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Working Moms
Mrs.RockyM
member
DD's primary care teacher in prek is a guy
Mrs.RockyM
member
in Working Moms
not sure how i feel about it. MIL and my mother seem to be very unhappy. It's a very open potty environment with 6 potties, and they usually all go together (boys and girls) and sometimes she even goes with different teachers.
I don't want her switched out of the group since her good friends are in that class and she seems ot really like him, but I'm guessing we need to have a talk about our privates and what's an ok touch and what isn't? how do i approach that with a 3 year old? I always used to say that we keep our special parts private, especially to boys, except for daddy, but I can't really do that now.
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Re: DD's primary care teacher in prek is a guy
This is a good point. It's the kind of thing that never occurs to you until it comes up... I guess I would think, in this day and age, with everyone being SO careful that (from a liability perspective) if possible, they'd send female teachers with the girls and male teachers with the boys? But then I'd think places would be short on male teachers. DS is just now 16 months and not potty trained so I don't even know what's normal... I also don't know what an "open potty environment" is.
Agreed.
If you have those kinds of concerns about a teacher, you need to address them with the director right away. If you're worrying about this simply because the teacher is male, I think you need to relax.
Talking about "good touches" and "bad touches" is all well and good, but if your DD gets that you're somehow connecting it to her new (male) teacher, I think you're setting yourself up for some issues.
TTC since 11/05...ectopic pg 4/08...early m/c 6/09...BFP 10/5/09!
Nora B...June 15, 2010...8lbs, 8oz...Med-free birth!
TTC #2 since 7/11...cycle #3 of Clomid + IUI = BFP
Malcolm...September 21, 2012...8lbs, 6oz...Another med-free birth!
As far as the potty situation goes and it being "open", i'd just focus on talking to her about how your previous lessons still stand and that aside from when they go potty - everything is still private.
Does she need any help? DS is trained, but he can't sufficiently wipe himself after going poo. If your DD is the same, I'd just say "The teacher can help you wipe, but other than that - no one should touch you". It doesn't have to be about the MALE teacher, per se, but just a continuation of "this is what is going to happen and this is what is ok/not ok".
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
I think it's great that she's going to have a male teacher. I wish my sons had the same opportunity at that age.
To be honest I wouldn't be any more scared of this man harming my child than I would if it were a female teacher. I would certainly have the ok touch talk but really, you should have had that no matter what sex her teacher was. I think it's good that she will see a male in that role because it's important for kids to see both men and women in many roles. As long as he's a great teacher I don't see a problem.
Why b/c male teachers have never been in appropriate with male students and visa versa??
You can't be "concerned" for the sole reason a teacher is a certain gender.
So? If a female was there would you be upset with your son going in front of her? Not all males are perverts. My husband would change a daughter's diaper if we had one, I change my son's. I would think people would be happy with a male, so many children at an early age don't have enough positive male role models.
I may be sensitive to this because my husband is the head of school for a Montessori school, but started out as a teacher years ago...we also have a dear male friend that is a kindergarten teacher. My husband is a rock star at his job, and it makes me sick that people would jump to a conclusion that he's a pervert just because he's male. He is always winning awards on a regional and national level, has built curriculum for a national corporation, and if all people were as closed minded, none of that would have happened. Many of his old students stil talkto him via their parents, and when we go back to visit where we used to live, the families always ask that he visit with them. Also, these teachers do have to pass a background check prior.
I think you're being ridiculous and quite honestly I think this is a form of bigotry.
I'm in the minority here and I realize this is sexist and discriminatory and hypocritical and God knows what else I'll be called, but I would not want a male teacher assisting my daughter in the bathroom. In fact, we opted NOT to enroll our daughter in daycare/preschool that we otherwise LOVED, because it had a male caregiver who responsible for helping girls and boys in the bathroom. I was in no way comfortable with it, and didn't care whether it was fair or rationale--my childcare decisions have more to do with being comfortable then worrying about whether someone feels my feelings on the matter are "right." And similarly likely flame-worthy, it does not bother me that women are my son's caregivers. I don't know why, but it just doesn't.
That said, I do agree men should enjoy better representation in the classroom, I just don't want them in a bathroom with my daughter.
DD -- 5YO
DS -- 3YO
It isn't fair or rational, and because of attitudes like yours, males are often discouraged from applying to daycares, pre-ks, and elementary schools, while we actually need MORE positive male role models at these younger grade levels. I think it is ridiculous to presume someone would be a child molester based on their sex. Women molest children as well, in case you weren't aware.
I have to agree with this part. PP I think you should be teaching your Daughter the good touch, bad touch rule wether her teacher is Male or Female.
i don't really see an issue here.
The teacher has been hired by the preschool, which means he has gone through background checks and had his license checked on.
I think it is really rotten that you are judging someone based on their gender just because of the "thought" that he "could" do something to your child. Unfortunately any person "could" do something regardless if they are male or female. i have worked with some really awesome male teachers and they would never, never, ever consider doing anything harmful. Most teachers are there b/c they love kids and want them to succeed.
Please stop putting out pre-conceived ideas on this teacher before your child walks through the door. your child will know if you are not comfortable with the teacher and will pick up on it, and then she may become uncomfortable with it. Which will make a potentially good situation, bad.
A kiss he will never forget- Disney World 2014
So there should be a woman just hanging around to help kids go to the bathroom and make the male educator, who is obviously trained and competent, feel second-guessed? That's ridiculous.
Take it how you want, You have your opinion and I have mine.
My son has a male DCP and my mother doesn't like it either. Oh well.
Unless the guy did something specifically to make you uncomfortable, I don't think you should worry about it. A lot of people are weird about male caregivers for some reason. It's unfortunate.
This exactly!
June Bugs Blog
didn't mean to start any controversy here. if you read the intial email I never said I had a problem, especially since DD likes him, I was just wondering if I should, based on my mother and MIL's responses. they seemed to make me feel like it was a horrible thing and I should have her moved and I was just checking to see if they were being too cautious and I was being too lax.
My big concerns is that we've always told her that we keep our private parts private, especially to boys except for Daddy and I can't do that now.
I meant to address this part in my post, I'm sorry. Can you set it up that private parts are private, unless she needs help in the potty. And, if anyone touches her in a way other than that than to tell right away? I'm sorry, my LO isn't that old yet, so I don't know how much they comprehend at that point. And, as for your mother and MIL, tell them they are being overcautious.
Having said this, I don't understand your worry male vs female? her privates are private, not sure why you would say "esp to boys" there are women out there that sexually abuse children as well (sorry for being graphic) but again, I don't understand your mother or MIL's concern.
FWIW- we have a male au pair and he helps DD1 in the bathroom, and changes DD2 and DS3's diapers. I haven't even had a though to teach the kids anything other than keep your private parts to yourself.
I'm wondering this as well. Unfortunately, abuse is abuse, regardless of the gender of the abuser. Both genders molest.
You aren't going to be able to find a same sex group for potty training. I worked in a day care as a TA and I had to help little boys JUST as much as helping the little girls. This shouldn't be a double standard issue. These teachers are finger printed and ran through FBI, just as any normal school would with certified teachers. I don't see a problem. Open potty is a term that there is NO boys room or Girls room. These are potty training kids and they don't need to be confused any more than necessary when it comes to which bathroom they can get to first without peeing or pooping in their pants. In the school that I was in, they didn't have doors either because there were 10 kids to 2 teachers, we had to keep our eyes on the rest of the kids even if we were in the bathroom with one or two
RME
Maybe, but when you compare male pedophiles to males who are not pedophiles...the non pedophiles will be in the majority by a good margin. You can't classify all men, based on the actions of a few.
June Bugs Blog
excellent point.
So I guess a male nurse or pediatrician is out as well?
This type of feeling is part of the reason men are wary of going into these professions & I think it stinks big time for them. I think it is great that there is a male teacher & I wish our daycare had some. Also your mom & MIL are from a different generation where that was pretty unheard of so just keep that in mind...I would just tell them that you're comfortable with it, DD loves him, you think having male & female influences & role models is important, etc. & that if you make a big deal about it to the school or DD, it will be sending a poor message to her about gender roles...
As for the privates, it is an important talk but like pp said, I would not connect it to the teacher at all, and personally I would try to find a cue to pick up on to start the conversation to make it more natural, like if DD mentions her privates, refers to yours or YH's, touches herself overtly, etc. I would not single out a 'male teacher' or anything like that- just say that no one should touch or look at her privates except when they're helping with the potty or taking a bath (or the dr if you have an appt coming up or something). Don't go overboard the first time and just keep reiterating when it comes up or you see a reason/cue.
Completely AGREE with you MaB
RME
Agreed. But just because most men are good and law-abiding citizens doesn't mean I walk down a dark alley with some shadowy male figures in it. Molestation happens. It is often men. It happens at daycare (a male worker here was arrested a year or two ago). It does pay to try and educate your child. Discriminate, no, as there are some great male workers out there (DD had a male teacher as well) but I can see why a male teacher might bring this concern to the forefront given the statistics. The solution is simply to educate her DD in a more effective manner rather than limiting the touching to boys/men and instead including anyone who touches her inappropriately and helping her DD define what inappropriate touching is.
DD -- 5YO
DS -- 3YO
IMO this education should be happening regardless of what gender her teacher is.
There are many female teachers who sleep with their male Junior high school and high school students. Do we get scared every time our sons have a female teacher? No, we hope they have learned from us what is appropriate and inappropriate and assume their teachers are upstanding citizens. Why should this be any different just because a small minority of men vicitmize children?
June Bugs Blog
It isn't an email.
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BFP #2 4/9/12, EDD 12/16/12, M/C Rory 4/24/12.
BFP #3 10/6/12, EDD 6/16/12., Matilda born 6/17/13.
There is a big difference between a dark alley with shadowy characters and a pre-K classroom with background-checked male teachers.
BFP #1 9/7/10, EDD 5/14/11, Violet born 5/27/11.
BFP #2 4/9/12, EDD 12/16/12, M/C Rory 4/24/12.
BFP #3 10/6/12, EDD 6/16/12., Matilda born 6/17/13.
I would stop and think about what you are teaching her when you say "especially boys" ... I really don't think you need that statement when you talk about private areas / appropriate touching. I think it will be OK to prepare her for the potty protocol the preschool has.
For what it is worth, I work in education. All the safeguards are put in place to prevent a child being molested or abused. Two years ago I stepped onto an elementary campus to find males in the majority (not minority) at the pre-K and K level in this school. I thought it was odd at first. I spend time in the classrooms observing these teachers... and they were good at what they did. I also agree that the students need more male role models in school. It helps so much for some students.
I wouldn't let your family sway you if you are comfortable with the pre-K teacher, the students your daughter will have in class, and your daughter already likes the teacher. I think she'll have a great year!
ITA. This is where I think the crux of the issue is. Quite frankly, the initial education as to private areas was limited by sex (males only) and that was far too limiting and created a potential for confusion with any male caregiver down the road. If having a male teacher brings this to mind because the original teaching is now creating confusion (and consternation from her mother and MIL), well, better it be rectified now than later.
DD -- 5YO
DS -- 3YO
But the point is listening to your gut and exploring your fears is not a bad thing, despite statistical odds of nothing going wrong.
DD -- 5YO
DS -- 3YO