non-CIO sleep training? w/o night weaning?

catrinawaves · April 2012

I was originally planning to wait until DD was 6 months old to start any sleep training, but I don't think my family can wait that long. However, I'm not sure I can consistently do CIO right now (although it may come to that if nothing else works). Has anyone had success with non-CIO methods, other than Pantley? I've read about the Baby Whisperer's "pick-up/put-down" and also the "fading" method (similar to the Sleep Lady Shuffle, from what I can tell), and I'm looking for some positive experiences.

Long story short, DD fights sleep, and has since she was itty bitty. Doesn't matter if she's overtired or not, naps and bedtimes always start off with intense crying in our arms (and yes, we have a routine for both). Drowsy but awake is a fantasy for us. It then takes 10-20 min (at least) to calm her down by bouncing/swaying/singing, and then it can take another 10-20 minutes of her sleeping in our arms before we can put her down without her waking up and crying. I'd say it usually takes 30-40 minutes in total.

If she was an only child, this wouldn't be as big of a deal, but I have a toddler who also needs my attention. And since DD takes short naps (although she has been lengthening them lately) I have to put her down for 4-5 naps a day. That's a lot of time for DS to be left by himself, and I can tell it's taking a toll. It's also physically and emotionally draining for me, and I think the fact that it takes so long means it's not working for DD, either.

Also, have you sleep trained without night weaning (I EBF)? DD wakes up 1-3/night, but I'm fairly certain it's out of hunger, since the times are erratic and she's still pretty young. I'm really just looking to shorten the amount of time it takes for her to get to sleep initially, or at least make the process gentler. But everything I read seems to stress consistency in sleep training, and since I'm not ready to night wean, would the methods would still work?

TIA!

admico821 · April 2012

What is her bedtime?

Im sure you prob do a lot of the same stuff as me but this is our routine not sure if it will help.. For night time - We pick LO up from daycare and get home from work around 5:30 - 5:45pm.. We then will start making dinner and have playtime with DD until 6:30 7:00 ish.. At 7:00 we will do bath time and read to her. By 7:30 I am rocking/ nursing to sleep (I will nurse until she is drowsy then unlatch her and give her a paci.) She usually is asleep by 7:45 the latest. I have only read no cry sleep solution (pantley) and it has given us some ideas like having routine and getting them to associate certain things with bed time (like bath time is always before bed time), you can also sing a certain song or read a certain book that is only used before bed time.

Nap time - this is our stuggle however we only have one child and its not an issue for us.. yet.. She is getting better she usually cat naps but is slowly getting longer.. We try to get her to nap every 2-3 hours and get her to sleep before she shows signs of being tired and same thing as night time I will rock/nurse/paci.

I havent tried night weaning yet and wont do that until she is ready, she has already dropped a few feedings on her own. Im sure you already do this but when she wakes in the middle of the night try to give her paci and soothe her if she still fusses then shes prob hungry.

I would recommend posting this on the Attachment Parenting board also they may have some good advice!

bridein08 · April 2012

So, she is crying for 20-30 plus minutes as it is? So many people feel Ferber is CIO, but I like to consider it check and comfort. It is not crying it out by extinction (until they wear out). If she is crying that much as-is, why would crying and checking be any different (at worst. At bet it will be much, much better). You can even do short increments 3,5,7 minutes each night if that is all you are comfortable with. We only use it for falling asleep (naps and nitetime sleep). When he wakes to feed at night, he eats nd goes right back down. It only took about two days of this (max 15 minutes for him to fall asleep) and now, we put him down slightly drowsy but definitely awake and he falls asleep on his own. What used to be more than an hour of screaming was so simple to break.

I know you want a "no cry" solution, but think about what you already have. It really can not get worse than that, even with solutions that require a little crying for the baby to lern to self soothe.

janinekrause · April 2012

IMO, I know you are against CIO type methods, but your little one is crying anyway. Some babies just cry before they go to bed- I know a few friends kids like that- it is like they need to get it out. For all you know, it might work better to just put your LO down.

I would just try it- I did a few days ago (used to hold her until she was in a deep sleep), and she cried for a few minutes, then rolled over and went to bed. I was in shock.

You will be a MUCH happier person if you do some sort of sleep training. Your toddler needs you, you need your sanity, and i PROMISE your baby will not remember it, and will probably be happier getting better rest.

I suggest just biting the bullet and putting your baby down awake, and walking away. Do checks, don't do checks- whatever you can handle. Within a few days, likely it will be completely different and you will wonder why you waited. The one thing though is if you aren't ready, don't do it half-a*s. Consistency is key.

I say this because we are currently doing it- I waited till 6 months with my first and looking back, that was a bad idea.

Good luck.

jmlushbough · April 2012

bridein08:
So, she is crying for 20-30 plus minutes as it is? So many people feel Ferber is CIO, but I like to consider it check and comfort. It is not crying it out by extinction (until they wear out). If she is crying that much as-is, why would crying and checking be any different (at worst. At bet it will be much, much better). You can even do short increments 3,5,7 minutes each night if that is all you are comfortable with. We only use it for falling asleep (naps and nitetime sleep). When he wakes to feed at night, he eats nd goes right back down. It only took about two days of this (max 15 minutes for him to fall asleep) and now, we put him down slightly drowsy but definitely awake and he falls asleep on his own. What used to be more than an hour of screaming was so simple to break.
I know you want a "no cry" solution, but think about what you already have. It really can not get worse than that, even with solutions that require a little crying for the baby to lern to self soothe.

I absolutely second all of this. With our son, we did "progressive waiting" (aka Ferber) at about 6 months. With our daughter, we just did it this week (4 months). It is tough to listen to your baby cry, but it is so important that the whole family is getting healthy sleep. Commit to five days of sleep training - start with nights - and you'll see results by the second (or third) day, I'm sure. What have you got to lose?

jmlushbough · April 2012

bridein08:
So, she is crying for 20-30 plus minutes as it is? So many people feel Ferber is CIO, but I like to consider it check and comfort. It is not crying it out by extinction (until they wear out). If she is crying that much as-is, why would crying and checking be any different (at worst. At bet it will be much, much better). You can even do short increments 3,5,7 minutes each night if that is all you are comfortable with. We only use it for falling asleep (naps and nitetime sleep). When he wakes to feed at night, he eats nd goes right back down. It only took about two days of this (max 15 minutes for him to fall asleep) and now, we put him down slightly drowsy but definitely awake and he falls asleep on his own. What used to be more than an hour of screaming was so simple to break.
I know you want a "no cry" solution, but think about what you already have. It really can not get worse than that, even with solutions that require a little crying for the baby to lern to self soothe.

I absolutely second all of this. With our son, we did "progressive waiting" (aka Ferber) at about 6 months. With our daughter, we just did it this week (4 months). It is tough to listen to your baby cry, but it is so important that the whole family is getting healthy sleep. Commit to five days of sleep training - start with nights - and you'll see results by the second (or third) day, I'm sure. What have you got to lose?

jmlushbough · April 2012

Also, even with the sleep training, if your LO is waking up because of hunger in the middle of the night, she still will. Sleep training is about helping them break sleep associations, and learning how to self-soothe. If she can soothe herself back to sleep then she wasn't really hungry and didn't need to nurse. It's totally normal for babies to drop night feeds.

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