Moms of boys - circumcision question

iadanza · April 2012

I haven't found out my baby's sex yet, but, I think it's going to be a boy so I have a question for moms of boys....

Did you circumcise? If yes, why? If no, why not?

I'm trying to educate myself about the whole issue and I just want some opinions of moms who have made this decision. The healthcare professional in me thinks circumcision is the way to go since it's cleaner. BUT the rational-liberal-tree hugging-mushroom picking-hippie Oregonian in me feels like it's not the way to go.

Sidebar: my husband is against it because he is not religious and believes that there are no non-religious reasons to circumcise - especially now that it's becoming less the 100% norm.

Sharon&Paul · April 2012

This made me laugh. I love how you describe yourself.

I am a physician assistant and am choosing not to circumsize. It is more of a personal decision than medical.

Warning: this is a topic that usually stirs the pot.

AadensMommy2010 · April 2012

We circumcised. It was never a question in my mind. Not only is it cleaner but when they are older and sexually active - their risk of HIV and STDs is lowered.

irish city girl · April 2012

We did not circumcise DS. DH is not circumcised. His parents circumcised his older brother and then wondered why they did it since it caused so much pain. After hearing that and knowing DH is not, we didn't do it.

A friend said she asked her pediatrician about it when interviewing pediatricians. The pedi said she didn't care either way, but has seen some teenage boys who have infections from not cleaning themselves properly and said that they are painful. DH has never had an infection and said he wasn't always the cleanest teenager, so I still stand by our decision.

jennadoll87 · April 2012

I'm curious as well. So I'm interested to see the other responses. When DH and I had our son we were both very young and quite honestly I didn't know i had a choice one way or the other. My DH is circumsized, all my brothers ar circumcised so my son was circumcised as well because...well i thought thats just what you do right?! Well now that we're pregnant with number 2 (and don't yet know the gender) Im not so sure that circumcision is a must if we have another boy. So to answer your question, i guess we circumcised out of ignorance.

AadensMommy2010 · April 2012

Oh and FTR - my son was a little fussy the first day but after that I don't think it bothered him.

jessican08 · April 2012

I don't judge people for circumcising but if we have a boy (or boys), we won't be. I don't feel it's medically necessary. DH isn't and has never had issues keeping it clean. If you can teach a little girl to clean her vagina properly you can teach a little boy to clean his penis properly.

As far as aesthetics go - IMO, it's all pretty fugly down there on a grown man, circumcised or not, and it all has the potential to get funky if they don't clean themselves properly!

It's true it does slightly lower the risk of STDs but given that I expect my son(s) to use condoms anyway, I feel that's a moot point for me.

jessicaskyy · April 2012

We had it done for religious/cultural reasons.

AadensMommy2010 · April 2012

jessican08:

I don't judge people for circumcising but if we have a boy (or boys), we won't be. I don't feel it's medically necessary. DH isn't and has never had issues keeping it clean. If you can teach a little girl to clean her vagina properly you can teach a little boy to clean his penis properly.

As far as aesthetics go - IMO, it's all pretty fugly down there on a grown man, circumcised or not, and it all has the potential to get funky if they don't clean themselves properly!

It's true it does slightly lower the risk of STDs but given that I expect my son(s) to use condoms anyway, I feel that's a moot point for me.

Of course I will teach my son to practice safe sex but I'm not going to be ignorant in thinking that he is ALWAYS going to make the right decision even if it's expected of him.

From the CDC: (https://www.cdc.gov/hiv/resources/factsheets/circumcision.htm)

Several types of research have documented that male circumcision significantly reduces the risk of HIV acquisition by men during penile-vaginal sex.

Lack of male circumcision has also been associated with sexually transmitted genital ulcer disease and chlamydia, infant urinary tract infections, penile cancer, and cervical cancer in female partners of uncircumcised men

Ziegeficker · April 2012

jessican08:
I don't judge people for circumcising but if we have a boy (or boys), we won't be. I don't feel it's medically necessary. DH isn't and has never had issues keeping it clean. If you can teach a little girl to clean her vagina properly you can teach a little boy to clean his penis properly.
As far as aesthetics go - IMO, it's all pretty fugly down there on a grown man, circumcised or not, and it all has the potential to get funky if they don't clean themselves properly!
It's true it does slightly lower the risk of STDs but given that I expect my son(s) to use condoms anyway, I feel that's a moot point for me.

I am not going to circumsise our boys if we have any. I agree that they can learn how to clean their uncircumsised penises. My husband isn't circumsised and has never had a problem. Any body part is susceptible to infection if it is not cleaned or cared for properly; and if that's the reason we as a society get behind this practice, then it makes me wonder why anyone would get their ears pierced, since a great way to prevent infection is to not stab a piece of metal through your flesh. I guess I feel that permanently altering my child's body without his approval in an attempt to possibly stave off infection is an extreme measure. But to each his own, I guess.

rhodesign · April 2012

I've assisted on dozens of circs and the procedure is so well done and precise that the babies really aren't that stressed for very long. Most of them sleep through it with a paci dipped in sugar water and some lidocaine. Tylenol after for pain and they're good to go.

That said, I have no strong feelings either way about it. If we have a boy, we probably will because H is and I know he would want one. If he wasn't, I probably wouldn't circ because yes, he could teach him proper hygiene.

ffejsGirl · April 2012

We did. MH is circumcised, and wanted DS to be. I didn't really research it with DS, just went with our cultural norm and what H wanted.

It might seem silly to some but if this baby is a boy we'll do it again because I don't want him to be odd man out in the family.

I really don't think it hurt him that much. We gave him a little Tylenol and I breast fed right after. He never made a squeak about it after that, even when we changed diapers/cared for it that first week it was healing.

JRianG · April 2012

jessican08:

I don't judge people for circumcising but if we have a boy (or boys), we won't be. I don't feel it's medically necessary. DH isn't and has never had issues keeping it clean. If you can teach a little girl to clean her vagina properly you can teach a little boy to clean his penis properly.

As far as aesthetics go - IMO, it's all pretty fugly down there on a grown man, circumcised or not, and it all has the potential to get funky if they don't clean themselves properly!

It's true it does slightly lower the risk of STDs but given that I expect my son(s) to use condoms anyway, I feel that's a moot point for me.

Call me crazy, but I'd like a little elaboration here. Besides the whole wipe from front to back thing, which is not really for the benefit of the vagina but to prevent UTIs, what is it that I was supposed to have learned? Don't really recall getting any lessons here. Aside from the obvious about not sticking stuff up there and using a condom.

If we have a little boy will be circumcising, for cultural reasons and so he looks like his daddy.

Sharon&Paul · April 2012

When I did my pediatric rotation back in school the practice I worked with lost a child during a circumcism due to an anaphylactic reaction to the numbing medication they used. I think it was lidocaine, but I can not remember. That practice has since stopped doing all circumcism.

Yes, this is extremely rare, but complications can happen with any procedure. There was actually a child here on thebump a while ago who also dies from a circumcism. If I recall he had other medical issues at the time as well.

Some also have complications with the circumcism being done improperly causing physical problems. Such as when they resect too much or sometimes too little (then it needs to be redone)

This is not to sway anyone's decision, but just to state that there is risk with either decision.

blp0118 · April 2012

IF we have a boy, we won't be. DH is not, most of my nephews are not. Ranging in ages from 4mo to 15 years - we haven't had a problem with any of them.

BabyG_ · April 2012

If we have a boy, we are planning to have him circumcised. It has never been a religious reason for us, simply the norm for all mothers to have it done to their boys in my family.

I've been told that it is easier to keep clean and that they tend to have less issues, but of course, I've actually never known anyone who wasnt circumcised to be able to ask.

elfchique · April 2012

Funny. We seem to be able to handle actual controversial topics pretty courteously, but whether or not someone is taking prenatals is the cause of a near meltdown.

We circ'd because DH wanted to. He gave me the usual pro arguments which I don't think hold much water. I don't believe there is a medical reason to do it, and the lowered STD risk is very very small. If he said, "Because I like the way it looks better and I want us to match" that would have been a more valid reason in my mind. Regardless, we did. I put up some stink about it. My preference would have been not to. I know one man who had to be circ'd as an adult, and it was a painful and really unpleasant experience for him. My brother is not and spent his time as swimming competitively in high school and told us to circ due to teasing, I assume. I'm a little crunchy and tend towards being a bit of a contrarian, so maybe that's more of why I didn't want to do it.

We've done a small amount of traveling, (Asia) and there are lots of little uncirc boys running around there and in most of the world. My very unscientific belief is that seems to be working out for most of the world, and I see no reason to remove a perfectly healthy bit of skin from a child's body without his consent for a religion that I don't even belong to. There are also some arguments that sexual pleasure is increased for men who are not circ'd. However, there's not really a good way to measure that so who knows? My circ'd husband doesn't cry himself to sleep every night over his diminished orgasms due to his lack of a foreskin and no uncirc'd men I know, do either.

The fact that is is even controversial baffles me a lot. At the end of the day, it's pretty inconsequential. To each his own. Live and let live. This is not something worth getting all up in a fuss about.

ChristyML · April 2012

My husband is and wants our son (if this baby is a boy) to be circumsized. I don't want him to be, but it's something that I think DH and I will have to talk about a little more. We might not even have to worry about it!

QueenNini · April 2012

Sharon&Paul:

When I did my pediatric rotation back in school the practice I worked with lost a child during a circumcism due to an anaphylactic reaction to the numbing medication they used. I think it was lidocaine, but I can not remember. That practice has since stopped doing all circumcism.

Yes, this is extremely rare, but complications can happen with any procedure. There was actually a child here on thebump a while ago who also dies from a circumcism. If I recall he had other medical issues at the time as well.

Some also have complications with the circumcism being done improperly causing physical problems. Such as when they resect too much or sometimes too little (then it needs to be redone)

This is not to sway anyone's decision, but just to state that there is risk with either decision.

This happened to my nephew. They did too little and my sister hates it. We did not circ my DS

kplaxco85 · April 2012

We're having a girl but had already decided that if it was a boy we'd circumcise. Because DH isn't he picked up yeast really easily and he's a gym rat and can pick up fungal things from the benches. So for us its a no brainier.

MLKuykendall · April 2012

We aren't circumcising if it is a boy. It's not something I judge on, I just don't think it matters. As my father would say "you have to teach them to clean their penises (peni?) anyways."

Gilene2011 · April 2012

We had DS circumsized because that is what is just normal for DH and my families. I didn't even think twice about it.

09babymama · April 2012

Yes we did with DS and I would again if we have another boy. I didn't go back with him when he had it done, but when I did go back right after he just wanted to cuddle. He had very little discomfort and maybe just wanted to nurse a little more if anything. It is cleaner and lowers risk of STD and other infections. I know it isnt for everyone, but I definitly feel we made the right choice. If it makes you feel better, I am an Oregonian too, Eugene even:)

Jenna3628 · April 2012

I'm stuck on this one. Typically I would say no to circumcising, but H want's to for I guess a medical reason...

H is not circumcised but he had some medical problems as a child (age 5-7) because we was not. He didn't go into great detail about it, but something along the lines of the foreskin wasn't connected right (connected too much??) and it was very painful. The doctor instructed him that had to pull the skin back (almost tearing it) every day to try to correct the problem. They even considered circumcising him in kindergarten because it was so painful (his mother said no way would she put him through that at that age.) Eventually he was able to "fix it" by puberty and it's normal now, but he is petrified that if we have a boy that he will have to go through the same thing.

iadanza · April 2012

09babymama:
Yes we did with DS and I would again if we have another boy. I didn't go back with him when he had it done, but when I did go back right after he just wanted to cuddle. He had very little discomfort and maybe just wanted to nurse a little more if anything. It is cleaner and lowers risk of STD and other infections. I know it isnt for everyone, but I definitly feel we made the right choice. If it makes you feel better, I am an Oregonian too, Eugene even:)

Holler at my fellow Oregonian! I'm in Portland so I'm a little less hippie and a little more hipster I guess

doggylovr · April 2012

we did because DH is and wanted them to look the same and also I am jewish so we had a bris, we never really thoguht about it, but my BFF does not have her son circumcised and I don't judge its one of those to each his own:-) and if we have another boy we will of course again

Calabaza78 · April 2012

I struggled with this decision before our son was born. We did a lot of reading, and although I leaned toward leaving him intact, my husband felt strongly we should circumcise. I read some stories of men who had to be circumcized as adults, and their stories were really unpleasant, so that, combined with some of the benefits (less UTI, STD, penile cancer risk, etc.) led us to decide to do it.

We circumcised him at 3 weeks, which is what is the recommended time at our birth center. I felt strongly I wanted to be with him during the procedure, so both my husband and I were there. It was really difficult for me to watch him cry so hard and be restrained, even though he had sugar water on a pacifier, and the OB doing the procedure was very kind and competent. I was pretty upset by the whole thing, and was very uncomfortable with the after-care, because even though they told me changing the gauze wouldn't hurt him, it seemed like it did. I felt bad and guilty for circumcising him. (My husband, on the other hand, didn't struggle with any of those feelings, and thinks we made the right decision. He would opt to circumcise future sons, as well.) I am hoping this baby is a girl, because I really don't want to think about that whole ordeal again! I still feel very guilty about it, and I hope he doesn't resent that we made this decision for him.

Just FWIW, I don't judge anyone on the decision they make and I don't have any interest in debating the issue. I just wanted to share my feelings, because it's the one parenting decision I've made that I question whether I did the right thing.

daronsmommy · April 2012

Yes, we did with DS and will again if this baby is a boy. I left the decision up to DH. Also, DS slept through the procedure and was not fussy at all. They brought him in after it was done and the photographer showed up within 20 minutes. We woke him up and got amazing photos!

TashaTuck01 · April 2012

piffle42:
DH and DS are both circumcised and if we have a boy, he will be too. The CDC quotes studies that say it cuts down on STDs and other problems like infection, and of course the other side of the argument has their own things they quote. The foreskin doesn't actually retract with a young boy, so they wouldn't really need to learn to clean properly until they're a little older. Less people are doing it now, but only time will tell which side of the research is right. My sister is a social worker and a nursing home she was doing some work in had a 90 year old man that had to be circumcised because he could no longer bath himself and whoever was giving him sponge baths obviously did not clean it and he had a really bad infection. I could not imagine going through something like that, although I do believe it is more rare.
DS was circumcised in the hospital the day after he was born and didn't have any problem. We moved and the hospital where I will deliver does not allow them to be done in the hospital (although I'm not sure why) so it will have to be done by the Pediatrician or OB in their office. The OB has already told me they do them in their office if needed.
To sum it up, I feel very similarly about circumcision as I do vaccines. If there's something I can do to protect my children from diseases, illnesses, ect, why wouldn't I do it? There are risks to almost everything and I believe people should do research about what they are and make educated decisions.

Honestly... Once the boys become elderly men and they are not circumcised this is something that is probably very common. My grandpa is 90 years old and lives on his own, but I'm pretty sure he doesn't bathe everyday. I agree completely with circumcision. We will circumcise our baby if it is a boy.

BananaBlitz · April 2012

We had a discussion with my OB about this (they do the procedure) and she said it is becoming less popular now, especially on the west coast. I don't know the statistics offhand. (She was pointing out to us that it is 100% optional.)

H would really prefer a boy to be circ'ed. He is. It is the norm where we live -- all of our friends that had boys had them circ'ed. I have not done any research on it, we don't know what we're having yet. I will likely have H make that decision.

BootsOrHearts · April 2012

DH wants to have it done, I don't. I told him if he could be in the room and watch it being done, then I'd have no problem with it. He gets upset and worried when I get a headache so I'm betting money he will not be able to watch his son in that kind of pain. Hopefully we have a girl!

misscheapandchic · April 2012

I will be circumcising. Watching a former beau have to have his done when he was 19 and how horrible the lead up and procedure was has my mind set.

KorieAngela · April 2012

I don't know what we are having but if we have a boy I will get him circumcised. This may be TMI but I saw an un-circumcised penis before and it terrified me. I mean no offense to anyone who has not been or will not get circumcised.

Other than vanity....I do not know anything about it so this post and reading some of the comments have helped me learn

Starry Again · April 2012

We will not. DH is not either. Before I met DH I thought all guys were, but it is becoming more common not to circ. I believe in Europe the rate is much lower and obviously Europeans are much more civilized than us

I don't judge those who choose to circ unless they are completely uneducated about the topic and say things like EWWWW un-circ'd guys are DISGUSTING and no girl will ever have sex with them. Then I think you are a moron.

CnAnA · April 2012

::donning flame retardant suit::

Honestly, i have no super strong feelings either way. I told Husband that it is his decision to make. (if we even need to worry about it) I don't have a penis. Husband does. So its his decision whether or not to circ. I would prefer to circ, but I won't raise a fuss if Husband chooses not to.

CP0979 · April 2012

I had no idea that so many men were not circumcised as I've never actually encountered one, and no idea that's it becoming more common. From what I always thought was that non circumcised men were rare so if I did encounter one (ha sounds like an alien) I prob would have thought it was weird.

I think u can argue either way, if you do circ u r making the decision for them but if u don't, ur also pretty much deciding for them since it's pretty painful to get later on.

We just got invited to our first bris as we are not Jewish and the baby cried a little but then that was it. Nothing horrific. I plan to do it. My h is circ and pretty sure he would want a ds to be too.

jessican08 · April 2012

AadensMommy2010:
jessican08:

I don't judge people for circumcising but if we have a boy (or boys), we won't be. I don't feel it's medically necessary. DH isn't and has never had issues keeping it clean. If you can teach a little girl to clean her vagina properly you can teach a little boy to clean his penis properly.

As far as aesthetics go - IMO, it's all pretty fugly down there on a grown man, circumcised or not, and it all has the potential to get funky if they don't clean themselves properly!

It's true it does slightly lower the risk of STDs but given that I expect my son(s) to use condoms anyway, I feel that's a moot point for me.

Of course I will teach my son to practice safe sex but I'm not going to be ignorant in thinking that he is ALWAYS going to make the right decision even if it's expected of him.
From the CDC: (https://www.cdc.gov/hiv/resources/factsheets/circumcision.htm)

Several types of research have documented that male circumcision significantly reduces the risk of HIV acquisition by men during penile-vaginal sex.

Lack of male circumcision has also been associated with sexually transmitted genital ulcer disease and chlamydia, infant urinary tract infections, penile cancer, and cervical cancer in female partners of uncircumcised men

I wasn't implying that mom's who circ their son's aren't going to teach them about safe sex, of course you would. I just don't feel that in our society, with all of the health resources available to us (sex education, readily available prophylactics, good medical care, etc.) that I need to circumcize my son for that reason.

Again, I don't judge people who circumcize at all, I understand why you would want to do it, it's just something I don't think we'll do.

jessican08 · April 2012

JRianG:
jessican08:

I don't judge people for circumcising but if we have a boy (or boys), we won't be. I don't feel it's medically necessary. DH isn't and has never had issues keeping it clean. If you can teach a little girl to clean her vagina properly you can teach a little boy to clean his penis properly.

As far as aesthetics go - IMO, it's all pretty fugly down there on a grown man, circumcised or not, and it all has the potential to get funky if they don't clean themselves properly!

It's true it does slightly lower the risk of STDs but given that I expect my son(s) to use condoms anyway, I feel that's a moot point for me.

Call me crazy, but I'd like a little elaboration here. Besides the whole wipe from front to back thing, which is not really for the benefit of the vagina but to prevent UTIs, what is it that I was supposed to have learned? Don't really recall getting any lessons here. Aside from the obvious about not sticking stuff up there and using a condom.

If we have a little boy will be circumcising, for cultural reasons and so he looks like his daddy.

Perhaps "clean her vagina" wasn't the right phrasing here - I'm not saying my mom taught me how to douche at 4 years old. I was referring to basic hygeine. If you can teach a little girl how to properly wash and look after herself, you can teach a little boy too.

Starry Again · April 2012

mrs.ike:
::donning flame retardant suit::

Honestly, i have no super strong feelings either way. I told Husband that it is his decision to make. (if we even need to worry about it) I don't have a penis. Husband does. So its his decision whether or not to circ. I would prefer to circ, but I won't raise a fuss if Husband chooses not to.

I don't think this is flammable. My husband feels strongly not to do it, so I never really considered the other way. Pretty much the same thing.

Starry Again · April 2012

NYT article on steep drop in circumcision, for those who think un-circed is still rare.

https://www.nytimes.com/2010/08/17/health/research/17circ.html

Article also gets into some benefits / risks.

Lilleybug · April 2012

Yes, there was also never a question about it. DS cried a bit (more because he didn't like the position he was in than because of pain). He was fine as soon as it was over. It healed very quickly too.

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