how do your react when friends tell you they're pregnant?

lrichmond86 · July 2012

I found out today that a good friend of mine is pregnant. I really am happy for her, but I'm a nervous wreck that something will go wrong (or that nothing will go wrong and it will send me into a "why us" tailspin again). I tried to be enthusiastic and happy for her, but I know it seemed fake. What do you ladies do?

tuscanbride2007 · July 2012

I will be interested to see also how other people react. I always say congratulations and hold my breath. It probably comes across fake, but I just know too much. I hate that I am no longer an optimist about pregnancy. That's something that was taken away from all of us.

Bayberry12 · July 2012

I haven't have to deal with this yet, but I'm pretty sure the "second round of babies" will be coming soon. A lot of my friend's children are turning 1 or 2 soon, so it just feels like it's about time a second one could come along. Some of my friends also just got married, and the next step for them is have a baby asap.

I honestly don't know how I will handle hearing about any new pregnancies, whether it's a close friend or family member. I think my first reaction will be extreme jealously. I would like to think I could be happy for people, but right now I need to work on and take care of myself, before I can celebrate someone else.

I think with time it will probably get easier.

lrichmond86 · July 2012

I'm a little farther out from my loss that you ladies are, so I think that my reaction was a little different. I work with this friend so I will be seeing her every day. I sent her a fb message this morning and told her that if she ever had questions or concerns about her pregnancy to make sure she felt free to talk to me since I was there not that long ago. I really don't mind talking about her pregnancy and like I said, I am happy for her (although with TTC again I have to say there is a pang of jealously as well). It's more the fear and anxiety that surrounds pregnancy for me now that I think is impacting how I react. Every time I hear about a new pregnancy, the first thing I feel isn't happiness, it's panic! It's like I want to tell them to enjoy every second of you because at any moment it could be ripped away. At the same time, I want my newly pregnant friend to enjoy her pregnancy and not to be worried or stressed out (which I know she already is because of what she knows about what happened to us). I guess it's just a tough spot for any of us to be in.

MeggM1 · July 2012

(ticker warning and rainbow pregnancy mentioned)

I react okay to friends sharing that they were pregnant. I prefer to be told over the phone or email and not in person because sometimes I get really emotional, for the same reasons you said - I know way too much about what can go wrong during pregnancy and am worried/happy/jealous of my friend all at the same time, especially before I got pregnant again. However, I do NOT react well to complaints about pregnancy.

I am super private about the circumstances surrounding the cause of my daughter's death, so many close friends don't know that it's related to an injury that happened during my c-section. So when friends complain about their biggest fear during delivery is pooping on the table or being horrified at the thought of not getting a natural delivery and having a c-section - I get very upset. I try to put it in perspective because I don't want to tell a pregnant friend "Your biggest concern should be your baby being born healthy and alive," and telling them the horrible details about my c-section doesn't seem appropriate. This is another reason I haven't even looked at my BMB, because I wouldn't be a pleasant contributor and just reading people's fears, although completely justifiable to them, makes me a wreck. And then when they have a healthy baby and natural delivery that they get to take straight home from the hospital and all they can say is "Thank God I don't have a c-section scar" (this has happened on multiple occasions) - I just don't do well.

Sorry I turned ranty - this is just the place I'm in right now!

Bayberry12 · July 2012

MeggM1:
(ticker warning and rainbow pregnancy mentioned)

I am super private about the circumstances surrounding the cause of my daughter's death, so many close friends don't know that it's related to an injury that happened during my c-section. So when friends complain about their biggest fear during delivery is pooping on the table or being horrified at the thought of not getting a natural delivery and having a c-section - I get very upset. I try to put it in perspective because I don't want to tell a pregnant friend "Your biggest concern should be your baby being born healthy and alive," and telling them the horrible details about my c-section doesn't seem appropriate. This is another reason I haven't even looked at my BMB, because I wouldn't be a pleasant contributor and just reading people's fears, although completely justifiable to them, makes me a wreck. And then when they have a healthy baby and natural delivery that they get to take straight home from the hospital and all they can say is "Thank God I don't have a c-section scar" (this has happened on multiple occasions) - I just don't do well.

I agree with everything you said. If I do get pregnant again, I definitely wont fit in on the BMB, with all the irrelevant things those lucky innocent moms get to worry about.

I can't even imagine how hard this is for you now.

frogs007 · July 2012

Sometimes I over compensate and act more happy than I should because I'm trying SO hard to not let them think it upsets me.

If it upsets me depends on where I'm at that day. Honestly a lot of the last eight months I have hated pregnant women. Hated them. I have not wished this on ANYONE and have felt super guilty because people I have been jealous of (a cousin and a friend) have had a stillbirth and a miscarriage.

I prefer to find out friends are pregnant on fb so I can "fake it" if I'm not really excited for them (because I'm mad/jealous). I just write, "Congratulations!!!!" and hope that when I do see them irl I can say it and mean it for reals.

frogs007 · July 2012

Bayberry12:
MeggM1:
(ticker warning and rainbow pregnancy mentioned)

I am super private about the circumstances surrounding the cause of my daughter's death, so many close friends don't know that it's related to an injury that happened during my c-section. So when friends complain about their biggest fear during delivery is pooping on the table or being horrified at the thought of not getting a natural delivery and having a c-section - I get very upset. I try to put it in perspective because I don't want to tell a pregnant friend "Your biggest concern should be your baby being born healthy and alive," and telling them the horrible details about my c-section doesn't seem appropriate. This is another reason I haven't even looked at my BMB, because I wouldn't be a pleasant contributor and just reading people's fears, although completely justifiable to them, makes me a wreck. And then when they have a healthy baby and natural delivery that they get to take straight home from the hospital and all they can say is "Thank God I don't have a c-section scar" (this has happened on multiple occasions) - I just don't do well.
I agree with everything you said. If I do get pregnant again, I definitely wont fit in on the BMB, with all the irrelevant things those lucky innocent moms get to worry about.
I can't even imagine how hard this is for you now.

this too. I stalk the bmb sometimes and get irrationally angry at their innocence.

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