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Baby Names
Worcbride
member
Why keep a name a secret (until the birth)?
Worcbride
member
in Baby Names
Can someone explain this to me.....is it because you're afraid of someone making a negative comment (tho I like to believe people wouldnt be so rude)? and if they'd make a negative comment before the baby arrived, why wouldnt they do it after as well? Do you feel that if you revealed the name and someone were to make a negative comment then you'd second guess your choice (which is just plain silly to me cuz that means you let others name your child)? I just dont see the logic behind it....please enlighten me.
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Re: Why keep a name a secret (until the birth)?
We didn't keep the name a secret with our first, but my mother hated our girl's name (we were team green). She insisted she would never call her Alice and suggested the names Allison and Alicia instead. She said she'd just call her Ali. Luckily, we had a boy.
This time, we are keeping the names a secret (team green again). We have a boys name picked out and will probably stick with it, but we have a few girl's names picked out and I'm not sure what we'll go with and I don't want to be swayed by other's opinions.
I can't speak for everyone, but my H and I enjoyed keeping the secret to ourselves and wanted to surprise friends and family. We didn't reveal the pregnancy until 14/15 weeks (we wanted to do it in person, and none of our family and most of our friends are not local so waited until the holidays when we'd see everyone), and I loved walking around knowing that we had our little secret. Once we found out it was a boy, we loved being the only ones who knew our little boy's name. And since everyone knew ahead of time that it was a boy, we wanted SOMETHING about our child's birth to be a surprise for our families. We didn't share ultrasound photos either- for us, my pregnancy was something personal, and the details of it were not something to be shared with the whole world.
Some people just plain don't settle on a name until after the baby is born, others plan to honour a certain family member and know that drama will ensue over who isn't honoured in the name and don't want to deal with the stress while pregnant...everyone will have their own reasons.
Well my DD's name is Esme and when I was pregnant almost everyone I told asked if I got it from Twilight. I didn't. I got so sick of the question that I almost changed my mind.
I'm glad I didn't. I love it and it fits her so well.
I still get the question but it doesn't bother me like it did while I was pregnant (hormones maybe?). I can definitely see why some people keep it to themselves.
We were team green and kept our names secret. At first we shared ideas and EVERYONE and their mother had an opinion.
Once the baby is here and you give them the name Uniquea, people can't really argue with that cute little smushy face. They will at least keep their comments to themselves. Just a personal choice.
Also, I like the suspense created, being both on the naming side and on the waiting side. I'm a sucker for team green and name surprises.
We didn't keep our name secret, but I know some people who have. They have different reasons. In some families it's just what they do...a sort of tradition.
We had planned to have two names picked out until we actually saw our LO. However, the more we said Liam the more it just seemed to fit and before long that was the only name we talked about. Some people didn't like it and a few people were actually really opinionated and rude about it, but it didn't really bother me. The only thing that bothered me was people saying they didn't like it, then suggesting another name. That only happened twice (friends).
I can see why some people may not want to listen to the critics but it doesn't bug me.
People are less likely to be negative after the baby arrives because it is harder to insult the name of an existing person and because there is obviously no chance the parents will change their mind.
I just didn't want to deal with the opinions of my immediate family but obviously I couldnt keep it a secret from just them.
I chose not to tell the name until birth because I thought it might be fun to keep an element of surprise for people. It was fun to have a secret. I wasn't really afraid of comments because we had chosen a pretty common name that I don't think many people would have negative things to say about, but you never know.
I also didn't feel 100% set on the name for most of my pregnancy, so I thought it would be better not to tell in case we changed it. Of course we could change it no matter what, but I just wouldn't enjoy telling everyone his name and then telling them it changed.
DD (5 years old) from IUI in 2012
TTC 3rd and final!: IUI #1 in progress!
We kept the names secret because we didn't decide on the name for sure until the baby was born. With both of our kids we were team green so we had two boys names and two girls names.
I personally find the announcement of the birth more exciting when I don't know the sex or name of the baby. Very few of my friends seem to go team green and keep names secret anymore so maybe that's why I like those best.
2 reasons:
1) Until DD was born, I wasn't 100% certain that the name we'd picked would be her name. We had 2 other names that I also really liked, and wondered if she'd match the name we picked.
2) I wanted something to be a surprise. I decided not to be team green, but didn't want every detail to be out there before DD was even born.
You haven't been around here much, have you? Yes, people are often that rude. Look at the post above where the couple told her mother the name and the mother said "it's horrible." And yes, people do second-guess choices when a close family member reacts horribly to it. I imagine it's very hurtful.
We didn't tell family our name list for a few reasons: 1) We didn't want opinions. I like to think our families are tactful enough not to make negative comments, but in case I assumed wrong, better to err on the side of caution. While a negative opinion wouldn't necessarily change my mind about a name, it would sure suck to have a kid with a name that someone you're close to has outwardly said they dislike. And no, people generally do not criticize a name once you've already named your kid. 2) We knew we were having a girl, so we wanted to have something to surprise everyone with, which was the name. We didn't name DD until we met her.
We kept the name (and still are) a secret because we wanted something that just me & DH shared. We had shared the gender with everyone, but wanted to keep the name to ourselves...that could be the suprise for everyone at birth. It was nice to have it just between me & DH.
And it was an added plus that we didn't have to hear opinions on the name
Not that I was going to change it, but I just didn't really care for anyone elses feelings on my baby's name.
We kept our name a secret because we weren't 100% ourselves (we wanted to wait until we saw the baby to make it official). When we first found out we were having a boy we were stuck on the name Ronan. Everyone kept calling him Ronan when they would talk to my belly. Well after we did the 3D ultrasound and saw him we both decided immediately he did not look like a Ronan. At all. I still stand by that. So we decided our new name would be a secret until we could decide with complete certainty what his name would be. Plus I think it is special to have something to announce when the baby is born.
This. Also, I agree with PPs that it was fun to keep it a secret. I also felt like a weird superstition about calling an unborn baby by their name. Me and my husband really didn't refer to the baby by her name until she was born.
We kept the name a secret solely for the suprise aspect. My DH and I really don't care what people think about very much. Probably not nice, but true.
We found out and told everyone that we were having a boy. And when my sister had her boys, her DH came out to the waiting room to announce their names. Since it was so much fun when he did that, we thought we'd do the same thing. Best laid plans though...Zane decided to make his arrival less than 2.5 hours after my water broke and at 3am. So no one ended up being in the waiting room. :-(
I think there are a couple reasons people do this. 1) They think it will be a nice "revealing" when the baby was born. 2). They don't want to have to discuss it with people and hear all their opinions so they just don't tell.
For me, I loved giving the kids names earlier on. We called Grant by his name for months before he was born and so did our families. We will do the same with this baby. To each their own.
Some of us are indecisive.Some of us like the element of surprise for others. Some of us are team green and go in with 2 names and would prefer to announce baby's arrival with "we have a "name" rather than "It's a boy!"
I don't know why this is beyond your comprehension.
Did you wait to buy anything baby related and decorate the nursery as well?
I can't speak for Ashley, but I know a lot of people who wait. They won't even have a baby shower, or if they do they keep the presents in someone else's house.
People are rude.
Everyone feels it's their right to give you their opinion. We got tons of negative comments. They didn't make us second guess our name choice, it was just irritating to listen to. Once a baby is born people are less likely to just throw out their opinions.
I feel this way too. I know there would be whispers behind our backs if people don't like the name so I'd rather just know now what people really think about the name we chose. We aren't going to announce the name until we know the sex though because we're having a harder time deciding a boy name so I hope it's a girl. When we announce the name we will say "this is the name" so while you can give me your opinion if you feel it necessary I won't be changing it.
ETA: We aren't sharing a list or our options. We are sharing the name as if LO has already arrived so it'll be clear we aren't really looking for opinions.
I guess I can see why some people wouldn't want to listen to other peoples' opinions on it, but we didn't keep it a secret because
A) I love the name so I don't give a crap what other people think. If someone didn't like it, it's not like it would have affected my decision.
They'll still hate the name. They just won't say anything because they love the face behind the name enough to let it go.
My family is very opinionated and we shared our name after we decided last time and they spent the rest of my pregnancy trying to get me to change it. It wasn't a weird name or anything we named him John Richard (John after my grandpa, Richard after my FIL) and call him Jack for now. Everyone kept saying "Why not Jonathan?" or "I like Jack, but why don't you name him Jackson?" It got really old constantly saying "Because my grandpa's name is John and we're honoring him"
If they don't know the name until after the birth they can still disapprove, but they won't hope to change our minds, it'll already be on the birth certificate.
First of all, in the age where not much is a surprise with the baby anymore (some people choose their delivery date, know how big the baby is, know the sex etc.) I really though it was a nice surprise to my family to reveal the name after DS was born.
Second, what if you see you baby and change the name. It's not unheard of. Then you have 12 personalized blankets and picture frames welcomes baby James when he is really Mason.
Third, you are a silver poster so I should hope you've read the things posted here on TB. There's a post on this very page where a girl says her own mother told her her baby name was horrible! (And it was a perfectly normal name, not something weird or different) You might say Who the F does that but from the constant stories on here, apparently a lot of people do that. I'm always reading stories of crap like this.
Personally I did bounce many names off my friends and family but when we finally decided the name was never actually brought up before and we loved it, which was what really mattered.
1) I don't want to hear negative comments. And yes, I think people are WAY more likely to spout off about what they don't like before the name is attached to a child who's born. Even if I didn't second guess my choice, it would annoy me. Maybe I just know a lot of loud mouths, but my family weighs in on names ALL THE TIME. Even after we said we weren't sharing the name, they continued to give ideas of names they love and hate (thanks guys, perhaps that name you just said you hated is our top choice).
2) Also, it's nice to have something to share just with DH until she's here.
Same here. We are telling everyone the sex of the baby once we find out but we want the name to be a surprise. This pregnancy has been stressful financially. I'm torn between keeping my job that is an hour away causing me to fill my gas tank twice a week, using up so much money...but getting to keep my short term disability/fmla...OR I can find a job closer to home (i'm a teacher) and not have those benefits but be able to rest more, use less money, etc. Aside from the stress of money and work and this unexpected pregnancy, we want something to be exciting and fun for us. DD was our first and everything was so new and exciting. This pregnancy has a different feel.
Make a pregnancy ticker
We were team green with our first, didn't decide on a name for either sex until the very, very end, but didn't really share our options either. People DO tend to think that a name is "up for discussion" when mom is still pregnant, but they don't suggest changing a child's name once they ARE that name, you know?
And I didn't/don't want opinions either negative OR positive. For me, it can go the other way too if someone just LOVE LOVE LOOOOVES a name, it can almost ruin the name for me sometimes
.
That said, we're openly sharing baby #2's name. Our son is Clive, and this baby will be Wade. I do feel that sharing this time is a result of me having a lot more naming confidence after naming our son Clive. Basically, I love his name so much and care so sooooo little what anyone else thinks, that I really have developed the thicker skin to just not give a crap what anyone else thinks of Wade either. BUT, the other day when we told my MIL, she was like, "ooh...okay...you know what is similar to Wade but goes with Clive better?? Cade!" We're not looking for suggestions, thankyouverymuch. It honestly was just an awkward conversation. We had to smile and nod and say, "yes, Cade is a lovely name..." like we'd consider it, all the while both thinking, "um, no...he's Wade." I did love her face when she got to our house and saw the Christmas stocking I'm making right now for Wade - complete with his name on it. Ha! But yes, people will give opinions now that they won't later on. It's an odd thing.
We've shared possible names with our family and a few friends. We won't keep the final name choice a secret because:
1) I like getting other people's educated opinions on the name I'm going to saddle my child with for an entire lifetime. I want to name my child a name that we like, but the general population likes, too.
2) I'm not into surprising people with things that they don't care about to begin with. I've had friends keep the name a secret until birth and others who announced the name at 20 weeks. It's never made a difference in how excited I was for them.
3) Name-stealers are the foolish ones. I've gotten it out there that X will be our baby's name. It's up to them if they want their child to be friends/cousins/whatever to my child, who will have the same name if they decide to use it.
4) Monogrammed gifts. If I could put a baby's name on everything, I would. My friends and family love giving personalized gifts. I won't stand in their way!
There are many arguments on why to keep a name a secret, but I'm not great at keeping secrets.
We were team Green. It seemed odd to try to refer to the baby as one name or another, on the most basic practical level. On a more personal level, I just didn't feel like it was anyone's business but our own. I got to hear my mother's opinion about DD's name after her birth (she didn't hold back) and it was annoying enough then, it would have been more annoying to hear it when she thought she might have a chance at changing my mind. She wouldn't have, for the record. My mother's main issue with DD's name was that we didn't name her after my mother!
And I like having kept our boy's name to ourselves, since we don't know if we'll ever have a son. Especially now that DH seems to be going back and forth about whether he would want to keep the same fn mn order or switch it around if we actually do have a boy.
I have a silly phobia (DH laughs at me anyway) of our LO arriving and not "looking" like the name we chose.
Right now we have about 3 names each for either sex and we'll see which one fits best when he or she gets here
I like how you worded this--at times I find it over-indulgent (and I'm talking from a personal perspective/someone I know)...like the mom did want people to lose sleep over it/it was an attention thing
another nicely said