usual size for a baby shower?

lsmithee

I am looking for some thoughts about the usual size of a baby showers. I have a friend whose shower I am co-hosting, and she has given us a invitation list with over 70 women listed. This seems huge to me! We are not in a position to rent space and none of the three of us live in a house larger than a little three bed rancher. Additional stuff: she would like it to be a co-ed shower, which pretty much doubles the size of the list. Also, it looks like she wants children included (entertainment for them will be another issue for us to plan for). Finally, many of the girls on the list are in financial situations so that something like splitting up the cost at a restaurant with a banquet hall or something wouldn't work.

I just don't know what to do! I really want to celebrate my friend, but I am pretty poor myself. I was imagining something I could host in my own home with some yummy home made treats (we did something like this for her bridal shower with just women there).

What do you ladies think? I just can't picture myself saying to her "I can't afford to do this big of a shower" because that sounds so selfish -- but I really can't picture making it work either!

 

pregmama

I would be honest and say something like " sorry, we don't have a big enough space to entertain this many folks... if all of these guests r.s.vp.'d 'YES'  the shower would almost be the size of a wedding. We need you to scale back the list, or consider not do it co-ed." I don't think there is anything rude about saying that, she should have asked you how many guests would work for your home. It is rude for her to make such a long list without discussing it first with the hosts. Another alternative would be if she wants to have it at her own house? Or a public park? Also, something to consider... I have also heard usually only 50% of invited guests will show, but that is risky.

EastCoastBride

Tell her that while you want to be able to give her the shower she wants, unfortunately none of you are in the position to host a 70+ person shower, much less a co-ed shower, much less a ton of kids.

talk to the other cohosts first, though. What was your original intention?  A small shower at someones home w. how many people?

figure this out and then just tell her "I'm sorry that we were clear from the start, but our expectation, and what we're able to provide, is a small shower of about __ people in one of our homes".

Just because you offered to throw "a" shower doesn't mean you have to throw the only shower that is huge.  If this is a problem for her, then either she can decline your offer all together, or she can pick a small list and hope that someone else steps forward to throw another shower. 

cmhicklin

In my family, the invite list is usually about 75 people, but I come from a HUGE family.  The average attendance is about 50. 3 of my cousins hosted, so they weren't suprised. Also, people usually bring their little girls.

Personally, I would have talked about the guest list before hand so there weren't any big suprises. I think you just need to have a serious talk with her about your issues. See if she can scale back AND agree to not have a coed shower, and then see what your options are for the new number. 

CraftyKayla

If you simply can't do it, I would ask her to scale it back. If it was mostly family on the list, I would understand, but it seems a little selfish to invite that many friends (especially men and children) when she probably knows your house isn't huge and you don't have a ton of money to spend on it.

laurendom

There is no set way to determine the usual size, it depends on the host and the guest of honor.  My shower will be huge, my invite list was over 80 ppl, but my family is huge which makes up about 75% of the people invited, and my mom told me we still had extended family actually asking if they were invited... 

But my mom is the host with my sisters and close friends who are are more then well aware of my family size from my wedding.  As a friend who may not be able to host that many people i would kindly mention to her that 70 is too many people and maybe her family can host a separate one to cut costs? or only invite people you would to a typically smaller celebration.

526SadieSadie

That is ridiculously huge, 70 single women, but it's co-ed so let's assume that most of them are married/have steady boyfriends so that could go up to 120 and it could rise to untold numbers with kids of varying ages.

I would talk it over with your co-hosts and all of you meet with the MTB and tell you it's just not feasible, space-wise or financially for any of you.  Ask her if she could cut the list down (the first thing I'd do would be to make it ladies only  (do men really care about pack n' plays and diaper cakes?) 

70 women and their kids is still too many for her to expect you all to shell out for, IMO. 

 

LaurenCase89

I think 70 people is HUGE! I would jsut be honest with her. It's not you trying to be rude, it's just the reality of the situation.

Saltina11

rhubarb123

pregmama:

I would be honest and say something like " sorry, we don't have a big enough space to entertain this many folks... if all of these guests r.s.vp.'d 'YES'  the shower would almost be the size of a wedding. We need you to scale back the list, or consider not do it co-ed." I don't think there is anything rude about saying that, she should have asked you how many guests would work for your home. It is rude for her to make such a long list without discussing it first with the hosts. Another alternative would be if she wants to have it at her own house? Or a public park? Also, something to consider... I have also heard usually only 50% of invited guests will show, but that is risky.

I agree with this completely.  It is unfortunate you did not give her a number when you offered to host the shower.  If you had it at a park like the pp mentioned you would be able to accomodate kids much easier.  A co-ed shower is really nothing like a "regular" shower anyway.  Maybe the guys can take the kids to play while you open gifts and the women can watch.  Have some food...nothing fancy (chips, veggies and dip, maybe large sub sandwiches and a cake, plus something to drink).  Just make sure to reserve a "shelter" so you will be out of the sun and/or rain (if it is bad weather).  Another idea for a large area is a church fellowship hall.  Many churches rent them out very inexpensively.

Personally if I were the host I would nix the co-ed and the kids!