Have you or anyone you know had an abortion?

unintentionalmom · July 2012

Due to a birth control failure and a one night stand, I find myself now considering this option. It's something I never thought I would consider, but I've been a single mom for many years and know how hard it is. This child's father resides in a different state and has made it clear that a baby would ruin his life. I'm worried I will regret having an abortion and I know that I won't be able to tell anyone IRL that I've had one. It makes me sick that I'm even considering this, but I feel helpless.

I am afraid that I'm going to go to hell and will have a terrible time with the aftermath, but I'm beginning to wonder if its what it really best for the child that I have now. Any advice, experience, input woul be greatly appreciated.

DebateThis · July 2012

I haven't had one but know several people who have, and also several others who chose to stay pregnant. I'd recommend reaching out to Planned Parenthood for some counseling to be able to weigh your options fully while you still have a little time to make a decision.

Also, fair warning: this topic is going to garner some nasty responses, so please prepare yourself for them and let them roll off your back.

Best wishes to you.

LiebeMama · July 2012

Abortion is a very touchy subject even though it is still legal. It is called "pro-choice" for a reason. But let me voice something. Ultimately it is your choice. Screw what the dad thinks, it is your body, and you will be the one carrying that child. You could always go after him for child support, but that is another ball game. Either way, your body, your choice. Do some reading up on abortion before making a choice.

My sister has had 2 abortions, 2-3 miscarraiges, and 1 live birth. Her 2 miscarraiges were likely due do the scar tissue from her abortions (her OBGYN) had said. So, even if you wanted another one down the line, scar tissue may prevent this from happening. My sister regrets both of her abortions. The first abortion she even knew the sex of the baby. So, with all that being said, make an "informed" decision.

artistlife · July 2012

I won't flame you it is your body and your baby. I will, however, bring up adoption. There are many loving families that would love to have a baby. You could do it open if you want to reconnect one day. Closed adoption is there too. My mom had one when she was a young girl for health reasons and has regretted it ever since. She was told to abort me for the same heath reasons (epilepsy and noncancerous tumors in her uterus). She obviously didn't and I have to say we are both quite happy with the outcome. I know you are in a hard spot but she went on to raise two children by herself with no help from our dad. It was hard but we turned out pretty amazing if you ask me.

anssett · July 2012

I know people who have had them and thought it was the best option for them then, and still believe it now. That doesn't mean there won't be huge emotions. I agree that counseling is the best next course. I'd start with planned parenthood because they're sliding scale, it can be off the record of your normal charts, and they really are kind and open about this stuff. The media portrays them as abortion factories but I have had nothing but incredibly kind experiences there for all my womanly needs.

gogadgetgo · July 2012

I have no experience with abortion but I wanted to say I'm sorry you're going through this. I hope you can find the right choice for you.

biomaj5 · July 2012

I had a friend whose dad forced her to get an abortion. She regretted it deeply. I agree that you should look into counseling before you make any decisions.

GL to you, and I'm sorry that you are in this position.

unintentionalmom · July 2012

Thank you all for your support and comments. I am not considering this just because of the father's attitude, more because I know how hard it is to be a single mom and also because I believe I have an obligation to take as best care as possible of my first child. I barely make ends meet now. I'm a catholic and have always been pro-life. This is not an easy decision for me. I'm not 100% committed to anything at this point. I know there is no easy decision.

I will reach out to planned parenthood. I am just devastated by this whole situation and really do appreciate your kindness. I know it is a touchy subject.

artistlife · July 2012

I just wanted to add that my mom was able to take excellent care of us. We never went without. We didn't have the best but we had what we needed. Also, we couldn't have asked for more love. My mom worked two jobs most of the time (sometimes three) but she always made time for us. Our struggles make us who we are and makes us and our next generation stronger and smarter.

magdalina.h · July 2012

I know someone who has and she has regretted it every day since and that was probably 14 years ago.

Good luck with your decision.

robinsokj · July 2012

I know 2 people who have had one and they still believe it was the best decision they could have made at that time

Kristinmo · July 2012

Yes. Someone I know had one 3 years ago. She doesn't talk about it much but I know she knows it was the right decision for her.

Good luck with your decision. I'm sorry you're in this position in the first place.

magdalina.h · July 2012

LiebeMama:

My sister has had 2 abortions, 2-3 miscarraiges, and 1 live birth. Her 2 miscarraiges were likely due do the scar tissue from her abortions (her OBGYN) had said. So, even if you wanted another one down the line, scar tissue may prevent this from happening. My sister regrets both of her abortions. The first abortion she even knew the sex of the baby. So, with all that being said, make an "informed" decision.

I know you said the OB said that, but the person that I know who had the abortion, had 3 perfectly easy and healthy pregnancies.

mrssunshine12 · July 2012

I'm so sorry you're going through this. I've never had an abortion, and am honestly not sure what choice I would make if I was ever in your position. My aunt had one in her 20s and said she has never regretted it, because she and her husband never planned on having children. A close friend had one right after high school and I know she still struggles with it even after ten years.

I agree you should definitely go to Planned Parenthood and speak to someone with experience who can help you through this situation and help you consider your options.

I will also say that while I grew up in a two parent household, both my sister and I were unplanned and my family struggled a lot when I was young. As long as your LO has a roof over her head, food in her belly, and a mom who loves her, you're giving her what she needs.

rattlecanqueen · July 2012

Please read Matthew 6:24-35!!! ((Hugs)) I am so sorry that you are in such a position that you have to consider this. My own philosophy on any kind of big decision is there is *ANY* doubt then don't do it until it feels right. Personally, I know of one woman who has had an abortion and she said she thinks of it at least 2x a year, once on the due date and once on the date of the abortion. It makes her sad, but it felt right for her. I 100% agree with PPs and think you should seek cou.nseling before you proceed further, and make a final decision. I will bekeeping you in my T&Ps!

BlueEyes313 · July 2012

OP:

Have you considered that this post is in poor taste considering the title of the board alone is Babies on the Brain? While I don't envy your situation there has to be a forum where your question would be more appropriate.

easjer05 · July 2012

Yes, I know a couple of women who had abortions. None of them regretted them, then or now, beyond an occasional wondering what might have been. All of them sought counseling in advance of their decision and thought long and hard about their lives, their plans, their abilities to care for a child and weighed that in their decisions. Two of them were and are practicing christians and I know that weighed into their decisions heavily as well.

Do what is best for you. Seek counseling. Be honest and realistic about your situation.

robinsokj · July 2012

BlueEyes313:
OP:

Have you considered that this post is in poor taste considering the title of the board alone is Babies on the Brain? While I don't envy your situation there has to be a forum where your question would be more appropriate.

Just b/c someone is at this board it doesn't mean they haven't gone through with this.

easjer05 · July 2012

BlueEyes313:
OP:

Have you considered that this post is in poor taste considering the title of the board alone is Babies on the Brain? While I don't envy your situation there has to be a forum where your question would be more appropriate.

It's not the Loss board or the MC board or the IF board, FFS. It's a perfectly valid, legitimate question.

unintentionalmom · July 2012

BlueEyes313:
OP:

Have you considered that this post is in poor taste considering the title of the board alone is Babies on the Brain? While I don't envy your situation there has to be a forum where your question would be more appropriate.

Oh f off. I checked for a one night stand consequences board, but oddly enough, it's not one that they've created yet.

BlueEyes313 · July 2012

robinsokj:
BlueEyes313:

OP:

Have you considered that this post is in poor taste considering the title of the board alone is Babies on the Brain? While I don't envy your situation there has to be a forum where your question would be more appropriate.

Just b/c someone is at this board it doesn't mean they haven't gone through with this.

Please show me where I said that no one has gone through a similar situation. Also, please show me where on the board they discussed the possibility of wanting an abortion. I looked and couldn't find anything indicating to me that while they may have had a similar situation they likely found a more appropriate forum to discuss its merit.

cowgirltu · July 2012

BlueEyes313:

OP:

Have you considered that this post is in poor taste considering the title of the board alone is Babies on the Brain? While I don't envy your situation there has to be a forum where your question would be more appropriate.

OP has every right to post this question here. This isnt the TTGP board, we often have a variety of topics posted. She posted in a respectful manner asking questions about a legit concern. Leave her alone.

megoroar21 · July 2012

When I was 16 I had a pregnancy scare. It was at this time I found out my mom had had an abortion when she was 16. She doesn't regret it at all and I would have made the same decision. She also proceeded to have two healthy pregnancies, my sister and me, years later. I think counseling is very important, but also the pp about not doing it before you're 100% sure on your decision. Good luck and lots of hugs.

PenelopePond · July 2012

unintentionalmom:
BlueEyes313:
OP:

Have you considered that this post is in poor taste considering the title of the board alone is Babies on the Brain? While I don't envy your situation there has to be a forum where your question would be more appropriate.
Oh f off. I checked for a one night stand consequences board, but oddly enough, it's not one that they've created yet.

My sister had an abortion after her boyfriend threatened to break up with her if she didn't. She told everyone she had a miscarriage at the time.m it's been about six years and she just told us what really happened. She feels terrible about it and thinks about the baby all the time. She wishes she had at least looked into adoption before she had the abortion. At the time she didn't think of that.

Obviously other people have suggested adoption, and I think the would be a great choice. After hanging around these boards for so long, I know there are plenty of people that would be able to raise the baby the way you feel it deserves. Just my two cents. I hope that wasn't offensive.

Good luck with whatever you decide!

BlueEyes313 · July 2012

fredalina:
cowgirltu:
BlueEyes313:

OP:

Have you considered that this post is in poor taste considering the title of the board alone is Babies on the Brain? While I don't envy your situation there has to be a forum where your question would be more appropriate.

OP has every right to post this question here. This isnt the TTGP board, we often have a variety of topics posted. She posted in a respectful manner asking questions about a legit concern. Leave her alone.

Ditto. There isn't a board on the Bump for this, obviously. She wasn't inappropriate in any way. Good grief!

Have you considered why there isn't a board on the bump for a post like this? Perhaps because EVERYTHING from the community to vendors etc are dedicated to people who are ttc, pregnant or have children (and yes I saw that OP has a child already but that hardly relates to this post).

OP: A simple google search brings up tons of forums where your post would fit in perfectly.

DebateThis · July 2012

fredalina:
cowgirltu:
BlueEyes313:

OP:
Have you considered that this post is in poor taste considering the title of the board alone is Babies on the Brain? While I don't envy your situation there has to be a forum where your question would be more appropriate.
OP has every right to post this question here. This isnt the TTGP board, we often have a variety of topics posted. She posted in a respectful manner asking questions about a legit concern. Leave her alone.
Ditto. There isn't a board on the Bump for this, obviously. She wasn't inappropriate in any way. Good grief!

Tritto.

And, Blueyes? Since literally 50% of pregnancies in the US are unplanned - I would say that a general forum discussing babies would be a perfectly legit place to discuss abortion. Whether YOU like it or not, there are thousands of women who face unplanned pregnancies daily and for some, termination is their choice. Not everyone wants to be pregnant and not everyone who has an unplanned pregnancy can handle it for many many reasons.

unintentionalmom · July 2012

Again, thank you all for your responses. I appreciate it more than you know.

BlueEyes313 · July 2012

bump burp

BlueEyes313 · July 2012

DebateThis:
fredalina:
cowgirltu:
BlueEyes313:

OP:

Have you considered that this post is in poor taste considering the title of the board alone is Babies on the Brain? While I don't envy your situation there has to be a forum where your question would be more appropriate.

OP has every right to post this question here. This isnt the TTGP board, we often have a variety of topics posted. She posted in a respectful manner asking questions about a legit concern. Leave her alone.

Ditto. There isn't a board on the Bump for this, obviously. She wasn't inappropriate in any way. Good grief!

Tritto.

And, Blueyes? Since literally 50% of pregnancies in the US are unplanned - I would say that a general forum discussing babies would be a perfectly legit place to discuss abortion. Whether YOU like it or not, there are thousands of women who face unplanned pregnancies daily and for some, termination is their choice. Not everyone wants to be pregnant and not everyone who has an unplanned pregnancy can handle it for many many reasons.

Where did I say that I agree or disagree with abortion? Oh right, I didn't.

secretsout · July 2012

I'm sorry you have to make this choice for yourself. I would also recommend some sort of unbiased counseling just to weigh all of your option and all of your thoughts before making your final choice.

I know a couple of people who had abortions and don't regret their choice, because it was the right decision for them at the time. I also know someone who had an abortion who was pressured into it and regrets the decision.

Honestly, I don't think that it is a decision one will ever feel happy about, but you have to find peace with your decision, whatever that might be.

mrssunshine12 · July 2012

BlueEyes313:
fredalina:
cowgirltu:
BlueEyes313:

OP:

Have you considered that this post is in poor taste considering the title of the board alone is Babies on the Brain? While I don't envy your situation there has to be a forum where your question would be more appropriate.

OP has every right to post this question here. This isnt the TTGP board, we often have a variety of topics posted. She posted in a respectful manner asking questions about a legit concern. Leave her alone.

Ditto. There isn't a board on the Bump for this, obviously. She wasn't inappropriate in any way. Good grief!

Have you considered why there isn't a board on the bump for a post like this? Perhaps because EVERYTHING from the community to vendors etc are dedicated to people who are ttc, pregnant or have children (and yes I saw that OP has a child already but that hardly relates to this post).

OP: A simple google search brings up tons of forums where your post would fit in perfectly.

Last time I checked there are no rules about what can be posted on these forums as long as it isn't offensive/inappropriate. TB is full of mothers and OP, as a mother, wanted advice. This is Babies on the Brain. Obviously she's got babies on her mind, both the one she has already and the one she might potentially have. If you're that offended by it, don't read it.

DebateThis · July 2012

BlueEyes313:
DebateThis:
fredalina:
cowgirltu:
BlueEyes313:

OP:

Have you considered that this post is in poor taste considering the title of the board alone is Babies on the Brain? While I don't envy your situation there has to be a forum where your question would be more appropriate.

OP has every right to post this question here. This isnt the TTGP board, we often have a variety of topics posted. She posted in a respectful manner asking questions about a legit concern. Leave her alone.

Ditto. There isn't a board on the Bump for this, obviously. She wasn't inappropriate in any way. Good grief!

Tritto.

And, Blueyes? Since literally 50% of pregnancies in the US are unplanned - I would say that a general forum discussing babies would be a perfectly legit place to discuss abortion. Whether YOU like it or not, there are thousands of women who face unplanned pregnancies daily and for some, termination is their choice. Not everyone wants to be pregnant and not everyone who has an unplanned pregnancy can handle it for many many reasons.

Where did I say that I agree or disagree with abortion? Oh right, I didn't.

You apparently can't comprehend English since I was responding to your comment that no one can talk about abortion on a board relating to pregnancy.

If discussion surrounding "what to do with an unplanned pregnancy" isn't appropriate to you, I suggest YOU find a new forum, not the OP. And again - whether or not YOU like the topic - it is a harsh reality given that 50% of pregnancies in the US are unplanned and not everyone can parent or make an adoption plan.

LnR70707 · July 2012

BlueEyes313:
fredalina:
cowgirltu:
BlueEyes313:

OP:

Have you considered that this post is in poor taste considering the title of the board alone is Babies on the Brain? While I don't envy your situation there has to be a forum where your question would be more appropriate.

OP has every right to post this question here. This isnt the TTGP board, we often have a variety of topics posted. She posted in a respectful manner asking questions about a legit concern. Leave her alone.

Ditto. There isn't a board on the Bump for this, obviously. She wasn't inappropriate in any way. Good grief!

Have you considered why there isn't a board on the bump for a post like this? Perhaps because EVERYTHING from the community to vendors etc are dedicated to people who are ttc, pregnant or have children (and yes I saw that OP has a child already but that hardly relates to this post).

OP: A simple google search brings up tons of forums where your post would fit in perfectly.

Oh STFU! you are the only one with a problem here so why don't you find a new board.

OP, as I'm sure you know it is a very personal decision. I am very much pro-choice and honestly believe that abortion is the correct choice for some. I sent you a PM too.

NewYorker100 · July 2012

I have never had an abortion but I know my sister in law did. She was 17 and could not stand the thought of giving it up for adoption. She says that has never regretted her decision. I would go to Planned Parenthood and see what they say.

CMDR513 · July 2012

Sorry that you are going through this situation. Ultimately you are the one who has to make and live with the decision since it's your body. I know a few people who went through this.

1. My Mom had an abortion in the early 1980s. Her Mom was dying of cancer and her dr. felt that the stress would effect her and her baby. At this point, my Mom also had at least one episode of PPD. She was very upfront with us about these issues. She ended up getting pregnant at 47 (about 7 years after abortion) and had a m/c. My Mom never regretted the abortion.

2. My half-sister had an abortion in '87 and gave birth to my niece in 1990. She had an ectopic pregnancy much later. She does regret the abortion.

3. A co-worker had a forced abortion around 20 weeks pregnant. Her baby had a lot of issues and most likely would not survive.

I know some friends of another niece that also had abortion because they were in HS. My niece may have had one. She ended up giving birth to my grandniece at 19 last year.

cscronce · July 2012

I know people who have had abortions. None of them made the decision lightly or on a whim. No one can decide what you need to do. However, you mentioned being afraid of going to hell, so this tells me that you may believe in a higher power.

If so, I would suggest that you pray about your decision and as well someone else suggested to seek counseling before you make a decision.

Those of us on here will be thinking of you and hope that you make the best decision for you no matter what that is.

thefarmchick · July 2012

unintentionalmom:
Due to a birth control failure and a one night stand, I find myself now considering this option. It's something I never thought I would consider, but I've been a single mom for many years and know how hard it is. This child's father resides in a different state and has made it clear that a baby would ruin his life. I'm worried I will regret having an abortion and I know that I won't be able to tell anyone IRL that I've had one. It makes me sick that I'm even considering this, but I feel helpless.
I am afraid that I'm going to go to hell and will have a terrible time with the aftermath, but I'm beginning to wonder if its what it really best for the child that I have now. Any advice, experience, input woul be greatly appreciated.

You have a PM, don't worry it's not trashing you, just more info than I wanted on the board.

RedInLove · July 2012

unintentionalmom:
Oh f off. I checked for a one night stand consequences board, but oddly enough, it's not one that they've created yet.

YES!!!! Best post I've seen all day!

I hope you find the answers you need to get you though this tough decision! I do know one person that had an abortion as a married adult, and has never regretted the decision.

unintentionalmom · July 2012

For some reason I can't respond to PMs via my phone.

PurrBox · July 2012

I second the idea of looking into adoption. Most people feel super guilty after getting abortions (I know I would; not making any judgments about whether you would or should, just saying), but adoption is something you could feel good about. Picking adoption, you could give the baby a wonderful home with parents who love him/her. Good luck on your decision!

baze2 · July 2012

First let me say, I am sorry that you are in this position. I really encourage you to talk to someone about this. Look at all your options..each one will affect you for the rest of your life..abortion, adoption, or parenting..

Please don't let the small minds of some individuals upset you..you need to do what is right for you. I know there are women here who have been all three of those decisions...hopefully they will reach out to you privately if you need it..

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