I hate feeling bitter

rayofsunshine99 · July 2012

Every time I pass a pregnant woman on the street or see one on TV... I hate that the stab it causes me to feel in my heart, almost creates a dislike for the person, who obviously has done nothing wrong. When I saw a preview of Snooki's new show and the ultrasound with the little baby on the screen, before I could even stop it, "f**ckoff" just came out of my mouth. Zip it!

I hate feeling so negative and angry and like I "deserve" to have had successful pregnancies more so than some others. That's a horrible way to think and I know deep down it's not true but on the surface, I feel that way. It seems like the feeling gets worse with each loss... Like each time it makes me more and more scorned.

I pray all the time for the Lord to please take the bitterness out of my heart. To please help me feel joy for others who are lucky enough to have what I long for and what I lost, rather than jealousy and dislike, and for other people's happiness to stop causing me pain.

So far I still feel that way though. Sad Does anyone else feel this way or did you and did you find a way to combat it or make it easier? To change your way of thinking or your feelings?

jenn0021 · July 2012

I definitely feel this way. It's horrible and I feel guilty but I secretly hate everyone who is pregnant. Even if they have done nothing wrong, I don't like them. It's the jealousy and bitterness creeping up on me and taking over.

I have no advice on overcoming it because I haven't yet but I wanted to let you know you aren't alone.

uneek1323 · July 2012

You are definitely not alone. I don't have any advice as I want to punch pretty much most of everyone I come in contact with.

[Deleted User] · July 2012

The user and all related content has been deleted.

pkaren · July 2012

I'm definately right there with you. I feel like if someone didn't struggle to get PG, then they don't deserve to be. Terrible and irrational, I know. I lurk on TTPG and I want to say nasty things to anyone who is happy on that board. Especially the "OMG, we're finally TTC and I'm so excited". My eyes roll SO hard when I read those ones.

I have 2 cousins in their early 20's who got PG by accident and I'm dreading seeing them so bad this weekend. How is it fair that i was responsible and waited until I was married, had a house, a good job and was finacially stable and they get drunk one night, get KTFU and it's happily ever after for them, but yet I have to deal with this BS. It's totally not fair.

Rant over.

NJMom050911 · July 2012

I feel this way. I also feel this way when I see a BFP post. I wonder why I deserved to go through this while some women with super polluted wombs get to have healthy pregnancies. I hope I stop being bitter soon. But really I just want to be pregnant again so bad and I know I'm just jealous. I don't like this person I have become and I even told my DH this morning that I am not sure if it's hormones or what but I've just become super angry the past couple days.

BootsOrHearts · July 2012

I know how you feel. Some days I just want to give up and stop trying so I can stop feeling like a failure. Last night DH mentioned a friend of his who didn't find out she was pregnant until she was 7 months. I was like really wtf, I don't need to hear this stuff!

Big hugs to you, I hope your day starts looking up.

ChloBub · July 2012

You're definitely not alone. I noticed you mentioned praying, so I thought I'd share a verse that has helped me when I struggle with envy and bitterness: "A heart at peace gives life to the body, but envy rots the bones." Proverbs 14:30. I do my best to try to remember that and find a way to bring peace to my heart. It's definitely a struggle though. (((HUGS)))

Albah · July 2012

I completely understand how you feel. And yes, it has gotten worse after the 2nd loss. I hate feeling this way but it has been out of my control.

<Hugs>

krisztina33 · July 2012

stlucia_wife:

Your not alone. I know just what your saying.

When I see someone that is pregnant I say to myself, "you don't know the journey that got them there." It seems to help at times. The woman that I'm looking at could of had the same path as me or worse. Sometimes it helps other times it just does nothing.

Big hugs.

This is what I have been trying to do lately. I even imagine that the woman that I see has had several mcs (sick, I know). It makes me feel better to think about it that way than to think they are blissfully sailing through their first and only pg or their multiple successful one.

You're definitely not alone though.

Huge (((jugs)))

rayofsunshine99 · July 2012

pkaren:
I feel like if someone didn't struggle to get PG, then they don't deserve to be. Terrible and irrational, I know.

I feel like this a lot too. I agree, it is a terrible way to think. Sad

rayofsunshine99 · July 2012

ChloBub:
You're definitely not alone. I noticed you mentioned praying, so I thought I'd share a verse that has helped me when I struggle with envy and bitterness: "A heart at peace gives life to the body, but envy rots the bones." Proverbs 14:30. I do my best to try to remember that and find a way to bring peace to my heart. It's definitely a struggle though. (((HUGS)))

I really like that verse. Thank you for sharing.

khays8785 · July 2012

uneek1323:
You are definitely not alone. I don't have any advice as I want to punch pretty much most of everyone I come in contact with.

yup. definitely this. especially the pregnant coworker who DOESN'T WANT a baby right now, and just complains at all of her appointments bc she's diabetic.

UGH

VikingQueen · July 2012

I've felt that way many many times..

I think what helped me overcome it for the most part was when I came out and said it..

My ex step MIL got pregnant a month before I did.. I hated her for it.. at that point C and I had been trying for well over 2 years with no luck.. I had just found out that I don't ovulate and that I would probably have to undergo fertility treatments.. none of which we could afford at the moment. So I was very angry and bitter.. her and my ex FIL weren't even married at that point and had only been together a total of 6 months or so and it was a rocky relationship.. When I found out I was pregnant it helped.. I was still jealous of their oops that came so easily when I had cried many many tears over negative pregnancy tests.. 2 weeks later I miscarried.. I couldn't stand to be around her and when I had to be I was a total bitter b!tch to her and wouldn't talk to her unless I had to.. it was my way of taking care of my heart.. while I was never outright mean to her I know that I wasn't the friendly person I had been before she got pregnant and before I lost my baby. She is 10 years older than me.. she had a child already but seems so ill equipped to have another one.. I had done so much research on having children.. what was best for them, read so many articles and she would come to me for advice such as what was the best way to put a baby in the crib, etc. I was so mad that she was going to have her baby and I had lost mine..

When C and I first started having problems she was about 7 months along.. and I just let it all pour out to his dad (who I was and still am very close to) I told him of our struggles, of our miscarriage, about how C didn't know if he even wanted kids anymore and his dad just gave me a huge hug and told me he didn't know how I had handled everything that long.. he had noticed I had been more stand offish and he told me he could imagine the pain I felt every time I saw her baby belly knowing I should only be a month behind her. Then he proceeded to tell me of the 2 losses she had prior to that pregnancy.. and it put it in a whole new light for me.. She struggled too.. maybe not with my ex FIL but with her first husband.. she had known the heartbreak I knew.. I started to look at her (and other pregnant women) in a different light. I didn't know what struggles they had endured, just as they didn't know what I had endured.. I'm sure that had my exSMIL knew about my loss she would have been more careful about things she said or asked me.. but she didn't know and I unfairly blamed her for it..

Sorry that turned into a novel.. I think the best thing to do is to think about how you don't know what journey they went through.. you don't know how hard it was for them too.. like they say.. don't judge a book by it's cover..

PhoenixBritt · July 2012

I feel the same way and I hate that I dislike women who are pregnant or have "oopsie" babies. My husband and I waited until we had been married for 2+ years, had steady jobs, owned a home, etc to start trying and all around me women are getting knocked up on their first try. I've avoided a lot of triggers since my loss because I want to be happy. When I feel hate and anger it just makes my life more difficult/sad. I do find myself asking why life isn't fair on a regular basis..

sunsetlove · July 2012

I was in your same boat after my 1st m/c and feeling the strong bitterness after my 2nd m/c.. A close relative of ours was going through her 1st pg when I found out i was pg the 2nd time ..she got her take home baby I didn't.. I m/c after 8wks.. she made the comment sometime later in her pg that she wanted our children to grow up together and now that wasn't going to happen.. when she told me that comment I gave her a snarky comment back and told her I'm still healing from my loss.. It's been 4years since my 2nd loss that my bitterness has turned into hope and faith.. I truly believe it's because of prayer and keeping hope in my life that has helped me.. Yes, it is a tough journey, but please know you have the ladies here on the board to help pick up your spirits.. ((((HUGS)))

Want a personalized experience?

I hate feeling bitter

Re: I hate feeling bitter

Choose Another Board

Search Boards