how do your react when friends tell you they're pregnant?

lrichmond86

I found out today that a good friend of mine is pregnant.  I really am happy for her, but I'm a nervous wreck that something will go wrong (or that nothing will go wrong and it will send me into a "why us" tailspin again).  I tried to be enthusiastic and happy for her, but I know it seemed fake.  What do you ladies do?

tuscanbride2007

I will be interested to see also how other people react. I always say congratulations and hold my breath. It probably comes across fake, but I just know too much. I hate that I am no longer an optimist about pregnancy. That's something that was taken away from all of us.

Bayberry12

I haven't have to deal with this yet, but I'm pretty sure the "second round of babies" will be coming soon.  A lot of my friend's children are turning 1 or 2 soon, so it just feels like it's about time a second one could come along.  Some of my friends also just got married, and the next step for them is have a baby asap.

I honestly don't know how I will handle hearing about any new pregnancies, whether it's a close friend or family member.  I think my first reaction will be extreme jealously.  I would like to think I could be happy for people, but right now I need to work on and take care of myself, before I can celebrate someone else.

I think with time it will probably get easier.    

 

lrichmond86

I'm a little farther out from my loss that you ladies are, so I think that my reaction was a little different.  I work with this friend so I will be seeing her every day.  I sent her a fb message this morning and told her that if she ever had questions or concerns about her pregnancy to make sure she felt free to talk to me since I was there not that long ago.  I really don't mind talking about her pregnancy and like I said, I am happy for her (although with TTC again I have to say there is a pang of jealously as well).  It's more the fear and anxiety that surrounds pregnancy for me now that I think is impacting how I react.  Every time I hear about a new pregnancy, the first thing I feel isn't happiness, it's panic!  It's like I want to tell them to enjoy every second of you because at any moment it could be ripped away.  At the same time, I want my newly pregnant friend to enjoy her pregnancy and not to be worried or stressed out (which I know she already is because of what she knows about what happened to us).  I guess it's just a tough spot for any of us to be in. 

MeggM1

(ticker warning and rainbow pregnancy mentioned)

I react okay to friends sharing that they were pregnant.  I prefer to be told over the phone or email and not in person because sometimes I get really emotional, for the same reasons you said - I know way too much about what can go wrong during pregnancy and am worried/happy/jealous of my friend all at the same time, especially before I got pregnant again.  However, I do NOT react well to complaints about pregnancy. 

I am super private about the circumstances surrounding the cause of my daughter's death, so many close friends don't know that it's related to an injury that happened during my c-section.  So when friends complain about their biggest fear during delivery is pooping on the table or being horrified at the thought of not getting a natural delivery and having a c-section - I get very upset.  I try to put it in perspective because I don't want to tell a pregnant friend "Your biggest concern should be your baby being born healthy and alive," and telling them the horrible details about my c-section doesn't seem appropriate.  This is another reason I haven't even looked at my BMB, because I wouldn't be a pleasant contributor and just reading people's fears, although completely justifiable to them, makes me a wreck.  And then when they have a healthy baby and natural delivery that they get to take straight home from the hospital and all they can say is "Thank God I don't have a c-section scar" (this has happened on multiple occasions) - I just don't do well.

Sorry I turned ranty - this is just the place I'm in right now! 

Bayberry12

MeggM1:

(ticker warning and rainbow pregnancy mentioned)

I am super private about the circumstances surrounding the cause of my daughter's death, so many close friends don't know that it's related to an injury that happened during my c-section.  So when friends complain about their biggest fear during delivery is pooping on the table or being horrified at the thought of not getting a natural delivery and having a c-section - I get very upset.  I try to put it in perspective because I don't want to tell a pregnant friend "Your biggest concern should be your baby being born healthy and alive," and telling them the horrible details about my c-section doesn't seem appropriate.  This is another reason I haven't even looked at my BMB, because I wouldn't be a pleasant contributor and just reading people's fears, although completely justifiable to them, makes me a wreck.  And then when they have a healthy baby and natural delivery that they get to take straight home from the hospital and all they can say is "Thank God I don't have a c-section scar" (this has happened on multiple occasions) - I just don't do well.

I agree with everything you said.  If I do get pregnant again, I definitely wont fit in on the BMB, with all the irrelevant things those lucky innocent moms get to worry about.

I can't even imagine how hard this is for you now.     

frogs007

Sometimes I over compensate and act more happy than I should because I'm trying SO hard to not let them think it upsets me.

If it upsets me depends on where I'm at that day.  Honestly a lot of the last eight months I have hated pregnant women.  Hated them.  I have not wished this on ANYONE and have felt super guilty because people I have been jealous of (a cousin and a friend) have had a stillbirth and a miscarriage.

 I prefer to find out friends are pregnant on fb so I can "fake it" if I'm not really excited for them (because I'm mad/jealous).  I just write, "Congratulations!!!!" and hope that when I do see them irl I can say it and mean it for reals. 

frogs007

Bayberry12:

MeggM1:

(ticker warning and rainbow pregnancy mentioned)

I am super private about the circumstances surrounding the cause of my daughter's death, so many close friends don't know that it's related to an injury that happened during my c-section.  So when friends complain about their biggest fear during delivery is pooping on the table or being horrified at the thought of not getting a natural delivery and having a c-section - I get very upset.  I try to put it in perspective because I don't want to tell a pregnant friend "Your biggest concern should be your baby being born healthy and alive," and telling them the horrible details about my c-section doesn't seem appropriate.  This is another reason I haven't even looked at my BMB, because I wouldn't be a pleasant contributor and just reading people's fears, although completely justifiable to them, makes me a wreck.  And then when they have a healthy baby and natural delivery that they get to take straight home from the hospital and all they can say is "Thank God I don't have a c-section scar" (this has happened on multiple occasions) - I just don't do well.

I agree with everything you said.  If I do get pregnant again, I definitely wont fit in on the BMB, with all the irrelevant things those lucky innocent moms get to worry about.

I can't even imagine how hard this is for you now.     

 

this too.  I stalk the bmb sometimes and get irrationally angry at their innocence.