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F/U: Dealing with issues at the end of a deployment

sami1784sami1784 member
in Military Families

I had a talk with DH today about how I'd like things to go when he gets home and how he'd like things to go.  Surprisingly, we were on the same page and didn't even know it.  I figured he would feel like I was pushing his family away and being unreasonable if I told him that I wanted to spend time as a family for the majority of his time home before he goes back to work - he knows his family will want to see him, but he wants to spend most of his time with me and LO.  I told him that if he's wanting his family to give us some space, he needs to be the one to tell them... that way they've no reason to resent me for it.  He said he would call his dad when he gets to the mob station - his dad is the most logical one and he'll understand where DH is coming from (FIL's retired military). 

I'm feeling a lot better about him coming home, and we know that it's not going to be easy adjusting to him being home and dealing with all of the visitors, but as long as we keep the lines of communication open, we'll be fine. 

 So there's this boy. He kinda stole my heart. He calls me "Mom"

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Re: F/U: Dealing with issues at the end of a deployment

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    BLT20051BLT20051 member
    That's so good to hear! I'm glad you guys are on the same page. Once he talks to his dad, make sure you don't let your MIL push her way back in. If she gives you a hard time tell her to take it up with YH. Once the boundaries are set, don't let them pass them. GL! And YAY for homecomings!!

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    CJ 05/29/2013

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    iluvmytxrgriluvmytxrgr member

    imageBacon+lettuce+tomato:
    That's so good to hear! I'm glad you guys are on the same page. Once he talks to his dad, make sure you don't let your MIL push her way back in. If she gives you a hard time tell her to take it up with YH. Once the boundaries are set, don't let them pass them. GL! And YAY for homecomings!!

    I agree with BLT. 

    I'm really glad y'all are on the same page.  Have y'all thought of skipping town for a little while?  Spend a few days alone.  Then let invite the families over for a bbq with set times for beggining and end of the party.  Then you skip town to somewhere secluded and quiet for a few days.  That way, no one can drop by with out warning and y'all can have all the family time you need. 

    We like to take a small trip up to the mountains or somewhere else quiet.  We like to get a cabin in the woods and just relax.  I highly recommend it. 

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    sammiesamstinsammiesamstin

    So glad to hear everything went smoothly with you DH.  We're having the same problem, just opposite end.  DH is ARNG as well, and is leaving to a larger base 4 days before I'm due, and then from there he will deploy a month or two later.  Because he'll only be a couple states away, it looks like he'll get to come home for the 2 wks after I give birth, and we've made it quite clear to MIL and my father (both of whom live 2 miles away, appx) that they do not need to be here every min. of that 2 weeks, and that we need time to be a family, because based on current info, the next time DH will be home is after LO's 1st birthday.  Worried about MIL & my dad the most--they both have this trait of just showing up whenever they want, and I'm not a fan of surprises.  Thank goodness for my Mom though, who will be waiting until 4 days after LO is due to visit (she's a 2 hr flight away), and will only be staying a few days, because she wants to let us have all the bonding time we need (she used to be military, so I think she gets it a little better).  

    Agree with PP, make sure that you stand your ground, and don't give MIL an inch if you don't have to.  Its important to your DH and you to get the time you need.  It's not like you don't care about your extended families wanting to see him--it's that you care MORE about fitting the pieces of your IMMEDIATE family back together seamlessly.  Good luck with everything! 

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    sami1784sami1784 member
    imagesammiesamstin:

    So glad to hear everything went smoothly with you DH.  We're having the same problem, just opposite end.  DH is ARNG as well, and is leaving to a larger base 4 days before I'm due, and then from there he will deploy a month or two later.  Because he'll only be a couple states away, it looks like he'll get to come home for the 2 wks after I give birth, and we've made it quite clear to MIL and my father (both of whom live 2 miles away, appx) that they do not need to be here every min. of that 2 weeks, and that we need time to be a family, because based on current info, the next time DH will be home is after LO's 1st birthday.  Worried about MIL & my dad the most--they both have this trait of just showing up whenever they want, and I'm not a fan of surprises.  Thank goodness for my Mom though, who will be waiting until 4 days after LO is due to visit (she's a 2 hr flight away), and will only be staying a few days, because she wants to let us have all the bonding time we need (she used to be military, so I think she gets it a little better).  

    Agree with PP, make sure that you stand your ground, and don't give MIL an inch if you don't have to.  Its important to your DH and you to get the time you need.  It's not like you don't care about your extended families wanting to see him--it's that you care MORE about fitting the pieces of your IMMEDIATE family back together seamlessly.  Good luck with everything! 

    I can definitely understand where you're coming from.  DH was in training the last month of my pregnancy, got to come home for a week between the 3-week train-up and going to the mob station, left for the mob station, came home for 2 days for the birth, returned to mob station, came home for 3 days before leaving the US, and hasn't been back since.  The time while he was at the mob station was a nightmare - my IL's live right up the road and they thought they had to be down here every day (often multiple times a day) and that every time they came in, they should immediately be able to hold the baby (even if LO was asleep).  This caused a whole lot of issues, as I was exhausted from staying up all night (LO didn't like sleeping at night for the first couple weeks and I EBF) and I was trying to play host during the days and evenings because I had random visitors who would just show up.  MIL caused a lot of drama which led to me getting a 30-minute over-the-phone chewing from DH over stuff that didn't even happen or was interpreted incorrectly (examples: me "not ever letting anyone hold the baby" due to one night when I didn't let anyone hold LO because it was very close to LO's feeding time and I knew he'd wake up hungry, me "turning pictures face down because it was upsetting to look at them" when they were really laid flat because my cat kept jumping on the shelf and I didn't want him knocking them down before I could get them moved, and a whole lot of other stuff).  I do pray your experience is much better than mine was! 

     So there's this boy. He kinda stole my heart. He calls me "Mom"

    Lilypie Fifth Birthday tickers

    Voted "Mom of the Year" 2012 Sweetpea Mom Awards

    Lilypie Pregnancy tickers

     

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