Would you be upset or am I over-reacting?

Yessika024 · April 2012

DH's cousin is pregnant and is due in September. I received the invitation this weekend for the shower, but it only had my name on it and not DD's too. I found this very odd since they are family #1, #2 the shower is at DH's aunts house, so it's not like they are paying an extra plate for DD if it were at a restaurant or something. I just took offense to it and thought it was rude that they wouldn't invite her knowing there will be other little ones there. I told DH I most likely wouldn't attend said shower because of the fact that DD didn't get invited. I don't think he was too happy because it is his side, but I'm hurt that DD didn't get invited for absolutely no reason, to my knowledge anyway. Thoughts? Am I over-reacting or do I have a reason to be upset?

ETA: "you" in subject line.

Brewtowngrl · April 2012

Yes, over reacting. Kids don't belong at showers. I am more likely to make an exception if the child is BFing full time or under one.

MomlovesEloise · April 2012

Are you sure they just didn't put her name on the invite? Maybe it was assumed that you would bring her along? It's also possible that they just wanted a grown up shower.

I would talk to them before you get too upset.

ATMmom324 · April 2012

I would never think to address an invite to a 1 year old whether I wanted them there or not. Also a lot of people don't like children at parties. It isn't so much the cost of the food as it is if a child misbehaves or is an attention hog. If you want to go and bring DD I would call and ask if that is okay.

dangerkitty102 · April 2012

Wow, yeah I'd say you're overreacting. Particularly the part where you decided you wouldn't go because your daughter wasn't invited. That's petty.

Quesera · April 2012

It might be that they assumed you would bring her anyway so it wasn't necessary to include her name.

It might also be that they aren't having children there, in which case it's your choice not to attend but not your place to be offended.

FrickandFrack · April 2012

Brewtowngrl:
Yes, over reacting. Kids don't belong at showers. I am more likely to make an exception if the child is BFing full time or under one.

This.

Singingmama · April 2012

I'm also going to chime in with a few questions:

Are you positive there will be other children at the shower?

Were the other children's names on their parent's invites?

Are the other children older than your daughter by more than 3 or so years?

Have you called and asked about your LO coming to the shower?

Bejebus · April 2012

I think you are reacting a little early. Do you know that other toddlers will be there? If you do for sure, call and ask if DD can come. IF other kids will be there AND your DD isn't invited, then you're justified in being upset. But I agree with PP, you need a little more info.

I just got an invite to a bridal shower and it did have DD's name on it, but there will be other kids there her age.

CopperT0p · April 2012

Mom2Oli:
$%^@#$^#@$%@ to the kids don't belong at parties.
At my baby shower, children and spouses were welcome. It's a celebration of a new baby, in my opinion, kids belong there. Bridal showers or adult birthdays, I can understand.
But, it's at the discretion of the party thrower. However, seems like what op is saying is that she knows other kids are welcome.
Yessica, since it is family, I would call and ask. If no children are allowed, then no reason to be upset. If your DD was just left off the envelope, but is welcome, great. If it's a third option, then once you know the situation, be angry, upset, or whatever's appropriate.

This exactly. You should call and ask if children are welcome.

In our family, it is assumed that kids are invited to any kind of shower. People would have a freaking riot if they weren't. For an actual wedding, it's more reasonable because of the cost of a plate, etc, but a shower at someone's house? It is no big deal around here.

zeptattoo · April 2012

If there will be other kids her age there, then yes that is rude. Do you actually know that or are you assuming that? If it is that important to you, then there is nothing wrong with asking why (nicely, of course!). At least you get an explanation.

Yessika024 · April 2012

Like Mom2Oli said. My baby shower kids were invited as well. I also agree with her saying not at a bridal shower but a baby shower is definitely different. I know for a fact that there will be other people children there because the expecting mom's nephew is one of the children I am referring to, as well as his cousins (who aren't related in any such way to expecting mom). I feel as though if she WAS invited they should have put her name on it and i shouldn't have to call to "ask" if she can go. I feel like that's setting them up to have to say yes. I guess I'll worry about it as the time nears, it's not until June, but it just caught me off guard when I received the invitation in the mail. I could see if it were a co-worker or distant friend, but this is FAMILY...i just wouldn't do that i guess. Everyone is different.

chardonnay24 · April 2012

kfrix13:

Brewtowngrl:
Yes, over reacting. Kids don't belong at showers. I am more likely to make an exception if the child is BFing full time or under one.

This.

That's not always true. In my circle, it'd be weird NOT to bring your child with you to a shower. But invitations are generally only addressed to the adult.

OP, I wouldn't be upset if my kid wasn't invited, unless other kids were invited and he was not. In your case, I'd just call the host and ask if it's okay to bring your daughter. They might want an adults only party and that's okay.

Yessika024 · April 2012

Singingmama:

I'm also going to chime in with a few questions:

Are you positive there will be other children at the shower? Yes

Were the other children's names on their parent's invites? I do not know that for sure.

Are the other children older than your daughter by more than 3 or so years? No, the little boy that will def. be there is only 3 months older than DD. Other children, I'm honestly not sure of their age.

Have you called and asked about your LO coming to the shower? No, i only received invitaton on Saturday and if they wanted DD there, i feel as though they would have included her name. I won't call and ask. I just assumed because it was a baby shower and at a residence it would be more apt to having her vs. not. Guess I was wrong.

superned · April 2012

Brewtowngrl:
Yes, over reacting. Kids don't belong at showers. I am more likely to make an exception if the child is BFing full time or under one.

I agree with this. I honestly don't understand why you would want to bring a toddler to a baby shower. I get that it's family, but the event is about celebrating the mom-to-be and her baby. It's not a play date.

3003girl · April 2012

MomlovesEloise:
Are you sure they just didn't put her name on the invite? Maybe it was assumed that you would bring her along? It's also possible that they just wanted a grown up shower.
I would talk to them before you get too upset.

This. I would talk to them - in a calm manner. If she is indeed not invited, I would assume others are not invited also. I might say something like, Oh, I kind of assumed she would go, I'm sorry for asking. But respect their wishes. It's their shower, not yours.

scoutkate · April 2012

Over-reacting.

vflipo · April 2012

Over reacting.

Jaylea · April 2012

WAY overreacting.

Just go and have a good time. Both you and your DD will survive a couple of hours apart.

ETA: It may very well be that they didn't write her name on the envelope since, you know, she's 1 and can't read. Why don't you clarify before getting all worked up about it?

This is so not a big deal. At all.

zeptattoo · April 2012

Yessika024:
Like Mom2Oli said. My baby shower kids were invited as well. I also agree with her saying not at a bridal shower but a baby shower is definitely different. I know for a fact that there will be other people children there because the expecting mom's nephew is one of the children I am referring to, as well as his cousins (who aren't related in any such way to expecting mom). I feel as though if she WAS invited they should have put her name on it and i shouldn't have to call to "ask" if she can go. I feel like that's setting them up to have to say yes. I guess I'll worry about it as the time nears, it's not until June, but it just caught me off guard when I received the invitation in the mail. I could see if it were a co-worker or distant friend, but this is FAMILY...i just wouldn't do that i guess. Everyone is different.

Ok, but you are getting upset over an assumption. I understand that you may not know if the other kids were on the invitation (I mean, how would you?), but you have said that you will not call to carify whether your DD is invited or not. There needs to be some ort of communication here and if you are the one with questions, then it needs to come from you. There is nothing wrong with that.

If you word it correctly, then you are not putting them in a corner. I would go about it from the angle of who is going to watch her that day, you or DH. Not asking to get her invited, just so you and DH can plan accordingly.

The showers I have been to have morphed from adults only to everyone is invited, so I don't really think there is a standard anymore.

Unknown · April 2012

This content has been removed.

kerribear1717 · April 2012

I wouldn't call and "ask" if your LO is invited. I would call and ask if children are welcome at the shower since your LO's name wasn't on the invite.

Or ... if the invite didn't say "no children" then just bring your kid anyway if you are absolutely sure other kids will be there.

I don't know if I would think to put my friends' kids' names on invites to stuff. But I'm so far from uppity parties that wouldn't have kids that it's not even funny. So with me it would be assumed.

aforst · April 2012

Yessika024:
Singingmama:

I'm also going to chime in with a few questions:

Are you positive there will be other children at the shower? Yes

Were the other children's names on their parent's invites? I do not know that for sure.

Are the other children older than your daughter by more than 3 or so years? No, the little boy that will def. be there is only 3 months older than DD. Other children, I'm honestly not sure of their age.

Have you called and asked about your LO coming to the shower? No, i only received invitaton on Saturday and if they wanted DD there, i feel as though they would have included her name. I won't call and ask. I just assumed because it was a baby shower and at a residence it would be more apt to having her vs. not. Guess I was wrong.

I'm really confused about why you won't call and ask. That makes no sense to me. I would not put a 1 y/o's name on an invitation. I would, however, probably assume you would bring her if you wanted to. Given that you won't even call to see if it's ok if she comes, before you flip out makes me think you are a drama queen. You seem to want to be irritated about it w/o even confirming if you are right or not. I would be annoyed w/ you too if I were your husband.

iris427 · April 2012

You are refusing to go because you can't bring your toddler? Toddlers are a PITA. Go and enjoy the child-free time. And it is perfectly normal not to invite children to showers.

Megs12411 · April 2012

It would never occur to me to address an invitation to a one year old.

Before you completely flip your shiit about them excluding your precious, call and ask if kids are invited.

TiffanyBerry · April 2012

I've never heard of kids being specifically invited to baby showers. And I'm not one for following lots of etiquette rules. I also vote for "over reacting". If it's a huge deal, you could always ask, but most likely it's not going to really be kid friendly.

MrsWindyCity · April 2012

I vote over-reacting. It's one thing to be a little upset, but to decide not to go is silly IMO.

I wouldn't want to/think to bring my toddler to a baby shower, anyway.

ETA: My SIL had a 4 month old at my shower. It didn't occur to me or to my sister/hostess to add her name to the invite. We don't have any other young kids in the family. My SIL said, "Is it okay if I bring Leah?" and I said, "Yep." So, if you think it's an oversight, just call. NBD especially if it's family.

SGC29 · April 2012

How are you so sure that other children will be there? Do you know that they specifically received invitations?

I would simmer down a little. Maybe find out by word of mouth if other kids are definitely attending and if your DD is welcome. If it is kid friendly maybe they are just assuming you will be bringing her along. If it is not kid friendly, I think it is a bit silly to skip the invite just because you are irritated. Just go.

SGC29 · April 2012

lissa_emily:
Yessika024:
Singingmama:

I'm also going to chime in with a few questions:

Are you positive there will be other children at the shower? Yes

Were the other children's names on their parent's invites? I do not know that for sure.

Are the other children older than your daughter by more than 3 or so years? No, the little boy that will def. be there is only 3 months older than DD. Other children, I'm honestly not sure of their age.

Have you called and asked about your LO coming to the shower? No, i only received invitaton on Saturday and if they wanted DD there, i feel as though they would have included her name. I won't call and ask. I just assumed because it was a baby shower and at a residence it would be more apt to having her vs. not. Guess I was wrong.

I'm trying not to be snarky in this response but really? You're going to assume DD isn't invited, throw a hissy fit yourself and not go, but you don't have all the information? FFS just call and ask if kids are invited.

If it were me, I would go and enjoy the few hours I have to myself, even if other kids were invited.

I agree.

You are completely overreacting. For all you know the other invitations were not addressed to those kids either. I wouldn't think to include a child's name on a baby shower invite even if the shower were kid friendly. It is absolutely ridic to get your panties all bunched over this.

argonne · April 2012

Yes. You are overreacting. I've never been to a baby shower with kids running around. It's a shower, not Christmas.

ntyravgmom · April 2012

Seriously, I think you're jealous of her and your pregnancy hormones are getting the best of you. Relax, go, and have a good time. It will be your turn soon enough.

rosesandpeonies · April 2012

I know many showers that kids weren't allowed at. Plus it isn't fun for them so why would you want to bring them?

I understand where you are coming from, but to be honest showers shouldn't be for kids. They get bored anyway.

If there are other little one's, then yes you have every right to be upset, but if it is strictly for adults than thats a different story. Are you sure other little one's are invited??

Smootchy · April 2012

You're being completely out of line.

If she wasn't invited, big deal! ...think of it as a lil girls day way and let DH have time with dd.

I don't believe you are in a stink over this

ETA: with the least amount of snarky.... You sound like a big biotch for saying you wouldn't go because she wasn't invited.

Yessika024 · April 2012

ntyravgmom:
Seriously, I think you're jealous of her and your pregnancy hormones are getting the best of you. Relax, go, and have a good time. It will be your turn soon enough.

Why do you think I am jealous of her? I, in fact, am FAR from jealous of her. I wouldn't want her life to be 100% honest. She got KU after dating someone for not even 6 months. I've been happily married for almost 4 years, have a beautiful daughter with another on the way, live in a beautiful home, have a successful career and an enormous support system. Things are going extremely well for me at the current moment, I really can't complain or ask for more than I have been given to date. I've had a baby shower already, I know I'm not having another one. I dont expect to have another one either. To say that I'm jealous of her because I'm upset that DD wasn't invited I think is a little far fetched. Sorry.

However, I do appreciate everyone's feedback. Like I said in an earlier post everyone is different I just assumed since it was family and at someone's home vs. a hall or restaurant she would have been invited. So apparently I am over-reacting. I'll move on and go along with my Monday, NBD. The sun is shining and I'm breathing. Big Smile

ThePolishHammer · April 2012

I would call and ask if children are welcome before getting upset...

SGC29 · April 2012

Yessika024:

Why do you think I am jealous of her? I, in fact, am FAR from jealous of her. I wouldn't want her life to be 100% honest. She got KU after dating someone for not even 6 months. I've been happily married for almost 4 years, have a beautiful daughter with another on the way, live in a beautiful home, have a successful career and an enormous support system. Things are going extremely well for me at the current moment, I really can't complain or ask for more than I have been given to date. I've had a baby shower already, I know I'm not having another one. I dont expect to have another one either. To say that I'm jealous of her because I'm upset that DD wasn't invited I think is a little far fetched. Sorry.

inthewater · April 2012

I think it might be premature to assume she's not invited. I got an invite to my SILs bridal shower. DD was not on the invite at all - so I sent a FB message to the host and asked if she was invited as well and I got a positive response.

Why wouldn't you just call and ask? You have nothing to loose by the simple question of "thank you for thinking of me, is my DD invited as well? Just wanted to know for some clarification". Simple, polite, and to the point.

I can appreciate it might be a big deal if you LO couldn't come - if DD wasn't invited to my SIL bridal shower, I wouldn't go - but that's to keep mama guilt at bay (the shower is out of town and I would be away all weekend after putting 40-50 hrs at work).

Mt2G1012 · April 2012

You are completely overreacting. Just call her and see if DD can come. If not, quit being that parent and go somewhere without your kid. It is her shower, it isn't about you and your kid.

klondikebar · April 2012

Yes, you are overreacting.

In fact, if my children's names were on a shower invite, I'd white them out and tell DH they were absolutely not invited. lol

chach916 · April 2012

iris427:
You are refusing to go because you can't bring your toddler? Toddlers are a PITA. Go and enjoy the child-free time. And it is perfectly normal not to invite children to showers.

This!

LolliLately · April 2012

I have only taken my child to one shower. He was 3 months old, still nursing and DH had to work. My mother and sister were also invited to the shower so I had no sitter. I called the hostess and told her my situation, and she was fine with me bringing DS. He slept the entire time.

At this age, I would not take DS to a shower. I want to be able to eat and relax without worrying about the damage he may to do someone else's house. Leave DD with your DH for a daddy/daughter day and go have a few glasses of wine and eat a piece of cake without her whining for a bite. It will be nice.

Want a personalized experience?

Would you be upset or am I over-reacting?

Re: Would you be upset or am I over-reacting?

Choose Another Board

Search Boards