So Daddy wants to name our son after himself. Which is a beautiful name. I am torn. I don't want to take away from him that his only son will be named after him. I want our son to have his own identity and his own name. Not be called "nick names" his whole life. I am willing to share his middle name. I am so torn please help!!!
Thank you
Re: DH wants a Jr. & Mommy doesnt
Well, as the mom, you get a say in this too. It was really important to me that MY family also be honored in some way.
I think my DH is a great guy and a really amazing dad, but if he had told me he wanted to name DS after him, I would have been like "And you're ALL that that your son needs to be YOUR namesake?". There is a certain arrogance, IMO, to naming your child after you.
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
I would compromise by using his name in the MN spot. That way he'll have the LN and the MN to represent himself and his family.
Or maybe switch it up by using your DH's MN as the name for your DS, and his FN as your DS MN. It would still be the same basic name, but they'd each have their own distinct name to switch it up a little bit.
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Have you asked your husband WHY he wants his son to be a Jr.??
I agree with a previous poster.. it kind of seems arrogant and egotistical to me to demand that your offspring carry your name.
Say no.
What about the same initials? Sharing the middle name is a nice compromise.
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I'd say no, no matter how beautiful his name is, and I agree with other posters that it seems egotistical to insist your kid be named after yourself.
If this were my husband, I probably would have rolled my eyes the second he suggested it, told him no way, and that'd be it. We both have veto power when it comes to naming our kid. If you're not comfortable with a Jr., don't do it. I think dad's name in the middle name spot is a great compromise. Please don't let him guilt you into using his name against your will.
I went through IVF too and DS will be our only child. Doesn't change my view on this one bit.
I also don't agree that you, as the mom, get final say either.
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
I agree with all of this.
I would also find it totally bizarre to call my baby the same name as my husband.
I guess I am different in that I don't see it as arrogant. Juniors have a strong cultural tradition in our society; it's hardly outside the norm to suggest continuing with a family name. My dad is a "Jr", and I've never seen my grandfather as arrogant or narcissistic but more just a person who appreciates tradition and family. My dad's nn is a great nn and his full name is so nice that I can see the appeal of passing it down. Also, my dad went into the same profession as his dad and set up a different practice in the same city, and the similarities in their names have resulted in little trouble, a few laughs, and in some ways have been an asset.
I also have a nephew who is a Junior and honestly, I love it (probably also because I love the name itself)... his dad was named after Pope John Paul II, and so now we joke that his son actually gets the more precise namesake of "John Paul II" :-P.
So yeah, I wouldn't assume arrogance or narcissism right off the bat. That said, I agree that naming a child "takes two." It's important for both parents to be happy with/at peace with the chosen name. I like suggestions of using a MN although it does seem like you do love the name... perhaps, if you do go the junior route, see the glass as "half full" that you get a great excuse/opportunity to keep a great name going in the family.
ETA: It's common in our family to also name girls with family names too, so no, it's not just a patriarchal thing with all families.
I AGREE!! I also want us both to be a peace with our sons name! I love DH's name just not for our son.
Thank you for the support ladies.
tl;dr jr/sr causes increased mix-ups at pharmacies; come up with some other tradition other than jr/sr.
My father named his son from a first marriage after himself and wanted to name my little brother the same. My mother said no and that was the end of it. To think, there would be three of them with the same name running around would be ridiculous.
Having worked in a pharmacy, I will say there is nothing more difficult than having a father/son with the same name trying to pick up medication at the same pharmacy. Even with different middle names, jr/sr/I/II/III designations, and different dates of birth, it is still so easy to have mix ups.
If you want to use DH's name, use his FN as a MN or come up with some other tradition to honor your husband. (My family tradition is kids get same middle initial as father; husband's family tradition is that the first born boy gets father's middle name.)
I agree with this 100%. It's so annoying for DH to be Joseph and his dad to be Joe, when in our house I call him Joe. Drives me nuts.
I think using DH's first name as a MN or maybe flipping the order of his name for your LO (if you like his MN) would be a nice gesture.
I won't even go into all the crap we've had to deal with as far as credit reporting and headaches like that even though DH isn't a Jr.
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I think it really depends. Some cultures (and regions, for that matter) place a stronger emphasis on naming kids after fathers, grandmothers, etc. For others, especially the Jr thing seems egotistical, interferes with individuality, etc. I don't think there is a right answer.
You do seem uncomfortable with it, though, which is a compelling reason in itself not to use it. I totally empathize with your reasons, and woud be very hesitant to do the Jr thing myseIf (for the reasons you've listed). I would meet in the middle on this one. Instead of having a Jr, would your husband be okay with:
Using his first name as your son's middle name?
Using his middle name as your son's first name?
Picking either his first or middle name, combined with a special name from your side of the family?
My brother is a Jr. and my nephew is a III. I don't know how my brother felt about it- but I know my nephew LOVES it. I have a big family- and it only got confusing once in a while. We usually know who is being called/referred to based on who is speaking & what name they choose. Like for Daniel- aunts & uncles will call my dad Dan, refer to my brother as Danny & my nephew as Daniel. My family actually has a lot of duplicate names and I like being named after someone.
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