DH wants a Jr. & Mommy doesnt

alidera

So Daddy wants to name our son after himself. Which is a beautiful name. I am torn. I don't want to take away from him that his only son will be named after him. I want our son to have his own identity and his own name. Not be called "nick names" his whole life. I am willing to share his middle name. I am so torn please help!!!

Thank you 

HannahO28

If it were me... I would say no. I don't think it's fair for dads to highjack naming their children for any reasons (or for mothers to do so). I also think that naming babies after yourself is a tad narcissistic. My husband agrees with me on these points though, so it's easy enough for me.

EastCoastBride

Well, as the mom, you get a say in this too.  It was really important to me that MY family also be honored in some way. 

I think my DH is a great guy and a really amazing dad, but if he had told me he wanted to name DS after him, I would have been like "And you're ALL that that your son needs to be YOUR namesake?".  There is a certain arrogance, IMO, to naming your child after you. 

 

Notwifezilla7

You'll find that on this board, there is a strong sentiment that naming a child should be a equal process. If you are not on board with a junior, then that should be that. There are plenty of ways to honor or keep a name in a family, middle name position is great for that. 

Reyka9

DH is named after his father (different middles though, so not a "Jr") and it is super annoying to hear their name called out at family holidays and see both of them look up.  I told him before we ever got married that I would prefer not to continue the tradition.  Luckily he was fine with that, and personally I think getting the father's last name is enough.

af1274

I would compromise by using his name in the MN spot. That way he'll have the LN and the MN to represent himself and his family.

Or maybe switch it up by using your DH's MN as the name for your DS, and his FN as your DS MN. It would still be the same basic name, but they'd each have their own distinct name to switch it up a little bit.

BrideBuddies

Have you asked your husband WHY he wants his son to be a Jr.??  

I agree with a previous poster.. it kind of seems arrogant and egotistical to me to demand that your offspring carry your name. 

PunkyBooster

Say no.

What about the same initials? Sharing the middle name is a nice compromise. 

 

Ladiebug710

The Jr thing isnt my style either.  I'd stick to your guns about it.

broomy

I'd say no, no matter how beautiful his name is, and I agree with other posters that it seems egotistical to insist your kid be named after yourself.

If this were my husband, I probably would have rolled my eyes the second he suggested it, told him no way, and that'd be it. We both have veto power when it comes to naming our kid. If you're not comfortable with a Jr., don't do it. I think dad's name in the middle name spot is a great compromise. Please don't let him guilt you into using his name against your will.

alidera

I should have mentioned that we did do IVF & this is probably going to be his only son. I don't believe he is doing it because he is egotistical. I know that as the Mother I have the final say, but I don't want it to be that way. I want us to come to an agreement on a name. The name I want would be the same initials as DH same MN & LN as DH. I think that is a great compromise! I just don't want to hurt DH feelings by NOT choosing his name  

EastCoastBride

Joy2611:

alidera:

I should have mentioned that we did do IVF & this is probably going to be his only son. I don't believe he is doing it because he is egotistical. I know that as the Mother I have the final say, but I don't want it to be that way. I want us to come to an agreement on a name. The name I want would be the same initials as DH same MN & LN as DH. I think that is a great compromise! I just don't want to hurt DH feelings by NOT choosing his name  

What about your feelings?  I love my husband, but there's no chance I'm giving our only kid his exact name.  Not a snowman's chance in hell.

The boy will already carry his last name - he's got 1/3 just by being born.  The other two should be a compromise between the two of you.  Give him his own first and the same middle.  Or same initials.  Or use his first name as a middle name.  You have options.  This isn't about hurting anyone's feelings - it's about jointly naming a child that you jointly created.

All of this.

I went through IVF too and DS will be our only child.  Doesn't change my view on this one bit.

I also don't agree that you, as the mom, get final say either. 

blush64

I would use it for a second name.

ObLaDi

HannahO28:

If it were me... I would say no. I don't think it's fair for dads to highjack naming their children for any reasons (or for mothers to do so). I also think that naming babies after yourself is a tad narcissistic. My husband agrees with me on these points though, so it's easy enough for me.

I agree with all of this.

I would also find it totally bizarre to call my baby the same name as my husband. 

karen_loy

I'd say no, you can always use your DH's FN as your DS's MN

Allison546

Agree with other posters-- not a big fan of the Jr. thing. My DH's father and brother are a Sr/Jr and it is so confusing.. between legal affairs, mail, and everything else, it's not worth it. Plus I hate the whole "Big X/little X" that people will use to distinguish the two.

zaramarie81

I guess I am different in that I don't see it as arrogant. Juniors have a strong cultural tradition in our society; it's hardly outside the norm to suggest continuing with a family name. My dad is a "Jr", and I've never seen my grandfather as arrogant or narcissistic but more just a person who appreciates tradition and family. My dad's nn is a great nn and his full name is so nice that I can see the appeal of passing it down. Also, my dad went into the same profession as his dad and set up a different practice in the same city, and the similarities in their names have resulted in little trouble, a few laughs, and in some ways have been an asset.

I also have a nephew who is a Junior and honestly, I love it (probably also because I love the name itself)... his dad was named after Pope John Paul II, and so now we joke that his son actually gets the more precise namesake of "John Paul II" :-P.

So yeah, I wouldn't assume arrogance or narcissism right off the bat. That said, I agree that naming a child "takes two." It's important for both parents to be happy with/at peace with the chosen name. I like suggestions of using a MN although it does seem like you do love the name... perhaps, if you do go the junior route, see the glass as "half full" that you get a great excuse/opportunity to keep a great name going in the family.

 ETA: It's common in our family to also name girls with family names too, so no, it's not just a patriarchal thing with all families.

alidera

zaramarie81:

I guess I am different in that I don't see it as arrogant. Juniors have a strong cultural tradition in our society; it's hardly outside the norm to suggest continuing with a family name. My dad is a "Jr", and I've never seen my grandfather as arrogant or narcissistic but more just a person who appreciates tradition and family. My dad's nn is a great nn and his full name is so nice that I can see the appeal of passing it down. Also, my dad went into the same profession as his dad and set up a different practice in the same city, and the similarities in their names have resulted in little trouble, a few laughs, and in some ways have been an asset.

I also have a nephew who is a Junior and honestly, I love it (probably also because I love the name itself)... his dad was named after Pope John Paul II, and so now we joke that his son actually gets the more precise namesake of "John Paul II" :-P.

So yeah, I wouldn't assume arrogance or narcissism right off the bat. That said, I agree that naming a child "takes two." It's important for both parents to be happy with/at peace with the chosen name. I like suggestions of using a MN although it does seem like you do love the name... perhaps, if you do go the junior route, see the glass as "half full" that you get a great excuse/opportunity to keep a great name going in the family.

 ETA: It's common in our family to also name girls with family names too, so no, it's not just a patriarchal thing with all families.

 

I AGREE!! I also want us both to be a peace with our sons name! I love DH's name just not for our son.

 

Thank you for the support ladies.  

BabyLouWho

I personally think the idea of Jr,s II's, III's, etc. are lame lol  I wouldn't want it for my family.  I would want to give my child a name that we both loved, not one that has been used and that I identify someone else with.

shellybird101

Just be honest with him. If you hate the idea(it is a bad idea, I believe) then just tell him no.  How many time do you see a baby girl being named after her mother, not many.  I think everyone should have there own name and identity, but if you want you could use the MN as a honor, that is what we did.

raefre

tl;dr jr/sr causes increased mix-ups at pharmacies; come up with some other tradition other than jr/sr.

My father named his son from a first marriage after himself and wanted to name my little brother the same.  My mother said no and that was the end of it.  To think, there would be three of them with the same name running around would be ridiculous.

Having worked in a pharmacy, I will say there is nothing more difficult than having a father/son with the same name trying to pick up medication at the same pharmacy.  Even with different middle names, jr/sr/I/II/III designations, and different dates of birth, it is still so easy to have mix ups. 

If you want to use DH's name, use his FN as a MN or come up with some other tradition to honor your husband.  (My family tradition is kids get same middle initial as father; husband's family tradition is that the first born boy gets father's middle name.)

jms1019

I don't see it as a narcasstic thing, in fact, I wanted to name our son after my husband cause it's such a great name. He was worried for the same reasons you are that it was going to be too confusing. Like other posters have said, both parents need to be on board with the name. So if you're not, don't feel bad. You'll find a name you both like.

beaureve

Another thing to consider is credit. Even though father & son have different SS #s, it isn't uncommon for there to be credit report mix ups between sr & jr

SnoopyLuv

Reyka9:

DH is named after his father (different middles though, so not a "Jr") and it is super annoying to hear their name called out at family holidays and see both of them look up.  I told him before we ever got married that I would prefer not to continue the tradition.  Luckily he was fine with that, and personally I think getting the father's last name is enough.

 

I agree with this 100%. It's so annoying for DH to be Joseph and his dad to be Joe, when in our house I call him Joe. Drives me nuts.

I think using DH's first name as a MN or maybe flipping the order of his name for your LO (if you like his MN) would be a nice gesture.

I won't even go into all the crap we've had to deal with as far as credit reporting and headaches like that even though DH isn't a Jr.

ubermoose

I think it really depends. Some cultures (and regions, for that matter) place a stronger emphasis on naming kids after fathers, grandmothers, etc. For others, especially the Jr thing seems egotistical, interferes with individuality, etc. I don't think there is a right answer.

You do seem uncomfortable with it, though, which is a compelling reason in itself not to use it. I totally empathize with your reasons, and woud be very hesitant to do the Jr thing myseIf (for the reasons you've listed). I would meet in the middle on this one. Instead of having a Jr, would your husband be okay with:

Using his first name as your son's middle name?

Using his middle name as your son's first name?

Picking either his first or middle name, combined with a special name from your side of the family?

jrsmama2010

We named DS#1 after DH and we are both glad we did.  His name fits him well and he was the first grandson for both grandparents bc MIL and FIL had children before they got together and after.  Afterwards we realized that MIL's Father named his first son after him.  MIL named her first son after her XH.  and although DH is MIL's 2nd son we named DS after DH.

babystoli

alidera:

So Daddy wants to name our son after himself. Which is a beautiful name. I am torn. I don't want to take away from him that his only son will be named after him. I want our son to have his own identity and his own name. Not be called "nick names" his whole life. I am willing to share his middle name. I am so torn please help!!!

Thank you 

My brother is a Jr. and my nephew is a III. I don't know how my brother felt about it- but I know my nephew LOVES it.   I have a big family- and it only got confusing once in a while.  We usually know who is being called/referred to based on who is speaking & what name they choose.  Like for Daniel- aunts & uncles will call my dad Dan, refer to my brother as Danny & my nephew as Daniel.  My family actually has a lot of duplicate names and I like being named after someone.