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momfriend breakup - vent/just need to get it off my chest

pearblossompearblossom
in October 2011 Moms

I've been friends with this gal for years, we were bar buddies in our early 20s. We were the first two in our group to have kids, so we became very close.

Over the last year or so, it has become painfully apparent that we have vastly different parenting styles, and that apart from our shared love of wine we have very little in common. The breakup has been a long time coming, but it sucks that it had to end like this instead of us growing apart gracefully.

It all came to a head when she took her daughter in for a recurring unexplained stomachache and the pedi told her to cut out dairy. She was against it, feels it is a behavioral issue. I told her that if it were me, I would follow the advice because if it is a lactose issue, she will never forgive herself for prolonging it. She blew up at me saying I am judging her and am not supportive. I think there was a lot of built up resentment that she never told me about. I think she thinks I have been judging her all along. TBH, I kind of feel the same way about her. 

She emailed me and told me she didn't want to see me anymore, made arrangements for her H to drop off my stuff and unfriended me on FB. I'm relieved, because I don't think our relationship is a positive one anymore. But I'm also sad that it is over and sad that she didn't feel I was worth working it out. The one good thing is MH is thrilled, he thinks they are boring and would rather eat his own toenails than spend another Friday night with them.

Thanks for reading.

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Re: momfriend breakup - vent/just need to get it off my chest

  • FianschneidFianschneid member
    Even if it was a long time coming, it seems like a pretty dramatic way of breaking up. I would be upset by the way it went down, but like your husband, a little relieved that it's all finally over.
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  • shediva1shediva1

    Wow I can't believe she is not at least trying to take the doctor's advice.  Why even bother going to see the doctor?

    Sorry that you guys had a breakup, its very hard to hang out with people who are very closed minded and  toxic.  Sounds like its the best for both of your families anyway.  However, I do feel very sorry for the little girl who has a constant stomach ache.

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  • pearblossompearblossom
    imageWineBaby22:

    This is incredibly strange to me. How old is her daughter? Is your friend the one who has to stop eating dairy due to breastfeeding or does the pedi just want her to cut it out of the daughter's diet? I fail to see why you wouldn't at least attempt to cut it out to see if it made an improvement in that situation. I used to live for dairy and haven't had any in 7 months because of how it affects T. I still feel bad about the first 2 months when we didn't realize there was a problem.

    And blaming it on a behavioral issue?? Weird.

    I'm sorry you lost a good friend, Pear. That really sucks. It sounds like this woman has her own internal struggle she is dealing with, so try not to take it too personally.

    Her daughter is about to turn 4. She the stomachaches are a way of getting out of eating - the girl has never been much of an eater. She said she wanted to rule out any medical issue, but then said that the doctor was just grasping at straws and she wasn't going to 'experiment'  on her daughter. I do see where she is coming from, but if you want to rule out medical issues- you need to rule them out.


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  • anasazi17anasazi17

    Oh my, I'm sorry about the way this happened, it seems pretty dramatic...but maybe it's for the best. 

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  • joolz17joolz17 member
    That is super dramatic! I'm sorry for you that it happened that way, even though it sounds like the right move for you. 
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  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] member

    This is the friend you were telling me about before, yes?

    I'm sorry.  It sucks the way it went down.  But from my experience with losing friends (the "social worker" I told you about), sometimes you don't realize how negative that energy was in your life until you cut it out.

    It sounds like it was long time coming from her end, and that sucks. =/

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  • morsey2011morsey2011 member
    I'm sorry. Even if it's time for a friend break up, it can still suck. Sounds like your friend is a little dramatic and kind of a coward to do it through an email.
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  • UFCaseyUFCasey member
    Friendships ending suck, but sometimes it's for the best. This seems like one of those times.
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  • pennysuedogpennysuedog

    It sucks how it happened, but yeah for you! Freedom!

    I had a relationship like this that I put an end too a couple years ago.  The only ting I guess she went looney a year after we stopped talking and the man she married before our break-up turned into a major creep.

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  • aliciarosetaliciaroset member

    Friend breakups suck, especially if you've been in it for a long time. I'm sorry.

    I'm finding more and more that if I want to stay friends with someone, parenting is something that we each keep private unless we're asked. So unless they want to know my thoughts on weaning or diet, I just don't say anything.

    I had to conceal my horror when a friend decided to let her baby CIO but only with extinction crying. She just decided one day that the waking up was too much so she just let her baby cry until she stopped, which was around 2 hours at around 6 months.  When she told me this I could tell that she wasn't happy with how it had gone but thought she had done the right thing.  I love her and her baby, and really want to keep her as a friend, so I just said "That must have been really hard on both of you."  It pains me because I'm anti-CIO in general but this specific example showed me that she hadn't done any research about how to do it and I thought it was straightup cruel, like you do with your friend, but she was not looking to hear my thoughts on the matter or get advice. She just wanted to vent and have somebody be there for her.  Unless the kiddo is in danger, that's just the call you have to make. 

    It sounds like this friendship was doomed and this situation accelerated  an already-progressing demise, but gosh the way she went about it was pretty immature.  I'm sorry.

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  • crazyjackiecrazyjackie

    Sounds so childish, you could agree to disagree.  It's her life and you are free.  This could just be me,  but being friends on FB is just over rated - I think it's weird that people think they are getting back at you by unfriending you... 

    I broke up with one of my good friends about 5 years ago because she wanted me to get her a specific holiday gift, but we were growing apart before, at first I was mad but to be honest just like you I felt relieved and I  don't miss her at all you will feel the same way....

    You seem like a great person so I am sure you have other friends to hang out with... 

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