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Toddlers: 12 - 24 Months
sarahns80
member
NTR: do your parents help financially?
sarahns80
member
I just saw an article about how parents usually help with the down payment of their children's 1st home. Um we never got any help buying anything! We get the usual Christmas and birthday gifts but nothing else. Even those are like a $40 Dream Lite for their bday. I have friends that their parents help with preschool, buy all the kids clothes, have bought them cars, etc. Just curious what your parents have helped with.
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Re: NTR: do your parents help financially?
50/50.
My FIL--we're always bailing HIM out financially.
My parents do help somewhat. They've never bought things like cars/helped with a home purchase. They do buy our yealy zoo membership, but it's the kids' birthday present. On occasion when they're out shopping, they'll call and ask for the kids' clothing size if they see something cute. They certainly don't fund their wardrobe, but we do get a chunk of it from birthday parties since we have a large family.
I would never let my parents pay for preschool or buy me a car even if they offered.
Our parents buy Christmas/birthday presents and that's it. My dad will offer to help if we are struggling with bills or something, but we very very rarely take him up on that. He did give us his old car several years ago (which we still have) when he bought a new one, though. But I would not ever expect them to pay for preschool, school clothes, or any of that stuff. And we got our first home (our current home I should say) all by ourselves with a loan where we luckily didn't have to have anything down and our closing costs and such were rolled into it.
My dad has a decent job but he and my step-mom have their own bills and own life to take care of. My mom works her butt off to be able to take care of herself and pay her own bills and always has especially when my sister and I were kids, and my husband's parents are unemployed (father) and disabled (mother), so yeah... there'd be no way I would expect anything more from them. I am an adult. I've been married and on my own since I was 18. I would feel like I was taking advantage of them if I let them do that stuff.
No, we pay for everything ourselves. We paid for our wedding and our house. They buy birthday and xmas gifts. My grandmother and aunt will sometimes pick up clothes for the kids if they are out and see something cute but that's about it.
She's also helped with some random things. Like she got an unexpected inheritance and really wanted me to redo my dated hallway with the money, which I never cared about, but for some reason really bothered her. We paid the excess over the inheritance. She also really wanted to buy all the nursery furniture, I think because my grandparents did that when I was born. We ended up buying some because I just felt bad taking all that money from her.
It's nothing that we expect, and in the beginning I used to try and turn it down, but eventually I figured, if it makes her happy, why not?
In-laws usually give us their extra dollars when they're leaving (live in Europe) sometimes it's $20, sometimes a couple hundred. Nothing expected or needed, but always appreciated
My parents do not help at all and in fact we have had to loan them money before. (Never again though).
My inlaws are deceased. My MIL left my DH money. We did use some of that money for a down payment on our home and we use interest income from an inherited annuity to put into LO's college fund.
Yea, I know people IRL that have everything paid for by their parents or other older relatives. In a way, it would be nice to have whatever we wanted, but we would rather feel like we deserve everything we have and we don't owe anyone anything.
My parents helped me through college & paid for my wedding. Then I was done!
my parents paid for 1/2 of college and I took out loans for the other half. After college, she let me transfer all my stupid credit card debt to one of her no interest ones, but I paid for it. They gave us some help towards our wedding. My mother claimed she would have paid for all of it if I had gotten married where she wanted me to, LOL...don't think so. When we bought our house, she gave me $$ to just have in our bank account b/c our bank required we have more in there. I gave it back after we closed. We refi'd our house a few years back at her insisting. My grandfather had $$ set aside for me when he passed away, she just gave it to me early. I thought it was really creepy but they wanted me to have it then since it was helpful.
So in most cases, she has helped us w/ our finances but never really gave us $$ that we haven't returned since getting married.
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BFP #4 12/30/11. Jackson Christopher 8/22/2012 via repeat c/s @ 37w 3d
My parents don't help with anything financially anymore. They helped until i graduated college. They give DD birthday gifts and Xmas gifts (a couple books or an outfit) but nothing elaborate.
DH's parents are the opposite. They try to help financially in any way they can. They said they would rather help us while they are alive and can see us benefit rather than leave it as an inheretance. They gave us the down payment for our house which we are forever thankful for. We live in a very HCOL area and a downpayment would have taken forever to save. DH and I were going to buy a used car for me before DD was born but his parents wanted me to have a new one to drive her around in and paid the difference in cost. They have been very very generous in helping us get set up but we pay for everyday expenses by ourselves (though occasionally we do get a suprise Costco giftcard in the mail near our anniversary or a holiday)
Neither of our parents have helped us financially ever since the wedding. I do not expect them to, though because we are much better off financially than they are. For the wedding, my dad gave us a cash gift to use toward the wedding and DH's parents paid for the bar. Since then, we just exchange small gifts at Christmas time and each set got something for DD for her birthday this year.
For undergrad, I had an academic scholarship that paid for all of my tuition. My dad paid for room and board during undergrad, which was a huge help. I went on to get a doctoral degree and relied on student loans for that.
We plan to fully fund DD's college education and I'd love to at least help pay for her wedding.
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DD: June 2011
TTC# 2: April 2014
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My parents are not involved ever.
My IL's might give us gifts, but have never assisted us with major purchases such as a home. They give very generous gifts such as the glider for DD's room, the stroller and her first car seat though. We're adults and are firm believers on living a lifestyle not beyond our paychecks, and of we can't afford it on our own, we don't want it.
No way. I know if we ever needed money we could ask them, they have lent my brother money. However, we've never needed anything. We paid for our wedding, honeymoon, house, vehicles, etc on our own.
They never paid my college tuition but were helpful while I was in school. They provided my vechicle, paid insurance & maintenance, paid my cell phone bill, helped with books, and whatever else I needed.
My IL's would never help with anything either. Occassionally my MIL will get DD something at the consignment shop she works at.
My parents paid my rent when I was in college, and for books/class expenses. My dad gave me a few checks to put towards my student loans when I first graduated, and they kicked in some money for our wedding, but they haven't given us any large gifts since then.
DH borrowed a few thousand from my FIL when we moved after he finished grad school, but before he got his first "real" paycheck. My in-laws also paid for diapers and bought us some baby stuff right after DS2 was born (but DH was in grad school, and we weren't well off, financially).
If we needed money, we'd go to my in-laws first.
DS2 - Oct 2010 (my VBAC baby!)
Our parents do not help. We don't want them to. Mine just have a policy not to even co-sign on loans for us kids. DH's parents offered him help for years. He always declined and eventually convinced them to stop asking. His brother, however, had my inlaws paying his bills while he and his wife were buying a new car and taking a big vacation. -.-
My inlaws do have a savings fund set up for DD and DH's nephew. They never asked us about that, and I know it's something that means a lot to them.
Jess & Adam, married 2009, precious Audrey born in 2011. BFP 1/6/13, 6-wk MMC discovered at 9 wks 2/11/13. D&C 2/18/13, second D&C 4/23/13 for retained placenta.
BFP 8/24/13!! EDD 5/1/14, delivered healthy and sweet Zoey Leanne on 5/5/14 by repeat c-section.
College - my parents paid what they could, and I'm still paying for the rest 10 years later!
Wedding - between us, my parents and DH's parents we all paid about 1/3 of the costs. We were extremely grateful that our parents helped us with this.
Baby - my parents don't make a lot of money (at all), but buy small gifts for DD when they can. Their big contribution is watching her 1-2 days/week. However, DH's parents are rather well-off and love buying things for their only grandchild, including her nursery furniture and setting up a college fund. But I would never expect anything more from them, especially paying for things like our house or other bills. Although I should mention that my in-laws have already 'gifted' their beautiful house to DD as its been in their family for generations.
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TTC #2
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Clomid 100mg + IUI#3 = BFN
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I will be honest here and admit that yes, they do help. Always have. When I graduated from college, try as I might I could not find a decent job. I lifeguarded and taught swim lessons. Then finally, I got a job as a TSS (working with kids with behavioral diagnoses or on the autism spectrum), but it was per diem, so if my kid was sick, I didn't get paid. So they helped. They paid my car insurance and my cell phone bill, and DH and I were able to scrape enough together to pay rent and such.
They paid our down payment for our house (and also my brother's,even though he didn't really need it). They paid for our wedding and they have taken us on vacation.
We got ourselves into some credit card debt many years ago and both ILs and my parents have decided to help us with a loan to get us back on track. We are now much smarter about our spending, but we needed to get out of the hole we were in.
To be perfectly honest, I don't know what I'd have done without my parents financially. DH has a full time job, and a second part time job, and it was still hard to make ends meet with all our debt. Hopefully, now, we can get out from the debt and not need to rely on them for help.
I probably sound awful and spoiled. But I really appreciate everything they have done, and tell them and thank them every chance I get. I wish I didn't need their help, but I did, and so that's how it had to be.
No, not at all. I think fo wedding presents i got a clock from a "yard sale" from my mom and I even bought her, her wedding outfit.
Then in-laws gave us like $20.
I know people that are in their 40's and their parents still do stuff for them. pathetic!
No. My husband and I are adults-we both work and we both make sure we only buy things we can afford.
If you can't afford to pay the hospital bill after having LO, or for things they need, you shouldn't have a kid, period. I don't even care if they offer the money. If you don't need it, say no. They will need all the money they can get when it's time to retire or if one gets sick.
I understand if you both worked and saved, but lost your job or something. Then obviously you need help.
But when I hear that two adults with good jobs have their parents paying for stuff, I'm a little confused by that.
I have friends who have had or continue to have financial assistance from their parents or grandparents, etc.
DH and I each became financially responsible for ourselves after high school. College was grants, scholarships and loans. We both worked during college and paid our own bills and rent - neither of us lived on campus (we went to different colleges).
When we got engaged and started planning our wedding, we never asked for money and set a wedding budget based on what we could afford. My parents offered x amount and my in-laws offered x amount but we never asked them too. We didn't increase our budget after their offers either. Once engaged, DH and I moved in together and covered all of our own living expenses.
We bough our house when we were financially ready. The same with starting a family. We pay all of our bills and would never expect our parents to fund anything. We live within our means and I much prefer our parents save any money they may want to spend on us, for their future. You truly never know what may happen in the future and they've worked hard for their money.
We exchange birthday and Christmas presents with our parents and they always give LO a gift for his birthday and holidays. My parents also do little things for Halloween, etc but nothing big. We don't really believe in doing big extravagant gifts so we actually have a dollar amount limit that we set for Christmas and birthdays. We also do gifts for our parents for Mother's Day and Father's Day. My parents send us cards for every holiday (including our anniversary), just to share that they thought of us and are thinking of us and LO.
Our parents have no clue how much our mortgage, monthly bills or daycare expenses are. They have no clue how much our hospital bill was with LO, etc. We are happy that we haven't had the need to ask for money and can afford how we live (which is not extravagant but comfortable). DH's sister has asked for money several times and she and her husband have never repaid and just use the money and then continue to plan vacations and purchases without a second thought. My in-laws are no longer "loaning" them money as they've never repaid previously.
I know that our parents would be happy to help us out if the need came up but I hope it never does.
My parents, no.
DH's parents- kind of. They have loaned us money that we have paid/are paying back. They also have what FIL calls the "When I'm Dead" account. That sounds so morbid- you just have to know him lol. Basically, he has given his children some money from their inheritance in a tight spot, and he keeps track of it all. The kids know that once he's gone, the inheritance will be unequally distributed because of this.
My parents paid for my tuition and our wedding. They've bought larger gifts here and there as well, like DD's crib and changing table.
We hope to do the same for DD when she's grown.
My parents paid for my college tuition and let us live with them for a couple months when we were house hunting. But they did not buy our house/give us the down payment nor do they pay our monthly bills.
Two years ago, my parents took our entire family (13 total...my siblings, their spouses, and kids) on vacation to Maui. It was a Xmas present for all of us....albeit a generous one! I recently moved across the country for my husbands job...my parents have offered to pay for me and my daughter to visit them because I can't afford to visit as often as they would like (I haven't taken them up on it yet). My parents give very generous gifts but they do not pay for our bills/necessities. I have no doubt that my dad would help us financially if we needed it but I have way too much pride to ever ask for that help (and thankfully, I've never needed to).
They also send my DD regular care packages of toys and clothes. Not because we need them to buy those things for us but because they are crazy for their grandkids and my mom has a shopping problem
My inlaws pay many of my SIL's bills (mortgage, medical bills, etc) and so they do sometimes send us a check or other generous gift. It's out of guilt or trying to "keep things even" between the kids. When they do that, we put it into DD's college fund.
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Our parents have been very generous. My parents paid for my undergrad education (and some of grad school) as well as our wedding reception. They bought DS his crib and a ton of gifts. DH's parents paid for college and gave him money for the down payment on our townhouse. Both parents give us and DS generous gifts for birthdays and holidays.
Our parents are by no means "well off" or whatever you wanna call it. When we were college aged they let us stay with them for a little bit while we got our on feet. My Mom co-signed for my 1st car and she let me use her car as collateral for our down payment loan to get our 1st house (which we moved into last Oct). For all of that I am very thankful. My Mom never paid anything for the 1st car and never made payments toward the loan, because that is my responsibility. I'm glad she used her signature and her car to help me. I am glad that she has faith in me.
Financially, we were always on our own though. By the time we were out of high school we were already doing as well as my in laws. By the time we were 21 and 22 we were doing better than my parents.
My ILs and my parents help us a lot.
We're in a bad place financially right now. I work full-time and my husband just graduated from college in May and has yet to find a job (not for lack of trying. The guy spends literally hours a day job hunting).
I pay what I can from my paycheck, which isn't much considering I have to put nearly an entire paycheck a month towards student loans (and radio pays jack shiiit, anyway, so that doesn't help). So, right now, I can only really afford to pay the electric bill, for gas and put a little towards food/Owen things.
We live in a very modest (*coughcrappycough*) house in a low COL area and are VERY careful about how we spend the money we are given. My ILs pay for most things (rent, groceries, utilities, cable/internet) and my parents pay my phone bill, car payment and auto insurance.
It's not something I'm proud of, and we're both busting our asses to get out of this situation, but we really can't help it right now. Our pregnancy was unplanned, so we've kind of just had to make it work as well as we can.
It makes me sad to see words like 'pathetic' thrown around in here. Trust me, this isn't our ideal situation. My husband is damn near depressed because he can find a job decent enough to cover anything, and I work late hours at a job I can't stand just to be able to contribute something.
I'm embarrassed to lay this all out there, but it's the truth.
We were actually really lucky with my ILs retiring and having a little extra money to help with our down payment when we bought our house. It was purely a timing issue and we are slowly paying them back. So it wasn't a gift necessarily.
That's it though, no help outside of that from either side.
NO.
They didnt pay for our college, wedding or 1st house. We have like 60k in student loans, paid for our own wedding and house. They didnt pay anything for the new baby either, I mean they gave gifts and all, but nothing big. Damn, my mother in law didnt even pay for the rehersal dinner.
My husband and I have paid for all of our stuff. Our home, cars, finishing our basement, Carters things, etc. Now to say nobody has helped at all is crazy. I mean...every once in a whie we get some diapers or an outfit or two from my mom or MIL. And...of course on holidays and bdays people buy us and our son things, but other than that...we pretty much do it alone. I also have to add that my parents and IL's paid for our wedding and our parents paid for our college degrees. So I am thankful for that. However, I feel those two things parents should pay for. My husband is almost done getting his masters degree and we are paying for that now since we are older and we both have good, secure jobs. We are both school teachers...that isn't the highest paid job by far, but secure and decent money.
I can honestly say that I am jealous of those children born with a silver spoon in their mouth and people just give them all kinds of things. Money, down payments on homes, giving homes, buying their adult child with a job and car, just getting anything and everything they want. I am jeaolus, however...everything we have...WE have worked for, so it does feel better to provide for ourself and count on no one.
Mom to Carter (6), and Calianne (1).
Proud VBAC, natural birth, breastfeeding, cloth diapering momma!
No. My parents helped with college. My scholarship covered most of it, but I still needed help with the dorm, meal plan, etc. I had about $20k in loans that I paid off over 8 years. I waited and got my master's when I had tuition reimbursement benefits kick in and paid the remaining balance in cash.
Then they paid for about 1/3 of our wedding.
Otherwise, they are generous with gifts, particularly for DS (my mom is always sending a cute shirt or jacket for him) but no, they don't help us with day to day money or cars or a DP for a house.
My dad almost always treats us when we go out to eat though.
A friend of mine has a gorgeous brand new house that she and her DH live in only because her parents bought it for them. I'm kind of jealous, but on the other hand, I think it is so pathetic.