. Luckily I know for me it isnt a big deal who hosts what because anytime in my family that we have a "baby shower" its never expected or required about the gifts, A baby shower is a gift giving event. It's basically the sole purpose, to shower the MTB with gifts. If it's not about gifts then it's not a shower and there should be no mention of a registry. and its all about celebrating with the mom; we use them as an excuse to have family get togethers since we don't see the eachother often and its a big change that we all want to be able to celebrate. If all you want is a family get together, why not do a meet the baby party when the baby is actually here to be celebrated?

Um, have you had a baby? Every mother I've known, especially FTMs, want some time with their child and to rest after. They're not really up for partying

MonicaClaire13 · August 2012

SabreenaEastman:
morethancottoncandy:
SabreenaEastman:
Personally, I'm pretty much co-hosting my own shower with my mom that started out as me hosting my own because I had multiple people ask me when the shower was where I was registered, and a few people to "help with the shower" Here you is where you say, I haven't heard anything about a shower. If someone offers to host one, I'll them know you would like to help, etc. It's not a reason to start planning it your self. ... my Mom thankfully stepped in and is helping me for the majority of it. That's probably because your mother is aware of how rude it is to throw your own shower and she doesn't want you to look like an entitled twit. No biggy either way. Do what is best for you, but try and see if there is a way to take your mom up on the offer, too. Luckily I know for me it isnt a big deal who hosts what because anytime in my family that we have a "baby shower" its never expected or required about the gifts, A baby shower is a gift giving event. It's basically the sole purpose, to shower the MTB with gifts. If it's not about gifts then it's not a shower and there should be no mention of a registry. and its all about celebrating with the mom; we use them as an excuse to have family get togethers since we don't see the eachother often and its a big change that we all want to be able to celebrate. If all you want is a family get together, why not do a meet the baby party when the baby is actually here to be celebrated?
Honestly its a bit different in my family the way that we handle things than apparently yours. At this point everyone I know, including myself is in the midst of college or some other financial hardship and down on money so I would not expect anyone to throw me one, but everyone /expects/ me to have one, including my family. Since I have the means to do it and I already know everyone wants to come but cant personally throw it, why /wouldnt/ I plan it? My mother didnt "volunteer" because she thinks i'm rude or that ill look like an entitled twit, no one in my family or friends would honestly care or judge our own like that, she did it because she loves to help me plan things regardless of what I'm doing, always has, especially with anything dealing with parties, families, or babies. And as for when the child is here, because it would be at least a year for me to feel comfortable to invite that many people to be around and handle my child at that time. As I said. This is simply how its done in my family, I never said its right for everyone, nor did I say it was right for the poster. I was letting her know my experience and that she should do whatever is right for her and how her family and friends personally deal with things.

This.. everyone is different. Which means none of you really have a right to judge anyone else's situation or whether or not it's acceptable to do this or that for a "shower, party, etc." You're entitled to your opinion and you can suggest she go to her mom's, or you can say "Personally, I wouldn't throw my own because I wouldn't feel like it's okay or right" Or whatever. But you're not, you're judging and making derogatory comments

MonicaClaire13 · August 2012

SabreenaEastman:
morethancottoncandy:
It's a pretty widely accepted rule that you don't throw a shower for yourself, as you can see by the responses here (so not just my family or circle of friends) most people who have manners know this. If the reason no one has offered a shower is a financial one, why would you add to their burden by throwing a party whey they are supposed to bring a gift? If you say its not about gifts then technically it's not a shower. A shower is a gift giving event. It's purpose is to shower the MTB with things to get her ready for baby. Otherwise what you have is a baby-centric party celebrating the fact that you are pregnant, which honestly, is just weird.
I wasnt saying it was /just/ different for you. I do see that it is different than what my family does for a lot of people. Its was pinpointed at you simply because I was responding to you. And as I said, its simply what is done with my family, regardless if you agree with it or not, most all females in my family do this because it gives us a reason to get together and celebrate. We call it a shower, regardless if you think it should be something different. It simply evolved for us, into whatever it is now, whether others find it weird or not. I can refer to it differently on this board than I would my family if that would make it less confusing as a "weird, baby-centric party celebrating the fact that I'm pregnant". Thats the joy of forums and the internet, though. You get to see the different ways people in general and families deal with things and get a better range on things since not everyone is the same and thats why Im here. So when I have a question, I can get multiple opinions, as well as just generally chat with women going through some of the same things as me. And thats what I came in here to this thread to do, as well, in hopes that it would help the Momma OP form her own opinion on what is best for her. I do, however, own up to the way that my family does things is not normal at all, and could be construed, as you said, as weird. But, its just simply how we do things and how Ive heard them being done since before my mother was born. I did, find, however, that if I were to go back and do it again, I would not put the registry on the invites as everyone else does in my family, just because the logic for the type of get -together I had and what you guys are saying does make sense, so I appreciate hearing how things are generally done outside of my family, too. I'll remember that when I host a family members shower ..er "baby-centric pregnancy congratulatory party" next time for whoever is next in line.

I would just like to point out that hosting a celebration for your baby, does not mean you don't have manners.
As with everything, it's all in the details.

When my friends and I graduated, we all had parties. And a graduation party is the same as a traditional shower as far as the expectation of gifts. I had one friend who threw her own party and provided the food, music, decorations, gifts, etc. and hosted it at her home. And she didn't ask for gifts but of course we brought them for her.

One of my other friends, threw her's at a public park, and asked people to bring food and drinks. And not just chips and dip and soda, she asked people to bring meat to grill. Suffice to say, I did not go to her party because I thought it was rude to ask people to basically supply the party for you, and a gift giving party at that.

Something like that, for ANY kind of celebration, not just a shower, really is not okay so if that's what you guys are thinking it would be like, then yes. You are absolutely right.

However, I see nothing wrong with what my first friend did, none of us did. She supplied everything and only asked for us to celebrate with her in return. They both threw their own parties, it's just the way you do it that really makes a difference.

And btw, all parties, except if you're just going out to "party" or having a New Year's bash, or Halloween party, involve gifts if proper etiquette is used as you're saying it MUST be. But just because it's socially unacceptable not to bring a gift to those things, doesn't mean these parties are all about the gifts. Gifts are a small part. At my last party, i didn't even open my gifts there because I was hosting and more concerned about the people I love having a good time with me than what I got.

MonicaClaire13 · August 2012

hansonam446:
sara052420:
Marie509:
I hope some of you aren't this rude IRL. Seriously, there's a difference in stating what you think and being a total biitch about it.
Who cares if she throws her own shower. Clearly it does not effect you in any way.

She asked if we thought she should. We said no. No need for the butthurt from you guys. And yes, I knew a girl who was throwing her own shower for her 2nd child under 2 and I told her it was tacky and gift grabby and declined the invite.

Now the post is complete.

Well, I guess that answers the question. You really are this rude in real life. And snobby enough to not just say you can't make it, new level of stuck up in that post.

morethancottoncandy · August 2012

MonicaClaire13:
SabreenaEastman:
morethancottoncandy:

It's a pretty widely accepted rule that you don't throw a shower for yourself, as you can see by the responses here (so not just my family or circle of friends) most people who have manners know this. If the reason no one has offered a shower is a financial one, why would you add to their burden by throwing a party whey they are supposed to bring a gift? If you say its not about gifts then technically it's not a shower. A shower is a gift giving event. It's purpose is to shower the MTB with things to get her ready for baby. Otherwise what you have is a baby-centric party celebrating the fact that you are pregnant, which honestly, is just weird.

I wasnt saying it was /just/ different for you. I do see that it is different than what my family does for a lot of people. Its was pinpointed at you simply because I was responding to you. And as I said, its simply what is done with my family, regardless if you agree with it or not, most all females in my family do this because it gives us a reason to get together and celebrate. We call it a shower, regardless if you think it should be something different. It simply evolved for us, into whatever it is now, whether others find it weird or not. I can refer to it differently on this board than I would my family if that would make it less confusing as a "weird, baby-centric party celebrating the fact that I'm pregnant". Thats the joy of forums and the internet, though. You get to see the different ways people in general and families deal with things and get a better range on things since not everyone is the same and thats why Im here. So when I have a question, I can get multiple opinions, as well as just generally chat with women going through some of the same things as me. And thats what I came in here to this thread to do, as well, in hopes that it would help the Momma OP form her own opinion on what is best for her. I do, however, own up to the way that my family does things is not normal at all, and could be construed, as you said, as weird. But, its just simply how we do things and how Ive heard them being done since before my mother was born. I did, find, however, that if I were to go back and do it again, I would not put the registry on the invites as everyone else does in my family, just because the logic for the type of get -together I had and what you guys are saying does make sense, so I appreciate hearing how things are generally done outside of my family, too. I'll remember that when I host a family members shower ..er "baby-centric pregnancy congratulatory party" next time for whoever is next in line.

I would just like to point out that hosting a celebration for your baby, does not mean you don't have manners.
As with everything, it's all in the details.

When my friends and I graduated, we all had parties. And a graduation party is the same as a traditional shower as far as the expectation of gifts. I had one friend who threw her own party and provided the food, music, decorations, gifts, etc. and hosted it at her home. And she didn't ask for gifts but of course we brought them for her.

One of my other friends, threw her's at a public park, and asked people to bring food and drinks. And not just chips and dip and soda, she asked people to bring meat to grill. Suffice to say, I did not go to her party because I thought it was rude to ask people to basically supply the party for you, and a gift giving party at that.

Something like that, for ANY kind of celebration, not just a shower, really is not okay so if that's what you guys are thinking it would be like, then yes. You are absolutely right.

However, I see nothing wrong with what my first friend did, none of us did. She supplied everything and only asked for us to celebrate with her in return. They both threw their own parties, it's just the way you do it that really makes a difference.

And btw, all parties, except if you're just going out to "party" or having a New Year's bash, or Halloween party, involve gifts if proper etiquette is used as you're saying it MUST be. But just because it's socially unacceptable not to bring a gift to those things, doesn't mean these parties are all about the gifts. Gifts are a small part. At my last party, i didn't even open my gifts there because I was hosting and more concerned about the people I love having a good time with me than what I got.

There is just way to much stupid in your recent posts here to address.

MonicaClaire13 · August 2012

Carla6394:
MonicaClaire13:
Tennis Chick:
MonicaClaire13:
ambermccormick:

i have heard of ladies throwing a meet the baby party or a "guess what it is party" where people came with a gift for either or and find out what your having. another thing i heard was having kind of like an open house party where you show off the baby's room and people would bring like diapers and stuff to that. you can always ask a friend to host it at your house but you make all the plans and no one is the wiser.

This. I don't agree with any of the previous posts. If you're in a situation where you can't easily have a shower thrown for you, then throw your own party. It's for the BABY not YOU. No one's bringing gifts for you. How is it ever in bad taste to throw a celebration for your child?? It's something to celebrate!
Just do a loose family and friends party and send out invites saying "Come help me(us) celebrate my(our) little bundle of joy!"
People will decide whether or not to bring gifts on their own. If they ASK if you're registered somewhere, tell them. If not I wouldn't bring it up

But you can also have a cover person, have your sister or someone host it and do it at a community center or something but do the planning yourself. I have my mom and her best friend throwing one for me. It's at her best friend's house, my mom is footing the bill, but I get help with the planning and I came up with the party favors all on my own and did them. I enjoy planning/throwing parties more than attending them

I say do it, you can always figure out a way to do it in a classy manner

Did you read the OP? She does not have any friends/family where she currently lives....so 'throwing her own party' is really out. One can not expect people to drive 15hrs or jump on a plane for a baby shower - some people can, but realistically most can't.

Helping your host plan the shower is completely separate from planning it yourself.

1: I never said it was the same. And honestly, if you knew how much my mom works, you'd know I'm pretty much doing it on my own without paying for it. She's more of a front-man than anything else. Which is fine by me.

2: I don't know her! Maybe she has people who just aren't as close or maybe her SO has people they could invite. It's just a suggestion based of a board posting.. I don't know everything.

3: If she's considering throwing her own, she must know at least SOME people.

You could also always just go down there and have a party or go out to a restaurant and do presents and instead of your mom paying for the party she could pay to help ship the gifts back. There are always options

And people throw their own birthday parties/ birthday dinners all the time. How is it okay to throw a birthday party for yourself (where people are obviously expected to bring gifts) but not a baby shower in honor of your child?? I don't understand. And frankly, I honestly don't think MY friends would care if I threw my own. They wouldn't think about it, they'd just come to have a good time and celebrate with me. If you all have friends who are so stuck up that they would judge you for wanting to have this special moment with them, I feel sorry for you.

Do people really do this? Adult people throw their own birthday parties?

OH MY GOD! NO WAY! Adults throwing their own parties to hang out with their adult friends?? What IS this??! Clearly my mommy should be throwing my parties for me still. Or I should ASK someone to host a dinner in honor of my birth. You're right, that's so much better.

...

I mean, really?? It's not enough to get presents from people, you want them to plan and pay for your party to? You're an adult. Get some drinks and some food, find some good music and party games and get over yourself.

MonicaClaire13 · August 2012

morethancottoncandy:
MonicaClaire13:
SabreenaEastman:
morethancottoncandy:

It's a pretty widely accepted rule that you don't throw a shower for yourself, as you can see by the responses here (so not just my family or circle of friends) most people who have manners know this. If the reason no one has offered a shower is a financial one, why would you add to their burden by throwing a party whey they are supposed to bring a gift? If you say its not about gifts then technically it's not a shower. A shower is a gift giving event. It's purpose is to shower the MTB with things to get her ready for baby. Otherwise what you have is a baby-centric party celebrating the fact that you are pregnant, which honestly, is just weird.

I wasnt saying it was /just/ different for you. I do see that it is different than what my family does for a lot of people. Its was pinpointed at you simply because I was responding to you. And as I said, its simply what is done with my family, regardless if you agree with it or not, most all females in my family do this because it gives us a reason to get together and celebrate. We call it a shower, regardless if you think it should be something different. It simply evolved for us, into whatever it is now, whether others find it weird or not. I can refer to it differently on this board than I would my family if that would make it less confusing as a "weird, baby-centric party celebrating the fact that I'm pregnant". Thats the joy of forums and the internet, though. You get to see the different ways people in general and families deal with things and get a better range on things since not everyone is the same and thats why Im here. So when I have a question, I can get multiple opinions, as well as just generally chat with women going through some of the same things as me. And thats what I came in here to this thread to do, as well, in hopes that it would help the Momma OP form her own opinion on what is best for her. I do, however, own up to the way that my family does things is not normal at all, and could be construed, as you said, as weird. But, its just simply how we do things and how Ive heard them being done since before my mother was born. I did, find, however, that if I were to go back and do it again, I would not put the registry on the invites as everyone else does in my family, just because the logic for the type of get -together I had and what you guys are saying does make sense, so I appreciate hearing how things are generally done outside of my family, too. I'll remember that when I host a family members shower ..er "baby-centric pregnancy congratulatory party" next time for whoever is next in line.

I would just like to point out that hosting a celebration for your baby, does not mean you don't have manners.
As with everything, it's all in the details.

When my friends and I graduated, we all had parties. And a graduation party is the same as a traditional shower as far as the expectation of gifts. I had one friend who threw her own party and provided the food, music, decorations, gifts, etc. and hosted it at her home. And she didn't ask for gifts but of course we brought them for her.

One of my other friends, threw her's at a public park, and asked people to bring food and drinks. And not just chips and dip and soda, she asked people to bring meat to grill. Suffice to say, I did not go to her party because I thought it was rude to ask people to basically supply the party for you, and a gift giving party at that.

Something like that, for ANY kind of celebration, not just a shower, really is not okay so if that's what you guys are thinking it would be like, then yes. You are absolutely right.

However, I see nothing wrong with what my first friend did, none of us did. She supplied everything and only asked for us to celebrate with her in return. They both threw their own parties, it's just the way you do it that really makes a difference.

And btw, all parties, except if you're just going out to "party" or having a New Year's bash, or Halloween party, involve gifts if proper etiquette is used as you're saying it MUST be. But just because it's socially unacceptable not to bring a gift to those things, doesn't mean these parties are all about the gifts. Gifts are a small part. At my last party, i didn't even open my gifts there because I was hosting and more concerned about the people I love having a good time with me than what I got.

There is just way to much stupid in your recent posts here to address.

funny, cause there's just way too much ignorance and snobbery in yours for you to ever redeem yourself

morethancottoncandy · August 2012

MonicaClaire13:

funny, cause there's just way too much ignorance and snobbery in yours for you to ever redeem yourself

Calling people snobs is pretty much the standard reply from those who are ignorant when it comes to manners. There is nothing to redeem here, I'm not the loser who has to throw my own shower to provide for my baby. Nice try, though. Keep post whoring, I'm sure you'll come up with something.

MelissaRae1525 · August 2012

MonicaClaire13:
morethancottoncandy:
MonicaClaire13:
SabreenaEastman:
morethancottoncandy:

It's a pretty widely accepted rule that you don't throw a shower for yourself, as you can see by the responses here (so not just my family or circle of friends) most people who have manners know this. If the reason no one has offered a shower is a financial one, why would you add to their burden by throwing a party whey they are supposed to bring a gift? If you say its not about gifts then technically it's not a shower. A shower is a gift giving event. It's purpose is to shower the MTB with things to get her ready for baby. Otherwise what you have is a baby-centric party celebrating the fact that you are pregnant, which honestly, is just weird.

I wasnt saying it was /just/ different for you. I do see that it is different than what my family does for a lot of people. Its was pinpointed at you simply because I was responding to you. And as I said, its simply what is done with my family, regardless if you agree with it or not, most all females in my family do this because it gives us a reason to get together and celebrate. We call it a shower, regardless if you think it should be something different. It simply evolved for us, into whatever it is now, whether others find it weird or not. I can refer to it differently on this board than I would my family if that would make it less confusing as a "weird, baby-centric party celebrating the fact that I'm pregnant". Thats the joy of forums and the internet, though. You get to see the different ways people in general and families deal with things and get a better range on things since not everyone is the same and thats why Im here. So when I have a question, I can get multiple opinions, as well as just generally chat with women going through some of the same things as me. And thats what I came in here to this thread to do, as well, in hopes that it would help the Momma OP form her own opinion on what is best for her. I do, however, own up to the way that my family does things is not normal at all, and could be construed, as you said, as weird. But, its just simply how we do things and how Ive heard them being done since before my mother was born. I did, find, however, that if I were to go back and do it again, I would not put the registry on the invites as everyone else does in my family, just because the logic for the type of get -together I had and what you guys are saying does make sense, so I appreciate hearing how things are generally done outside of my family, too. I'll remember that when I host a family members shower ..er "baby-centric pregnancy congratulatory party" next time for whoever is next in line.

I would just like to point out that hosting a celebration for your baby, does not mean you don't have manners.
As with everything, it's all in the details.

When my friends and I graduated, we all had parties. And a graduation party is the same as a traditional shower as far as the expectation of gifts. I had one friend who threw her own party and provided the food, music, decorations, gifts, etc. and hosted it at her home. And she didn't ask for gifts but of course we brought them for her.

One of my other friends, threw her's at a public park, and asked people to bring food and drinks. And not just chips and dip and soda, she asked people to bring meat to grill. Suffice to say, I did not go to her party because I thought it was rude to ask people to basically supply the party for you, and a gift giving party at that.

Something like that, for ANY kind of celebration, not just a shower, really is not okay so if that's what you guys are thinking it would be like, then yes. You are absolutely right.

However, I see nothing wrong with what my first friend did, none of us did. She supplied everything and only asked for us to celebrate with her in return. They both threw their own parties, it's just the way you do it that really makes a difference.

And btw, all parties, except if you're just going out to "party" or having a New Year's bash, or Halloween party, involve gifts if proper etiquette is used as you're saying it MUST be. But just because it's socially unacceptable not to bring a gift to those things, doesn't mean these parties are all about the gifts. Gifts are a small part. At my last party, i didn't even open my gifts there because I was hosting and more concerned about the people I love having a good time with me than what I got.

There is just way to much stupid in your recent posts here to address.
funny, cause there's just way too much ignorance and snobbery in yours for you to ever redeem yourself

About 95% of posts in this thread have been in agreement and WE'RE the ignorant ones? I think you're missing something here sweetheart.

MonicaClaire13 · August 2012

morethancottoncandy:
MonicaClaire13:

funny, cause there's just way too much ignorance and snobbery in yours for you to ever redeem yourself

Calling people snobs is pretty much the standard reply from those who are ignorant when it comes to manners. There is nothing to redeem here, I'm not the loser who has to throw my own shower to provide for my baby. Nice try, though. Keep post whoring, I'm sure you'll come up with something.

Wow. And you have the nerve to talk about manners and then post that.

Shall we see what exactly you did wrong? I think so.

- You called people losers, that's just tacky and immature. Couldn't come with something a little less elementary? Too bad

- You insinuated anyone who throws their own shower can't afford to provide for their baby. Now, that just seems ignorant to me.

- Clearly you don't have manners or you would've responded to the OP in a way shows you do as opposed to trying to tear her a new one.

- snob; a person who imitates, cultivates, or slavishly admires social superiors and is condescending or overbearing to others. hmm..

MonicaClaire13 · August 2012

I'm not even going to try to explain how ignorance works to you

morethancottoncandy · August 2012

MonicaClaire13:
I'm not even going to try to explain how ignorance works to you

You could just google the definition and cut and paste like you did above. It's still not going to be impressive or make whatever point it is you're attempting to make.

I think it's time for you to step back from the computer. You've clearly forgotten your meds today. You're like a rabid dog with this. No matter how you try to spin it, no matter the situation, it is rude to throw a shower for yourself.

Alsoplus, if you are still throwing birthday parties for yourself and expecting people to bring you gifts, well, you're a twatwaffle.

Mrs.DeliaMarieP · August 2012

No, have your mom plan it for where you live. There is no reason she can't host it even though she lives in MA. Or, you could fly home for it, and provide an address for people to ship stuff to your home address, and then plan to ship the stuff that you do open at the shower itself, or only come up with a small bag and plan to head back with a large luggage or two.

hansonam446 · August 2012

MonicaClaire13:
I'm not even going to try to explain how ignorance works to you

Ummm who are you? This is a place for opinions. You don't like the popular opinion that's fine but no need to get butthurt about it. THROWING YOUR OWN SHOWER ISN'T COOL! In any social circle.

Liz4444 · August 2012

I have a question, if this celebration really isn't about the gifts, why the insistence in calling it a shower? No one would have any problem with it if you just said you wanted to host a BBQ or party to spend time with family and friends.
Shower implies gifts, so why not just call it something else?

hansonam446 · August 2012

MonicaClaire13:
hansonam446:
Rosebean:
jessuhmarie:
No. It is extremely tacky. Don't get pregnant if you can't buy your own baby gear.
Wish someone had told my mother that when she got pregnant in the 70's as a teen mom... Because you know, all babies are planned. Everyone of them. Shame on you for this sentence. It's just as tacky as your sentiment.

She wasn't trying to insult your mom, she was simply saying that you shouldn't expect other people to pay for your child even if it was unexpected.
No expects that. No one who throws their own or has one thrown for them expects anyone to pay for their child. They expect those people to celebrate with them. So that statement made no sense.

No that statement made perfect sense. Take a moment. Read it again. Showers are thrown with the expectation you are to get something for the mother. Even if the baby is unexpected and no one offers to throw you a shower you don't get a shower. You get to save and pay for things yourself. Like a responsible adult.

MonicaClaire13 · August 2012

Now you're making up words. Congrats.

I'm the one who won't let it go?? OP doesn't even agree with you.. why are YOU still on here. Clearly you're opinion does not matter to the person who started this thread. And why do you care so much? No one is on here calling you "tacky", you have nothing to defend you're just being a brat and now you're calling names.

And if you're really having other people throw parties for you, I don't even think there is a name in the English dictionary to describe what you are. Who's so selfish they won't celebrate something unless someone else pays for the celebration? I would never ask someone to throw me any kind of party, much less a shower. If they offer, fine. But it's just rude, tacky, and whatever other adjective you want to use, to ask someone if they'll throw a shower for you. And somehow you think that's okay..?

I know it must be hard for you that not EVERYONE agreed with you, tough luck. But you should really let it go now and stop insulting decisions people and their family's have made because that's what worked best for them.

You're at fault, you don't know how to simply give your opinion, you are only able to try and shove it down their throats

MonicaClaire13 · August 2012

hansonam446:
MonicaClaire13:
hansonam446:
Rosebean:
jessuhmarie:
No. It is extremely tacky. Don't get pregnant if you can't buy your own baby gear.
Wish someone had told my mother that when she got pregnant in the 70's as a teen mom... Because you know, all babies are planned. Everyone of them. Shame on you for this sentence. It's just as tacky as your sentiment.

She wasn't trying to insult your mom, she was simply saying that you shouldn't expect other people to pay for your child even if it was unexpected.
No expects that. No one who throws their own or has one thrown for them expects anyone to pay for their child. They expect those people to celebrate with them. So that statement made no sense.

No that statement made perfect sense. Take a moment. Read it again. Showers are thrown with the expectation you are to get something for the mother. Even if the baby is unexpected and no one offers to throw you a shower you don't get a shower. You get to save and pay for things yourself. Like a responsible adult.

There's a difference between people buying you a baby swing and giving you a onesie they got on sale. Showers are not ever about the guests helping to pay for the baby or get the essentials. So no, it did not make sense. And as many of us have already said, there are ways to make gifts optional, be creative.

MonicaClaire13 · August 2012

hansonam446:
MonicaClaire13:
hansonam446:
Rosebean:
jessuhmarie:
No. It is extremely tacky. Don't get pregnant if you can't buy your own baby gear.
Wish someone had told my mother that when she got pregnant in the 70's as a teen mom... Because you know, all babies are planned. Everyone of them. Shame on you for this sentence. It's just as tacky as your sentiment.

She wasn't trying to insult your mom, she was simply saying that you shouldn't expect other people to pay for your child even if it was unexpected.
No expects that. No one who throws their own or has one thrown for them expects anyone to pay for their child. They expect those people to celebrate with them. So that statement made no sense.

No that statement made perfect sense. Take a moment. Read it again. Showers are thrown with the expectation you are to get something for the mother. Even if the baby is unexpected and no one offers to throw you a shower you don't get a shower. You get to save and pay for things yourself. Like a responsible adult.

There's a difference between people buying you a baby swing and giving you a onesie they got on sale. Showers are not ever about the guests helping to pay for the baby or get the essentials. So no, it did not make sense. And as many of us have already said, there are ways to make gifts optional, be creative.

MelissaRae1525 · August 2012

MonicaClaire13:
I'm not even going to try to explain how ignorance works to you

And I won't try to explain tackiness to you. Deal?

sara052420 · August 2012

morethancottoncandy:
MonicaClaire13:
I'm not even going to try to explain how ignorance works to you
You could just google the definition and cut and paste like you did above. It's still not going to be impressive or make whatever point it is you're attempting to make.
I think it's time for you to step back from the computer. You've clearly forgotten your meds today. You're like a rabid dog with this. No matter how you try to spin it, no matter the situation, it is rude to throw a shower for yourself.
Alsoplus, if you are still throwing birthday parties for yourself and expecting people to bring you gifts, well, you're a twatwaffle.

How did this turn from opinions to name calling? Everyone's entitled to their own opinions, which is what the OP asked for.. WHICH IT IS OKAY if not everyone agrees on what the right thing is to do here.. To each his/her own! I think what she didn't ask for was the sarcasm & snarky comments making her feel like an idiot but on TB that's almost to be expected when asking about etiquette... Try not to let it get to you ladies so much when someone disagrees with you, its okay!! Stick out tongue

MelissaRae1525 · August 2012

Liz4444:
I have a question, if this celebration really isn't about the gifts, why the insistence in calling it a shower? No one would have any problem with it if you just said you wanted to host a BBQ or party to spend time with family and friends. Shower implies gifts, so why not just call it something else?

A few people suggested this but apparently it makes us all big fat meanie heads.

MonicaClaire13 · August 2012

MelissaRae1525:
Liz4444:
I have a question, if this celebration really isn't about the gifts, why the insistence in calling it a shower? No one would have any problem with it if you just said you wanted to host a BBQ or party to spend time with family and friends. Shower implies gifts, so why not just call it something else?
A few people suggested this but apparently it makes us all big fat meanie heads.

umm.. I believe several of us who were not being rude and berating the OP suggested this.. I didn't see you all suggest anything without first calling her tacky and rude among other things.. Don't try and make it like you're all sweet and innocently suggest alternatives now

MonicaClaire13 · August 2012

sara052420:
morethancottoncandy:
MonicaClaire13:
I'm not even going to try to explain how ignorance works to you
You could just google the definition and cut and paste like you did above. It's still not going to be impressive or make whatever point it is you're attempting to make.
I think it's time for you to step back from the computer. You've clearly forgotten your meds today. You're like a rabid dog with this. No matter how you try to spin it, no matter the situation, it is rude to throw a shower for yourself.
Alsoplus, if you are still throwing birthday parties for yourself and expecting people to bring you gifts, well, you're a twatwaffle.
How did this turn from opinions to name calling? Everyone's entitled to their own opinions, which is what the OP asked for.. WHICH IT IS OKAY if not everyone agrees on what the right thing is to do here.. To each his/her own! I think what she didn't ask for was the sarcasm & snarky comments making her feel like an idiot but on TB that's almost to be expected when asking about etiquette... Try not to let it get to you ladies so much when someone disagrees with you, its okay!!

This.

you all attacked the moment someone disagreed with you. Or did that slip your notice somehow?

I still don't understand why you couldn't post you're opinion politely and be on your way. The moment one of us disagreed, you pulled the post to quote and post a rebuttal to it

morethancottoncandy · August 2012

MonicaClaire13:
Now you're making up words. Congrats.
I'm the one who won't let it go?? OP doesn't even agree with you.. why are YOU still on here. Clearly you're opinion does not matter to the person who started this thread. And why do you care so much? No one is on here calling you "tacky", you have nothing to defend you're just being a brat and now you're calling names.
And if you're really having other people throw parties for you, I don't even think there is a name in the English dictionary to describe what you are. Who's so selfish they won't celebrate something unless someone else pays for the celebration? I would never ask someone to throw me any kind of party, much less a shower. If they offer, fine. But it's just rude, tacky, and whatever other adjective you want to use, to ask someone if they'll throw a shower for you. And somehow you think that's okay..?
I know it must be hard for you that not EVERYONE agreed with you, tough luck. But you should really let it go now and stop insulting decisions people and their family's have made because that's what worked best for them.
You're at fault, you don't know how to simply give your opinion, you are only able to try and shove it down their throats

It's almost sad how clueless you actually are. I'm going to try and explain this to you as simply as I can. A shower is a gift that someone offers to give you. It's usually a close friend or family member. If no one offers, you don't get one. It's not an entitlement. This how it has always been. People throw showers for their close friends and family members all the time, this is the way it's done. I have thrown at least half a dozen the past few years. At least you realize that it would be incredibly rude to ask someone to throw it for you, similarly as it is rude to ask someone to give you a gift. I'm not sure where you got the impression that I was saying it was okay to ask, because it obviously never is. If you don't believe me, pick up a copy of Miss Manners or Emily Post. It's never too late to educate yourself.

I'm not sure why I would be at fault for giving my honest opinion where it was asked on a public message board.

MonicaClaire13 · August 2012

morethancottoncandy:
MonicaClaire13:
Now you're making up words. Congrats.
I'm the one who won't let it go?? OP doesn't even agree with you.. why are YOU still on here. Clearly you're opinion does not matter to the person who started this thread. And why do you care so much? No one is on here calling you "tacky", you have nothing to defend you're just being a brat and now you're calling names.
And if you're really having other people throw parties for you, I don't even think there is a name in the English dictionary to describe what you are. Who's so selfish they won't celebrate something unless someone else pays for the celebration? I would never ask someone to throw me any kind of party, much less a shower. If they offer, fine. But it's just rude, tacky, and whatever other adjective you want to use, to ask someone if they'll throw a shower for you. And somehow you think that's okay..?
I know it must be hard for you that not EVERYONE agreed with you, tough luck. But you should really let it go now and stop insulting decisions people and their family's have made because that's what worked best for them.
You're at fault, you don't know how to simply give your opinion, you are only able to try and shove it down their throats
It's almost sad how clueless you actually are. I'm going to try and explain this to you as simply as I can. A shower is a gift that someone offers to give you. It's usually a close friend or family member. If no one offers, you don't get one. It's not an entitlement. This how it has always been. People throw showers for their close friends and family members all the time, this is the way it's done. I have thrown at least half a dozen the past few years. At least you realize that it would be incredibly rude to ask someone to throw it for you, similarly as it is rude to ask someone to give you a gift. I'm not sure where you got the impression that I was saying it was okay to ask, because it obviously never is. If you don't believe me, pick up a copy of Miss Manners or Emily Post. It's never too late to educate yourself.
I'm not sure why I would be at fault for giving my honest opinion where it was asked on a public message board.

Because you did so in a tactless way.

Yes, that kind of shower is a gift. But, and I've said it at least five times, you can have something like a shower without calling it that or making it tacky. And I never said it was an entitlement, I only said everyone should be able to celebrate this time in their lives. There are many ways to do that, just as these days there are many different types of showers. And every culture is different, so of course people would do things differently from how you think they should. That doesn't automatically mean it's the wrong way to do it.

There are many ways to do something right, not just one

hansonam446 · August 2012

MonicaClaire13:
hansonam446:
MonicaClaire13:
hansonam446:
Rosebean:
jessuhmarie:
No. It is extremely tacky. Don't get pregnant if you can't buy your own baby gear.
Wish someone had told my mother that when she got pregnant in the 70's as a teen mom... Because you know, all babies are planned. Everyone of them. Shame on you for this sentence. It's just as tacky as your sentiment.

She wasn't trying to insult your mom, she was simply saying that you shouldn't expect other people to pay for your child even if it was unexpected.
No expects that. No one who throws their own or has one thrown for them expects anyone to pay for their child. They expect those people to celebrate with them. So that statement made no sense.

No that statement made perfect sense. Take a moment. Read it again. Showers are thrown with the expectation you are to get something for the mother. Even if the baby is unexpected and no one offers to throw you a shower you don't get a shower. You get to save and pay for things yourself. Like a responsible adult.
There's a difference between people buying you a baby swing and giving you a onesie they got on sale. Showers are not ever about the guests helping to pay for the baby or get the essentials. So no, it did not make sense. And as many of us have already said, there are ways to make gifts optional, be creative.

So don't call it a shower? And as for your response quoting no one we never said for OP to ask someone to host for her. That would be equally as rude. The rule is if no one offers to host you don't have a shower. The. End.

MelissaRae1525 · August 2012

MonicaClaire13:
MelissaRae1525:
Liz4444:
I have a question, if this celebration really isn't about the gifts, why the insistence in calling it a shower? No one would have any problem with it if you just said you wanted to host a BBQ or party to spend time with family and friends. Shower implies gifts, so why not just call it something else?
A few people suggested this but apparently it makes us all big fat meanie heads.
umm.. I believe several of us who were not being rude and berating the OP suggested this.. I didn't see you all suggest anything without first calling her tacky and rude among other things.. Don't try and make it like you're all sweet and innocently suggest alternatives now

Can you read? This was my first answer. THE first answer in the thread:

The short answer is no. It's usually considered rude to host your own gift-giving event (which is what a shower is). If you want to have a get together you have a sip and see after the baby arrives but calling it a shower, registering, etc, makes it look like you're soliciting people for gifts.

And I never called her tacky or rude. I said if she threw her own shower it would be a tacky thing to do.

SO............

Liz4444 · August 2012

MonicaClaire13:
MelissaRae1525:
Liz4444:
I have a question, if this celebration really isn't about the gifts, why the insistence in calling it a shower? No one would have any problem with it if you just said you wanted to host a BBQ or party to spend time with family and friends.
Shower implies gifts, so why not just call it something else?
A few people suggested this but apparently it makes us all big fat meanie heads.  
umm.. I believe several of us who were not being rude and berating the OP suggested this.. I didn't see you all suggest anything without first calling her tacky and rude among other things.. Don't try and make it like you're all sweet and innocently suggest alternatives now

I'm not suggesting an alternative, I'm asking a question because I didn't see anyone suggest this. I saw people saying, if you want your shower, go for it. I was honestly asking a question to all of you. Why this foot stomping insistence on calling it a shower?
I can word it in a much nastier manner if you would prefer...

KSullivan100 · August 2012

I should probably just stay out of this... but... Wouldn't it be less expensive to buy a round trip plane ticket and ship a few larger items back to your home (allowing your mother to throw you a shower in your hometown)? Rather than purchasing invitations, renting a hall, catering, etc. for a shower you would be throwing yourself in North Carolina with not many guests to invite?

BarbourWales04 · August 2012

Wow- this thread is the gift that keeps on giving. I know this is going to read like a huge wall o'text, but I promise I'm putting the paragraph breaks in. In any case- yes, it is rude to throw your own shower. A gift-giving event for yourself, no matter how you spin it, should not be something that you send out invitations for or solicit gifts for. Even if other people expect it, even if it's done in your circle. It's rude. No amount of justification will make it less rude or less tacky. I didn't have a shower, because I don't know anyone here and nobody in my husband's circle throws them. Had I been home, I would have gotten a shower. But I wasn't home, so I didn't get one. My unplanned son is fine, people still got us presents, and it was no big deal. A shower is not a requirement for a healthy baby. And yes, if you can't afford to raise your child, you probably shouldn't have one. Just my two cents.

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